Chapter 12
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"You're a difficult woman to catch up with lately," Nikki said as she tucked her feet beneath herself on Arden's sofa Wednesday night.
Arden knew she should have been prepared for the third-degree. She and Nikki had always been close, and it was only a matter of time before her cousin clued in to the fact that there was something going on in Arden's life. In fact, she was surprised it had taken Nikki this long to get around to her interrogation, and yet she still didn't know what to tell her cousin. She didn't want to lie to her, and anything less than the truth would be a lie. But how could she tell Nikki that she'd had the most incredible sex of her life with Nikki's brother-in-law?
"I've been busy," she hedged.
"Obviously. I tried calling you all weekend."
"I was away."
"Really?"
Arden couldn't blame her cousin for sounding so surprised. It wasn't like Arden to go out of town without letting Nikki in on her plans.
"By yourself?" Nikki prompted.
Arden sighed. "No."
"Hmm."
"Don't 'hmm' me," Arden muttered. "I can practically hear the gears in your brain clicking away."
Nikki grinned. "Then you must know that I'm happy to see you happy."
"I can't talk to you about this."
"I'm not asking any questions."
"That only makes it harder," Arden told her. "If you were badgering me for details, I could tell you to mind your own business. But you're just sitting there with that smug smile on your face, and I feel like I'm deceiving you."
"Why?"
"Because I haven't told you who I was with this weekend."
"I'm guessing it was Shaun," Nikki said easily.
Arden felt her jaw drop open.
Nikki shrugged. "Did you really think I didn't know?"
"Well … yeah."
Now her cousin smiled. "I'd have to be blind not to see the vibes that have been passing between the two of you lately."
"Are you … okay … with this?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because I spent the weekend—" and both nights since then "—having wild sex with your brother-in-law."
Nikki's smile widened. "Wild, huh?"
"You're missing my point," Arden said dryly.
"I don't think so. The only thing that matters is that you had a good time."
"It was amazing," Arden admitted. "But—" she blew out a breath "—I just don't know what's going to happen now. Where things are going from here."
"What do you mean?" Nikki demanded. "Did he imply that it was over? Thanks for a good time and so long?"
"No. Of course not." Arden was anxious to divert any potential tirade on her behalf. "But we've just kind of been taking it one day at a time, and this was a big step for me. For us. And…" She smiled again, still awed by what she'd found with Shaun. "I never knew making love could be like that. So … everything."
"It is when it's with the right person," Nikki said knowingly.
Arden's smile slipped, and she shook her head. "Don't start thinking about orange blossoms and wedding gowns," she warned.
"I just want you to be happy," Nikki told her.
"I am happy."
"Then I'm happy," Nikki said. "Although I can't deny that I am a little worried, too."
"I can handle this," Arden said, not certain whether she was trying to convince her cousin or herself.
Nikki nodded. "I know. I'm worried about Shaun."
"Shaun?"
"He's the sweetest guy I know," Nikki said. "He puts it all on the line. If he's not already in love with you, he will be. And I don't want you to hurt him. If you're not willing to follow through, to see where this goes, tell him now."
"He knows what I want from this relationship," she said. At least, as much as she herself knew.
"I'm not suggesting you've been dishonest," Nikki said gently. "I am concerned that he'll think he can change your mind. That he might be thinking forever, while you're thinking for the next few months."
"I care about him," Arden said. "I wouldn't have gone away with him this weekend if I didn't."
"I know." Nikki sighed.
Arden knew her cousin was still going to worry, which made Arden worry. She wouldn't regret the weekend, but she was once again reminded that nothing this good could last forever. And she hated to think that Shaun might get hurt when everything fell apart.
* * *
While Arden was being interrogated by Nikki, Shaun was subjected to a similar, if slightly more subtle, questioning from his brother. He endured it graciously, only because he knew Colin's questions were motivated by his concern for Arden.
"I don't want any details," Colin said, helping himself to a bottle of beer from his brother's refrigerator. "I just want to know if the two of you are still on speaking terms."
Shaun decided that he might be willing to endure the interrogation, but he didn't have to make it easy. "The two of who?"
Colin took a long swallow of beer. "Cut the crap. I know you spent the weekend with Arden."
"How do you know that?"
"Because both you and Arden were out of town on the weekend, and I obviously interrupted something hot and heavy when I stopped by Sunday afternoon."
"You should have been a rocket scientist instead of a hockey player," Shaun said dryly.
Colin shrugged. "Just confirm that everything went okay, so that I don't have to worry about Nikki worrying about Arden."
Shaun couldn't prevent the grin. "Everything went okay."
"Geez, Shaun. I don't need to know that kind of stuff."
"I didn't say anything."
"It was the look." Colin shook his head. "Man, I never thought I would see the day that you fell again."
"Fell?"
"In love."
"I'm not—" The denial had risen immediately to his lips, but he couldn't speak the words. And he wondered if maybe his brother wasn't right. He remembered how he'd felt when Arden had walked out Sunday night. He'd never minded living alone in the four-bedroom house—he liked the space, the solitude. But after spending the weekend with Arden, the house had seemed emptier than usual. He'd felt alone. Incomplete.
