by Cora Reilly
“No, never, and least of all when you annoy me.”
I unfolded his hand and pressed his palm against my cheek. “What about a slap? Ever thought about slapping me?”
“No,” Xavier said in a low voice. He was still tense, his eyes intense as if I was telling a story that had him on the edge of his seat.
“Hurting me?”
“No.”
“Insulting me?”
“No, fuck no,” he almost growled.
I released his hand and smiled. “See. You have nothing to worry about.”
Xavier sighed. “I never wanted to risk anything. Love turned my mother into a fool. She let him hurt her. And he almost destroyed our entire family.”
“But he didn’t. You have a wonderful family. What about him? Where is he?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care. Last time I saw him was when he was sent to jail thirteen years ago.”
My eyes widened. “Oh. Why?”
“My mother left him. She tried to get into a women’s shelter but they were all crowded, so she went to a friend instead. My father found her, beat her up and threw Willow down a staircase.”
Tears sprang into my eyes. “That’s why she’s in a wheelchair?”
“Yeah,” Xavier said quietly. He looked away and swallowed. I slipped off the stool and wrapped my arm around his middle, then pressed my cheek against his chest, holding on to him tightly. Xavier wrapped me into a tight embrace in turn and rested his chin on top of my head. We stood like that for a long time and I wondered if anything would ever feel as wonderful as being in Xavier’s embrace, hearing his heartbeat, feeling his warmth and strength.
When we finally pulled back, I wasn’t sure what to say. I doubted Xavier had ever talked to anyone outside of his family about what happened, and that he entrusted such a horrific memory to me felt like an incredible gift.
“Taking a depressing trip down memory lane wasn’t how I imagined this conversation would go. I thought there would be hot make-up sex.”
I rolled my eyes, allowing Xavier to lighten the mood. “There won’t be any kind of sex today.” Then added when Xavier gave me a cocky grin, “Or tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow.”
Xavier nodded once, resigned. “I guess that means that’s no to dating me. I get it. After that depressing story I wouldn’t want to date me either,” he said jokingly, but I caught the hint of vulnerability behind his words.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “I didn’t say no to dating. I said no to sex.”
“Isn’t that the same?”
I snorted. “For you maybe.” Then I turned serious. “If you’re serious about giving dating a try, about us, then we should start our relationship from scratch. And that means go on dates, and no sex. For you it’s always only been about sex when you were with a woman, but I need this to be about more than that. I can only give us a chance if you agree to a no-sex rule for the time being.”
“You mean no sex with other women, right?” he said, grinning, then sobered at a glare from me. “If that’s what it takes, then I can deal with the no-sex rule.”
“You sure? You’re making a face as if you got banned from playing rugby for life.”
Xavier leaned down. “It feels like it.”
I raised my eyebrows. “If you don’t think you can do it, then we should just forget it. I don’t want to get hurt, Xavier. More than I’m already hurt, that is.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Evie. I want to try dating, but I can’t promise I’ll be good at it. Maybe I’ll mess up, but I will do everything I can to make this work. Even endure blue balls.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling my pulse speed up at what I was going to say. “Then let’s try this.”
Xavier smiled. “So you’re agreeing to date me?”
“To ‘try dating’ is how you put it, but yes.”
“Does that mean I’m allowed to kiss you now?” Xavier murmured, his lips already so close his breath ghosted over my mouth.
My next words cost me incredible effort and even more restraint. “Not yet. Maybe after our first official date, if it goes well.”
Xavier cocked one eyebrow in that annoyingly cocky and sexy way. “First date? What are we going to do?”
“Surprise me. Your calendar tells me that you’re free tonight.”
He chuckled. “Maybe dating my assistant isn’t the best idea after all.”
I bit my lip. “Do you think it’ll be a problem? I already have that announcement written.”
“No,” he said quickly. “I don’t want anyone else. I want you to be my assistant. And it is kind of hot.”
