"Hmm?"
"We look obvious standing here," I laughed. "He is going to see us soon."
She nodded and we squeezed through the crowd to a bar that sat in the center of the floor. There were stools around all four sides with screens built in to the counter. We took a seat so we were facing Adam, but not in his direct line of sight. I ordered a Red Bull, and Kallie got a Coke.
"So, what's he doing?" she whispered.
"He can't hear us," I chuckled. "Betting. A lot. Doesn't seem like this is the first time either."
"Oh," she nodded.
"If you were paying attention earlier, you would know this," I teased.
She blushed and ducked her head. "You're distracting. Excuse me, sir?"
The bartender took a quick glance and headed down the bar to us. I looked at her in confusion, wondering what the hell she was doing. She smiled brightly at the guy and leaned over the counter.
"How can I help you, sweetheart," he asked with a southern drawl. His eyes drifted lower than her face, and I wanted to punch him.
"I was just wondering, do you know that guy over at the blackjack table? Grey shirt?" she asked in an overly sweet voice.
The bartender looked quickly, and I knew he was already putty in her hands. "Adam?"
"Yes. You see, I've been seeing him for a few months now and he keeps sneaking off," she pouted, and I stared blankly at her, shocked at how convincing she was. "I thought he might be cheating on me. Is he here a lot?"
"Dump him," the guy said without missing a beat. "He's here almost nightly and racks up quite a debt with people he shouldn't be in debt to."
"No cheating?"
"He's hands on, if you know what I mean. I've thrown him out a few times for getting grabby with the girls. I'm sorry," he said, looking genuinely apologetic.
She sighed and leaned back in her stool, actually looking a bit torn up. "Thank you. Do me a favor? Don't tell him I came by snooping."
"No problem," he smiled. "You need someone to take you out, show you how a real man should treat a woman?" I clenched my fists and tried to keep in control. If she hadn't worked so hard at fooling the guy, I would have blown up at him. Her small hand rested on my fist.
"I'm just not ready for that," she said softly. "I'm gonna go."
She grabbed her purse off her stool and tugged me off mine. We avoided Adam's table and left the casino. She walked quickly to the car, almost like she was afraid we would get caught. She tugged on the door handle, but it was still locked. I met her at her door and pushed her against the side of the truck.
"I didn't like that," I growled close to her face.
"I was undercover," she teased, amusement dancing in her eyes.
"I wanted to strangle him," I warned her.
"I know, and the fact still stands, you're hot when you mad."
I crashed my lips to hers and pressed into her. She moaned and I ate up the sound, letting it vibrate down my throat and throughout my body. I dominated her mouth with my tongue, taking command and overpowering her. When I felt her body starting to turn weak and tremble against my body, I pulled away. She opened her eyes and glared at me with dark eyes and breathing hard.
I leaned in and ran my tongue up her ear before whispering, "It's not nice to tease people."
I hit the remote and the car beeped as it unlocked. I reached behind her needy body and pulled the door lever, breaking her from her stupor. She huffed and stepped into me so I could pull her door open. He body was pressed to mine and her hand gently grazed the front of my jeans. My smirk disappeared, and I clenched my jaw.
"Lesson learned," she said in a low and sexy voice. She turned and climbed into the truck, giving me a full view of her ass.
I slammed the door shut, pissed that I was just played at my own game, and got behind the wheel. We drove in silence for a while as I was pouting and she was gloating. I was tense and confused. I had no right to claim her, not technically, but yet she let me. She almost encouraged it and never seemed stifled or insulted when I got possessive.
In a way, she was letting me off easy. She was letting me have her without fully giving in to her, without labeling us. I was glad because I didn't have a label for us and forcing me to put one on would be forcing us to confine to some set of rules. We would need to act and feel a certain way, but leaving us outside of the box left us with no rules to follow.
If we were just sleeping together, then she was free to do so with whoever she wanted, while also being expected to have sex with me without anything in return. I didn't need to say, "I love you", or be sweet and caring like I would if I were her boyfriend. I wasn't expected to give her all of my heart, and that's what the real deal breaker was. She wanted all of my heart and it wasn’t fair to give her any less. I wasn't sure I could do that yet, and I wasn't going to let her expect it from me again.
How are you so afraid to love someone and let them in, while at the same time so scared to lose them or let them go? I couldn't stay away, but I couldn't allow her to get close. It was like a protected fort. She needed to stay within the high walls, but she didn't have the clearance to come into the center hub. She was a civilian, and maybe with enough time, she could gain the trust for the top secret meetings.
"What do we tell Scarlett?" Kallie asked, snapping me out of my metaphors that barely made sense.
"I don't know. I don't know if she will believe us."
"She has to."
"But she probably won't," I warned her.
"We have to make sure she will believe us, without a doubt, before we go and say anything."
"Okay," I agreed, doubting that would actually happen.
"I mean it Ryder," she said, at me like she meant business. "Don't go barreling in there like a brute and start telling her that her fiancé is a lying bastard."
"I wouldn't," I scoffed.
"You're not a patient man, and I love that about you, but you lack finesse sometimes."
