I studied him as we rode while he chatted in a rather reserved manner about the crops and the harvest. I could always be interested in other people’s affairs. It was a quality I had which made up for the lack of that sweetness (of which Angelet had taken the major share) and while she would have expressed polite interest, it would have been clear that her mind was wandering off somewhere else. But mine was a genuine desire to learn what people were doing and this was one of the reasons why I sometimes seemed to win people’s admiration, for there is nothing to delight them more than a show of interest for their concerns.
I gathered at once that this man, who introduced himself as Luke Longridge, was a Puritan. His dress proclaimed him as that, and when I met his sister in her plain grey gown I was convinced of this.
The farmhouse was cosy, and I was given some of their home-made brew and hot cakes to go with it, which was pleasant, and the sister, Ella, asked after Angelet. I told them of the toothache and they in their turn wished their condolences to be taken to her. I heard from Ella what I had already heard from Angelet, how my sister had ridden over and been taken ill there at the time of her miscarriage.
I asked a great deal of questions about the farm and learned that that January had been a very bad time, as the inclement weather had made lambing difficult, and how busy they had been planting runcival or marrowfat peas. The barley sowing had gone well in March, and Ella had had her hands full in April, as she always did, sowing flax and hemp and of course the herbs in her own garden. Hops were very profitable, and since they had been introduced into the country during the reign of Henry VIII a great many farmers were growing them, although they needed very special attention.
Then we went into the difficulties of the hay and the corn harvests, for which of course they required extra labour and had to call in travelling labourers to give a hand.
I sensed, though, that the real interest of this household was not so much farming as politics, and I realized that Luke Longridge had a burning desire to make his opinions known.
He was a reformer. That was obvious. I must compare him with Richard Tolworthy for I compared all men with him. Richard’s mind ran along the lines it knew it should go. He was a strong man, with firm ideals. Luke Longridge was a rebel against those very conventions which Richard upheld so strongly.
I thought suddenly of what Angelet had told me about a man she had seen in a pillory, his face blooded because someone, by order of the law, had just deprived him of his ears.
I said: ‘I suppose one should be careful of making too much comment lest it come to mischievous ears.’
He smiled and I saw a fanatical light in his eyes. This man would be a martyr if the occasion arose to demand it. I had always thought martyrdom foolish, for what good did it do to die for a cause? Surely it was much better to live and fight for it in secret? I said something of this, and I saw an expression in his eyes which I realize I kindled. I was not quite sure what it meant but I was aware of it.
I went on to say that I thought that there was peace with the Scots over the matter of religion which had been causing a great deal of trouble there, and he answered that the Parliament of Scotland had confirmed the acts of the general assembly, which was right and fitting, and that they were in communication with some of the leading Puritans in England.
‘Of which you are one,’ I said.
He looked down at his plain garb and said: ‘I can see that you are aware of my opinions.’
‘They are clear to see.’
‘And you come from a Royalist household, so you will doubtless not wish to call on us again.’
‘I would certainly wish to call on you, to hear your arguments. How can one form an opinion unless one hears from both sides?’
‘I doubt the General would wish you to come here to talk politics. He has not forbidden his wife to call, no doubt because my sister was of some use to her when she was ill and he is grateful, but I feel sure he does not wish for regular visits between our families.’
‘The General may command his armies if he wishes but he could not command me.’
I saw the faint colour in his cheeks and I knew that he found it difficult to take his eyes from me. Women such as myself who are attracted by men attract them in turn. Something passes between us. I was aware of it now with Luke Longridge: though my thoughts were obsessed by Richard Tolworthy, strangely enough I could still be interested in Luke Longridge and feel an upsurge of spirits because he, this stern Puritan, was not entirely indifferent to me, although I came from what he called a Royalist background.
So it was an interesting hour I spent in the Longridges’ farm kitchen, and afterwards Luke insisted on riding back with me.
He admonished me mildly as we rode, telling me that it was unwise for me to take solitary rides. ‘There are footpads lurking around,’ he said. ‘A lady alone would be easy prey.’
‘I would never be easy prey, I do assure you.’
‘You do not realize how rough these men can be. I would beg of you to take care.’
‘It is good of you to concern yourself,’ I told him, and he replied: ‘I look forward to more interesting discussions. Do you think I could turn you to our way of thinking in time?’
‘I doubt it,’ I answered. ‘Although I have an open mind.’
We soon came to Far Flamstead. He bowed gravely, and as I took my leave I was aware of that expression in his eyes which I aroused in others and I was amused, he being a Puritan.
The encounter had made something of that dull day. I had discovered that scarred or not I was still attractive.
I went into the Blue Room where Angelet was still asleep. Meg was hovering, and I asked if her mistress had not wakened since she had had the posset.
‘No, she have been in this deep and peaceful sleep, mistress.’
She was still sleeping in the evening and I went down to see Mrs Cherry.
I said: ‘The posset is very potent. Mistress Tolworthy has slept all through the day.’
‘’Tis the poppy juice,’ said Mrs Cherry comfortably. There is nothing like deep sleep to get us through our ills.’
