by Cindy Crane
What an understatement.
What she meant was the sex.
She smiled dreamily at the thought as it floated through her brain, but for obvious reasons omitted that nugget of information.
Though the more time passed without Jake calling her, the more insecurity nagged at her. She wondered if it had been a one-night stand after all. By his own admission he’d had condoms in his wallet, obviously toying with the idea of a sexy reunion of his own. But then, hadn’t she, after clapping eyes on him once again? Maybe she was being foolish, mistaking lust for something more. After all, if there was one thing they’d both been good at, it was lust.
Her daughter was persistent.
Yes, he is good-looking.
He’s tall.
He’s dark- haired.
Yes, he can be funny.
And all the while, Frankie couldn’t stop thinking about their night together and how sexy he really was. Her body tingled at the memory. Maybe lust wasn’t so bad after all. It was certainly a good place to start.
He’s a mechanic.
Debs definitely had a budding career in interviewing techniques along with all her other attributes. And each answer brought a fresh reminder of their time together and what a sex-pot he was, even in his greasy overalls. Yes, being in lust with Jake wasn’t to be sneezed at. No one else had ever satisfied her the way he had.
He’s divorced.
She was like a woodpecker tap-tapping away until Frankie began to lose patience.
No, I don’t know when I’ll be seeing him again.
At least he’d been honest with her and not put a time limit on it this time round. Even though he did say he would stay in touch.
No, I don’t know why he hasn’t rung.
He’d said not to expect a call too soon. Whatever ‘too soon’ really meant.
And NO, I’m NOT going to call him. He’ll call when he’s ready.
She still had his card, still had his number, but there was still part of her that was a little scared—scared of hoping too much. She did believe him, believed that this time he meant what he said. But she was still a little scared of experiencing the same pain she felt all those years back when he’d not fulfilled his promises—when she’d been the one chasing after him, writing letters, calling him on the phone, only to get no reply. This time round she was determined to leave the first move to Jake. If nothing else, she was determined to retain some dignity this time.
It was also several days before she had a chance to be alone with her mother. And when she did, she couldn’t help noticing how old and weary she looked. And she couldn’t understand why she’d not realised how red and bleary-eyed she was when she’d picked Debs up after returning from her trip.
She felt a twinge of guilt that she’d been so wrapped up in her own happy little world, she’d only answered in the affirmative when asked if she’d had a nice time, not counting the hangover, of course.
She’d taken care not to mention Jake, suddenly feeling like that teenager she’d once been with her huge, huge secret. She remembered too well how concerned both her parents had been about her relationship with him twelve years ago. So there was no point in rubbing salt into the wound. They hadn’t liked him then. Why was now going to be any different? There was time enough to get them used to the idea again.
But as the days passed, Frankie knew Debs hadn’t been backwards in telling her grandmother about the hunky guy her mother had met at the reunion. She also knew her mother was good at putting two and two together. Over the years they had become quite close, despite the trauma twelve years ago.
But suddenly the atmosphere was strange again. The chasm that had opened between them all those years back was cracking open again. They were hedging round each other, leaving things unsaid, their relationship uncomfortable.
Frankie was just glad to pick Debs up after work every night and go straight home. But one evening, as Debs was finishing off some homework, Frankie stayed for a while longer, sitting opposite her mother at the breakfast bar, drinking tea and exchanging pleasantries, just as they did most days. Yet both of them were still saying nothing, just as they had every day since Frankie had come home.
Suddenly her mother’s voice faltered, as though she’d been waiting for the right opportunity to say something. Putting a protective hand over hers, she said softly,
“Don’t get hurt this time round.”
Her voice cracked a little. The memory of the pain her daughter had gone through all those years ago was like opening a wound, still raw inside. The surface might have healed, but beneath the scar it still wept. And she couldn’t forget that she’d also played a part in her daughter’s unhappiness.
Their eyes locked. And for the first time, Frankie saw the torment and the guilt haunting them, stirring and rising from the depths in which they’d dwelt for so long. After her earlier observations and Debs’s revelations, Frankie was starting to worry about her, and her father.
She tried to get her to talk, asked if everything was all right between her and her father. But her mother shrugged it off as she always did.
“You know your father. He always likes to get his own way.” She sighed.
In that moment, Frankie’s heart went out to the woman who’d spent her life acting as mediator, smoothing over the ruts between Frankie and her overbearing husband. And there had been plenty of them.
They’d argued relentlessly, shouting and screaming at each other, until he’d sent her to her room to cool off. With no worse time than when she’d been seeing Jake—his little girl suddenly growing up and becoming a woman. He’d been unable to handle it, so he’d dragged her away from him in the only way he knew how: by force. And as usual, his wife was the one left to mop up the pieces. He’d only mellowed with Debs because she was still a child—and because Frankie had eventually, in his eyes, followed a more respectable life-style, in keeping with a man of his standing.
Frankie felt guilt envelop her, guilt that she’d spent so much time feeling sorry for herself and forgetting that her mother had to put up with her father’s ill-humour too. She swallowed hard and tipped her head inquisitively, inviting her mother to continue, for a moment not trusting herself to speak.
