“Wait,” she said, her heart bursting with love.
He turned, a wary look on his face. “You’re not changing your mind, are you?”
“No.” She grabbed his hand. “I can’t let you leave without this.”
She slid her fingers into his messed up hair and drew his head down for a kiss. His eyes flashed wide before she pressed her lips against his, the touch electrifying. She lost herself in the moment. Forgetting the location. The dingy hallway. Thinking only about this amazing man. The man who loved her. He loved her. Wow!
He deepened the kiss. She reveled in it but soon forced herself to pull back and look into his eyes. She took a moment to catch her breath, enjoyed knowing she had the power to cause him to struggle for breath. She wanted to hold onto him forever. To keep kissing those full lips. To feel that heady feeling and never come up for air.
And she suddenly knew this was what love felt like. She’d never known a feeling quite like this before. She wanted to savor it. Which she would. All afternoon while clinging to the promise of seeing him again. But now, she needed to let him go so she could think about their future and know her mind and heart to clearly communicate with him tonight.
“This seems to be becoming a habit for me,” she whispered. “Initiating a kiss, that is.”
He gently touched the side of her cheek, and the contact fired off a rush of emotions. “A habit I hope will last a lifetime.”
Clay opened the beach house door feeling like he was floating on a cloud. Literally above the ground so high he might not make it through the doorway. Toni had given him hope for a future together. If he didn’t mess things up again. He would do his best not to.
“You’re back,” Aiden said from the sectional, where most everyone in the family was crammed in.
“Guess this means you didn’t get locked in any closets along the way,” Brendan joked.
Everyone laughed, and Clay knew he was never going to live down the incident at the janitor’s closet, but he was in such a good mood, he laughed with them.
“Toni coming to dinner?” Drake asked.
He nodded, afraid to say yes in case speaking it aloud would make something happen to change her mind. His family responded with a cheer, and his mother jumped up to come to him.
“I’m so pleased, son.” She smiled at him and clutched his hands. “Toni really is special, and you deserve someone special. Just don’t—”
“Mess it up again,” he said. “Yeah, I know. Trust me.”
“Of course you do. Don’t let what happened steal your confidence. You’re a very caring and conscientious guy, and that was a fluke.” She gave him the same smile she’d given whenever he’d gotten in trouble. He couldn’t describe the look, but it was a cross between I love you and You didn’t make the best choice.
“Thanks, Mom. I think I’ve got this.”
“What about Lisa and her children?” his mom asked.
“I invited them, but I doubt they will be coming.”
“You gonna do something special for Toni?” Drake asked.
Clay looked at his brother. “You’re awful chummy with her.”
“That a problem?” Drake asked.
“No. Just saying.”
“She deserves to be treated right, so if you need my help with anything, let me know.”
Their mother looked at Drake and smiled. Not the one Clay had gotten, but an I’m proud of you smile.
“Toni will be here at four,” Clay said. “I have a few things to organize before that.”
“We’re all going antiquing this afternoon,” his mother said.
“Say what?” Their dad swiveled to look at her. “Since when—?”
“Since Clay might need the place to himself at four. Everyone be ready to leave at three-thirty.” She ran her gaze over the group, daring anyone to argue with her, but they wouldn’t. Not on a Sunday, which somewhere along the way she’d declared her day to be in charge of the family. Truth was, she was in charge every day, she just didn’t admit it.
“Go ahead, son,” she said to Clay. “Make your special arrangements, but remember we eat at six when we’ll all welcome Toni to the family.”
Toni knocked on the beach house door and straightened her shirt. She’d brought a very limited amount of clothing with her from Portland. Mostly work clothes, but she’d tossed in one pair of jeans and dressy boots, which she’d paired with a pale green blouse and navy suit jacket. She hoped she fit in, but she might be a bit too dressy. She was almost glad that Lisa decided not to come, as Toni’s attention would be split between them and the Byrd family and tonight she wanted to focus on only one person. Clay.
