High Risk

by Simona Ahrnstedt

  “You’re looking at me now.”

  “But I want to see you. Be with you.”

  She smiled. Maybe she had half the power here after all. “What would you do if you were here?” she asked, moving a finger along the neckline of her blouse. She slowly undid one of the fabric-covered buttons. Then another. Mattias’s eyes didn’t leave her for a second. She was drunk but not so intoxicated that she didn’t know what she was doing. This was something she wanted to try, something she had never done before. Mattias leaned forward, toward the screen. He seemed to have stopped blinking.

  “Want me to continue?” she asked.

  He nodded.

  “Unbutton your shirt first,” she said.

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to see you,” she said, and that was almost the whole truth.

  She needed to see whether he trusted her, needed to force him to do something she was sure he had also never done before.

  Mattias slowly loosened the tie around his neck. Then he paused.

  Jill cocked her head and waited. His hands moved toward the buttons.

  “Wait. Take off your tie first. And the jacket.”

  She watched him pull the tie off over his head, and then drop it and the jacket out of sight. He settled in the chair again. “Happy?”

  “Not quite yet,” she said, nodding for him to continue.

  He undid his shirt, button by button. She caught sight of his chest, covered in dark blond hair, his nipples, that flat stomach. She put down the glass, felt a rush of expectation in her lower belly and the inside of her thighs. How far would he let her boss him around?

  “Untuck your shirt from your pants,” she ordered, hearing how husky her voice sounded.

  Mattias did as she said. His chest was rising and falling.

  “Take it off,” she said.

  He did it without a word. They studied one another from either side of the screen.

  “Your turn,” he said quietly.

  Jill pulled her blouse from her waistband and let it drop down. She stroked her pale brown stomach, her fingers playing on the soft skin. It made no difference how much her PT hounded her, she didn’t have a single firm muscle there.

  “What’s that?” he asked.

  She pointed to the glittering piercing in her belly button.

  “You like it?” she asked. Maybe he thought it was vulgar.

  But he nodded.

  Jill would never have done this with anyone else. She had grown up with the Internet and social media, and she knew how quickly things could spread. There were no naked pictures of her anywhere. Plenty of lovers and men who thought they were her boyfriends had wanted to take pictures or shoot films over the years. Plenty of so-called photographers had reassured her they only wanted to take tasteful images (sex-crazed old creeps, all of them). Eager men, promising it was only for their private use. But she had never agreed, never trusted anyone. She wondered whether Mattias realized she was literally putting her career in his hands when she ran her hand over her body in front of the glowing screen. Though maybe he was doing the same? No matter what kind of secrets he worked with, broadcasting live sex from his office probably wouldn’t go down too well. The level of trust between them was arousing. And he was handsome, too, of course. Strong and muscular; a warrior dressed up as a bureaucrat. A man, not a boy.

  She raised a hand to the lace on her bra, ran her palm back and forth across her entire breast in a soft, circling motion. Then, using three fingers, she concentrated on her nipple. Mattias’s eyes didn’t leave her for a second, seemed to be saving what he was seeing for later use. She pushed one bra strap down from her shoulder, folded back the cup, and stroked the breast rising out of it, gently and tenderly, taking the time she needed. Mattias leaned toward her, followed her movements. She touched her nipple again, squeezed it gently between her finger and thumb. It was like he was spellbound.

  “Could you take off your bra?” he asked.

  She paused, but then she reached to unhook the clasp behind her back. It had taken many years of her life for her to become comfortable with her breasts. She accepted that men liked big breasts, even though she couldn’t quite understand it. Hers had developed early, and she hated how they’d affected the boys around her, the way they stared, groped, mocked, called her whore and skank. Even now, she occasionally felt slutty, dirty. But not right now. Slowly, she allowed one of her breasts to fall out, then the other. She dropped her bra and sat naked, allowing him to look at her.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said huskily.