She was right; I wasn't patient, or forgiving, or very sympathetic to those that didn't deserve it. I was rough around the edges, I was impulsive, and I rarely thought before I acted. I knew this, and she did too. Yet, she said she loved that about me, and I can’t stop asking myself why.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Kallie
Ryder took me back to my hotel after we visited the casino. I didn't trust myself around Scarlett not to act odd and thought it was best to avoid Caleb as well. I knew he was fully behind us in trying to find out if Adam was good enough, but I knew I got too worked up when I was upset and I would say something I shouldn't. Plus, I needed to shower and get more clothes.
Ryder seemed disappointed I wanted to go back to the hotel, but I insisted. I needed to regroup. He was quiet most of the drive, seemingly deep in thought. I wondered what he was thinking about and if it was anything like what was running through my mind. He had me entirely too worked up at the casino. And it scared me.
I wanted to be his and I wanted his hands on me. But I also wanted more. When I think I should pull back and wait for him to decide to give me his all, I panic. I want him to know that I'm here and not going anywhere. I need him to know that I will wait out his moodiness and understand his fears, but I want to do it with respect for myself at the same time.
I couldn't fool myself anymore and say I would stop fooling around with him until we made ourselves official. I wake up everyday with that rule in my mind, and then he kisses me. It wipes my brain clear and I forget why I was holding back in the first place. I would just have to hope that he would come back to me before it was too late.
I took a long soak in the tub and tried to dig up more dirt on Adam. After turning up nothing, I sent an email to the head of security for our company. Dan organized the security at both stores and performed all the background checks needed for employees. I trusted he would find something and keep the request between us.
Despite the late hour, he responded right away that he was on it and would get back to me as soon as he found some
thing. I had the sinking feeling in my stomach that Scarlett would be furious if she knew I was doing this. I was going behind her back and sneaking around. I knew it was only because I cared for her and didn't want to see her hurt, but she would see it as an insult.
I slept restlessly that night in the strange bed. I was spoiled the last few nights being in Ryder's bed with his arms wrapped around me. I felt safe and secure there, but only lonely here. I felt like I was home in my apartment. My mind raced with possibilities of Adam's secrets, lists of stuff to do for the wedding, and questions about my relationship with Ryder.
By sunrise, my brain still refused to shut down. I made coffee and checked my email. I needed to print and send out the wedding announcements and invites today, but I didn't want to show up at the apartment at the crack of dawn. Since this was a destination wedding and happening with little prep time, we were inviting a very small group of guests and sending announcements to family only. Scarlett had a small family, and Adam claimed he didn't have much family around after his parents passed.
I took my time getting ready by straightening my hair and doing my makeup. I dressed in a camouflaged tank top and skinny jeans. I threw on a pair of boots I borrowed from Scarlett, so that I was sure I would remember to get them back to her.
It was still early when I pulled up to the apartment. I knocked quietly and prayed Scarlett was up like she promised. The door swung open and Ryder took up the doorway wearing only a pair of boxers. My mouth went dry as I took him in. His hair was tousled and his eyes were heavy from sleep. His bare chest and abs were at my eye level, begging to be touched. Intricate black lines covered his shoulder and ran down his muscular arms as he used them to brace himself in the doorway.
"Stop staring and come in," he grunted. He turned and padded over to the coffee maker and, not so gracefully, started to make coffee. "You have a good reason for waking me up on my day off? Other than to see you looking hot today?"
I blushed even though it was a tame compliment. "I'm supposed to help send invites and do the flowers today. I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep and couldn't wait around any longer."
"You don't have to stay there, you know?" His eyes were now awake and trained on me. I searched his face and tried to pick out what he wanted me to say.
"Shit, shit, shit." I heard from the other room. Scarlett came bouncing out of her room on one foot while trying to get a shoe on the other. "I was supposed to cover a shift today."
"What? But what about the invites and announcements. What about the flowers? If I don't ship the flowers this week, they won't be there in time for the wedding," I scolded.
"Shit, I'm sorry," she winced as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail.
I sighed. "They really need out today. I'll do them, just go."
"You sure?"
"Yes," I nodded as I shoved a travel cup of coffee in her hand that Ryder had just handed me.
"I love you," she called out as she ran down the steps.
"Bitch," I muttered out of frustration. How does she get out of all the hard work?
I sighed and grabbed the boxes of stationary and dragged it over to the coffee table. Opening my laptop, I pulled up the document to begin typing up the necessary information for the wedding. There wouldn't be many sent out, seeing as the wedding was in Hawaii, but we still had to send something to the people she felt would actually make the trip.
I looked over the fonts and designs I would want. Scarlett wasn't here, so she would just have to deal with whatever I chose. The paper was a textured teal color to match the color scheme for her wedding. I picked an elegant font, added some lace patterns to the corners, and started to fill in the information.
"Need help?" Ryder asked.
"Can you set up the printer for me? I'm terrible with technology," I asked him, giving him my most convincing smile.
He nodded and started to unbox the wireless printer we had to buy just to print the invites and announcements. Between the paper, postage, and the printer, we still saved a decent amount of money compared to if we were to have paid a printer to do it all for us. I dug out the paper that Scarlett wrote both their full names on and typed them in. I made a little card with the time and information for the hotel for those that were invited.
