by Lesley Crewe
One side of the room is filled with yellow balloons and a huge crêpe-paper banner; the other features a chair draped in a cashmere throw, surrounded by real flowers, ribbons, tulle, crystal candlesticks, and a display of beautifully wrapped gifts.
Aunt Ollie gets to me first. “I’ll take your coat.” She grabs me by the arm and we head to her bedroom.
“That infuriating woman Harriet has taken over this entire party. She even brought canapés, after I told her I had Breton crackers and old cheese. Agatha worked hard on those. We bought six bottles of ginger ale and fruit punch, but that snotty friend of yours insisted on bringing bottles of wine and wineglasses. What’s wrong with our glasses?”
“They’re trying to be helpful. Let’s just enjoy this. We’re in your home, so you trumped them all.”
“I’ll be damned if I bring out their cake. Mine is just as nice.”
Aunt Ollie heads back to the kitchen and I scoot into the bathroom, but Harriet nabs me before I shut the door.
“I’m sorry, dear, but I had to bring some food with me. I asked your aunt if I could contribute anything and she said no, that she had three packages of Breton crackers and a pound of old cheese. I nearly died. Your aunt is a very stubborn woman.”
I put my hand on Harriet’s shoulder. “I am well aware of my aunt’s way of doing things, and she’s not always easy, but she means well. Please don’t take it the wrong way if I end up eating only the crackers and cheese, for the sake of family harmony. Serve your delicious food to the guests, and thank you for everything.”
“All right.”
I’ve almost got the door closed when someone’s fingers reach around. It’s Amanda.
“For fuck’s sake! Fruit juice and Breton crackers!”
“I know, I know. Do me a favour and get everyone drunk.”
I’m finally seated in my chair and everyone remembers what they’re here for.
My grandfather’s jokes. There’s nothing he likes better than to have a captive female audience. “A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar...”
Everyone looks uncomfortable. Aunt Ollie is no help but unbelievably, it’s Agatha to the rescue.
“I forgot to tell you Fred, I think I hit your car bumper earlier. Come outside and look.”
“What?!” Gramps immediately gets off his rocker and shuffles out of the room, with Bobby behind him. “You pinheaded woman! How did you manage that? You’re more trouble than a skunk at a church picnic! Where’s my coat?”
We commence and I have a grand time opening up my gifts. I’ve never had a party thrown for me before. The feeling is like bubbles in my chest. I can’t stop smiling.
Harriet and Julia made us a beautiful quilt. I’m overwhelmed. Wait until I tell Austin the work his sister put into it. Amanda bought us a gorgeous platter to use on special occasions, and Trey and Jerry sent a crystal decanter. Sydney crocheted us a table runner and the cousins gave us a really nice blender.
I open Aunt Ollie and Agatha’s present. They went the tea-towel-and-dishcloth route, which of all the gifts are the things I really need.
Gramps got us a toolkit. Another winner.
I open Tinker’s last. It’s a new leash for Dudley. “His old one is fraying.”
“Perfect. Thank you.”
Gramps comes inside and mumbles down the hallway. Agatha gives me a thumbs-up.
I eat the Breton crackers and old cheese and drink the fruit punch. Both Harriet and Aunt Ollie show up in the doorway carrying their cakes. Harriet’s is a masterpiece and Aunt Ollie’s is a Betty Crocker, but both are delicious and after all the wine we pour down our throats, no one cares.
Everyone piles into taxis to go home after I thank them profusely. Then I help Aunt Ollie and Agatha clean up, because they didn’t want Harriet in their kitchen.
“What a fun night. Thank you for the wonderful shower. I’ll never forget it.”
Aunt Ollie picks up a dishtowel and dries a plate. “Your mother would be very proud of you.”
These words ring in my ears as I unlock my front door. What would she be like now? Would we be friends? At this moment I miss her.