  “Is this turning you on?” she asked.

  He nodded. “Yeah. A lot.”

  “Lean back. Touch yourself through your pants.”

  He did as she said. He was noticeably aroused, sitting with his legs wide apart. His broad chest heaved up and down. She heard a repressed groan, and the sound made her tremble with anticipation. She glanced at his crotch, saw the promising bulge he was stroking.

  “Unbutton them,” she ordered.

  He gave her a hesitant look, and she noticed that caution was fighting his desire. It was one thing to take off his shirt in his office, another to take off his pants. She waited. He obeyed, took off his shoes and socks first, which she appreciated—there were few things less attractive than a man wearing nothing but socks—followed by his pants and his underwear. He sat back down again, hard and aroused. She studied his dick. It was big, slightly bent. His glans glistened against his flat, muscular stomach. Her nipples contracted, and she could feel herself getting wet. She found herself wondering whether his door was locked.

  “Touch yourself,” she said.

  “Jill . . .” He shook his head.

  “I will if you will,” she said.

  His eyes narrowed, and Jill stood up and took off her trousers and her white lace panties. He exhaled. She was waxed clean, other than a small dark strip just above her opening.

  “You like it?” she asked once she sat back down on the couch. Men usually did, but she was unsure about Mattias. He wasn’t like other men.

  “It’s beautiful,” he said, looking her in the eye. “You’re beautiful. Can you show me how you like to be touched?”

  “You do the same,” she said.

  A smile tugged at his lips. “I will, I promise. It’s just I want to last longer than two seconds.”

  Jill readjusted her computer, leaned back on the couch, and her hand pressed between her legs. This was madness. But strangely enough, it didn’t feel crazy. It felt intimate and exciting. She slowly began to move her fingers, in a circular motion. She liked to masturbate, preferred the control that doing it herself gave her. She liked to have orgasms, and men weren’t always reliable on that score.

  Mattias watched her intently. She parted her legs slightly and saw him start to satisfy himself, moving his hand up and down.

  Her hand was moving more quickly now, completely focused on her own enjoyment. She had masturbated in front of many men, making it a whole performance with groans and nimble fingers. It was a simple way of taking control in a relationship, but this was different; she was focused on her own enjoyment and was genuinely turned on, didn’t care what she looked like. Her other hand moved to her breast, and she began to gently massage herself.

  Mattias was breathing through his mouth now. His chest was rising and falling more powerfully, and his fist was working increasingly quickly. It was hot to see him approach climax, the way he lost control over himself on the other side of the screen. She kept her eyes fixed on him, and inserted one finger, imagined it was him moving inside her, stretching her, making love to her. She paused for a moment. But she had a brand-new manicure, with short nails, and she wanted to try it. She pulled out her index finger and moved it downward, saw his eyes glued to the movement. She brought it up again, collected some of her own wetness, and rubbed it onto herself. Then she shifted downward slightly and slowly pushed her finger into her ass. Would he be shocked? She moaned gently, touched herself with
her other hand, pushing the tip of her index finger carefully in and out as she moved her other hand, quicker and quicker, and then she came in a powerful orgasm. “Oh God,” she panted. She could feel it way down in her thighs, through her whole pelvis, in her ass, and deep within her body. Jesus, it felt good. It took her a moment to return to the living room. She opened her eyes and saw Mattias, still hard and unsatisfied, as though he had been waiting for her. His eyes burned. She continued to touch herself, more slowly now, allowed the orgasm to ebb out, trembling from its after effects.

  Mattias tugged at himself a few more times, and that was all it took for him to come too. His body tensed, his hand moved frantically, and he came into his hand and onto his stomach. He was handsome when he found release, sexy, like an animal. Her body responded to what she was seeing and she felt a second orgasm approaching, a pleasant encore that spread warmth through her body. Mattias breathed out. Jill slumped back on the couch, pushed her hair from her face, and pulled her legs beneath her. “Good?” she asked.