‘Should she have another dose when she awakens?’
‘The tooth will have recovered, I doubt not. But keep the bottle in case she should need it.’
She slept through the night and when I went in to see her she declared her toothache was better.
The next morning we went for a ride and in the afternoon Richard returned. He had a great deal of work to do, we were told, and went to his library.
We supped together in the small parlour and Richard told us that as he thought that he would have to be in Whitehall often it might be a good idea if he stayed there. It would save the journey back and forth from Flamstead.
I asked if the trouble with the Puritans and the Scots had anything to do with his business there.
‘Not any more than other matters,’ he told me. ‘The army is below strength and I am constantly attempting to have that rectified. This entails meetings with the King. There have been too many troubles. The war with Spain was a disaster.’
‘I believe he went into that to gratify his great friend Buckingham.’
‘There is no doubt that Buckingham had immense influence with the King.’
‘His murder, while untimely for him, was timely for England.’
‘Who can say?—But our troubles seem to be rising through the financial embarrassments caused by the wars with France and Spain, and this means that everyone not in the army fails to see the importance of it. This is what I have to drive home.’
‘Perhaps if the King did not govern like an absolute monarch, there would not be this trouble.’
Richard looked earnestly at me. ‘Who shall say?’ he said. ‘But I regret the murmurings against His Majesty. I cannot see that they will bring aught but ill to the land, and I want us to be ready to meet whatever comes.’
‘How knowledgeable you are, Bersaba,’ said Angelet.
‘Knowledgeable enough to reali
ze how little I know,’ I replied. ‘I read a good deal and listen when I can and thus I pick up certain information.’
Richard smiled at me approvingly and, remembering the admiration I had seen in Luke Longridge’s eyes, a glow of confidence came to me, and I think perhaps it was this which made me act as I did.
As she was eating Angelet suddenly put her hand to her cheek.
‘The tooth?’ I asked.
She nodded. Then she said: ‘I had a rather painful tooth while you were away, Richard. Mrs Cherry prescribed one of her possets. I must say, they are good.’
He expressed concern that she had suffered and his pleasure that Mrs Cherry had produced the cure. And we talked of the effects of the ship tax and other such matters which excluded Angelet from the conversation, and when the meal was over he went back to his study to work.
After we had left the supper table Angelet complained of her tooth. Eating had brought it on again and she was in pain. I suggested that she have a dose of Mrs Cherry’s concoction which had done her so much good before and she eagerly agreed that this had helped her once and would do so again. I could see that she was telling herself that if she had violent toothache Richard would not expect her to join him and the thought comforted her considerably. I even wondered whether in some ways she welcomed this painful tooth.
‘He can be told that my tooth is bothering me …’ she began.
‘I’ll send Meg,’ I said.
I helped her undress and myself poured out the liquid. ‘It seems a little more than last time,’ I said.
‘Never mind. It will make me sleep the better.’
She drank it eagerly and it was not long before the poppy juice had its effect. I sat by her bed for a while watching her. I was struck by the youthful innocence of her face; there was a certain smile about her lips which suggested satisfaction, and I knew this was because she had escaped from a situation which was distasteful to her.
I rang the bell for Meg so that she could take a message to the study where Richard was working. She did not answer it. I remembered then that Angelet had said something earlier about her bells being out of order and that it was going to be repaired.
I went to my room, but my thoughts were so full of what was happening between Richard and Angelet that I forgot Meg. I undressed slowly and sat before my mirror for a while. I did not see myself but my sister’s innocent face with that smile of relief on her lips, and I thought how different we were and what I would have given to have been in her place. I remembered then that Richard had not been told of her toothache and that I had promised that Meg should take the message.
On impulse I decided that I would tell him myself. I went quickly to the library, but he was not there. The house seemed very quiet as, with a wildly beating heart, I made my way to their bedroom.
He must have heard my footsteps, for as I lifted my hand to the handle the door was opened. He took my hand and drew me in.
His touch unnerved me. Fleetingly my need of him swept over me, subduing everything else. He did not speak. It was as though some spark had ignited the passion in us both. He drew me to him and then it was too late for me to resist.
‘Angelet … ’ he began softly.
Now was the moment to explain. I almost did … and then it passed. Of course I looked like her. He could not see the scars by candlelight. While I despised myself, I was making a bargain with fate: Let this happen … just once … and I’ll go away … I’ll never come back. I’ll never see him again.
The excitement was intense, for when I was in his arms his response was immediate. I don’t think either of us could have turned back then. I had to give myself up to this overpowering desire. I could think of nothing else. I would leave remorse for the morrow.
Exploration in the Night
I AWOKE WITH THE dawn. He was sleeping beside me and the enormity of what I had done swept over me. I was horrified. It could not be true. I had dreamed it.
Quietly I slipped out of the bed, terrified that he would awaken and see me. What could I say to him? How could I explain?
Trembling, I sped across the room and quietly opened the door. I reached the Lavender Room unobserved, but before entering it I looked in at the Blue Room, where Angelet was sleeping peacefully in her poppy-juice sleep.
