by Brinda Berry
But some days when I stand in the hallway, I gaze at his door in hopes that he’ll open it and say he’s sorry. I want him to drag me inside and make me take a chance.
It’s never going to happen. He changes his mind too much and he’s too scared. I can’t be brave for both of us.
Erik reaches across and lays his hand on mine. “I respect and understand whatever you need. James and I can always find another renter.”
He rises and returns to the counter, throwing a sweet smile my way whenever I glance up.
My cell rings and I check the display. It’s Grandma Lulu. She’s a regular caller and I enjoy our chats, even though it’s sometimes difficult to follow along with her.
“Harper?”
“Yes, Ma’am?”
“You’re my guest at the senior citizens breakfast on Sunday morning. Be there or be square. Wear something cute. Do you have a mini-dress?”
A grin splits my face at her statement. “Oh, all right. I guess I can. And no, I do not have a mini-dress. Are you saying I need to dress up? Is there a service?”
“Yes. There’s a pastor who comes and does a very brief sermon. I don’t think I could stand anything more. But wear something short and fun. I need to remember what it’s like to be young and thin. You can shake it up.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” I smirk. Daddy would like Grandma Lulu in his congregation, even if she’s demanding I show some skin.
After I end the call, I sit and drink more coffee. It’s going to be time soon for me to get the next step of my life back together. Maybe Grandma Lulu and Josie would take a road trip to Texas with me.
It’s time for the prodigal daughter to return home for a visit.
I’m whistling an old tune, Guns and Roses’ Welcome to the Jungle, as I walk up the outside stairs of the building.
I open the door and Leo walks out of his apartment and into the hallway. He points. “You.” His mouth sets in a straight line, reminding me of a teacher catching a kid without a hall pass.
“What about me?” My heart beats faster.
“Do you know where my laptop is?”
“Why would I?” I’m alarmed by his tone, his body language, his accusing gaze.
“It’s missing.”
“Maybe you left it somewhere.” This is a stupid comment. He has a laptop, but I’ve never actually seen him take it with him outside his apartment. It always sets in one place—that massive desk.
“No. I didn’t.” He turns away from me for a minute.
I’m unable to move a muscle. Blood is rushing in my ears and I cannot breathe. “Are you accusing me of something?”
He turns back to me and stares. “No.”
It’s all he says. One word. He doesn’t say that I’m not a thief because he thinks I am. And well, I did take a postcard. My postcard.
“Why would I want it?” I shouldn’t need to defend myself, but he’s lying when he says he believes me innocent.
“The postcard files.”
“What are you talking about? I shredded that card.”
He leans his shoulders back against the wall. “Sorry. I’m going to have to report a theft. If…”
“I did not steal your laptop.”
He turns to walk back to his door. “Sure. OK. You didn’t even know I had the scan of the postcard.”
“Stop. I did not steal a laptop. Are you kidding me? Scan? You have electronic images and you didn’t tell me?”
He doesn’t turn around which tells me he’s thinking about my statement. Leo shakes his head and says, “I need to make a call. Forget it, Harper.” Then he takes a step to his door.
I panic. “Don’t walk away. We are talking—”
He ignores me and places his hand on his doorknob.
“Do not open that door.”
He turns the knob without even slowing.
The fact that he’s not listening to me burns me like a hot skillet. I should matter to him. My legs propel me forward and I jump him from behind. I jump like I’m shooting hoops—which I’ve never done but imagined—and straddle his back, hooking my arms around his neck and feet around his waist.
Leo wobbles from the unexpected impact and then we are both going down. In slow motion, my brain registers the wood floor coming up to meet us. I don’t have the reflexes nor time to react and let go.
Leo takes the brunt of the fall, going down with both hands slapping against the floor as he crouches with me on his back like a spider monkey. He loses his balance and goes to both knees with his hands on the floor.
“Get off! Trying to fucking break my legs.”
I fall off his back and lower myself to the floor. He sits and then rolls back to look at the ceiling.