"Maybe I am in love," he admitted at last.
Colin raised his glass, drank. "It happens to the best of us," he said. Then, "What does Arden have to say about it?"
Shaun didn't have to think about the question. "She'd panic."
"She doesn't know?"
"No."
"You plan on telling her anytime soon?"
"I think I need some time to get used to it myself." Then he'd figure out some way to ease her into it. To help her realize that she loved him, too.
Colin shrugged. "It's your life."
It was, Shaun realized. And nothing in his life mattered to him more than Arden.
He continued to ponder the situation long after Colin had gone. He hadn't been joking when he'd said Arden would probably panic if she knew how he felt. The realization had almost sent him into a tailspin.
He'd only ever been in love once before, with Jenna. But what he'd felt for his former fiancée was different from what he felt for Arden. He'd been a lot younger when he'd known Jenna, easily dazzled by her effervescent personality. No one would ever describe Arden as effervescent. She was, however, as committed to her career as Jenna had been. And that worried him.
Was he destined to fall in love with women who subjugated their personal lives to professional obligations?
Arden had made it clear that her clients were her priority. But with Jenna, it had all been part of a master plan to get ahead—to become the rich and successful attorney. Arden's motivation went deeper. Her law practice wasn't just a business to her, she cared about her clients. She fought for them, not because she was being paid to do so, but because they needed her. And because she needed to know that she could make a difference.
She'd already made a difference in his life. She was t
he strongest woman he'd ever known, almost fiercely independent. He'd thought he wanted a woman who needed him. A wife who would be content to stay at home and have his meals on the table at the end of the day. Okay, so maybe it was chauvinistic and old-fashioned, and he knew now that it wasn't what he was looking for. He wanted a partner in every sense of the word.
And he knew that Arden could be that partner.
Now all he had to do was convince her of the fact.
* * *
Less than half an hour after Nikki had gone, Arden pulled open her door to find Shaun on the other side. Her heart jolted, did that long, slow somersault in her chest. She couldn't believe his mere presence still had this effect on her.
"How do you always manage to get into the building without using the intercom?" she asked.
Shaun grinned. "Mrs. Dempsey. She likes me."
Arden shook her head despairingly, but she couldn't deny the truth of his statement.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
Arden stepped back, and he stepped into her apartment. Before she'd even closed the door, he had her in his arms, his mouth on hers. His kiss was long and lingering.
"I've been thinking about you all day," he admitted.
It worried her that his words so clearly mirrored her own feelings. She'd been convinced that she could enter into a consensual sexual relationship with Shaun with her eyes wide open, that nothing would happen that she didn't want to happen. But somehow her emotions had spiraled wildly out of control.
It hadn't scared her so much on the weekend because she'd convinced herself that it was the romantic atmosphere of the hotel. But this was the real world, and still, he made her feel things she'd never thought she would feel. He made her want things she knew she could never have.
Making love with Shaun was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. Not just because of the mind-blowing orgasms, although those were worth the price of a ticket themselves. But it was so much more than the physical. Being with Shaun, having him beside her, made her feel complete. Fulfilled.
And it terrified her, because she knew she was falling in love with him. Everyone she'd ever loved had left her. From her father, when she was only four years old, to Brad Fullerton, in her last year of law school.
But she'd never had a relationship like this. So easy and relaxed. So comfortable. With anyone else she'd dated, she'd always felt as if she had to be on her best behavior, that she had something to prove. Shaun had never asked her to be anyone but herself. He accepted her, completely and without question.
Of course, he didn't know everything there was to know about her. Would it make a difference to him? She didn't want to think so, but she didn't know. And she was afraid to find out. Afraid that if she did tell him, it would matter, and he wouldn't want to be with her anymore.
His kiss pushed her concerns aside. When he carried her down the hall to her bedroom, she couldn't think about anything but how right it felt to be with him. And when his body joined together with hers, she knew she'd finally found the place where she belonged.
After their bodies were thoroughly sated, Arden sighed and snuggled against him. It was so much more than the sex. It was Shaun. She closed her eyes, finally acknowledging that she was in over her head and helpless to do anything about it. But she didn't have to let him know it. As long as she kept her feelings to herself, she could maintain the illusion of having some control over the situation.
She cared about Shaun, and the affection she felt intensified the experience of their lovemaking. But that didn't mean she was in love with him. She certainly didn't want to be.
It's not a matter of choice or preference. Shaun's words echoed in her mind, taunted her. Arden banished them to the back of her mind.
Love complicated things. Emotional attachments made people vulnerable. It opened them up to heartache and disappointment. She would enjoy her relationship with Shaun for as long as it lasted, but she would not fall in love.
So resolved, she let the strong and steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek lull her into a deep, contented sleep.
* * *
Shaun had never given much thought to his morning routine. He got up when the alarm went off, stumbled downstairs to the kitchen to turn on the kettle, then jolted himself into wakefulness with a cold shower. He'd been doing the same thing for too many years to count. But waking with Arden in his bed—well, that was still a new and exciting experience.