The door opened, and Drake stood there. “Glad to hear you and Clay made up.”
She didn’t know how to respond, so she smiled.
“He has something special planned for you, and I’m supposed to take you to him.”
“But what about your family?” She looked around him to an empty house. “The dinner?”
“He’ll bring you back in plenty of time. Trust me. Mom would never let a Sunday go by without family dinner.” He grabbed a jacket from a hook by the door and stepped out to close the door and start down the walkway. “She owns Sundays. Totally. Well, next to God, but she’s a great co-pilot.” He grinned at Toni.
She laughed. “I like your mom. She’s like the rest of you. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it.”
“That she does.” He started down a sandy path toward the stairway leading to the beach.
“What do you want, Drake?” She looked up at him. “What are you going after?”
“Actually, I’m pretty content with things as they are.”
“No special someone for you?”
He shook his head. “I have so many places I want to visit and things I want to experience. Life is meant to be exciting and lived full throttle. No settling down. At least not at my age. Getting married would put a hitch in that. Shoot, even a girlfriend would crimp my style.”
“You could find a woman who wants the same things.”
“Yeah, sure. That could happen, I suppose. I’m just not looking for it.”
She hadn’t been looking for someone either, and then God had changed everything, but she wouldn’t say any more. If Drake was meant to find someone special, God would arrange things.
They reached the steps where she spotted angry clouds darkening the sky, and the wind kicked up, buffeting her face. When they hit the beach, Drake headed for a large tent anchored in the sand.
The sand shifted underfoot, making it a challenge to keep up with Drake’s long steps. A noise like a horse’s whinny sounded from the tent. A horse in a tent? Not likely.
She rounded the front of the tent, and Clay sat at a small table set with appetizers, a bottle of sparkling grape juice, and tall crystal glasses filled with the juice. He was dressed in his usual attire, but it looked as if he’d spent time on his appearance after exiting the wind as every hair seemed to be in the right place.
Clay got up and looked at Drake. “Thanks for bringing Toni down here.”
“Welcome.” Drake looked at her. “See you at dinner.”
She nodded, and he spun to leave, kicking up sand as he walked.
“Hi.” Clay crossed over to her with a glass of the juice.
“Hi,” she said back, feeling a bit awkward. “What’s going on?”
“Since this is kind of our first date, I thought we should do something special.”
She hadn’t considered this a date, but he was right. It was a date. She took a sip of the sparkling juice and grabbed a cracker with cheese to busy her hands.
He looked out the opening. “I was hoping for clearer weather, but you know it’s Oregon in winter. Typical fog and rain.”
“But you like it that way.” She held the cracker but couldn’t take a bite as her mouth was too dry, so she set it down and sipped the juice instead.
“I do when I’m struggling with something big. But I’m not s
truggling with anything right now. My mind is clear. I know what I want.” He lifted his chin and held her gaze.
“Me too. I’ve finally accepted the loss of my parents. Lisa helped with that. She’s so strong and her faith unwavering.”
Clay frowned. “I hope they’re going to be all right. My family and I are praying for them.”
“It’ll take time and therapy, but I think they’ll do okay.” She set down her juice and took his hand. “It was very sweet of you to offer your place to them.”
“I just wanted to help.”
“Which tells me so much about you. You’re a wonderful guy, and as I get to know you better, I know I’ll discover so many more things to prove that.”
His face colored, and he brushed a hand over it as if trying to erase his embarrassment. He put his drink on the table and drew her closer, looking like he was going to kiss her, but didn’t. “You ready for your surprise?”
“This isn’t it?”
“No.” His expression morphed into uncertainty, and he led her out of the tent.
The mist had stopped, but it was still cold and foggy. A perfect day at the beach.
He rounded the corner of the tent, where a stocky man held the reins for two saddled horses.
“This is my friend, Davis,” Clay said. “He owns stables nearby and agreed to let us take his horses for a ride on the beach.”
