“Jah,” Fannie said. “So glad we went through that hope chest.”
Lizzie took a deep breath and clung to the back of the bench in Roman’s living room. Why was Roman asking Fannie? Why did he act like she wasn’t even there? And the hope chest, why had he never even cared to respond to the message she put inside when she returned it? Shame and grief washed over her and Lizzie found she couldn’t hold back the tears. She let out a gasp and felt Fannie’s hand on her shoulder.
“Lizzie, what on earth? What’s wrong?”
She couldn’t speak. Having kept such a secret for years was too hard to bear, and ever so often she just couldn’t cope. Lizzie turned to leave, but Roman stood in front of her and asked if he could talk to her in private. She nodded and followed Roman into the utility room off the kitchen. She felt him near her; that old familiar feeling that just wouldn’t go away overwhelmed her…love for this man.
“Lizzie, I asked Fannie to help Jenny because my girls look at her like an older sister. Asked her to go out for Sister Day. It was no offense to you.”
Lizzie kept her head down. “I didn’t think it was…”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Then why are you crying?”
She felt herself go as stiff as a board. “That hope chest. It belonged to me, remember?”
“Jah. Do you want it back?”
Lizzie looked at him evenly. “Nee, it brings back bad memories.”
“Lizzie, our courtship was a goot memory to me, until you broke it off.”
She pushed him aside. “You had the final say in that! You rejected me because…”
Roman tilted her chin up. “Lizzie. Look at me. I never rejected you. You don’t make any sense.”
She looked into Roman’s eyes. He seemed sincere, as if he didn’t know. “You read my letter, jah?”
“You sent me lots of letters. Which one?”
“My final one…”
“Jah, the one you put in the woodpecker hole, calling off our engagement.”
She looked at him, startled. “Which tree?”
“Ach, we had so many trees and it’s been so long…why?”
Lizzie gasped for air and ran to open the door. She didn’t stop, but ran through the women sitting in the living room, outside to the porch. She felt Roman grab her arm. “Where are you going?”
“Home. I feel sick.”
~*~
Fannie could see through the window that Roman had his arms on Lizzie’s shoulders. She stared to see if he’d embrace her, but he didn’t. Lizzie ran down the steps and he didn’t follow. Roman came into the house and slammed the door shut; his face flushed. He looked at her and asked if she could get a ride home with Maryann. She nodded yes.
Fannie held Roman’s eyes. “Is Lizzie alright?”
Roman shook his head. “Women,” he mumbled and headed upstairs.
Maryann gasped. “I knew it. He still cares for Lizzie.”
Ella looked up from her knitting. “I think so, too. The eyes are the windows to the heart, or soul, or something like that.”
“But she’s courting Melvin,” Fannie said. “She mustn’t care for Roman then.” She put her hand over her mouth when she saw Roman appear at the bottom of the steps with his girls. “Ach, we need you girls at the circle tonight. There’s only three of us.”
The girls ran over and hugged Maryann and Ella, but nestled all around Fannie.
“How are my girls tonight?” Fannie asked. “It’s bedtime soon, jah?”
“We have a surprise,” Jenny giggled. “Another one.”
Fannie beamed and put her arms around Millie and Tillie, seated on either side of her.
Jenny stood before her with a piece of paper. “We wrote this poem for you,” she said. “Well, actually, I wrote it and the girls helped.”
“I put in the part about heaven,” Millie protested.
Roman cleared his throat loudly. “All three girls wrote it.”
Jenny smiled at Fannie, exposing her gapped teeth, and read:
Snowflakes come from heaven
A gift from God above
Shiny little crystals
Made with His love
You are like a snowflake
A gift from God above
Sparkling with beauty
Made with His love
Jenny folded the paper and ran to hug Fannie. “You’re so pretty, just like the snowflakes Mamm made from paper.”
Maryann clasped her chest. “Ach, you girls are so sweet.”
“Jah, you sure are,” Ella said.
Fannie felt the tears on her cheeks and couldn’t speak. Was God speaking through these little angels? Was she really pretty?