Dudley gets a bedtime walk with his new leash and when we come back in, I turn on the kitchen lights to give him a Milk-Bone. My mother’s favourite teacup is on the counter. She must have enjoyed the shower too.
I’m getting into my pyjamas when Austin comes in. He looks four-beers happy. Brian drove him home.
“So did we get lots of loot?”
“I’ll bring the gifts over in the morning. Everything’s perfect.”
“We had a good time too. I met Jason’s brother-in-law Steve for the first time. What a great guy.”
My buzz disappears.
“He says he’s met you a few times.”
“Yeah, over at Amanda’s.”
“I think he likes you.”
“Don’t be crazy.”
“No, he said you were very special and that I’m a lucky guy. I totally concur.”
He jumps on the bed, kisses my cheek, and is out like a light in seconds.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
By June I have a full-blown panic attack in the local pharmacy while picking up pills for Gramps. The pharmacist makes me sit in a chair off to the side until I stop hyperventilating.
“Have you had a lot of stress recently?” she asks kindly.
“I have a wedding to plan, renovations to do in my house and garden, a charity to run, and a documentary to write. I’m helping my fiancé open his new office while I look for a job. And I now have two more dogs to add to the one I already had and all of them love sleeping on our new sectional and chasing the cats. My crazy aunt and her loopy friend have decided they want to sail around the world. So now my grandfather has heartburn, and he’s probably going to have another heart attack. Other than that, I’m fine.”
She blinks. “I find Valium helps. Or vodka.”
When I lurch into the house carrying two big bags of dog food, the dogs herald my arrival to the neighbours. Dudley never opened his mouth until Gauge and Hector came to live with us. Gauge is a young black lab who’s as stunned as a bag of hammers. Hector is some sort of rat variety, all mouth and no legs. Both were in danger of being put down and I couldn’t have that on my conscience, so I dragged them home. Austin just shook his head.
Because we run into so many needy pets in our therapy sessions, Tinker has started a Walk the Plank wall on our blog. She puts up pictures of the animals walking the plank, with mean pirates brandishing swords. If you don’t want this horrible fate to happen to Rex, Ernie, and Milo this week, call and save their lives! She draws clothes on them and puts little captions over their heads. Don’t hurt me! I’m too young to die!
It’s been amazingly effective. The trouble is, now I can’t stop worrying about all the stray animals in the city. Austin is worried about me.
“Go see Dexter,” he says.
So I do. I spill my guts for an hour and even he looks tired by the time I’m finished.
“Here’s what I want you to do.”
I rummage in my purse. “I need a piece of paper to write it down. Do you have a pen?”
“Forget the pen and paper and look at me.”
So I look at him.
“If your wedding plans are causing you misery, couldn’t you get married in a registry office and go for lunch afterwards?”
“I suppose so.”
“With the money you save on the wedding, you could hire a landscaping firm for your outdoor projects and get a decorator to help you do a room at a time. It doesn’t all have to be done this year.”
“True.”
“Your charitable work is practically running itself. Pay Tinker to see to the schedule and make phone calls. She told me she has her driver’s license now. You could lend her your car on occasion.”
&
nbsp; “Right.”
“Austin is a big boy and he can open his office by himself. You can pitch in from time to time, but leave the planning to him.”
“Okay.”
“You can’t have enough pets, as far as I’m concerned. Throw some old blankets on your sectional for now and just enjoy the little buggers.”
“Whatever you say.”
“Your aunt, her friend, and your grandfather are adults, and what they do with their lives is none of your business.”
“They make it my business.”
“It takes practice to keep your nose out of other people’s affairs. Now as for the documentary, you’re not in a time crunch. This sort of project needs attention, and you can’t give it your all if you’re looking for a job. Finding employment is your number-one goal.”
“I’ll feel guilty if I lessen my commitment to Creature Comfort.”