  “Very,” he replied hoarsely. “Jesus, Jill, what a damn thing. That was fantastic. How was it for you?”

  “It was really good,” she replied honestly. Though now she wished he was actually here. It felt a little lonely.

  Mattias disappeared from the screen, and when he returned he had wiped himself off and pulled on his pants.

  Jill covered herself with a blanket. The tension in Mattias’s face was completely gone now, and he seemed much more relaxed. She drank the last of her margarita and felt how relaxed she was too.

  “I’d like to come over,” he said quietly.

  “Here?”

  “Yeah.”

  She paused, but then made up her mind. “Do it then.”

  * * *

  Just under an hour later, Mattias stepped out of a cab outside Jill’s manor-like luxury villa for the second time. By then he was already aroused again, had spent the entire car trip reliving what they had done together.

  She opened the door the minute he knocked. She was wearing a long, loose-fitting dress, but he had no trouble recalling the way she had looked onscreen—naked, curvy, sensual. He would carry that image with him for the rest of his life.

  “Hi,” she said, and her deep, husky voice was breathless. “Come in.” She stepped to one side. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was barefoot. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her, had been longing to touch her and kiss her ever since she’d made him undress and masturbate in front of the computer in his office. His bosses probably wouldn’t have appreciated it quite as much as she had. It had been a crazy risk. But she was worth it.

  Jill reciprocated his kiss, practically wound herself around him. His hands moved up to her breasts, and she groaned into his mouth. He fumbled behind her, pulled the door closed, kissed her as she backed into the house.

  “I need to have you,” he said, tugging at her dress. She let him pull it off. She was completely naked beneath it, and he kissed her breasts tenderly. While they continued to kiss, he undressed and dropped his clothes to her luxurious floor. They ended up in the living room, and he spotted the wide, white couch. He pushed her over to it, parted her legs firmly using his knees. She pulled his head toward her, but he resisted, wanted to watch as he entered her. And she let him take over, take control. She raised her knees and he moved between them and slid into her, saw her eyes mist over as he filled her. He made love to her passionately, heatedly, forced her to touch herself the way she had before while he thrust away at her. Her hips moved forward and back, she shouted his name, and then came in a powerful orgasm; a second later he pulled out and came, too, onto her stomach and breasts. She closed her eyes and panted.

  He supported himself on shaking arms and realized that he’d made a mess on her. Would she be annoyed?

  She opened her eyes. “I love that you let loose,” she said. “Kiss me and then go get us margaritas.”

  He did as he was told, kissed her deeply and then made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed kitchen roll, the cocktail shaker, and glasses. He carefully cleaned her before he poured two cocktails. They toasted.

  “Mmm,” he said appreciatively after he tried the drink. He reached out for her. She looked so beautiful with shorter hair.

  “I’d like to start over,” he said as she sat cross-legged, naked, on the white couch. He forced his eyes back up to her face. “I want to act like a normal man who wants to be with a normal woman. No stupid time limits.”

  “But I’m not normal,” she said.

  “No?”

  “No. I’m a mess. In relationships, with food, completely crazy. I’ll probably get fat any day now.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  Her eyes narrowed. “You like fat women? I doubt that.”

  “I wouldn’t like you any less if your weight went up.”

  “And I’m old,” she said, looking down. She swirled her glass.

  Mattias smiled. “I know exactly how old you are, so you can’t use that as a reason.”

  Jill shook her head. “I’m older than you think. My birth date isn’t right. They made a mistake when I came to Sweden, because I was so small that they thought I was younger. I saw the papers when I was eighteen, but I never told anyone. I’m actually thirty. I’ll turn thirty-one this year.” She whispered the last part. “I never told anyone that before. Not even Ambra knows.” She looked away, as if she had just revealed that she made her living selling drugs to kids.

  Silence stretched out between them.

  “Jill?”