Tillie brushed at her tears with her two little hands. “Why are you crying?”
Fannie tried to laugh. “Ach, I’m just silly. So, you girls think I look like a snowflake. Why, because I’m round?”
Millie giggled. “You’re so funny. I know my shapes now. You’re not round; you’re a…really long rectangle.”
“Jah, like the ruler we use in school to measure things,” Jenny said. “You’re tall and skinny.”
Fannie knew children always spoke as they saw things. Was she really that deceived? Granny said she needed to empty her mind of bad thoughts and fill them with good. From now on, she’d think of a ruler whenever she saw a circle. She embraced all three girls and let her tears fall freely.
~*~
The next morning, Fannie pulled into Melvin’s clock shop with her sister, Eliza, to order the cuckoo clock that their mamm had always wanted. She could hardly wait to see her face on Christmas morning when she saw the clock with carved squirrels on the bottom. When they walked into the shop, Fannie was once again in awe at the skill Melvin and his father possessed. Intricately carved cuckoo clocks lined the walls and she and her sister jumped when they all stuck their heads out and cuckooed nine times. She heard Melvin laughing and turned to him.
“This noise will wake up the dead,” Fannie said, her hand on her heart.
“Jah,” Eliza said, putting both hands on her bulging stomach. “Made the baby kick.”
“Can I help you with anything?”
“We’d like to buy a clock for our mamm for Christmas.” Fannie pointed to the one she wanted and Melvin took it off the wall for her to hold. She ran her fingers over the little squirrels. “How do you do it, Melvin? They look so real.”
“I’ve been carving since I was a wee boy. My daed was a goot teacher, too.”
Eliza took the clock and looked over it carefully. “We’d like to buy this clock, but can you keep it here until Christmas Eve? We have no place to hide it.”
“No trouble at all,” Melvin said, taking the clock from her.
Eliza grinned at Melvin. “Seeing Lizzie? I remember in school how much you liked her, even though she was two grades above us. I have to admit; I was jealous.”
Melvin’s green eyes danced. “And why’s that?”
“Because I had a crush on you. But that was so long ago, when we were kinner.”
Fannie cocked her head to one side. “Melvin, you’ve never liked anyone but Lizzie?”
“Jah, it sounds silly, but I’ve never really cared for anyone but her.”
“Even when you lived in Ohio? No one caught your eye?”
“Well, someone did for a little while, but it didn’t last.” He walked behind the counter and put the clock in a box. “Why so many questions?”
“I heard from Lizzie yinz are courting, jah?” Fannie asked.
“Jah,” Melvin said, holding her gaze.
Fannie never noticed what a handsome man he was. So kind, too. But he was too old for her….
~*~
Ella sat in a rocker, white cotton square and red thread in hand. She got up and walked over to Granny’s bed. “Do these stitches look even to you?
Granny looked into Ella’s hope filled eyes. How she wanted a baby and the goot Lord was sure to give her her heart’s desire. “Very even
stitches. Goot job.”
“Do you want more soup? There’s lots of chicken soup simmering downstairs.”
Granny didn’t want anyone to know she still had no appetite. “I’ll have some later. I’m awfully tired.”
“I can read to you if you’d like.”
Granny pulled the covers up to her chin. “I’d feel like a boppli. Nee, you go ahead and work on your quilt.” The windows rattled loudly as the wind whipped outside, and Granny closed her eyes. She thanked the Lord she was in a warm home. A home not destroyed by tornadoes last summer. She thought of all the shawls they’d made to send to Missouri, to anyone in need, and the thought warmed her soul.
Granny heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs and opened her eyes to see Zach. He ran to Ella and picked her up and twirled her around. He was telling her about a baby. A baby for them? Granny sat up, afraid she was dreaming.
“What’s going on, Zach?” Granny asked.
“Word spread that we wanted a child. Amish grapevine. I got a letter from the settlement in Troutville. Teenage pregnancy and they’re looking for a family to adopt the baby.” Zach put his arm around his wife. “Ella, there’s no guarantees, but we need to go up and visit the family. Take it from there. Are you up for this, or should we stick with foster care?”
