by Lara Swann
I met his gaze head-on, nothing showing on my face as I crossed my arms.
“You think I’m not up to it?”
My voice was soft, and I didn’t bother to hide the element of danger there either. I’d never threaten him, but I wouldn’t let anyone question my ability.
He didn’t shrink from it, assessing the empty look I knew came into my eyes at moments like this, before finally shaking his head.
“No. You deal with it, then. Keeping her safe is on you.”
I didn’t show the way my stomach flipped at those words, keeping myself strictly under control as I nodded and left.
I’d already dealt with that sick feeling - and I wouldn’t have met her if I couldn’t handle it.
I knew the chances of keeping her safe. So there was no way I was going to let that terrifying feeling take over - I’d already embraced the idea of failure. I could handle it. I could deal with another person dead on my watch.
I’d already acknowledged that I was probably leading her to death or worse, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. The world didn’t work that way, and as much as I’d once thought otherwise, the idea that I could protect anyone was pure vanity.
Yes, I’d made my decision and I hadn’t denied the consequences.
It was worth it.
Xero needed to die.
After all the things I’d done in pursuit of that goal - the person I’d become to chase it - what was one more, if it came to that?
One innocent girl. Simply another spot on my soul.
And from here on out, it was just business.
She might have managed to get under my skin when I was delirious and confused, but I was in control now…even if those flashes of fire and determination had the unnerving ability to turn me upside down.
No matter. I knew how the world worked, and I’d adjust to her peculiarity. It would stop affecting me.
This was just business.
Chapter Seven
Lottie
We’d said we’d meet next week, but what I didn’t count on was how the time in between almost drove me crazy. When it wasn’t crawling by excruciatingly, it was one of the most nerve-wracking weeks I could remember.
It wasn’t like I was doing anything different from usual, but somehow every little act, every word and gesture had more significance.
It took Jorge’s concerned enquiry as to whether I was feeling well before I noticed that I’d ended up subdued and intimidated for days. My instinctive withdrawal and caution seemed like a natural response to the sudden awareness that I was spying for a rival group. But it was the wrong response, obviously, and the moment Jorge commented on it I felt like an idiot.
First failure.
It wasn’t a big deal, but it was hard not to get spooked anyway. I fixed it well enough once I was aware, but it made me wonder what else I was doing wrong without thinking about it.
As it turns out, being someone else’s agent wasn’t nearly as natural to me as being my own.
And I kept thinking about Jason. His handsome figure as he’d strode out of the door, those stunning green eyes with so many shadows, the way his gaze would turn surprised and then amused with every direct, out-of-place comment I made.
It was damn distracting - especially with Jorge around.
It’s just an adjustment period. You can do this. You know you can.
I kept telling myself the same thing that had gotten me through the first few weeks after I’d realized what I was doing with my book - remembering how I’d jumped at shadows, assuming every word or look was going to find something out, reveal me.
I tried hard as fuck to be normal but it bothered me that the instincts I relied on were a little screwed.
Being around my family didn’t help, trying to act like nothing had changed. I’d never told them what I was doing with Jorge, but they’d always known there was something more. Now, it felt like I was actively concealing something. Keeping secrets.
And I respected them too much to feel comfortable with that.
When the agreed day finally rolled around and I managed to get away from both Jorge and my family, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief and already anticipating seeing Jason again at the hotel he’d picked out.
I didn’t like not being able to contact him all week, and not just because of my stupid fascination with the man. I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea to be able to, but I knew I’d feel a whole lot better if there was something more than just these agreed meetings.
Walking into the lobby had me pause suddenly, realizing that he’d never mentioned how this was going to work. And given my newfound caution, I wasn’t sure walking up to the desk and asking for him made sense. Not to mention I didn’t even know the damned man’s last name—
“Can I offer you an escort, miss?”
I jumped at the silent man who’d appeared at my elbow, and then cursed myself for it. This was getting ridiculous.
“Umm, err—”
I almost mentioned that I wasn’t sure where I was going, before I noticed the nondescript clothing he was wearing. This wasn’t a hotel employee.
Drawing myself up with a confidence I insisted I felt, I nodded at him.
“Yes, thank you.”
He took me through the lobby and into the elevator without another word, swiping his key to take us up to one of the executive floors. I frowned briefly, but decided to trust Jason’s word that we weren’t paying for it.
Yet another luxury hotel…not exactly your scene, Lottie.
Still, as unnerving as my daily life had been this week, this stuff didn’t bother me. I’d never been the kind of person to feel out of place - the flamboyant part of me liked the idea of the adventure too much. It was something new, the chance to be someone I wasn’t.
You’re getting good at that.
The inner thought amused rather than discomforted me, and I found myself stepping out of the lift with a smile.
Straight into the fucking room.
Still confused about the lack of the expected corridor, I corrected myself. Not the room.
The suite. The floor. Whatever insanity you got at the top of a luxury hotel.