  “Yeah?” Her voice sounded stifled, and she still wouldn’t look at him.

  Mattias took her glass, placed it on the table, and took her in his arms. She pressed her face against his chest, and all he knew was that this felt right. “I like you. Your strange life, your secrets, who you are.”

  She sniffed against his chest. “I’m almost blind, too.”

  His grip tightened; tenderness almost overwhelmed him. “I know, I saw your glasses.”

  “Is that how you see me, as a project? You think I have development potential?”

  “No. I actually think you’re fine as you are.”

  “We’ve only known each other a month.”

  “I know. But I’ve never felt this way before.”

  “What do you mean?”

  As though he could love her. “Like two months isn’t nearly enough. I want to spend more time with you, much more.”

  “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “I’m looking forward to getting to know you. But I already know some. You’re afraid of being abandoned. You hate working out, you love chocolate, and you get sad though you never show it.” He took hold of her chin, lifted her face, and kissed her gently.

  “I don’t think I can love anyone,” she mumbled into his mouth.

  His nose brushed hers. “You love Ambra.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “But we had a terrible argument.”

  “That’s what siblings do,” he said. He had two brothers.

  She shook her head. “We never fought like that before. She said horrible things to me. But I said terrible things to her, too. What if we never make up?”

  “You love one another. You’re family.” He had seen them together, knew what they meant to one another. Mattias’s cell phone suddenly rang.

  “I need to see who it is,” he apologized. “Technically I’m still on duty.” He pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen. “It’s Tom. Is it okay if I answer?”

  Jill nodded. She liked that he asked for permission, that he cared about her, that he was here. While he disappeared, she took out a pack of microwave popcorn and made an entire bowl. Mattias returned with a frown.

  “Jill, when did you last hear from Ambra?” he asked. “Tom wants to know,” he added.

  Tom Lexington, that damn heartbreaker. What did he want with Ambra now? “A few days ago. Why?”

  “He doesn’t know where she is.”

  Jill put down t
he bowl and felt a pang of worry. “Has something happened?”

  Mattias pressed the cell phone to his chest, covered the microphone. “He wants to come over.”

  “Here?” she said in surprise, but then she nodded. Of course he could come if it was about Ambra.

  * * *

  Thirty minutes later, Jill opened the door for Tom. She had forgotten how big he was. He filled the entire hallway, bringing a chill and snow in with him. He had a frown on his face, but the beard was gone and he looked less scruffy now. Jill was reluctantly forced to admit that she could see why Ambra had fallen for him. Because she had, Jill was suddenly sure of it. Damn it, she should have realized, been kinder to Ambra. What if Ambra had done something stupid? If anything happened to her . . . Jill searched for Mattias’s hand and squeezed it tight.

  “What do you mean you haven’t spoken?” Tom sounded angry.

  “Take it easy,” Mattias warned him.

  Jill smiled. It was cute that he was defending her. Nerdy and unnecessary, but cute.

  Tom gave a quick nod. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Do you have any idea where she could be? She isn’t at home, she’s not at work, isn’t answering her cell.”

  “She said you yelled at her, told her to get lost,” Jill couldn’t stop herself from saying.

  Tom’s jaws tensed. “We fought. I overreacted.”

  Jill already thought he was quite scary when he looked like this, and she couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like when he overreacted. But she could also see her brave sister standing up to him.

  Suddenly, her protective instincts came to life. Her anger was gone. If this big lump really had broken Ambra’s heart, she would never forgive him.

  “Doesn’t her boss know where she is?” Mattias asked.

  “No, Ambra isn’t working right now. And she’s not at home. Her mail is piled up in the hallway.”

  “She said something about Kiruna last time we spoke,” Jill remembered. “About how that awful foster family had new kids. Do you think she could be up there?”

  Tom took a minute to think. “She hates Kiruna. Hates being cold. But maybe. For the sake of those kids. It would be typical of her. I’ll call the hotel.”