by Colt, K. J.
I gasped. ‘You’re a princess?’
Klawdia laughed. ‘No one would call me princess, but yes, I am, in a way. I must see my father before he dies. When I was fifteen, two years older than you are now, I was with child, and it was… what would you call it? A bastard child. Father discovered me and, in his anger, banished me. I was forced to give birth to my son cold and alone in the mountains when I was supposed to take Father’s place as cheiftain, but now a bad man will rule. I cannot stop it, but the transfer of power must be… seamless. That is my duty.’
If Klawdia’s father was a chieftain, that made her the daughter of a man who allowed slavery, an enemy of Senya and the ally of the Meligna Queens. She scraped something against metal, and the smell of raw meat lingered in the air. Butter’s tail thumped harder on the wooden flooring and he strained the rope in my hands. A plate banged against the floor at my feet, and I heard Butter slurping and gulping.
‘Thank you,’ I said on Butter’s behalf.
‘Feed him lots. Twice daily.’
‘Klawdia, why are you allowed to live in Senya?’
She sighed and walked across the room. Liquid glugged out of a jug, and I heard a slurp that was even louder than Butter’s. ‘I betrayed the Meligna Queens.’
‘How?’
‘It is a story too long for now, but know that I did it to protect the innocent… people like you.’
People like me? It must be something to do with my sickness. ‘How did you come to meet Mother?’
‘I remember when you were a babe.’
I sat forward in my seat. ‘H-how?’
‘Another long story. Your mother is a true mother. She would do anything to keep you safe.’
Butter pushed his empty dish about the floor while I remembered the times I’d made Mother upset or angry for whatever reason suited me. Even today I had worried her, and last night had taken coins from her purse. ‘I know,’ I said, struggling to keep the sadness from my voice.
‘You must go home now,’ Klawdia said. ‘I’ll take you back.’
‘Wait. Teach me how to train Butter to guide me and hunt.’
‘No.’
‘Please. I’ll remember. I… you said dogs could be used to help blind people. I want him to be able to scare away anyone who might hurt me. Don’t you want me to be safe?’
I reminded her about the men who’d chased me into the forest, and I knew that if Butter had been there and growled at them, or pretended to snap at them, they would have been frightened away. Even if we’d run off together, Butter could have led me home again.
‘You want a dog to be like a human. This cannot happen in a short time.’
‘I’ll work at it every day. I will. Teach me.’
‘You are Butter’s master, but your mother is yours; I must obey her wishes.’
‘I don’t care what she thinks.’ That wasn’t true, but I would say anything to persuade Klawdia to help me.
She laughed. ‘Her fire burns bright in you, but on the outside I only see your father.’
Hearing her talk about Father revived my longing for him. She’d known him as if he were a regular everyday person, someone who walked around town and lived his life in Borrelia.
‘One day soon, you will have everything you want, Adenine. That day will be good and bad, and you will miss the ignorance of your youth. Trust me.’
‘Ignorance? I watched my father stab my uncle. I lost my eyesight and I can’t remember it.’ Tears swelled behind my closed eyelids.
Butter whined, so I put a reassuring hand on his head and he nuzzled the palm of my hand. The leftover food that covered his snout stuck to my fingers, and I wiped them on my dress.
‘We should go.’
‘Not until you help me,’ I said, standing my ground and also letting the tears flow freely.
‘Crying is for the weak. To cry is to rip off your armour in the middle of a war and to throw down your sword and surrender. Your heart is your biggest weakness, Adenine, and others will abuse it. Love and compassion will bring an end to your life. Be strong, trust only Capacia, and never cry again. Do you hear?’
Never cry? But it was so difficult to control. I put my hands over my face to hide the other tears that flowed onto my cheeks and wished everything to be different. Klawdia would leave soon, and I would remain in the dark with no one to turn to. ‘Why would anyone want to hurt me?’
‘Because you were born.’
‘That’s not fair,’ I said through gritted teeth.