My eyes whipped around, no doubt larger than they should be, and caught on Jason immediately.
And then I forgot about the room. He didn’t look all that different from the last time I’d seen him - sharp suit somehow managing to reveal the fit-as-hell body, face cut with handsome features and those intoxicating eyes.
But somehow, not seeing him for a week had made me forget all that. Or I hadn’t realized how much better reality was than my memory.
Strange that - wasn’t it meant to be the other way around? The mind exaggerating the good qualities, blotting the bad.
Okay, this might be a problem.
I refocused on the room.
“What the…Fuck, Jason. This is not what we agreed.”
His face softened with amusement, and I thought for a moment that maybe he was as pleased to see me as I was him.
Probably wishful thinking.
“I think it is actually - apparently this is what it means to be a friend of Valentini’s. Maybe I should move my rooms to this hotel…”
“You stay in a hotel?”
My curiosity sparked at his throwaway comment, and almost immediately I saw his expression close off.
“Sometimes. Come.”
He gestured at the seats opposite him with a light shrug, but there was an odd tension to him, which I instinctively wanted to ease - even if I suspected I was the cause. I gave him a small grin as I came to sit down.
“So what did Valentini do for his friend to get us this sort of treatment?”
“I wouldn’t tell you even if I knew.”
Jason shook his head at me, but at least some of the amusement was back. It surprised me how much I appreciated his honest answers, even when they were singularly unhelpful. Since I made a point of being direct and open, it was refreshing not to have
to wonder about whether I was receiving the same.
Not exactly something I’ve had much of with the company I keep…
That thought broke off as he handed me a package. His fingers brushed mine momentarily - and my heart jumped at the memory of the last time he’d touched my wrist, that firm grip holding it with tight care. I blinked, glancing up at him as the unexpected energy shot through me, while the intent look there made my stomach clench in a not-entirely-unpleasant way.
Feeling suddenly uncertain in a way I wasn’t used to, I broke that contact to glance at the padded envelope in my hands. Opening it, a small phone tumbled out and Jason started speaking, as if that sudden tension had never happened.
“Keep that safe, somewhere discreet, but have it on you at all times - just in case you need it. The only number in it is mine.”
“What—”
I stopped before I finished the question. It suddenly felt obvious what it was for.
He answered anyway, eyes trying to search mine again as the mood sobered.
“You have Valentini’s protection, Lottie. If anything happens, if you need help, use that. We’ll take care of you if something goes wrong.”
Suddenly unable to speak, I just nodded, trying to find the familiar fire and determination when it came to this stuff. It was still there, but the week had been hard and I wasn’t going to deny that I felt in over my head.
“If you need to change a meet, message me through that - and make sure you delete any messages or history if you do use it.”
Why couldn’t he have said that first? That purpose sounded less…grim.
Maybe he’s going by what’s on his mind…
I forced myself to stop the over-analysis and nodded.
“Sure. Okay.”
He stood up abruptly, that tension back as he walked over to the mini-bar at the side of the room.
“Want anything?”
I hesitated, watching as he poured a generous portion of whiskey and took a deep swallow. It was late, and considering the way I was feeling, the idea was appealing - but mixing alcohol with this business seemed risky. Maybe it was standard for mafia guys like Jason, but…that wasn’t the vibe I was getting here.
“Sure, a little.”
I stood up and followed him to the side table, more interested in his attitude than the drink.
“What’s wrong?”
He glanced briefly at me, handing me a tumbler before turning back to his own and looking out of the large window. Lights flickered beneath us as different parts of the city went to sleep, or came awake at the late hour.
“Nothing. Did you find anything this week?”
The brusque response had me measuring him for a moment, then I took a sip, and the sudden burn sliding down the back of my throat distracted me, heating my body as the flavors played around on my tongue.
Wow.
“This stuff is good.”
That brief smile appeared on his face again, but it was gone more quickly this time.
“I would hope so, considering these room rates. So?”
Back to business.
Well, he might prefer to be evasive, but that had never been my style.
“No, nothing worth mentioning - wasn’t really paying enough attention. This shit is hard, Jason. I mean, I would’ve thought I knew what I was doing, and nothing should have changed that much…but it has. I spent the first half of the week jumping at every shadow, and the second half paranoid that I was jumping too obviously. Might take me a bit of time to get my head in it, you know?”
I shook my head and took another sip of whiskey, letting it linger this time, as I considered just how nice it was to be able to admit that out loud. There were only so many times I could tell myself what was going on before I felt trapped with the constant internal commentary. Sharing it made it less scary.
I looked up to mention that, but Jason’s expression stopped me. He stepped closer before I even realized what he was doing, taking my chin in his hand and bringing my eyes up to his.
My heart rate jumped as I was taken by that sudden intensity. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but his expression was grimly determined.
“You don’t have to do this, Lottie. If anything, you shouldn’t. I know what’s involved, and if you don’t want to take the risk…just don’t.”
