by Lara Swann
“We should have thought of it ages ago, Jason - we both knew you were the main reason he disappeared. After all the men around him started falling, he was scared shitless that he was next. Justifiably so. But when I turned on you the other week…I guess he finally dared to show his face again.”
I couldn’t believe it. Now that he said it, that made sense, but I just…I didn’t know how to process it.
A few months ago, I would have known. I’d already be calculating, launching questions at Valentini, working out how to narrow down his location and take him out.
Instead…I felt paralyzed. Everything I wanted was so close…and I didn’t know what I was going to do about it. One op - one simple take-down and it would be done.
Then I could go back to my life. To Lottie. Knowing I was free.
Valentini caught my gaze, but I couldn’t read his expression.
“After everything - I thought you should know. I gave my word to tell you if I found anything, and nothing that happened changes that.”
I nodded, both surprised and grateful that he had. After our clash, I certainly hadn’t expected it.
“Thank you.”
I made to turn and go, still reeling from the information and trying to control the mixture of adrenaline, dark need and uncertainty that was rushing through me.
“Jason—”
I paused, surprised.
“If you come up with a solid plan, I’ll give you the resources to pull it off.”
I stared at him. Sharing the news with me was a welcome surprise.That offer was something else entirely, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
“Valentini…”
A small smile pulled at the edges of his mouth.
“One last time, for everything you did for me. Never let it be said I don’t have the back of those that supported me. And besides, having him here affects both of us.”
I was silent for a long moment, the realization that I had put my trust in the right man after all affecting me more than I’d thought possible.
Returning his smile, I nodded.
“Thank you Valentini. I’ll let you know.”
I turned and left before anything else could shake me further - I was already reeling from both the news and Valentini’s unexpected support, and I needed to get myself together quickly.
I walked out of the hotel, mentally preoccupied with trying to put together a plan and work out how to find out where Xero was staying - and what they were up to.
Lottie had shown me that there was so much more to want out of life than this - but it was just one last mission. The one I’d been holding out on for so long. And after that, it would be over. That part of my life closed for good.
I wanted that closure.
As I jumped on my bike and wondered what I was going to tell Lottie when I got home, I heard her text message arrive - the ringtone that I’d linked to her number going off.
For a small moment, even through all the intensity threatening to sweep me away, I smiled. Now that we were no longer worried about getting caught, we were finally able to do the things normal couples did - text and flirt and send sweet messages. Enjoy the heart-leaping moment of receiving them. I pulled it out to check before I started the bike.
Come home. Now. Please. Help.
The sweetness turned to dread as I stared at the phone. Lottie was never that incoherent.
My instinct was to call her immediately and find out what the hell was wrong, but there was a reason she hadn’t tried to call me.
Cursing, I pulled the helmet on and revved the engine hard.
I raced home to the conflicting, mixed thoughts of Lottie…and Xero.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lottie
I stared at the door, arms clasped around myself as I rocked backwards and forwards, trying not to think as I waited for him to get home.
Please Jason. Come through that door. Please.
I still heard my father’s voice in my ear. I’d told them not to contact me, and they hadn’t, except for…
“Leah’s missing, Lottie - she’s been gone since yesterday…”
Then that pause, as everything within me started to crumble, followed by a hesitant question.
“You don’t…you don’t know anything about this, do you, Lottie?”
My father’s strong voice, close to breaking, as he’d reached for the only explanation he could think of - me.
I’d refuted it - denied it even though I knew it was true - and then promised to help anyway, not telling him how before I hung up, unable to bear talking any longer. And desperate to contact Jason.
My worst fears and nightmares compounded to create an endless stream of horror movies in my head while I waited. That was the thing I’d always fought to avoid, to prevent. I hadn’t wanted my family caught up in any of this - hadn’t told them anything, tried to keep them out of danger. And now…
I moaned aloud, not caring that no one could hear my broken voice but me. I was caught between yelling and screaming and ripping the house that I’d spent so much time on over the last few days to pieces - or falling to the floor and slowly fading away. The mixture of violent emotion and utter despair left me almost numb, just staring at that door…waiting…
He burst through some time later - how long, I didn’t have a clue, but long enough that I could barely muster a reaction when I saw him, too paralyzed by endless fear to react to the one chance I had of saving her.
His ferocious, high-intensity expression eased a little at seeing me there, but he came forward in one big rush anyway.
“Lottie? Lottie, what’s wrong? What happened?”
I tried to look at him, but I couldn’t focus.
He snapped his fingers in front of my eyes, then pulled me into his arms. That strong, warm embrace did it - and I finally broke down sobbing, trying to talk hysterically.
“Leah—my sister…she’s missing, Jason. They’ve got her—they’ve got her…”
His arms tightened around me immediately, and I felt the tension in his body as he tried to comfort me.
“Sshh, it’s okay. It’s okay Lottie.”
I hated myself for the weakness, for being so fucking useless when she needed me. This was stupid. We were wasting time. I tried to push away from him, but he wouldn’t let me go.