‘No. The world you live in is not fair.’ Klawdia’s clothes squeaked as she knelt in front of me and rested one hand on my knee. ‘There is one trick you can teach Butter while I am gone. You tell him “with me” in a strong commanding voice. When you say this, you pull his rope. It will teach him to walk beside you. And when he obeys, what do you do?’
‘Feed him some meat.’
‘Reward him. Praise him. One day, he will stay without rope. Understand?’
‘Yes.’
‘Also, stay away from healers and the mayor. I have ensured your safety for now, but you must be on your guard. Make friends, laugh with them, play with them, but never ever trust them. Only trust Capacia and whoever else has proven themselves. You know who they are.’
I listed the people off in my head that I trusted—Capacia, Varago, Jemely.
‘The blind girl who should have frozen to death in the forest. You are already too renowned.’
I could tell from her tone that, for me, being renowned was not a good thing.
‘I will take you back now.’
Klawdia escorted me to the first buildings that surrounded the town square and left me to find my own way home, saying, ‘We should not be seen together.’
At home, Mother wrapped me into a hug and said, ‘I love you.’
‘I was naughty to disobey you. Forgive me?’ I asked.
‘Always.’ And as she stroked my hair, she gasped.
‘What?’
Her fingers fondled my scalp. ‘You’re becoming a woman.’
CHAPTER NINETEEN
A MONTH PASSED SINCE KLAWDIA had left for Ruxdor. Mother insisted Jemely accompany me everywhere, and she took to washing my hair every morning with a substance that stunk of rotting marshlands.
Summer arrived, as did my female bleeding, which Mother said was another sign of my womanhood. She explained the accompanying cramps as my womb, the place where babies grow, was preparing itself for motherhood.
Jemely no longer worked for Varago; instead, Mother paid her to chaperone me and told others that she was now my governess. In the evenings, Mother would take Jemely aside and question her about our movements.
Mayor Vawdon visited us once a week, which set Mother on edge. She banned me from speaking to Emala, which upset me at first, but I tried to remember Klawdia’s instructions to listen to Mother and trust her over everyone else.
When Mayor Vawdon’s visits increased to every two days, Mother reduced my school days to twice a week.
Jemely hated accompanying me everywhere, and often apologised to me for it, saying, ‘I have to.’
Four months passed, and the flaking in my hair worsened so that Mother washed it twice daily. She started insisting I wear a bonnet, and I wouldn’t have minded except she wrapped my hair in a piece of cloth before tying the lace on my hat. Even in autumn, it was awfully hot, and itchy, but I had no other choice.
Mayor Vawdon brought Emala over one day and asked to see my hair. Mother happily removed my bonnet, allowing my long locks to fall across my shoulders. The mayor seemed satisfied, but somehow, still suspicious of me.
I was moved into classes with Emala and Frooby, but I only talked to Frooby, and spent my lunchtimes with him, too. We grew closer, although he often went home early on cold and windy days due to coughing fits.
Jark constantly teased me about my blindfold and bonnets, because wearing a bonnet was something only older women did.
As Mother’s paranoia about my safety grew,
she stopped sleeping, and eating, and Jemely constantly growled at her to be mindful of her health. Our conversations swung from hugs to a hundred questions about my day. The day she asked me to leave school altogether sparked our biggest argument that attracted the attention of night guards, who ordered us to keep our noise down.
‘You can’t keep her locked up,’ Varago said one night while I secretly listened from the top of the attic stairs. ‘She’s not a little girl anymore. The mayor can’t do anything now anyway.’
‘He suspects, and I’ll do what I please if I think it’ll keep her from harm.’
‘Overbearing mothering only seeks to push children away. Adenine is old enough to make her own decisions.’
‘Don’t tell me how to raise my daughter,’ she snapped.
‘Send her to Juxon City. Hide her amongst the people. She stands out here.’
While I didn’t want to leave Mother alone, I also dreamed of being free of her. She was ever watching, ever worrying, and I still didn’t understand it. My life was in danger, I knew that much.
Varago left in a huff.