Despite the power in his gaze, his voice was soft - almost gentle. A shiver ran down my spine, both at his words and the warmth of the concern there.
Without thinking, my hand rose to cup his cheek, softer than his firm hold on me as my fingers spread and explored, sliding down to caress the soft hair behind his ear. His body shifted, everything intensifying between us at the touch, but he didn’t stop me - or let up the clear message in his eyes. For once, I caught a glimpse of that elusive thing behind them - and what we’d been talking about was the last thing on my mind.
“You’re a good man, Jason.”
The words came unbidden, but he recoiled from it, pulling back with an immediate frown that darkened his whole expression. He caught my hand in a grip that was no less clear for its gentleness, taking it from his face and placing it back at my side.
“You have no idea who I am.”
Whatever he insisted, I didn’t believe it.
I knew.
Everything I’d thought before redoubled with what he’d shown tonight. I knew how useful I could be for them - for him - and he’d spent more effort trying to stop me than convince me.
Determined to show him what I was seeing - what I was feeling - I stepped right up to him, heedless of anything else as I paused inches from that hot, powerful body. Sparks crackled in the electric space between us, but I ignored it all as I looked into those lost, dark eyes and saw glimpses of the deep pain there.
“Maybe you have no idea who you are.”
Shock flashed across his face, telling me the words had hit him hard, but before I had a chance to think about that, I was there - as surprised as he was that I reached up, brushing his warm lips with my own. Heat and need shot through me at that intimate touch, my body vibrating and leaning into it without conscious thought. I couldn’t understand or control my own reaction as my head tilted, deepening the kiss for just a moment before he pulled back.
Those eyes searched mine, confusion mixed with his own raw, primal heat - the kind that had everything rising up within me.
Oh, yes please.
The pause only lasted a moment before he came back with force, taking me over. Where I had been soft and almost tentative, not quite sure what I was trying to do, he was anything but. His arms came around me, holding my hips and pulling me forward to the hot strength of his body, lips seeking mine with an intent that melted me against him.
When our mouths met this time, there was no hesitation as he plunged forward, tasting and exploring with a fierce determination that left me breathless. He groaned as my arms came around him and traveled over that hard, muscled back while my body rubbed against him, throbbing with a need I’d never felt before.
He backed me up against the wall, his mouth sucking and playing with mine, then dipping and nuzzling at my neck, inhaling as if he wanted to absorb everything I was.
I felt that same desperate urge as I moaned against him, being trapped between the wall and his solid heat driving me crazy. His reaction was just as intense, and I could feel his hardness thick against me as our bodies ground and crashed together with the electric energy that pulsed through me. It made my core beat hard in anticipation, highlighting the empty need there as I moaned, breath lightly stroking his mouth, his neck, every inch of skin I could reach. I wanted to be all over him, devouring those steel muscles, and it was almost impossible for me to control that delicious tension building inside me.
His thigh slipped between mine and his hand curled around my neck, that possessive touch making me shiver and gasp out loud while his hand sought the button on my combat pants. I moaned hard at how close he was to touching me, that center pulsing with t
he thought of his strong fingers inside, even as I cursed at the awkwardness of them.
Skirts. Next time, I’m wearing a skirt. Forget the useful pockets I can stash with equipment, the practicality, or anything else. Skirts.
Wait, next time?!
My mind skipped on that thought for a moment, and then all my attention was back on him as he slipped the button of my pants before pulling my top over my head. The cool air on my skin offered a momentary contrast to the burning heat between us, before his mouth came down to kiss and nuzzle at the tops of my breasts, supported and pushed upwards into his attention by my demi bra.
Heat flooded between my legs at the way he growled and nibbled at me, my hands clutching onto him as I leaned back against the wall, head falling back to expose myself further. I never wanted this to end - even as I wished he’d cut to the chase and take me now.
His mouth was doing crazy things to me, dipping in to reach my hard tits now, pulling and playing as he kept me pinned to him. My breath was rough and ragged as I gasped, and I felt his fingers at the waistband of my pants, pushing down and exposing me while he lavished attention on my chest.
The thick outline of his cock was pressed tight against me now, and I couldn’t help grinding up against the smooth silk of his suit, my mouth kissing and biting on the tight muscles of his neck while I felt that hot tension build through my body.
His breath came hard and fast as his hand captured my neck again, his head rising to take my mouth in his while my own hands started working now, undoing the buttons on his shirt and then - finally - tugging at his belt.
“Ohh, don’t stop…”
Those fiery eyes met mine as the breathless words had the opposite effect. I watched them darken, the intense desire obvious even as he pulled back, hand covering the back of my head and tilting it up to his while he breathed raggedly.
“Lottie…”
I tugged at his hair as I pressed back into him.
“Fuck it, Jason, I said don’t stop.”
The shadows there pulled at me, but I was too far gone to focus on them - I needed this. I needed to feel him.
“I don’t…”