We lie side by side.
“What did you think you were doing?” he mutters in a dazed voice.
“Stopping you from walking away. Why couldn’t you listen to me for a second? Who were you going to call?”
“I told you. The police. Is that why you stopped me? If you have the damned laptop, tell me. I won’t file a report. Just give it back.”
I smack him flat on the chest. “Oh. My. Gosh. I did not steal your laptop. I knew you were accusing me.”
“No. I’m not. You said you don’t have it. Do you think I’d really turn you in to the police?
I shrug. “Maybe. How would I know? You aren’t speaking to me.”
“I thought you were still mad that I hit that guy.”
“I am mad. But not crazy enough to steal your laptop to get back at you.”
He snickers loud enough for me to hear. “Whatever you say.”
“Did someone break-in?”
He turns his head to look at me. “Nope. And it’s the only thing gone. I can buy another computer, but there’s private stuff on there.”
“Oh, don’t tell me you have sex tapes.”
He squeezes his eyes shut and my heart clunks to a stop. I don’t want to imagine he’s filmed himself with me, but even that vision is better than him filming another girl.
“Of course not,” he says.
I sigh, relief rolling over my entire body.
I sit up on one elbow. Leo’s silky hair falls over his eyes and I’d pay a hundred bucks I don’t possess to run my fingers through it. I bite the inside of my mouth to distract me from the instinct to reach forward.
“I do the Mr. Expose blog with the understanding that some details will never be revealed. Plus, I don’t want to be associated with it forever. Do you think I’ll be taken seriously as a writer if people only think of me as Mr. Expose? It was only supposed to be something to make money until I’m able to sell my manuscripts.”
“Oh. I’ve always taken you seriously.” I glance over at him.
“You haven’t even read my writing.” He turns his head and grins at me.
“Because you won’t let me.” I roll my eyes. “Speaking of the blog…I need the scan of my postcard.”
“Why? Tell me what your obsession is with it.”
“I object to you calling it an obsession.”
He sighs, a low rumble that makes me smile, despite what’s happened in the past minutes. “Please tell me about the postcard.”
My belly whirls, making my skin tingle from the adrenaline. I brace myself for the leap of faith that he’ll protect my secrets.
“If you printed the postcard, Wesley’s daughter would find out the truth—that her father was a polygamist. I’ve suffered because of his lies, but I don’t want to cause her more unhappiness. It’s not right. If you printed the postcard, it would be news.”
“I wouldn’t have printed it. You only had to ask.” He gets to his feet and gives me a hand up. The contact of his warm hand holding mine—if only for one instant—sends tingles along my body.
“I did ask. Remember? And then I decided to take it if you wouldn’t hand it over to me. That was wrong, and I’m sorry.” I take two steps to my door and put my key in the lock. “You don’t know how someone got in to you
r apartment?” I turn to look at his face.
“Maybe I left it unlocked. I don’t know.”
I bite my lip and the bullet of shame. “It could’ve been locked. You still have the key under your mat?”
He throws me a sharp look. “I don’t know. I used to hide one there a long time ago.”
“Check it. That’s how I got in when I looked for my postcard one day. Let me know if I can help look for your laptop.”
With this confession, I let myself in and don’t look back. New, honest beginnings.
21
Cover All the Bases
Leo
When I was ten, Grandma Lulu spanked me for telling the guys that Josie didn’t need a training bra ‘because she didn’t have any titties.’ I’d made the vile comment to embarrass her because she stuck to me everywhere I went. It was a miracle she didn’t insist on using the men’s restroom.
Back then, I was angry over that spanking for a week and for many reasons. Reason one—it was no more than I would say to Josie’s face. When I was a kid, I prayed for a brother. Repeatedly. One who didn’t secretly blackmail me into playing dolls. Reason two—I was too old to be spanked. It was humiliating, which I guess was the point. Reason three—Grandma Lulu let Josie tell the boys I’d been disciplined for it and that each one would get the same if they ever disrespected any female again.