‘Adenine,’ Mother scolded when she caught me listening.
I quickly retreated into my room and sat down on my bed to recite what I’d learned at school that week. Jemely had crafted a set of engraved stones that I’d used for arithmetic until Mother bought me an abacus, which worked much better.
As the weeks passed and Mother became increasingly overwhelmed, I sank even deeper into history, geography, and the natural world. That only gave Jark more fuel to tease me about my eagerness for knowledge.
‘What?’ he’d say. ‘Emala not good enough for you now, huh? Is she too dumb to keep up with you now, Miss Scholar?’
That hurt, but if Emala caught him teasing me, she would always take my side and scold him. She knew I wasn’t allowed to speak to her, and sometimes in lessons she would sit next to me and whisper, ‘I miss you.’
One day, I replied, which earned me punishment with the cane—I guessed that Varago had threatened the headmaster into keeping me away from her. As the rod struck my flesh, I found I enjoyed the pain. It felt pure, and quietened my mind, and somehow sweetened our friendship that little bit more.
Butter was the only friend I could be completely honest with, and there were always dried bits of pork in my pockets. Despite not knowing exactly how to train Butter, I’d unintentionally taught him a new command—crawl. Jemely and I would hold a stick close to the ground, and he would crawl underneath it. Through routine, Butter had learned the way to school and Jemely’s house.
As Butter aged, I had Fara make him a leather collar with a metal hoop for his leading rope. Butter seemed to anticipate where I wanted to go, and it made him seem like a person.
In late autumn, a courier man galloped through town and almost rode me down. Butter had seen the man coming and pulled hard on the rope, dragging me out of the way. I patted him and scratched him silly, telling him he was a good boy. After that, I bought an entire leg of lamb from the butcher, took him under the shade of a beautiful willow tree, and listened to him gnawing and chomping on bones and tendons. The sounds made me giggle and left me feeling satisfied; he’d earned every morsel.
One day later, Mother and I received a visitor.
Mr. Corgastor was a representative for Borrelia’s Land Law. He lived in Juxon City, but was responsible for keeping track of the rentals and sales of houses and land in our area. He was stiff, snobby, and certainly a man used to having money.
‘I have a document here that you both need to address.’ He cleared his throat and pulled out a roll of parchment that crackled as he unrolled it. When he spoke, he pronounced each vowel as if his tongue played with a sugar cube. ‘The king of Juxon City and its six major townships, and one half of the border towns, hereby passes the land of Garrad of Borrelia to his daughter, Adenine of Borrelia. She may occupy the land until her life has passed and her sons take up the land either as a whole or divided.’
I wasn’t quite sure what he meant, but it was clear that Mr. Corgastor thought Garrad, my uncle, was my father. Word must have found its way to Juxon City; Mother’s lie had become authentic.
‘A reliable source characterised Garrad as a self-sufficient and honest man who claimed and developed the land some time ago. He worked the soil until it could be farmed, and with its small cottage was able to register the land with a title.
‘Adenine is obviously young… disadvantaged, physically, and cannot occupy the property on her own; therefore, if you so desire, I will act as a broker and find a suitable tenant to maintain the property, or perhaps you would prefer to sell it.’ He sniffed and took a loud sip from a cup of tea Mother had given to him.
‘What is your brokerage fee, Mr. Corgastor?’ Mother asked.
‘One-tenth for a sale. One-tenth per month for tenancy.’
‘That seems reasonable. Excuse us, we need to discuss this alone,’ Mother said.
‘Very well,’ the man replied.
Mother took my arm and led me into her bedroom and closed the door behind us. ‘Isn’t this exciting? Common folk aren’t usually able or permitted to own titles. With a tenant, the consistent additional coin would help with Mystoria.’ She sounded so relieved that it was difficult to know I held the complete opposite view to her.
She touched my cheek, but I flinched away.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘I don’t want it. Sell it and give the money away.’
‘Give it away… you might want it one day.’