I was secretly relieved. The idea of Xavier working closely with another woman didn’t sit well with me. Xavier wanted to try dating, but he was used to chasing after every skirt. I didn’t trust him enough yet to be comfortable with another assistant in his life, and I needed the job. “Then I’ll stay your assistant for now.” I glanced down at my watch. “And that means that we’ve got exactly twenty minutes to get you to training. Oh shit!”
I pushed past Xavier. “Get dressed. We need to leave. Your coach will blow a gasket if you’re late.”
“Bossy as usual,” Xavier said, but he jogged toward the stairs and then up. My eyes followed his perfectly shaped butt in those tight briefs. Dating Xavier was going to be tough.
I quickly scanned my calendar, then cursed. I needed to pick up Xavier’s tuxedo and my dress from the dry cleaner, talk to the caterer regarding Xavier’s birthday party, which was going down in only two weeks, and I had a lunch date with Fiona. When Xavier came down the stairs in his training clothes, I ushered him out. “You’ll have to drive on your own. I have a few things I need to do. You don’t have anything scheduled in the afternoon except for surfing with Connor, so you don’t need me for that either. I guess that means we won’t see each other until tonight. Let me know when you’ll pick me up for our date and if I need to get dressed up. On second thought, something where we don’t need to dress up would be good. I don’t want us to go somewhere we’ll be the center of attention. Somewhere private would be better.”
I paused.
Xavier was watching me in amusement.
“What?” I asked, flushing. I had been rambling.
“It’s cute when you’re nervous. Does dating me make you nervous, Evie?” Xavier asked in a low voice, leaning close, that wolfish grin on his face.
Not one to let him get the best of me, I touched his hip and pressed my breasts up against his chest. “Of course not. Does dating me make you nervous?”
Xavier’s eyes darted to my neckline and his chest heaved against mine. Before I lost my own game, I stepped back, patted his chest and said, “I can’t wait to see what you have planned for our first date.”
Then I quickly walked off and toward Fiona’s scooter, which I had borrowed frequently in the last few days since I’d avoided being in a car with Xavier. I raced off before my body overruled my mind and I dragged Xavier back up into his apartment and let him have his way with me.
I was completely distracted during my lunch with Fiona, and of course she noticed it. Even a couple of years of separation didn’t change the fact that as twins we picked up on each other’s moods.
“Okay. What is this about? You’re nervous and distracted.”
“I’m not,” I tried to salvage the situation.
She cocked one blonde eyebrow in a very Xavier-like fashion, which increased my nervousness. “You just put salt into your cappuccino.”
I stared down at my cup, then brought it to my lips, took a hesitant sip and grimaced. “Okay, fine. I have a lot on my mind right now.”
“Is it still because of that asshat? Is he giving you a hard time?”
For less than a second I considered telling Fiona about Xavier and me, but then my fear won out. Xavier and I weren’t really Xavier and I yet. We had agreed to try dating, but that was all. I knew what Fiona would say if I told her about it. She’d declare me insane, and ma
ybe I was for giving Xavier a chance after everything. Though really, he hadn’t done anything wrong if you looked at it closely. He had never lied to me, never pretended our night together would be more than sex, and yet I had slept with him. I was the one who hadn’t been one-hundred percent honest, who had kept my virginity a secret. Given Xavier’s reaction, he probably wouldn’t have taken things that far between us if I had told him in a less precarious situation. I was as much to blame for that night as he was. That he moved on to another woman so quickly, that was all him—but again, nothing I couldn’t have foreseen.
“Evie?” Fiona asked.
I blinked. I’d drifted off again. “Sorry. He didn’t do anything. He’s being his usual cocky self.” Which wasn’t a lie.
“Have you made progress finding a new assistant?”
“I still need to go over the job announcement with Xavier’s brother.”
Fiona frowned. “It’s taking too long. And it’ll take even longer finding someone who’s willing to become his assistant.”