I went to my bed and lay there.
You have betrayed your sister’s faith in you, I told myself. Then I wondered: Had he known? Was it possible that he could have been deceived?
How young and inexperienced I had been to think that I had reached the heights with Bastian. My intuition in the inn yard had not been false. We were meant for each other.
What would come out of this? I was torn between a certain exultation and desperate shame. How could I ever explain my feelings to anyone? I was in love with him if love was obsession. I wanted to be with him, to talk to him, to discover his needs and supply them, to learn of everything he did and be beside him throughout his life. How could I go into battle with him? I allowed myself to make the most ridiculous images. I saw myself disguised as a soldier in his army. I would go to his camp secretly in the night as I had gone to his bedchamber last night. Always there would be this adventure of loving and possessing.
The room was growing light and fantasies disappeared in the cold brightness of day. What I had done was unforgivable. Knowing my sister had taken a sleeping draught, I had gone to her husband. It was like something out of the Bible. Retribution would follow. I had committed the sin of fornication and induced him to commit adultery without his knowledge. Or was it? How could I know what he was like with Angelet? What had he thought to find his frigid wife changed into a demanding, passionate woman?
He must have known. What would he do now? I could not guess, for the truth was that although I knew he was the one man in the world for me, I did not know him.
Phoebe had come into the room. I saw her startled eyes go to the bed and her relief when she saw me there. She knew. She had betrayed that much. She must have come in and found my bed not slept in. Perhaps she looked in through the night. I need not fear Phoebe. She was there to protect me.
‘It’s a bright morning, Phoebe,’ I said, trying to make my voice sound natural.
‘Yes, mistress, ’tis very bright.’
She had her back to me while she set down the hot water, and I had a fancy that she did not want to look me in the eyes.
‘I trust my sister’s tooth is better,’ I said. ‘It was very bad last night.’
‘I saw Meg on my way in, mistress,’ she said. ‘Mistress Tolworthy be still sleeping.’
‘A peaceful night will have done her the world of good.’
As I dressed I wondered if my appearance had changed. Surely such an experience would have left its mark. What would it be like facing him? I promised myself that I should know as soon as I saw him if he was aware of what had happened. But surely such a straightforward man would have said so.
His response had been immediate. It was like a river that had been blocked up for years and had broken its banks.
He was in the dining-hall seated at the table.
‘Good day,’ I said.
He stood up and bowed. I could not see his eyes.
‘Good day, Bersaba.’
‘It is a fine one.’
‘Indeed, yes.’
‘Poor Angelet has had a return of her toothache. She is resting.’
‘That’s unfortunate,’ he said.
I was afraid to meet his eyes. I took a tankard of ale and some cob bread and cold bacon. I was surprised to find that I was hungry.
‘I shall have to go to Whitehall this morning,’ he said. ‘I shall be leaving within the hour.’
‘Another summons?’ I asked.
‘Yes. These are difficult times.’
‘Will it be a long stay?’
‘I think not. I shall soon be making arrangements for Angelet and you to come with me. I think you would enjoy it. It is rather quiet for you here.’
�
��I … am happy here,’ I said. There was a faint tremor in my voice. I could not understand him. His expression was blank. He was not the same man whose bed I had shared such a short while ago.
He cannot know, I told myself, and I felt sick with disappointment. Could he possibly have thought some change had come over Angelet? I wondered what he thought of her leaving his bed without a word. Perhaps he would reason that she had awakened with her toothache and had quietly slipped away for her dose of Mrs Cherry’s cure. That did not seem unlikely. I was sure that he could not have regarded me so dispassionately if he had had the slightest suspicion. And yet … how could it be otherwise? Was I wrong? Was Angelet deceiving me? But why should she? No, I knew enough about these matters and about her to realize that she was frigid and passionless. Then how could he believe a woman would change overnight, and if he had discovered his wife to be so different, how could he tear himself away from her to go to Whitehall? Surely he would have wanted to take her with him?
He was an enigma, and I was no nearer to understanding him than I had been before we had become lovers.
‘You say Angelet is sleeping?’ he asked.
‘Yes. The cure has that effect.’
‘Then I’ll not disturb her. Perhaps you will tell her that I have been called away.’
‘I will do that.’
He rose and bowed to me. ‘Now if you will excuse me, I have certain preparations to make.’
I looked after him in dismay. It was an anticlimax to my passionate adventure.
By the time Angelet awoke he had left. I went into her room and she looked at me drowsily.
‘What a long sleep you’ve had!’ I said. ‘There is no doubt about it, Mrs Cherry’s cure is potent. How is the toothache?’
‘It’s gone.’
‘It’s the sleep that does it. It’s so refreshing. By the way, Richard has been called away.’
‘Oh … to Whitehall?’
‘Yes. I saw him at breakfast. He said he wouldn’t disturb you and asked me to tell you.’
‘How long will he be away?’
‘He wasn’t sure. He talked about our going to Whitehall.’
Saraband for Two Sisters Page 29