She wasn't a morning person. She didn't offer much in the way of conversation until she'd had a shower and at least one cup of coffee. The first night she'd stayed over, she'd been appalled to realize he didn't even own a coffeemaker.
He'd gone out that same day and bought one. Now, when Arden spent the night, he'd turn on the coffeemaker at the same time he put on his kettle. He enjoyed the routine they'd established when she spent the night at his house, or he at her apartment.
It mystified him, how easily she fit into his life, how firmly she'd established a hold on his heart. He knew she wasn't ready to hear how he felt about her, and he was trying to be patient. There was no need to rush when he knew they'd have the rest of their lives together.
"Do you want to catch a movie tonight, or would you rather stay in?" Shaun asked her Friday morning.
"Oh, um, actually, I have other plans." Arden was leaning against the counter, sipping her coffee.
"Other plans?" Shaun frowned, not comfortable with her response, or his instinctive reaction to it. "What kind of plans?"
"I have a dinner meeting."
"With whom?"
"Warren Blake."
He dropped his toast onto a plate, carried it over to the table. There was no point in overreacting, he told himself. If Arden was having dinner with Blake, there was a logical explanation. But he wanted to know what the hell it was. "Why are you going out with the assistant district attorney?"
She refilled her mug with coffee. "It's not a date, Shaun. It's a sentence negotiation."
"Why can't you negotiate during regular business hours?" he grumbled.
"Because he's been tied up in a trial for the past two weeks, and we're back in court early next week for sentencing."
"I'm not going to pretend I like this arrangement."
Arden straightened her shoulders. "This is my job, Shaun."
He sighed. "I know. And if it was anyone but Blake, I wouldn't say anything about it."
"What do you have against Warren?"
"I don't trust him," he admitted.
She frowned. "It's a business dinner."
Sure, he thought. And all he'd wanted was to be her friend. "Be careful."
"Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?"
"No, I don't." He pushed away from the table.
"I can take care of myself."
He smiled and brushed his thumb over her bottom lip. "Make sure you do."
Her tongue traced the path of his thumb, a subconsciously erotic gesture that almost made him forget he was due in court in twenty minutes.
"I'll call you tomorrow," Arden said.
"Call me when you get home."
"I'll call you tomorrow," she said again.
Shaun touched his mouth to hers, nibbled gently on the fullness of her bottom lip until he heard her soft sigh, felt her body yield against him.
"Maybe I'll call you when I get home," she relented.
He walked out of the house with his briefcase in hand, a satisfied smile curving his lips.
* * *
When Arden pulled into her designated parking spot outside her apartment building early Saturday morning, she was starting to lose the battle to keep her eyelids open. She was looking forward to a long hot shower and a few hours of sleep—not necessarily in that order. She grabbed her purse off the passenger seat and stepped out of the car. The cold wind slapped her in the face. She wrapped her coat more tightly around herself and headed for the front door.
"Where the hell were you last night?" Shaun demanded.
Arden glanced up, surprised to find him standing there, waiting for her. It was proof of just how tired she was that she hadn't sensed his presence, didn't know how to respond to his confrontational greeting.
"What are you doing here, Shaun?"
"What am I doing here?" he echoed, his tone a mixture of anger and incredulity. "I've been looking for you."
She stifled a yawn. "Why?"
"Because I tried calling you last night. All night. And you never picked up the phone."
"I've been out all night," she said wearily.
"Obviously."
She frowned as she located the front door key on the ring. "For some reason that seems to annoy you."
"For some reason that seems to surprise you," he said sarcastically.
"Do you want to come inside and talk about this, or would you like to continue yelling on the front lawn where all my neighbors can overhear?"
His lips thinned as he came up the front steps. He pulled the door open when she released the lock and stalked down the hall ahead of her. He was waiting outside her apartment when she made her way up the stairs, his expression murderous.
"I need caffeine," Arden said, automatically moving into the kitchen to start brewing a fresh pot of coffee. The shower and sleep would have to wait.
"Didn't get much sleep last night?"
Arden frowned. She hadn't managed to get any sleep last night, but somehow she knew that she was missing something here. For some reason that she had yet to understand, Shaun was annoyed with her. Okay, maybe she should have taken a few minutes to call him, to let him know where she was. But it wasn't as if they'd had any plans.
She measured grounds into the filter, remembering that Shaun hadn't been thrilled when she'd told him about her meeting with Warren Blake. Now he was here, and ready to blow a gasket. She slid the basket into place, flipped the switch and turned to him.
"Where do you think I was last night?"
He folded his arms over his chest. "Why don't you tell me?"
She felt her heart sink, just a little. It shouldn't matter what he thought of her. She'd learned a long time ago not to measure herself by anyone else's expectations. But she'd thought Shaun was different. She'd wanted to believe that he was different.
But she knew now that his macho routine wasn't because he was worried about her or because he'd wanted to be with her. He was angry because he thought she'd spent the night with Warren Blake. As if the ADA was even her type. She felt the sting of tears behind her eyes, fought against them. No way in hell was she going to cry over a man who would think so little of her.
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