“Need to—help. Fuck, Jason…”
“We will, I promise. It’s okay, just breathe. Just breathe, then we’re going to talk, okay? That’s the best way to help right now.”
I had no idea what he was doing, but somehow it was working. I did as he said, letting him stroke my back and kiss my neck until at last I could pull myself together.
“Okay. I’m alright. Leave it, Jason. We have to do something—now.”
He looked at me, taking in both the desperation but also the solid steel that was fast forming within me. It had been the waiting that had broken me. Now that he was here, and we could do something, I was okay.
He seemed to believe me, and sat us down on the sofa.
“Good. So tell me everything.”
“I—there is no more. She’s missing - 24 hours, that’s all my Dad said. They don’t know…but I do. It’s because of me, Jason. I did this.”
The tears came to my eyes again as guilt stormed through me, but I forced it away. This was more important. He hesitated as he looked at me, then spoke.
“I just came from Valentini - he wanted to meet with me. Lottie…Xero is back in town. He’s planning something big with the 55th Streeters. We don’t know what, but his sources say tomorrow—”
“Tomorrow?!”
Jason frowned at me, apparently confused that it had been that which surprised me. I remembered the things I’d never told him and deep shame hit me.
It wasn’t supposed to be tomorrow.
It was supposed to be next week. So when I told him about it tonight, as I’d planned to, that would give him enough time to…
Fuck.
Oh god fuck.
&
nbsp; “Lottie?”
I couldn’t breathe as I looked at the questions in his eyes. He was going to hate me. It was all my fault. I grasped at him, forcing back the self-pity I couldn’t stand. If he hated me, so be it - as long as he could save Leah.
“I—I was going to tell you. Tonight. Nevermind, that doesn’t matter now—”
“Tell me what?”
“That last day with Jorge - I heard something. They were planning a big op - for Dexter, or Xero - at Whiskey Island. It was meant to be next week…”
I trailed off as I saw at the sudden anger that flared in his eyes - and worse, the hint of betrayal. He was clearly biting it back - probably because I was a wreck - but there was no denying his rage.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to! Tonight, actually. I thought it would give you a week…I didn’t want to before, because…because…I was afraid—of losing you.”
His fists clenched and I swore I could hear his teeth grinding together.
“I—I didn’t think. I was so stupid. Of course they might move it. I should have let you know, alerted you so you could watch…fuck, Jason, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
The sobs ripped out of me as I shook next to him. I was a fucking idiot and this was all my fault.
“I’m…sorry, and now, L-Leah…”
The anger within him broke all of a sudden, washed away by a depth of understanding and shared pain that my lapse couldn’t match. His arms wrapped around me again and he pulled me close, stroking my hair. I didn’t know whether to sink into the comfort I badly needed, or jerk away because I didn’t deserve it. As if he could read my thoughts, he held on tighter.
“It’s okay, Lottie. It’s alright. You’ve told me now, and fuck - it’s good news. We can do this now, I promise. We’ll get her back. Valentini will help us, too. You’re alright.”
I looked up at him, finding it hard to believe the compassion there.
“Y-you’re not angry?”
He gave a strained chuckle and kissed the top of my head.
“Hell yes, I’m angry, baby girl. But I love you - nothing is going to change that. You can make it up to me later, okay? Right now, nothing is more important than your sister.”
I bit my lip, the gentle reassurance enough to help subdue my wracking sobs. Pressing into him, I breathed deeply and tried to relax.
It would be okay. Jason said it would be okay.
“Is there anything else? Anything you think might help?”
The prompting reminded me of the one other piece I hadn’t mentioned yet.
“Yes - whatever they’re doing, they talked about this being worse - messier - than drugs. There was something about getting girls, or choosing girls…”
I shuddered at the thought.
“I think it might be trafficking.”
He tensed up beneath me, disgust flickering across his face, but at least this time I knew it wasn’t because of me. The image of Leah had me shaking again.
“God, Jason…Leah. It’s so wrong. S-she hated this place. Had nightmares. And now…now they’ve come true. B-because of me.”
He squeezed me tightly, one hand raising my tear-stained face to look at him.
“It’s not your fault, Lottie. Don’t you dare let them make you think it is. This is on Xero - and Jorge. And by the end of tomorrow night, we’ll have her back.”
It took the grim knowledge there for me to remember that he knew exactly how I felt. He’d had a sister…and the sudden thought of what had happened to her made despair hit me again.
All this time, I’d railed against him for his vengeful mission to kill a man capable of those evil things…and now, Leah…
Had he really been the one who was wrong here?
The wave of bitterness that swept over me took my breath away, coming up from a dark place inside that I hadn’t even known existed. My vision clouded as I looked back to a different time, a different place. A chance to have changed everything.
“I should have let you kill him. That night - I should have fucking let you kill him. Then…then this never would have happened.”
My voice sounded foreign to my ears - harsh and cruel and so pained that it hurt even me to hear it.