From the experience, I learned that I would be punished for taunting my sister and that Grandma Lulu and Josie stick together. Always.
So. Here I sit at the senior citizen facility facing a most uncomfortable situation. The semi-circle facing me feels like a firing squad. I’m positive Grandma Lulu or Josie intended it this way. They probably planned it together, giggling as they pictured my discomfort.
Grandma Lulu failed to mention anyone else would be attending breakfast. To my left is Josie, then Grandma Lulu, who sits in rapt attention to the person I’d hoped to never see again—Antonio. Harper sits quietly at his left and avoids my gaze.
“Well,” I say. “Aren’t I lucky to have lunch with all of you?” My stiff lips attempt a smile. “Antonio. That’s an ugly black eye you have.”
Antonio winks at me. “Perhaps it makes me look debonair.” He turns and smiles at Grandma Lulu next to him.
“Nah. It doesn’t.” My hands ball into tight fists under the table. Is it wrong to deck a guy who is flirting with a woman four times his age?
Josie makes an Oscar the Grouch face at me. “I think it’s hot.”
Harper isn’t saying a word. If she agrees, I may choke on the biscuit I’ve stuffed into my mouth so I’ll stop speaking.
“Harper,” Grandma Lulu says. “What are you and Antonio doing today?”
I flinch so hard I’ll have whiplash. I’d thought maybe they were together only for the breakfast.
They are actually dating. Harper is going to fall in love with this suave douchebag and I’ve let it happen. I practically forced her to get a life that doesn’t involve me. My chest constricts and it’s difficult to get a reasonable amount of air into my lungs.
Harper looks from Grandma Lulu to Antonio. She won’t even make eye contact with me.
Perspiration pops up underneath the starched collar of my dress shirt. I loosen the knot of my tie. “Excuse me.” I rise and my napkin falls from my lap onto the floor.
Josie picks it up. “Here.”
I don’t even say thank you. I fumble with it for a second before tossing it into my chair. “I can’t stay. Sorry, Grandma Lulu. I’ll call you later.” I nod in the general direction of Harper and Antonio.
Then I’m striding away from the table as if the devil is on my heels.
I search around for a restroom and dart inside. It’s empty and I lean back against the wall, studying the gray wallpaper. It blends with the gray tile floor. There’s not a splash of color in the place. It’s depressing and bleak.
Somebody needs to liven this place up a bit. Put a color on the walls. Stick a fake plant on the washbasin counter. It’s a senior citizen’s facility, for God’s sake. It’s like death in here.
I splash water onto my face and take my tie off. My face is pale, despite the heat I feel flushing my skin. Maybe I’m getting sick. That has to be the reason I feel so unbalanced. Plus, Josie and Grandma Lulu probably got together and decided to teach me a lesson with Antonio. Josie’s unhappy that Harper and I broke up. That’s it.
And Grandma Lulu loves Harper, too. It’s evident from the way she brings her name up every time we speak.
It’s a conspiracy between the females in my life. That’s all it is. I force a smile to my lips. I’ve been fighting a battle against those two since I was a kid. I dry my face with a paper towel and study myself in the mirror.
My smile fades. Of all the things I love about Harper, it’s her smile that I love most, and I don’t think she smiled the entire time I sat across from her.
Antonio isn’t making her happy. She was crying the last time I saw them together.
My pulse thumps louder, so loud I hear the undeniable truth in each beat. She’s happy with me. I’m the one she’s supposed to be with. If I don’t stop allowing Tori to influence how I think about Harper, I’ll end up like this gray bathroom—colorless and dead.
I know things can be different. My parents were different. They loved each other madly until the day they parted this earth. Together. They’re the ones who should color my view of love. Not Tori.
Get yourself together, man.
I leave the restroom a determined man. When I return to the dining hall, there’s an empty chair where Harper was sitting. I glance around and hope she is okay.