“There are enough women out there who would do anything to be close to him,” I said with a hint of bitterness.
Fiona scrutinized me. “You sound jealous.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re not still hung up on him, are you? He’s already moved on with several women, and you should move on too. He’s not worth wasting another thought over. Just because he was your first doesn’t mean he has to mean anything.”
It wasn’t that easy, and Fiona knew it. She had left the States because she had caught her first love cheating. Admittedly that was worse than what had happened to me. She and Aiden had been dating for three years, and he’d screwed her best friend. I was lucky in comparison. “Let’s not talk about Xavier, all right?” I’d only end up letting something slip, and then our lunch date would take a turn for the worse.
“Then let’s talk about Blake,” Fiona said.
I sighed. “I told you it didn’t work out between us.”
“You went out with him once and your date was rudely interrupted by Xavier. You can’t count that. Give him another chance.”
My mobile beeped in my purse. Glad for the distraction, I took it out and glanced at the screen. The message was from Xavier.
I’ll pick you up at seven at the corner of your street. Don’t want to cross your evil twin sister’s path. Dress code: casual. Make sure you’re hungry and thirsty.
Grinning, I quickly keyed in my reply.
Good thinking e.g. Fiona. P.S. Don’t call her evil.
I returned my phone to my purse, then looked up and caught Fiona watching me with narrowed eyes. The smile dropped from my face and a treacherous blush crawled up my throat.
“Who was that?”
“Uh, nobody.”
“That infatuated smile didn’t look like nobody.”
Damn it. Why did Fiona have to be such a bloodhound when it came to sniffing out my emotions? “I…I met someone.” There it was, the lie I didn’t want to rely on.
“A guy?” Fiona asked, stunned.
“No, a llama,” I muttered. “Of course a guy.”
“Where did you meet him? And why didn’t you tell me you were looking for someone? Is that why you don’t want to see Blake again?”
“It’s pretty fresh…and I met him online.”
“Are you sure he’s not some crazy serial killer?”
“I’m a grown-up, Fiona. I can handle my own love life. I promise I will tell you more once there’s more to tell, okay?” And once I’m sure dating Xavier isn’t the worst idea of my life.
“Okay,” Fiona said slowly, but I knew she’d keep me on my toes. I had to make sure she didn’t meddle. This thing, whatever it was, between Xavier and me was still too fresh to have her messing with it.
Xavier picked me up at the corner as we’d discussed. I had made sure to check the street for Fiona’s nosy face several times but didn’t spot her. I slid into the passenger seat. “You are on time,” I said, surprised.
Xavier flashed me a grin. “You’re welcome.”
I shook my head with a laugh but quieted when Xavier’s eyes slowly wandered over me. I wasn’t dressed in an overly sexy way, but the pencil skirt accentuated my hips and my blouse gave a nice view of my neckline. The appreciative flicker in Xavier’s eyes sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. “You look gorgeous, Evie,” he said in a low voice that I could feel all the way between my legs. It didn’t hurt that Xavier looked good enough to devour himself with the dark blue dress shirt and beige pants.
“So where are we going?” I asked to distract myself from the dangerous sensations I was feeling.
“A microbrewery and pub I often visit with my brother. They have a nice selection and fantastic tasting options with delicious food to pair.”
I grinned. Xavier was spot-on with his choice. Then another thought crossed my mind. “So in public? Aren’t you worried about us being seen?” It was still too soon. I knew the press would ruin it for both of us if they found out this early in our…date trial.
Xavier pulled out of the street and sped up. “Like I said, I’ve been there before. It’s off the beaten path. I know the owner well. He always gives me a secluded booth.”
“Okay, that sounds good,” I said slowly. Xavier had more experience dealing with the press and them trailing him, so I had to trust he knew what he was doing.
Xavier glanced my way. “So I did good?”
“Very good so far. We’ll see how you keep faring.”