Ella bit her shaking lips. “Is it legal to just take the baby?”
“’Course it is,” Granny said. “It’s the way it’s always been done. You go on home with your husband, Ella. Yinz have a lot to talk about.”
“Nee, Jeb said to stay until he got back.”
“Where is he?” Zach asked.
Granny put her head back down. “He has an elder’s meeting. The bishop called it. Looks like Luke’s calmed down and repented of his sin, but Ruth won’t go home. She’s afraid.”
“I don’t blame her,” Ella said, walking over to Granny, grabbing her hand. “You look too pale.”
Granny heard footsteps again and soon saw Jeb. She could tell by his expression that he carried a heavy burden. He collapsed in the rocker and sighed. “Sometimes I wish Luke were young enough to give a whoopin’. He says he’s sorry, repented and all, but doesn’t seem sincere to me. We can’t blame Ruth for being fearful.” He bent over and coughed loudly.
“Will he go to counseling?” Zach asked.
“Jah, when Ruth said she wasn’t going home, he agreed to go. It’s expensive, but we’re in agreement; it’s money well spent. He’ll be going to Lancaster soon. Maybe stay with the Amish there for a spell.”
“Ach, what a goot day! We’ll have a boppli by Christmas and my brother will get help.”
Jeb’s head spun toward Ella. “What? A baby by Christmas?”
Granny giggled. “Old man, she’s not giving birth to one. You okay?”
Jeb coughed again. “Nee, not feeling too well.”
“Get in bed,” Ella said, and then turned to Zach. “I’m staying here until they’re better.”
Zach winked at her. “You work on that baby quilt. We’ll need it soon. I have a goot feeling about us getting this baby.”
~*~
Lizzie threw a snowball at Melvin, hitting him right in the forehead. He fell down and didn’t move. She ran over to him, remembering in her Bible the story of David and Goliath and how one little stone to his forehead killed him. In the twilight she couldn’t see so well, but was sure he was knocked out, at least. She bent down and put his head in her lap. He was motionless. She patted his cheeks, and still no movement. “Ach, Lord, I killed him. Don’t take him, Lord!”
Melvin’s body started to move. He was laughing and sat up and turned to her. “I gotcha. Least I know now if I was dead, you’d care.”
Lizzie stood up. “What makes you say such a thing? Of course I’d care!”
He stood up and dusted the snow off his black pants. “I was kidding…why so serious?”
“I was concerned, is all.”
Melvin pulled her close. “Nice to know you care.” He leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned her head. “Lizzie, if we’re going to get married, we should kiss sometime. Nothing wrong with it.”
“It leads to other things,” she said, trying to pull from him. How many times did she have to tell him she didn’t want to kiss until after marriage? She may be the only Amish woman who felt this way, but no other Amish woman had been through what she’d experienced. She looked into Melvin’s dejected eyes. “We talked about this before.”
“Nee, we never talked about it. You told me. Is this what it’ll be like when we’re married? You barking orders?”
Lizzie gasped in shock. Melvin had never acted so boldly before. “Seems like you’ve wanted to say that for a while. Anything else you want to say?”
Melvin readjusted his black wool hat. “Maybe…”
“And?”
“When you love someone, it’s natural to kiss. Makes me wonder if you love me at all.”
Lizzie didn’t know what to say. If she said she loved him, it would be a lie. If she told him about the pain locked in her heart, he might reject her. If she said she still felt a little for Roman, it would break his heart. Lizzie froze where she stood, just like the snowman they’d built together, and watched him walk away. Hot tears blurred her vision, and once again, the pain of that dreadful day stabbed her like a knife.
~*~
Luke sat in Ruth’s rocker and bit his lower lip. What was wrong with him? Were Ruth and Micah really too afraid to come home? Was he an animal, like Ruth said?