While I waited for Ryder to finish setting up the printer, my phone buzzed on the table. I sighed when I saw it was home and debated for a few seconds before answering.
"Hello, Mom," I said into the phone.
"Hey, Kallie. How are you, honey?" she asked with a soft voice. I pulled the phone away from my face to check the caller ID. Yep, it was actually my mother.
"I'm good. You?" I answered, suspicion laced in my voice.
"Good. Now, do you really think you could plan a trip to Hawaii with Helen and I think that I wouldn't hear about it?"
"What?" I stuttered, stunned. "How did you know?"
"We used Helen for years. She gave me a call after you contacted her, wanting to know if you were my daughter," she explained.
"Oh." I sighed. I really thought she would never hear about this. I should have known better than to use one of the best travel agents in the city.
"I got you an additional thirty percent off. It will be refunded to your account this week," she stated.
"What? You didn't need to do that," I said, confused and shocked.
I heard her sigh into the phone. "Kallie, I love you and I know you need this time away," she said, sounding tired. Guilt settled in my stomach. "But we were always so close. I felt like I always knew what you were thinking and going through. Now, I feel like I have no idea anymore."
"I know, I'm sorry," I offered. I didn't want to say that I felt like they always knew what was going on in my life because they were controlling it. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. I just want to help you, and I don't want you to feel that just because you want independence that you need to cut us out of your life."
I was silent as I watched Ryder finish up the printer and turn to look at me. He raised his eyebrows in question and gauged my reaction.
"Now, can I ask what is the reason for a secret impromptu vacation for ten?" she asked, sounding lighter than before.
I smiled to myself. "It's for Scarlett's wedding. I'm going to be the maid of honor," I told her. "Scarlett is someone I met when I came down in the summer. I stayed with her and her twin brother."
"That sounds like fun," she said. I could hear the relief in her voice. For once, I was being honest and letting her in to my life. "Will you still be coming to the Pandora launch party?"
"Yes. I said I would be."
"Do you have an escort, or would you like to come with Ivan?" she asked. She was fishing for information.
"No, I'm bringing a date." Ryder grew more curious, clearly catching on that it was my mom on the phone. He sat down on the couch next to him, leaning in close to try to listen.
"The twin brother?" she asked knowingly.
"Yeah," I admitted.
"Okay. Well, I will let you go. I just wanted to check in on you. Call me later, honey. I love you."
I said my goodbye and hung up. I stared at the dark phone for a moment, trying to catch up. I didn't get any lectures or yelling. She listened and she understood. I briefly wondered if it was a trick and if any second now, a bomb would drop on me.
"Your mom?" Ryder asked, seeming as skeptical as I was.
"Yeah," I nodded. "She knows the travel agent I used to book the trip."
"You in trouble?"
"No," I said. "She got me a discount, actually."
Ryder just nodded and took the laptop from the table. I watched as he added the printer and sent a test page over. I smiled when I heard the printer spool up and spit out a sheet of paper. I loaded a test invite and printed one off. I examined the paper, looking for any signs that it was homemade.
"Looks good," I announced, happy it was going to work.
"You want help? How many are there?" Ryder asked.
"There's only
about fifty, but I could use the help. I also have to do the bouquets and boutonnieres so I can ship them out in the morning."
"I'm going to pretend I know what all that is," he laughed. I smiled, knowing I threw out a bunch of girly lingo. "Give me a second."
Ryder left the living room with his phone in hand. He closed his bedroom doors, and I heard his shower turn on. I occupied myself by printing off the envelopes with the addresses. I was tempted to join in under the water. We used to shower together all the time, but it's probably not the best idea considering our non-relationship.
After I printed about half the announcements, a knock sounded at the door. I froze momentarily, wondering if I should get it. The door swung open anyway. Logan and Caleb walked in like they owned the place.
"We are your service," Caleb announced, doing a bow.
"Really? Oh, great!" I squealed and jumped up from the couch.
I dragged over the reels of ribbons and showed the guys how to cut pieces to make bows on the stationary. Logan's fingers were too big, so I gave him the task of punching holes. Caleb could take them and tie the bow through them. Ryder came out of his bedroom, and I had to stop and stare at him. His hair was still wet as he rubbed a towel through it. He wore a short-sleeved shirt, showing off the tattoos that ran up his arms.
"What you need form me, darling?" he asked me, giving me a smirk.
"I could think of a few things," I bit on my lip, looking him up and down, quite obviously. The guys laughed and Ryder smiled. "Can you stuff envelopes?"
"Is that all he should stuff?" Logan joked. I tossed a ball of paper at him, and he caught it with a grin.
We worked in a little assembly line. I printed the announcements a few at a time. Logan poked holes in the top and Caleb weaved the ribbon through and tied it in a bow. Ryder stuffed them in the envelopes and put them aside. I stuffed the few cards with the wedding info in the few envelopes, stuck stamps on, and in no time, we were done.
"Thank you guys. That would have taken me all day."
"No problem. You're paying our way to Hawaii. It's the least we could do," Caleb told me.
Impacted (Conflicted Encounters #2) Page 13