Antonio stands before I can take a seat. “The ladies. They tell me there has been a misunderstanding.”
That damned Italian accent. That’s probably what lured Harper in. I may be a guy, but I know women love European accents.
“Oh?” I attempt to sound disinterested. If he’s going to offer that we be friends or something, I’ll have to inform him that I’m now officially the competition.
“I’m not trying to seduce Harper,” he says.
Even Grandma Lulu has the decency to look embarrassed.
Antonio looks bashful. “Seduce is not what I meant. I’m saying that this is not a date. Josie invited me.”
“Josie.” I turn to my sister. “Where’s Harper?”
Josie cocks her head. “She left. I tried to get her to stay, and she was upset. She didn’t know we would be here.”
“Are you happy now?” I shake my head at Josie and then glare at Grandma Lulu.
Grandma Lulu stands and places her hands on her wide hips. “You had this coming. Now go fix it.”
I look at her, feeling like a school kid. She’d still chase me with a flyswatter if she could find one. “You’re right.”
Antonio gets to his feet. “Should I go find—”
“Casanova,” I say, raising one eyebrow. “Don’t even think about leaving this room.”
He throws me a grin. “Catch her. Go.”
I sprint to the parking lot and find she’s already left. Damn she’s fast. There’s only one option for where she’s going. I throw my car into reverse and peel out, heading home. Just in case I’m wrong, I try her number. It goes straight to voicemail.
When I pull into the apartment parking lot and see her car, I feel as though a giant weight has been lifted. I’ve been Atlas, carrying around a burden for weeks.
It takes all my self-control to slow down when I walk up the stairs. I’ve driven so fast that she was probably only minutes ahead.
When I finally unlock the outer door to the building and step inside, my heart stops. She’s crouched over a box in front of my door with her hand covering her mouth.
“What’s wrong?” I race to the door and pull her up.
She’s shaking her head frantically and backs away. “I know how bad this looks.”
I don’t release my hold on her shoulders. “Calm down.” I glance down and look inside
the box. It’s a copy paper box filled with electronic parts and a smashed appliance. There’s a disc drive and a motherboard. A small fan with cut wires.
Recognition settles in slowly. It’s a destroyed laptop. On top sets a piece of paper with “XXOO, Harper” written on it.
“No. I did not do this.” Harper takes a step back. “I’m so sorry. But you know I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.”
I’m speechless. I look over my shoulder and down the hall. The heavy outer building door is firmly shut. Only someone with a key can enter.
“I know you wouldn’t.” I stare down into the box. I’d been trying to figure out the mystery of my missing laptop. Running over the events of Friday again and again, hoping to come up with something. I’d assumed that I’d left my apartment unlocked or that the culprit had found my key.
But I’d honestly forgotten about the new lock on the building’s outer door. Until now.
She turns away from me. “I have no idea what’s going on. I didn’t steal it. And you say you believe me, but I have this awful feeling that deep down, you don’t. I’m going to find a new place to live. You won’t have to worry about running into me.”
“I don’t give a shit about this,” I say, kicking the box. I kick it again for good measure. “And you aren’t going to move.”
She closes her eyes. “I saw your face when you walked into the dining hall this morning. You can’t stand to be around me. And now when you see me here, you’re going to picture this thing. This smashed up laptop you’ll always associate with me. I have no way to prove I didn’t do it.” She steps away from me until her back hits her apartment door.
“Babe.” I lower my voice and walk across the hall to be closer. “You didn’t. I just know. Today at the senior facility? I wanted to jump over the table and beat Antonio’s pretty face. I came back from the restroom to find you gone. I wanted to tell you that there was going to be trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“Antonio might have all the moves, but I have all the right words.”
She stares at me. “There’s nothing between me and Antonio,” she whispers.
I grab her hand and press it to my chest over my heart. “Feel that? It’s full of all these sappy words I haven’t said. Emotions I couldn’t handle. But I think it took realizing I could lose you. I’m not going to let fear win. I can’t.”