by Mia Ford
“What do you think that I should do, Jane? Please, fill me in.”
“You should fuck him. Get this strange sexual tension out of your system. Have some fun.”
“There is no sexual tension. There’s no need to get anything out of my system. I just need to keep my head down. Keep on with it and try to make the most of this job.”
“Or you could quit. You don’t have to be there you know. Certainly not for me.”
But that’s exactly why I need to be here. I have finally managed to convince her to give this treatment a go. I won’t do anything to screw it up now. Not a chance in hell.
All of a sudden, before I can think of an appropriate response to this, a cough rings out from behind me. I jump and spin, trying to see who has caught me, and much to my horror. It’s Isaac.
My blood runs ice cold, and my heart sinks. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened. I don’t know how much Isaac heard, but anything is bad. Embarrassment swallows me as I realize what he might have heard. The negative comments about him, the sexual jokes, it’s all cringeworthy.
“Lexi, are you still there? You’ve gone quiet. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“Jane, I have to go,” I half whisper. “I need to go back to work.”
“Is everything okay? You sound really stressed. Do I need to kick some ass?”
I force out a laugh because I know that’s what she needs me to do. “No, I’m okay. I will see you tonight.”
I hang up, with my eyes on the floor, and my heart racing. I thought that I might have fucked up my job before, with the snappy comments about the toilet, but this is worse. I can’t even stand to look at him. I’m terrified, and the worst thing is, there isn’t even a way I can talk myself out of this.
“I will just… go back inside…”
“I think we might need to talk, don’t you?” he asks in a firm tone.
“I… yes I suppose so.” Shit, I’m screwed. This is a fucking nightmare.
“That was an interesting conversation, wasn’t it?”
“I was just talking to my sister, talking about…” No, I can’t play this off. I don’t have a chance.
“A personal call? During work hours?”
“I’m on my lunch break. I wasn’t during work hours, I would never…”
“The toilets look good,” he interrupts me. “You did a great job there, despite the fact that it wasn’t in your job description. Maybe it’s time to rethink your job description.”
I slump even further forwards, stumbling into a deep sadness. This has to be it, the moment he tells me that I’m being written out of my job because I can’t seem to help being rude, which is a bit of an issue.
“I’m sorry, Isaac. I know that I keep saying that today, and I keep fucking up…”
“It seems like I’m the one who’s fucking up, if you don’t want to have sex with me.”
My eyes automatically snap up towards him. What the hell is that about? “Erm, I don’t…”
“I assumed that you would be all for it. Since I thought that we had a genuine spark between us. Definitely more than what you felt for that boring guy you were out with the night we met.”
A strange burst of laughter flies out of my mouth. I just wasn’t expecting that at all. “I guess so.”
“So, I’m going to have to change things up a bit, make you want me.”
“I… what?” I don’t know how he wants me to respond.
Isaac leans in closer, getting right up in my personal space. My body immediately freezes, refusing to move away from him. It’s terrifying here, he’s stirring all kinds of weird emotions inside of me, but I’m stuck.
“I might need to start cashing in on those sexual favors soon.”
My breaths become shallow and sharp, I don’t know what I’m doing. My head spins like crazy. In a way, since it’s been a while and nothing has happened, I kind of assumed that it wasn’t going to. I thought that it was just a teasing joke that he made at the interview. But now it feels real once more.
Then, with a flirty look, Isaac turns, and he leaves me alone with my cell phone still gripped between my fingers. I don’t know what happened then but I’m all over the place, raw, exposed, and a mess. I don’t know what is going on inside his head. Does he actually want me, or is this still just a part of the game?
It isn’t fair for him to play the game without me. I don’t even know what role I’m supposed to be acting out here. I’m just plonked in the middle of the board without a dice, or any rules. Is this how Isaac plays all women? No wonder his last PA left, if this is what he did to her. I probably should have asked. That was naïve of me not to. Now I’ve marooned myself in the middle of the ocean with no paddle.
“What the fuck?” I breathe out, my head in the clouds. “How the hell can I survive this day now?”
But I need to. He’s given me a third chance and I can’t fuck up again. I really don’t know how many more lives I have. I need to shake this off, get myself back into the place where I can focus. Whether it be proper jobs or more cleaning, I will just keep my head down and do it. However little I like it, I will tackle it. Remember my inner strength, who I am, and why I’m doing this. Stop the shaking, breathe deep, and do the best I can.
“It’s for Jane,” I remind myself, just like I always do when this gets hard. “Don’t forget, this is for Jane.”
Chapter Ten
Isaac
Monday mornings are always pretty shit. That’s why I don’t usually bother with them. I’m usually still hungover and sleeping it off, or even still partying and having the time of my life… but today I couldn’t resist coming in. Nothing has happened between us, but Lexi actually has me wanting to be here.
I don’t know what the fuck has changed with me. It’s crazy, I’m absolutely insane.
The work makes me want to leave. I don’t want to be here anymore, but Charlie has given me a cryptic message that I need to be here and I’m pretty sure that I know why. The big man is making an appearance which isn’t great.