Jason stood up abruptly, pulling me with him and then into his arms. He looked down at me with a bright, determined gaze - lit from inside by the sort of fear I’d never seen on him before.
“No, Lottie. God, don’t say that. That’s not you. My love, it’s not you.”
I couldn’t believe his impassioned words, his righteous anger as he spoke, searching my eyes for something I wasn’t sure he was going to find anymore.
“You told me once that if I gave into that darkness, then they’d won. You were right - but I was always at least a little corrupt. I’ve done some terrible things, Lottie, and that’s always going to have a hold over me. But you are pure and good and right and perfect. If they get to you, then the world is lost. My world is lost. Please don’t let anyone destroy that. This isn’t your fault, and that night…you did the right thing. What I should have done. You did it. You’re better than this Lottie. Please, I need you too much.”
I took a deep breath, struggling with the balance of too much emotion, too many things in my mind. I never thought I’d hear any of that from Jason. It moved me - and was possibly the only thing that could reach the dark place I was trying to retreat to in my mind. He was right. I was right - I couldn’t let them break me. Not even from this.
Swallowing, I nodded and clutched him tightly, beating back the ugly, bitter feelings.
“Thank you.”
My voice was hoarse, but I felt him relax from it. We just stood there for a few moments, trying to recover from the emotional storm around us. We didn’t have time, and my stomach twisted at the thought of how much I’d let my own agony sweep me up and away from what was important here.
I pulled back at the same moment he did, leaning into the firm hand he raised to my cheek.
“I’m going to talk to Valentini - your information should be all we need to get the jump on them. I promise you Lottie, I’ll get your sister back.”
I nodded, squeezing him tight, wanting him already gone as much as I wished he could comfort me all night.
“What can I do?”
He hesitated, and I read the answer in his reluctance.
“Honestly? Stay here. Don’t do anything. Keep safe. You can’t help us with this, Lottie, and I don’t want to have to worry about you.”
It was the last thing I wanted to hear, but I couldn’t deny the logic. I’d have no idea what to do or how to help if I was with them.
The idea of sitting alone and waiting almost killed me - but this wasn’t about me. It was about Leah. And if it would help her, then there was nothing I wouldn’t do. Even if nothing was literally the hardest thing for me to do.
Stomach twisting with nerves and heart heavy, I nodded once - then watched as he turned and left, taking all my hopes with him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jason
I revved the bike hard as I left the small house, needing the burst of speed to take some of the pressure off my shaken nerves and roiling emotions. If I hadn’t been used to the wrecking feelings, I would have been worried. This was no fit state to attempt what I was about to - but I was used to my reaction to the before. This was how I’d reacted to every briefing and every lead we’d ever had - though, admittedly, this was a hell of a lot stronger.
But I knew that as soon as I got to Valentini’s…all those hyperactive feelings would disappear - to be replaced by an intense, controlled approach.
At least that was what I was counting on. This was a hell of a lot more personal than when I was in the army - or when I was working for Valentini. This was Lottie. Her sister.
And while I darted between cars and swung around corners at reckless speeds, there was nothing else to occupy me than those hard, difficult emotions.
Was I pissed th
at she hadn’t told me something this important weeks ago? Oh yes.
But that couldn’t compare to the way her grief-stricken, guilt-wracked face had made me feel…not for a moment. And - part of me wondered whether she’d been right. If I’d been chasing Xero for the past couple of weeks, would we have had the time together that we needed? All the small joys and quiet peace that we’d started enjoying…without that, would all our thoughts and plans for the future have become so important?
There was no point thinking about what might have happened, or which would have been better.
I hadn’t known. I hadn’t been looking for Xero.
And now - I was.
For Lottie, instead of despite her.
My heart felt overburdened and heavy by the sight of her in so much pain. And, as much as I tried not to let it, my own sister’s laughing, smiling face kept flickering in my mind.
I was too uncomfortably familiar with how Lottie felt now. I’d spent too long lost in that wave of despair…only for Vera, it had been too late. There was nothing I could do. I wasn’t even in the damned country.
But Leah…
My stomach twisted at the thought. I couldn’t think of it that way - it was far too dangerous. But the failure to protect my own family had eaten at me for years, and somehow, even if it wasn’t the same - this felt like my chance to put that right.
It was a terrifying thought - that I might fail again - but the chance to make things right drove me harder.
I barely even set the bike in place before storming into Valentini’s unofficial base, scattering people left and right with just the look on my face. From a brief glance around, they’d already started rudimentary preparations, but what I knew now would change everything.
To my slight relief, the moment I arrived and started talking to Valentini, everything did clear for me. No more anger, or fear, or raging emotion. Just the deadly determination to see this through and get Leah back.
Valentini didn’t take any convincing to start working up a plan to deal with both Xero and Jorge together - now that we knew the scale of this deal, it was obvious that this one blow would hit them hard enough for Valentini to clean up the rest. The one point he did argue was my focus on Leah.