She went to the closest horse, a black beauty, and caressed her neck while looking at Clay. “Do you know how to ride?”
Davis snorted.
“Hey,” Clay said. “I’ve been on a horse a time or two.”
“Uh-huh.” Davis grinned. “And off a time or two.”
Clay chuckled and looked at Toni. “It’s possible I’ll get thrown, but I still want to ride with you.”
“Then let’s get going.” She climbed onto the horse’s back and looked at Davis. “What’s her name?”
“Charm.” Davis rested his hand on the black and white horse’s neck. “And this is Blue, the safest horse you can find. He won’t spook or take off. Perfect for Clay.”
Toni stroked Charm’s neck and watched while Clay mounted his horse. Clay was tentative and looked nervous, but the horse stood rock solid. Clay obviously didn’t ride, even had bad experiences, but he remembered what she’d said about wanting to ride on the beach, and he was doing this for her. Her heart was so full she didn’t know if she could handle all the goodness.
They started off at a walk side-by-side, the salty spray from the ocean wetting her face. The urge to move, to race, hit her hard, and she kicked her horse into a trot. Clay kept pace.
“You ready to gallop?” she asked, her voice raised to be heard over the pounding surf at the horse’s feet.
“I won’t be ready for that for quite some time.” He smiled. “You go ahead.”
She didn’t want to leave him behind, but galloping on the beach had always been one of her dreams. “You sure?”
He nodded. “I’m content with just seeing your happiness.”
“You heard him, Charm. Let’s go.” She urged Charm forward, her hooves pounding as they raced along the water’s edge, the wind on her body, the salty air tangy and sharp. This truly was a dream come true.
So why wasn’t she feeling exhilarated? She only felt alone. Very alone.
She’d once have raced off by herself and thought nothing of it, but now she wanted Clay at her side. She didn’t need him with her every second in the future, but doing things together when possible would hold more meaning.
She circled back. Racing forward. Watching him sitting on the horse, a broad smile on his face. She trotted up next to him and took his hand. “Thank you for this.”
“You came back awfully fast.”
“I want to share it with you. So how about we take a nice slow ride.”
“I can do that.”
She turned Charm around, and they rode in silence, the churning of the waves and thumping of the hooves the only sound.
Clay glanced at his watch. “We need to head back. Wouldn’t want to be late for dinner.”
“Right, she said, but a knot formed in her stomach. But why? She might’ve once been worried about such a big family but then she’d gotten to know most of them. Plus, Clay had been nervous about riding a horse, and he’d braved his fear for her. She could do the same.
By the time they turned the horses over to Davis and got up to the house, the family was seated around the table, Pong lying on the floor at Erik’s feet, his eyes begging for food. The house smelled like rosemary mixed with the savory scent of baked bread, and Toni’s stomach grumbled.
“Quick,” Peggy said, a platter with two large roasted chickens in her hands. “Wash up and join us.”
They went to the sink and washed, Clay playfully splashing water at her. She laughed and they locked eyes. The intensity in his expression nearly took her breath. She would give most anything to be alone with him right now.
He kissed her forehead. A soft, gentle, love-filled kiss. She almost melted in a puddle of happiness.
“We want to eat, you know,” Drake said. “You can play kissy-face later.”
Embarrassed, Toni dried her hands and willed herself to turn and look at the family. They were all watching. The heat of a blush bloomed again.
Clay didn’t seem bothered by their display and took her hand to lead her to the table. He introduced her to Harper, Jenna, and Karlie.
“I’m going to be a Byrd in twenty sleeps,” Karlie announced.
“That’s wonderful.” Toni sat in the empty chair next to the little girl.
Karlie looked at Toni. “Nana said she hoped you’d be a Byrd too.”
Toni glanced at Clay’s mom, and Peggy smiled broadly. “We all hope that.”
“Being a Byrd doesn’t mean you can fly,” Karlie said, very serious now. “I thought it did, but Daddy said it doesn’t, right?” She looked up at Brendan.