He heard wagon wheels and saw his brother pull the buggy through the deep snow. He’d forgotten to shovel the driveway, but then again, he didn’t have Ruth by his side to remind him. He met Zach and let him in. “I’m talked out. Do you need something?”
Zach patted Luke on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you. Takes a strong man to go to counseling.”
“Who said I’m going?”
“Jeb. Didn’t you tell the Bishop and elders you’d go?”
“Well, jah, I did. But it’ll be weeks before I can go and I’m hoping Ruth will wake up and come home before I have to.”
Zach groaned and sat at the round oak table. “You gave your word, so you need to keep it, plain and simple. I came to tell you something else, too. We might be adopting a boppli. Ella doesn’t want you coming around. She’s afraid of you.”
Luke collapsed in the chair next to Zach. “Why? I’ve never yelled at Ella.”
“When a man loses his temper…shows no self-control…it scares the women folk.”
Luke put his head down. “Never knew that.”
“Did Uncle Otis scare you when you worked for him?”
“Jah, he did, but he made me listen.”
“I worked for Smiley, and like his name, he never yelled. He made me listen.” Zach shifted in the chair. “Maybe being around Uncle Otis so much growing up wasn’t goot. Maybe he rubbed off on you.”
Luke didn’t know if he should tell his brother everything that went on over at their uncle’s, but he didn’t want to go to counseling either. “Did you ever see the magazines Uncle Otis had in his barn?”
“Nee, never. Why?”
Shame welled up in Luke. “He had stacks of girly magazines. Looked at them and let me take some home.”
Zach shot out of his chair. “What? You mean pornography?”
Luke put his hands up. “I was only ten when I first looked.” A sob caught in his throat. “I was only ten…” He put his head on the table to hide his face, but couldn’t hold back the anger that rose in him. He slammed his fist on the table. How could his uncle expose him to such filth?
He felt Zach’s hand on his back. No judgmental words? He’d feared telling someone his whole life and he could have told his daed or Zach years ago. Ruth acting like she was locked up in a cage made him so angry because she really didn’t know the prison cell he was in.
Luke turned to look up at his brother. He didn’t know how to interpret the shock in Zach’s eyes. Was he disgusted with him? “May
be I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“Nee, you did the right thing. I think we found out why you treat Ruth like you do. Pornography shows no respect for women.”
“I thought it only fed my lustful thoughts.”
Zach rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you look at those magazines still?”
Luke didn’t know what to say now. He couldn’t risk losing his job, but something made him open up to his brother. “Jah, on those phones with pictures. At work.”
“Luke, you’re only allowed to talk on a phone connected to a wall for a reason.”
“Why’s that?”
“Don’t you pay attention when we have our vote on the Ordnung? Some other men have been lured into that trap of looking at porn on those new phones. The Bishop said only phones connected to a wall could be used. The ones with the big handles.”
Luke put his head down. “I can’t stop looking. It’s like I’m possessed.”
“Well, you did the right thing. You told someone, and now you’re not carrying this burden alone. I’ll go out to Lancaster with you when counseling starts. We’ll get through this together.”
Luke let the tears flow and stood up to hug his brother. When he felt wrung out, he released him and looked at him and grinned. “We’ll get through things together. You sound like a girl.”
Zach laughed nervously. “What do you mean?”
“Ruth’s been saying how Granny Weaver talks about getting through life together. Maybe we should join the knitting circle.”
Zach burst into laughter. “How about we start a chewing tobacco circle? We can spit in the same spittoon and gab.”
Luke chuckled. “I’d like that.”
~*~
Fannie slowed her buggy when she saw a man along the road. He staggered like a drunk. When she got closer, she realized it was Melvin. What on earth? She pulled back the reins. “Melvin, are you okay?”
“Just walking off some steam, is all,” he said. “Best walk the other way than fight, jah?”
Fannie knew he was freezing. “I’ll take you home. Get in.”
“My horse and buggy are back at…Miller’s Variety.”
Fannie knew the store closed at five. “Melvin, how long have you been walking out here?”
Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes Page 8