Dexter leans forward in his chair. “Now, this is your prescription. I don’t want you in the bereavement business right now. Your mission is to be happy, and enjoy your engagement and have fun with Austin. You need to find balance. The constant talking about death, dealing with death, grief management, and loss seminars have depleted your spirit over the years. It’s time for other things. This is very important Chloe. I don’t want you to dismiss this.”
I sigh. “I thought I was going to change the world.”
“You have, Chloe. You’ve completely changed your world and the people in it. Think about it.”
Everything he says makes sense when I’m in Dexter’s office, but the minute I leave, my hair stands on end. Where do I start? I text Amanda and arrange to meet her in a coffee shop on her lunch hour. When she walks in, I’m floored.
“What happened to your tan?”
“My new guru says I’m poisoning my body by dousing it in chemicals every morning.”
“Guru?”
“That’s what I call my new yoga instructor.” She holds up her hand for the waiter. “You should come with me. I feel so much better.”
Yoga sounds relaxing. This is the type of thing Dexter would approve of. I buy a mat and yoga pants and stand by Amanda in class, but I can’t hear the guru because she’s so soft-spoken, so I mimic Amanda’s moves.
“You are about as elastic as a brick,” she whispers.
“You’re such a comfort, Amanda.”
“SHHH!” The lady to the left is annoyed with me.
“Sorry.”
I make a face at Amanda and she makes one back, which naturally sets me off. The two of us try not to make a sound and alert the others, but our shoulders are shaking. With a supreme effort we pull ourselves together and I faintly hear the guru say “downward dog.” Don’t know what that is, so I once again look at Amanda and she’s bent over with her hands on the ground and her butt in the air.
The minute I assume the position, someone passes wind—and with growing mortification, I realize it’s me. Amanda is now on her mat holding her stomach and crying with laughter. I leap up, grab my mat, and run to the dressing room. She appears ten seconds later, and the two of us can’t speak we’re laughing so hard.
“I can never show my face again!” I cry.
“It’s not your face you need to worry about.”
“If you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll have to kill you.”
“So much for getting rid of your stress.”
Things start to look up. Aunt Ollie and Agatha are not sailing around the world. They went out for a cruise on a sailboat rented from the nearest marina and were seasick within ten minutes. Austin suggests they fly over to Torquay, in Devon, the birthplace of Agatha Christie, and go on her authentic vintage bus tour. Now they’re all excited.
“Can Aunt Ollie afford to go?” I ask Gramps.
“I’m paying for it. Anything to get them out of the house. Bobby and I need a break.”
“But what about Agatha? How’s she able to manage it?”
“I told you. I’m taking care of it.”
I kiss the top of Gramps head as he rocks in his chair. “You’re a nice man.”
“I’m a sucker.”
Gramps has improved in spite of himself. The smoke-free atmosphere is heavenly and he goes for a walk every day. He takes Bobby on a leash. All the neighbours get a great kick out of it. The kids always crowd around. Bobby puts on a show, ham that he is. He rolls around on the sidewalk and shows his belly to everyone.
Austin is completely distracted with his new venture, but he whistles when he’s home or playing with the dogs outside. He calls me one day to ask if we have room for a cockatoo that needs a good home. So now Jethro, who’s ten, spends his life dancing to Queen on the stereo or driving the cats bonkers. They don’t know what to make of him, but they know not to go near him. One nip was all it took to get that message across.
It’s now summer and the trees and flowers are blooming. I’m outside, supervising the painters who are sprucing up the woodwork, trim, and porches. There’s a landscaper taking measurements of the yards at the front and back. There’s so much going on that I have to stop and take it all in. Two years ago I was a lonely workaholic with no friends. As it turns out, The Single Guy was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Where would I be if I hadn’t made that wish in the CBC bathroom? I’m almost afraid to think about it.