I hate it when my dad turns up, he’s always an asshole, especially in front of other people. It’s like he enjoys an audience to see his bullshit. He thinks it makes him a bigger person.
“Hello, everyone!” His voice booms through the office making my eyes slide closed. A strange fear grips hold of me, I know for a fact this can’t turn out well. The show has arrived, and I’m going to be forced to watch. “It’s good to see you all hard at work, earning me some cash.” He lets out a booming laugh. “And I see the prodigal son’s car outside, he’s actually here, which is a massive shock for me.”
“Oh, for fuck sake,” I mutter to myself. “Here we go.”
“What have we done so right to deserve his appearance? It certainly can’t be the numbers because they aren’t great. I have been looking through them and we’re still having financial issues, losing clients due to Isaac’s behavior. He might be here now, but it might be a little too late.”
I roll my eyes and sink back in my chair, feeling like a fucking teenager all over again. I can’t grow up with my dad around, he makes me feel like a child, about to be grounded or sent to my room. The rest of my life melts away, and I feel that I’m a naughty boy who’s been caught underage drinking in the park.
The world knows me as confident… so confident it often borders on arrogance. Not with Dad though.
“Do we need to have a big meeting about Isaac? All discuss our problems with him?”
He would fucking love that. It’s the reason that he’s booming it so loud that I can hear it. He wants me to freak out and get upset. He would love me to be humiliated like that in front of everyone.
“No? No one up for that.” It’s kinda nice that no one is leaping to his request, but this whole thing still sucks. “Okay, well I think that it might be just up to me then. I will go in there and do it myself.”
As he walks towards my office, I can hear his footsteps shaking the walls, he passes L
exi whose desk is seated right outside. As he passes her, he does a double take, but not the impressed kind. He looks shocked. I think she must be the reason he slams the door shut behind him. Normally, he leaves it open so everyone can listen in.
“What the fuck is going on?” he snarls. “Who is the new girl sitting out there?”
“Oh, she’s my new PA. She’s very good at her job actually, it’s good to have her around.”
He moves closer to me, his eyes flaring wildly with anger. “Good to have her around? Have you seen her?”
I bristle, angry for Lexi’s sake. This man has spent my entire life trying to make me feel small while trying to prove to the rest of the world that he’s ‘doing his best for me’ by giving me a good education and a job. But that doesn’t give him the right to treat Lexi like that. She hasn’t done anything to him.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I reply, far more bravely than he’d insulted me.
“The tattoos. The hair. The way that she dresses. She doesn’t exactly look good for business now, does she? Clients expect a certain type of person when they come here, and she isn’t that.”
I don’t like this, it really gets me riled up. “Just because she isn’t a clone like everyone else?”
“People look a certain way for a reason.” He shrugs, really not understanding the issue. “Because it’s the way that we’re supposed to look. Especially in business. If you ever bothered to show up, you’d know that.”
I think about Lexi’s comments about boring guys in suits, and I feel a weird affinity to her. I don’t see myself changing. Unfortunately, I was born in a suit and I’ll probably fucking die in one, but that’s because of how I’ve been raised. I don’t know any different, but we shouldn’t judge people who are different.
“I can’t fire someone because of how they look. There are so many rules about that.”
“I know, which is why you never should have hired her in the first place. Idiot. But I’m not telling you to fire her because of how she looks. Find a reason. There are always reasons to fire people. I do it all the time.”
“That’s fucked up, Dad.” I can’t help but consider Lexi’s desperate need for money. I don’t know why, but I know that it’s important. He won’t understand, because he’s never had to struggle for cash. Nor have I, but at least I’m trying to know that from other people’s perspectives. “People need their jobs. You can’t just fire people for no reason.”
“That’s how I’ve been so successful. Because I cut through the bullshit and I don’t get emotionally attached to people. There’s no quicker way to end up penniless with no business.”
He sounds like a real fucking asshole. More than usual. I roll my eyes and turn away from him, unable to see his face when he’s like this. I have heard him talk like this before, but it’s never felt quite as personal as this. Now I know Lexi well, or at least I have some sort of connection with her, and it hurts to listen something negative about her.
“Now, unless you want to lose your job as well, I suggest that you get rid of her.”
“You’re threatening my position now? Kicking me out of the family business that you so desperately wanted me to be a part of over one staff member? Do you hear how bad that sounds?”
Dad rolls his eyes, refusing to really react to me. “I don’t care how it sounds. I haven’t run this business for all of these years and made such a success of it because I’ve cared about the feelings of other people.”
I suppose the money from my grandfather helped. The cash that’s been passed down through generations for a long time. We’re the definition of old money, but he likes to pretend that its’s all down to him.
“Now, speaking of not giving a fuck about how people feel, we get to you. I don’t care about risking your job over this woman with tattoos because you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to in the first place. Your mother makes me keep you on because she knows that it’s always been a dream of mine to pass this company down to you. She also makes the argument that we forked out all of that money for your education so we should let you use it. I can’t argue with that. I did pay a fucking fortune for it, and I want to make the most of it… but when your behavior keeps getting worse and worse, what am I supposed to do? Keep cutting you slack because you’re my kid? No way. Not a chance. I can only do that up until a certain point. But now, I’m done.”