Brendan nodded. “I guess this is a good time to tell everyone that Karlie asked if she could call me dad.”
“He said yes.” Karlie’s eyes burned with love. “I love him.”
“Right back atcha, little bit.” Brendan brushed strands of hair from her face and kissed the top of her head.
No one spoke, the moment too special for words.
“We should pray,” Peggy finally said, her voice choked up.
Everyone took hands, and Toni was acutely aware of the difference between little Karlie’s tiny hand and Clay’s beefy one. But no matter the size difference, they both spoke of a future filled with the love of this amazing family.
Thank you, Father, she offered, then listened to Peggy’s eloquent prayer and added her own amen with the others at the end.
Plates and bowls of food were passed around the table, and Toni loaded her plate with chicken, onions, carrots, and potatoes.
Karlie held her hands over her plate. “Too much, Mommy. Nana made chocolate cake, and I haveta have room.”
“You can eat this and still have a little piece of cake.” Jenna gave her daughter a very serious look, but Toni could tell she wanted to smile instead like everyone else was doing.
“Not little. I want big.” Karlie shoved a carrot into her mouth and chewed.
Toni’s only experience was being around her niece and nephew that weekend, and they were skittish from their ordeal, so she didn’t think it was a true picture of what children could be like. But if this darling little girl was any indication of how kids behaved, Toni might like to find out how she felt about them. She would surely need to know her stance before she ever got into a serious relationship with Clay.
The conversation turned to Harper’s latest ski competition.
“I have to leave first thing in the morning,” Harper said.
“But you just got here.” Peggy narrowed her eyes then waved a hand. “No, don’t listen to me. We’re happy to have you for however long you can be here.”
Harper and Aiden shared a look, and Toni could see A
iden felt the same way. As Harper talked about getting back for training and her next event, Toni admired the woman’s dedication.
Toni glanced at Clay. She was still dedicated to a career in law enforcement, but she wanted time with him, too, and Lisa and the kids, the family she never really had. She understood the joy of family now, and she had to tell Clay about her change in priorities. Not now. Now she would just sit back and learn more about his family she might someday call her own.
After the cake had been devoured, Karlie asking for two pieces, Toni offered to help clean up.
“It’s our night,” Aiden said. “You’ll come up in the rotation in two weeks.”
Toni loved that he expected her to be at dinner in two weeks because she sure planned on it. And she needed to tell Clay how she felt. He’d admitted his love and she had to tell him she loved him too. She looked at him. “Can we talk in private?”
He looked around the room. “How about the deck?”
“Perfect.” Even though Aiden told her not to help, she couldn’t leave her dishes at the table and took them to the kitchen.
Clay raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.
She grabbed her jacket and passed Pong, who was still looking longingly at the table.
“Despite Pong’s sad look, he’s fine,” Erik said as he tossed a chew toy. “He has to earn treats or he won’t do his job.”
She nodded, but when she got the dog she’d always wanted, she figured she’d be spoiling it all the time. She joined Clay, who’d stepped into the clear night with a sharp wind. It would be warmer if the clouds and rain returned, but the sky was filled with sparkling stars and a big moon.
“You really didn’t need to do that,” Clay said. “Take your dishes in, I mean.”
“It feels wrong to impose.”
“You’re not imposing. We’ll take our turn and pay them back. Not that everything needs to be paid back in our family. We don’t operate that way.”
“I can see that.”
He leaned against the railing. “What did you want to talk about?”
“I wanted to let you know I get it now.”
“It?”
“When I watched your family, I saw how present they were. Listening. Responding. Making jokes. But now that I look back on when my parents were alive, I can see it was different at our house. There was a reserved tone. Likely due to Lisa. She’d been missing for years, and yet, she was there. Always there. Always in my parents’ hearts and minds. And always making them hold back. They loved me. I know that. But at a distance, if that makes any sense.”
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