“And if I fare well, I get that kiss you promised?”
I swallowed. “Maybe.”
I didn’t miss the surprised look the owner of the brewery gave us when we stepped in, and of course felt self-conscious because of it. Xavier probably had never brought someone like me here. Xavier’s hand rested lightly on my lower back, and his biceps grazed my shoulder blade as he led me inside.
As if he could read my mind, Xavier said quietly, “I’ve never brought anyone but Marc here.”
That made me smile, and Xavier’s expression softened in a way it seldom did. We settled in a cozy booth in a corner with comfortable vintage leather benches and a table, which seemed to be made from old wine barrels. When the owner came over with the menu, Xavier shook his head. “The beer tasting with the matching bites.”
“You will love their food,” Xavier said when he turned back to me. If the spicy, warm scent was any indication, Xavier would be proven right.
I bit my lip, suddenly unsure what to say, how to act around Xavier. Luckily, the owner came our way with two wooden slabs that each held four small glasses of beer.
“You know the drill,” the owner said with a wink.
Xavier nodded.
I stared down at the four beers. The glasses were the size of bigger shots, not more. “I hope the food isn’t as tiny as well or we will have to hit a fast-food joint afterward.”
Xavier laughed. “Oh Evie, you are perfect.”
I flushed. “So what’s the matter with these tiny beer glasses?”
“The tasting consists of twelve beers in total. If they all were regular sized, I’d have to carry you out afterward.”
“First of all, I can hold my liquor pretty well, and second there’s no way you can carry me. I’m too heavy.”
“Wanna bet on it?”
“I’m not sure I want to bet with you.”
The wolfish smile. “Why not?”
“Because you don’t play fair.”
“Come on.”
I pointed at the beers. “Tell me a bit about them.”
Xavier gave me a knowing look, but he let me distract him. “The first one you should taste is the one on the right—it’s the lightest and won’t ruin your taste buds for the others.”
“You sound like a sommelier. Is there something like that for beer?”
He grinned, and raised his glass. “To us.”
I clanked my glass against his and emptied it in one swallow.
Xavier’s
grin widened. “Just because they’re shot glasses doesn’t mean you have to ex them.”
I raised my eyebrows in challenge. “Don’t tell me it’s too much for you to swallow.” The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I’d given Xavier the perfect opening.
“I’d rather watch you swallow,” he growled, then downed the beer.
My cheeks blasted with heat, eyes widening.
Xavier shook his head, regret passing his face. “I shouldn’t have said that. Fuck. I’m already making a mess of this.”
I gave a shrug and pointed at the next glass. “What’s up next?”
Xavier leaned forward, lightly brushed my heated cheek with his thumb then kissed the hot skin. My eyes flew up to his. “I don’t know how to treat you,” he admitted in a low voice. “One moment I want to have my way with you, the next I want to protect you from me.”
I frowned. “You don’t need to protect me. I can protect myself. Just treat me like you treated me before sex was an issue. Like a friend, a human being. Not a vagina with limbs.”
Xavier choked out a laugh. “Okay. That image definitely ensures that your sex ban will be successful tonight.”
I smiled. “It would have been successful either way.”
Xavier didn’t get the chance for a comeback because the owner came with the food. A tray with plates of finger food. Everything looked delicious, and the moment I slipped a small fried ball of what proved to be slow-cooked pulled pork into my mouth, I knew I loved this place. I groaned as the decadent taste spread in my mouth.
Xavier watched me in rapt attention, and I wondered for whom the sex ban would be harder, me or him.
“Did you tell anyone about this?” I asked curiously when I’d finished my eighth shot of beer.
“Only Willow, and that was by accident. She called me this afternoon and I let something slip. And you?”
“If I tell Fiona she’ll go berserk on us, and I don’t know that many people around here yet. I don’t want to jinx this.”
He nodded. “My family will probably be happier about this than yours.”