Thinking of Garrad was bringing the memories to life. I wanted to forget he ever existed. The guilt, the shame, it was all too much, not to mention dishonest. I needed to forget him. ‘Please, Mama.’
She sighed. ‘Let’s sleep on it and we’ll talk more tomorrow.’ Klawdia had said that merchants put their coin first, and that’s what Mother was doing now. I wouldn’t change my mind. In that house he’d built and lived in, he’d conspired and plotted to hurt me.
‘But think on this, a part of growing older is learning to separate childhood from your adult years,’ she said. ‘Become the person you value, not the person you fear.’ She wheeled her chair back into the living room and left me alone.
As I returned to the sitting room, Mother and the man were already in full discussion about the ‘nuances with tenanting a house’, as she phrased it.
‘I will come here mid-morning tomorrow then for your final decision,’ he said, and left.
That night, I said as little as possible, knowing Mother and I disagreed about Uncle Garrad’s property. Also, she was more agreeable in a good mood, which usually only happened in the mornings.
Jemely visited, and while I was up in my attic playing with Butter, she came upstairs to play speaker for Mother. ‘Adenine, Garrad’s place will be yours. We can go there and camp and fish, living near the mountains. It is only three hours’ walking from here. It’s autumn still, which means it’s warm and the birds are still singing, the rivers flowing, the flowers smelling all pretty like. You love that. You know ya do.’
My heart thudded in my chest. I wanted to take an axe to my uncle’s house. I wanted to chop down every tree he’d ever loved, every bush, every flower he’d ever laid eyes on. His wrongdoings were the sort that I would never forget.
Ever.
Raised and excited voices yanked me from sleep the next day. It was Mother talking to Jemely.
‘The gods are smiling on me. We’ll get an extra two gold a month starting next week. What a blessing for us.’
‘Adenine won’t like this,’ Jemely said.
‘I’m her mother.’
‘True. And children just don’t understand the hardships of a parent,’ Jemely replied, agreeing with her and completely dismissing my feelings.
‘And she won’t stay angry once she has her own horse,’ Mother added, ‘and sees how happy Butter is there, chasing rabbits and foxes. Ardonian loved to ride. You like horses, don’t you, Jemely?’
‘I do.’
‘You could come and ride as well.’
‘Gosh, Capacia, you’re so generous.’
‘Well you’ve earned it, dear. You’ve been a faithful friend to us.’
Their happiness failed to touch me. The dark cloud that had settled in my mind thickened. Betrayed. That was the only word I could use to express how I felt. Mother knew what my uncle had done to me. Varago knew… and Jemely, I bet she knew too. Yet they didn’t care how it tore me up inside. I would have nothing to do with Mother and Jemely and that stupid property. I would eat nothing bought with the rent money.
Why weren’t my feelings worth more to Mother than coin and horses and land titles? It was all for bragging and posing.
The following day, after spending the previous day ignoring Mother despite her trying to reason with me, Mother gave me permission to walk to school alone. A week ago, this wouldn’t have been allowed, but her guilt got the better of her. Of course, she’d made sure to wash my hair with the awful concoction first.
I was in no mood for learning, so I skipped school to visit Frooby, who’d been away ill for a few weeks. His farmhouse lay just beyond Klawdia’s and I knew I could get there alone.
An older lady helped me to find the edge of the farm. I offered her ten coppers for her trouble, but she refused them, saying I was a sweet girl and she was happy to help.
I removed my boots, dug my toes into thick green grass, and felt the moist, fertile earth. Holding on tight to Butter’s rope, I tapped my walking stick from side to side, feeling for where the grass met the rocks of the road that led to the house. I could smell smoke coming from a chimney. Roosters crowed in the distance, and cows moaned further out to field. I thought about how I would introduce myself using my manners. I wanted to make a good impression on Frooby’s father, Derkal, the vegetable seller. Frooby was my friend, and it worried me when he was too sick to come to school.
Butter barked, indicating I was about to walk into something. I put my stick out and found steps leading up to a front door. I knocked.
The door creaked. ‘Adenine?’ Frooby said.