“That boy—though I suppose he’s a man now,” her mother explained. “It was him you saw up there, wasn’t it?” She paused for a moment, but not for an answer—just long enough to let her daughter know she was right.
But Jake had long been resigned to the past, and Frankie hadn’t spoken of him for twelve years. There’d been no reason to. He’d let her down big time back then and hadn’t deserved the time of day. She wasn’t ready to talk about him now with her mother—no matter how good he’d made her feel. But what her mother said next surprised her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do more to help at the time,” she went on. “I know you thought you loved him. But you were so young; it was puppy love. You got over him, didn’t you? Just as your father said you would. He said if we left you alone you’d soon get on with your life.” She sounded so sorry, yet so matter-of-fact, as if Frankie’s feelings had played no part in it.
What did her mother know about getting over him? They’d broken her heart taking her away from him.
But then she reminded herself that he’d broken her heart too—more so. He’d been the one making all the promises back then, telling her the lies, not answering her letters or her calls. And now discovering he’d been in some sort of trouble, not sharing it with her, and never giving her the opportunity to help him, was still troubling her. At the end of the day he’d left her to get on with her life, not them. So why was her mother looking so guilty?
“You were never as bad as your father made out,” her mother continued. “You just have to remember your dad was scared his only child would end up in the gutter with those druggies you were hanging round with.’
Druggies?
A few spliffs—that was all they ever did.
Alcohol and tobacco had been the wo
rst.
It was only Carly who got them all into that BIG trouble. But it had soon been resolved, and it taught everyone a very important lesson. Anyway, they’d been over that so many times, Frankie didn’t want to go over it again.
“You scared us both. He felt it his duty to get you away from all those bad influences. Maybe if we’d had more children things might have been different. But we couldn’t. And you were the centre of his world. Anyway, in the end he was right. That boy did let you down, didn’t he?”
So that made it all right then. The sorrow, the guilty looks—they suddenly disappeared. She was back to being how she always was: matter-of-fact, down-to-earth, and over-and-done-with. Let’s get on with life now.
Frankie was surprised she’d brought it up at all but, being as she had, she couldn’t resist saying, “Maybe he did, but it would have been nice for you both to have compromised a little and allowed me to make my own mistakes. After all, I still made plenty of those anyway.”
She paused for a moment, reflecting on what Jake had told her before she left; suddenly realising she couldn’t just blame them. It wasn’t all their fault. She sighed.
“Anyway, it wasn’t just you,” she confessed. “He was in trouble and he couldn’t bring himself to tell me about it—whatever it was. Maybe if I’d still been there I could have helped and things might have been different.”
But he hadn’t and they’d taken her away; so she’d never know.
She gave a little shrug. It was all water under the bridge now. She’d faced life’s problems full on and come through the other side. No point dwelling on what might have been. Nevertheless, she was unable to keep the sadness out of her voice.
Chapter 13
Then Pete rang.
“Is this him?” Debs mouthed as she handed Frankie the phone. Her eyes were wide with expectation; her lips pulled back in excitement. She was desperate. If her mother didn’t find herself a nice man soon, she was sure she’d explode. And since Frankie’s trip last weekend, she’d been pinning all her hopes on this mystery man.
Frankie shook her head. Debs sighed and drooped her neck like a sorry swan, pulling a face. One corner of her mouth reached so far up her face, it wrinkled her nose.
“Hi, Pete,” she said, reaffirming for her daughter that it wasn’t Jake and shooing her away with her free hand. Jake might not have rung, but it didn’t mean Debs was any less determined in her quest. This man might do as an alternative, especially as they seemed to be getting on so-o-o well. And he was certainly making her mother laugh, arranging some meeting or other in a couple of weeks.
“Well?” she demanded as her mother replaced the receiver, pouncing with the accomplishment of a lion stalking its prey. “Have you made a date?”
“Yes,” she replied, thrusting her own grinning face into her daughter’s with a little shake of her head, “at the Comp a week from Monday. Pete’s a teacher there. He’s organising an Open Day and is inviting old pupils to go in and talk to the kids about their careers and how they’ve achieved it—even though they might have been seen as “no-hopers” at some point.”
Frankie couldn’t resist Debs’s latest trick of indicating inverted commas with her fingers to emphasise the word.
Debs looked shocked.
“But you weren’t a no-hoper. You were clever.”
“So was Pete, but he didn’t work for what he wanted until he left school. Anyway, that’s not just what it’s about. He wants me to speak about how it was for me. A single mother, who still managed to get an education, then set up and run her own business.”
Debs inclined her head for a second, ruminating over the information.
“Bo-or-ing,” she sniffed, and then went back to finishing her meal. Her brain was almost as full of spaghetti as the plate in front of her. Possible father figures were good conversation. Real-life work wasn’t. Her mother could stuff that one. She sucked up a twirly strand, concentrating hard on making sure it didn’t end up slapping her round the cheeks with bolognese sauce. She decided that if this bloke Jake ever rang, then she’d jolly well make sure her mother got a date with him.
Then the phone did ring again, about twenty minutes later.
Debs pounced once more, throwing the tea towel onto the work surface on her way to the hall, relieved at a temporary respite from pot-drying.