His words wind me up. He makes it seem like I don’t deserve anything that he’s given to me. He doesn’t even give me credit for following the footsteps that he wanted for me, even though I’ve always hated it. I’m sure he must see that what I really want is to make it on my own, but that hasn’t ever been an option.
“Right, fine, well as I’m sure Charlie has already told you, I have been around much more.”
“I know, you have, that’s right. But it hasn’t made any difference. Didn’t you hear what I said out there? The numbers aren’t great and the fact that we have been losing out on contracts to other marketing companies, purely because of your behavior, has hit us hard. It’s going to take a lot to claw back.”
“Dad, this company isn’t suffering financially. It’s just a couple of contracts. And honestly, I think that we can cope without those.”
“It isn’t about what we can and can’t cope with. We shouldn’t be losing out on anything.”
He’s a fucking asshole, and I can feel myself getting all tied up in knots because of him. He always drags out my self-doubt and makes me feel like shit. What sort of father gets off on doing that to his son?
“Okay, so I will make it right again.” I shrug. “I will bring the numbers back up, behave better, and make sure that we don’t lose out on any more contracts. I will even meet with certain companies that have rejected us to show that I’ve changed. To make it better. I will do whatever the hell I can…”
“And get rid of the tattooed girl… I’m not going to forget that.”
“It isn’t happening. I’m not firing anyone. I can’t, Dad.”
“You can and you will. I won’t hear another word about it. Now, I’m going to make the rounds and speak to some of my favorite employees to see how things are really going around here.”
He fires off a wink and exits, knowing that I will be stuck here in a bubble of rage for a while, during which time he can spread his poison. He can turn people against me even more. And he’s right. I do remain locked away in my office, pumping my fists in anger, while he does what he can to wreck me. It’s like he doesn’t really want me to have an actual chance here. He’s happy for me to fail. It’ll probably make him feel like a bigger man.
It isn’t until Lexi pops open my door and leans her head in, concern plastering her face because she’s heard what my father has said about me, that I break free from the bubble and I force a smile on my face.
“Are you okay, Isaac?” she asks me. “Is there… anything that you need me to do?”
I could force a spiteful job on her, just to release myself of a tiny bit of my rage, but I don’t want to. Lexi doesn’t deserve any of the crap from my father and she doesn’t deserve it from me either. I have been just like him, a prick, and now I need to stop… or maybe not stop but change up the game.
“Lexi, I need you to stay late tonight. Is that okay with you?”
I challenge her a bit with my eyes, trying to see if she’s really into all of this. She looks a little worried, like she isn’t quite sure if she can do this or not, but I know she’ll be fine. There’s a spark between us, even if she doesn’t know it yet. A sexual chemistry that I know she’ll enjoy. She just needs to give it a chance.
“L… late? Sure, I can stay late tonight.”
“Good.” I smile, more genuinely this time. This day has just taken a turn for the better. “Great, well let’s see how it goes then.”
Chapter Eleven
Lexi
Once Isaac finishes talking to me, I race into the bathroom, needing a moment to myself. As soon as his father walked i
nto the office, I knew that it wasn’t going to be the easiest day, but I never expected it to be the day that he started cashing in on the sexual favors. Now it’s going to be the time when everything changes.
I grip on to the side of the sink and gasp, trying my absolute hardest to get some air in my lungs. I need to act normal, to pretend like this is okay, because I know it’s what I signed up for. I agreed to this for the kick ass salary that I don’t really deserve otherwise, and I did it for a reason. I have started paying for Jane’s treatment out of it, and I wouldn’t have been able to do that in any other scenario.
“It will be fine,” I tell my freaked out reflection in the mirror. “It isn’t so bad.”
I mean, at least Isaac is hot. Plus, when he isn’t wearing his arrogant, over the top mask, his personality isn’t terrible. We do get along. Surprisingly. This could be a whole lot worse if it was with someone I hated and was totally gross.
The door flies open, and two girls enter, meaning I need to stand up straight, act like I have it together. Everyone here doesn’t like me as it is. I definitely don’t fit in here at all, so I don’t want to make it worse by acting like a freak. I’m sure people already assume that I’m Isaac’s fling on the side. This would just confirm it.
I watch in the mirror as the girls glance at one another and giggle. I hate them both, with their poker straight matching hair in various shades of blonde, and bright red lipstick, heavily made up faces. To be honest, they are the sort of women that you would expect to see on Isaac’s arm, not me. But maybe they have already been there. In my position. About to be used for a higher salary. Maybe it’s a rite of passage here.
I breathe a few times, needing to calm myself down, then with my head held high, I leave the bathroom. Those girls obviously want to talk about me, and I don’t give a fuck. Let them talk about me. I have my own issues. A little bit of bitchiness isn’t going to affect me at all.