Tinker arrives to take all three dogs out for a walk. She is almost unrecognizable. Her face is soft, her manner confident. She met her boyfriend Joe at one of the shelters, and the two of them are a great team for Creature Comforts. Joe now works with the older teens and Tinker enjoys being with the ten- to thirteen-year-old groups. Of all the improvements I’ve made in the last little while, I think helping Tinker is my proudest achievement. She doesn’t know it, but I’m going to offer to send her to Ryerson after she finishes high school. Or wherever she wants to go. I’ve put money aside for that. She is my little sister, after all.
In the middle of this mayhem my cell goes off. It’s Herb Gardner, of all people. He asks me to come see him at his office tomorrow. I immediately text Amanda. What is going on?
I don’t have a clue!
I don’t believe her. When Austin comes home after work, I tell him about it. We sit on the back porch drinking our green tea, dogs at our feet and Jethro, mimic that he is, barking.
“If he offers you a job, you don’t have to take it, you know. It’s whatever makes you happy, not him. We’ll support you either way, right guys?” Austin looks at the critters and I swear they look back and smile. I’m not kidding.
I wear my pinstripe suit to the meeting with Mr. Gardner. My tummy is nervous—with excitement, I realize. Amanda rides up with me on the elevator. She holds my shoulders and shakes me a bit. “You can do this! Come down to my office when it’s over.”
She waves goodbye as the elevator doors close. Mr. Gardner’s grumpy secretary is still grumpy. After a few minutes she says I can go in.
I come out an hour later.
Amanda is at the elevator doors when they open on her floor. She drags me into her office. “So? Spill the beans!”
I have to sit first. She gives me a bottle of water and then perches on the edge of her desk, impaling herself with her letter opener.
“He wants me to run the documentary division. You knew that, didn’t you?”
Now she leaps in the air. “I did! I almost told you a dozen times! I have no nails left.”
“I told him no.”
She freezes in mid-air. “You what? Are you joking? With this opportunity, you can okay any documentary you want.”
“I told him no to running it, and yes to working in the department part-time.”
Now she puts her hand over her mouth. “He said yes to that?”
“Hard to believe, but he did.”
“Why part-time?”
“I have a p
roject I’m working on.”
Amanda shakes her head. “You sly fox. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t have to tell you everything, Amanda.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
Now that the mirror is over the mantel and the sconces and crystal chandelier are in place, as well as the shutters and silk curtains, the living room looks mighty fine. It worried me that the shiny new lights might upset my ghostly parents, but they seem to be mellowing. They’ve been remarkable quiet lately, or perhaps the house is too noisy for me to notice.
Austin and I are standing in the middle of our new room with our arms around each other, surveying the space, but quickly head in two directions when Gauge and Hector chase Peanut and Rosie into the room and up those silk curtains. We’re yelling and Jethro is in the kitchen screeching, “Bad dogs! Bad dogs!”
Once that drama is over, we decide it’s time to have a party for our friends and family. A housewarming, if you will. We don’t have a dining room table yet, but we can put out goodies on the kitchen table. We settle for July 1, Canada Day.
Now that I’m proud of my house—the rooms that are done, anyway—I do my best to make everything look great, so that means the living room, the kitchen, and the bathroom are always pristine. We have flags draped everywhere, which is totally tacky but it’s not Canada Day without flags. Our new outdoor furniture has arrived, so if the weather cooperates, Austin will barbeque hamburgers and hot dogs. Veggie burgers for me. We even have fireworks to end the evening. The two of us are so excited.
We invite everyone who has been part of our journey so far. Gramps, Aunt Ollie, and Agatha, of course, Harriet and Julia and all the CBC team—Amanda and Jason, Trey and Jerry, Brian and Sydney. Tinker is coming, and we even invited the two Dr. McDermotts.
Everyone shows up in the early afternoon and the place is hopping. Trey corners Amanda and I overhear him say, “Have you seen the claw marks on these silk curtains already?”
Amanda peers closer. “I’m going to kill you, Chloe!”
“Killing the cats would be more productive,” Trey says.
I throw a cracker at him.