Frankie heard her excited squealing almost competing with the music they’d been dancing round to as they did the dishes. Then it quietened a little. She didn’t call her mother to the phone. It must be one of her friends. She decided to leave her for a few minutes before calling her back to finish her chores.
Except she wasn’t rabbiting away to a friend—she was giving Jake the third degree.
“Hi,” he said, when she said hello. “That must be the delightful Deborah. Is your mum about?”
“She’s up to her elbows in soapsuds,” Debs replied, already overcome by the charming voice at the other end of the line. Her heart was beating a little faster, her legs going a little shaky. “Who’s this, please?”
“Tell her it’s Jake.”
That was when Debs put her back to the kitchen door with such accomplished speed; a tornado in full whirl would have been impressed. Her stomach filled with excited little butterflies flapping round her intestines, leaving her momentarily speechless. But it was only a moment. Debs wasn’t renowned for her lack of communicative skills.
“Oh my God, you’re him,” she squealed as quietly as she possibly could. But the only reason her mother didn’t hear her exclamation was because she was still twirling round to the latest number one hit.
Jake knew she couldn’t see his face but grinned anyway.
“Him?” he teased.
Debs could feel his eyes twinkling at her down the line. Anyone less precocious might have felt a tad embarrassed, but not Debs.
“Yes, him. Mum’s…Mum’s…” She wasn’t sure what noun to use so said hopefully, “…boyfriend?”
“Is that what she called me?”
“No. But you’d like to be, wouldn’t you?” Debs wasn’t about to pass up this opportunity. Her mother was trapped in the kitchen doing the dishes, unaware of who was on the phone. She’d finally, successfully, lowered her voice, but the eagerness was no less evident. She was going to work on this prospect even if her mother was playing it cool.
“I think that’s up to your mum,” he answered tactfully. He wasn’t used to kids, especially impressionable young girls. And he wasn’t sure how much Frankie might have told her daughter about him.
“I’m sure she’d be delighted.” Debs could do charming and polite with expert aplomb. “She came back from that reunion thing right happy, you know.”
“Did she?”
She wasn’t the only one. Seeing Frankie again had filled him with overwhelming pleasure too. He’d never thought he could be so happy again.
“Yes,” she confirmed. “So when are you coming to visit?” She’d decided if her mother wasn’t prepared to take the initiative, then she’d have to do it for her.
“I don’t know.” Jake was a little taken aback. There were still issues that needed resolving, and a visit was still out of the question. So he added lamely, “I’m a bit busy.”
It was a good job neither adult could see the way Debs rolled her eyes up into her forehead in exasperation.
Grown-ups!
“Ah, right. I expect you’ve got a lot of cars to fix,” she said.
“Cars?” he said stupidly.
“Yes. You’ve got a garage, haven’t you?”
“Yes.” It seemed like Frankie had provided Debs with his CV.
“And you’re a mechanic?”
“Yes.”
“Well there are garages here too, you know. You could always get a job down here.”
Debs was already one step ahead, and Jake allowed another smile to spread across his face. The girl was a precocious little thing. She certainly had all angles covered. He just hoped her mother was still as ke
en. Though there were still obstacles to overcome first.
“It’s not that easy,” he said regretfully.
He could just imagine her grandfather’s reaction.
Now that would be a sight to see.
“But you could always come and stay with me a while instead,” he added as an afterthought, before he had time to engage his brain fully.
“We could?” Debs struggled to keep her voice from rising, but her pitch still went up a fraction. “I’d like that. Have you got a big house?”
“No, it’s just a small, one-bedroom flat.”
Blimey. The child was giving him a right grilling. She’d be asking about his financial prospects next. But he couldn’t help grinning. He liked her. He had a feeling they could get on really well together. If fate so decreed.
“So where would I sleep?”
“On the sofa.”
“And Mum?”
“On the floor,” he teased.
“Not with you?”
Jake nearly choked. Just what did kids actually know these days?
“I think that’s a bit presumptuous,” he waffled instead.
Debs took barely a moment to mull over his comment before forging ahead.
“I think it’s about time Mum had a proper boyfriend. And you do sound nice.”
“You sound nice too,” he complimented. Then he couldn’t resist asking, “So why hasn’t your Mum got a proper boyfriend?”
He didn’t see her shrug but sensed it down the line. “I don’t know, really. It’s not as though she’s not pretty.”
“Your Mum’s very pretty,” Jake reassured her.
“I think she works too hard,” she decided pensively.
“That’s what adults have to do. Especially if they have a daughter to support,” Jake continued, taking sides with Frankie’s work ethic. She couldn’t have found it very easy as a single parent, even with her parents’ help.
“Ah, but she has to do the work of two parents. It can’t be easy for her.”
Debs was reinforcing Jake’s own thoughts, and her face was full of expectation. This was easier than she imagined. It didn’t sound as though she was scaring him off at all. Not like some of those stupid guys who’d come into the shop when she’d tried to get them on a date with her mother. Well, the date bit was usually okay. It was when Debs started making plans for their future that the problems started. No wonder her mother had banned her from going there after school these days.