Zach put his arm around Ella’s waist. “I don’t judge you either, but what can we do?”
Ella saw Lavina search her eyes for an answer…an invitation. But surely, she couldn’t live with them. Anger started to fester in her; today was Old Christmas, one of her favorite days, a sacred day of peace to reflect, and now it was ruined. “Lavina, you can’t stay here. You understand that, jah? We can’t have the kinner confused as to who the mamm is.”
“I told the driver to drop me off. I thought yinz would understand. From your letters, you seemed so loving.”
Ella’s throat grew tight, choking the words she wanted to say. I do care about you, but these are my babies. Mine!
Zach asked Lavina to sit down and asked her if she wanted a cup of coffee. Ella spun on her heals and went into the living room to check on Vina. Her Vina. She’d waited so long for children and it was hard to soak it all in; she needed Old Christmas to reflect, but not with Lavina here. How could Zach ask her if she wanted coffee? May as well get a spare room ready!
She never had her emotions change to rage so suddenly before. Was this a mamm’s heart protecting her young? Ella sat on her rocker, feeling exhausted. Up most of the night, and now having the biological mamm show up on her favorite day was too much. She put her head against Moses’ and cried. She let the tears flow freely, as she nuzzled his cheek against hers. How she loved the twins; they were little angels from above that descended on their home, and no one was taking them. And little Vina would grow up to be a good, moral Amish woman, like her. Writing to Lavina was one thing, but having her in her life another.
She looked up and noticed that Zach was sitting in his rocker, holding Vina tight. “Is she leaving? After her coffee?”
“Ella, I’m as dumbfounded as you, but let’s calm down to think straight. It’s Old Christmas. What is the Lord trying to show us?”
“Nothing,” Ella snapped. “It’s a coincidence.”
Zach gawked at her. “You’re exhausted or you wouldn’t be acting so unkind.”
“Jah, I would. I’m the mamm. She wants the twins back and she can’t have them.”
Zach put Vina back in the playpen. “We need advice. I’m getting Jeb.”
~*~
Jeb looked across the kitchen table in disbelief. “Son, you can’t just pick up your bags and go to Lancaster. We’re not spring chickens anymore. Your mamm’s exhausted watching the girls while you volunteer at the store. She’s still over at the house in bed.”
“But Lizzie’s not answering my letter. I need to talk to her; what if she did meet someone out there and is planning a wedding?”
Jeb heard the girls playing upstairs and was glad they couldn’t hear their daed talk so foolishly about his old fiancé, as if Abigail never existed. He cracked his knuckles. “We’re just too worn out from Christmas to watch the girls for a week.”
“What if I hire a helper? Maybe Becca?”
“Nee, not Becca. Maryann has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and will need her help. Just don’t know.”
“Daed, you think I’m being hasty, don’t you?”
Jeb sipped his tea. “Well, your situation is unique; haven’t really counseled on such a matter before…”
“There’s counselors in Lancaster…”
Jeb sighed. “Since when do we need to hire a professional counselor to make decisions?”
“Since there’s no clear cut answer.”
Jeb cocked up one eyebrow. “Regrets over yesterday and fear of tomorrow are twin thieves that rob us of the moment.” He leaned forward. “Son, rest in God today. It’s Old Christmas, a day to rest and reflect. Read your Bible and God will lead, but not in a haphazard way like this.” He noticed a buggy coming down the driveway, the horse kicking up snow. “Why’s everybody in a rush today?”
Roman groaned and put his head on the table. Jeb went out on the porch to see Zach and waved for him to come into Roman’s house, so Deborah could rest. Something was wrong. Really wrong. “Zach, what’s the matter?”
“I need your help…”
~*~
Ruth looked up from her knitting. “Mamm, I’m afraid to let him back. I’m starting to heal and he might crush me again.” She lowered her head, knitting furiously.
“But you had your daed come over here to put up a twin bed in Mica’s room for a reason. You’re letting him back, jah?”
“I don’t have much choice, do I?” she snapped. Her mamm didn’t understand at all. Her daed was a loving man; he’d warned her about Luke but she was headstrong and didn’t heed his advice. She had choices in the past, but made wrong decisions. Now she was trapped. “I made a mistake in marrying Luke. Should have listened to Daed.”
“We live in the present, jah?” her mamm asked. She went over to the woodstove to put another log in and then took the little hand broom to sweep up the ashes on the floor. She slowly turned her head toward Ruth. “He gives us beauty for ashes…”
Ruth stared at the ashes in the metal dust pan. He gives us beauty for ashes…one of her favorite Bible verses. But was it true? He gives…the Lord would have to do the work…give her love for Luke…give her mercy to forget…give her peace in her home. How would she know if He could do this for her unless she let Luke come home?
Her heart beat slower and she felt the tension in her arms ease. She couldn’t trust Luke, but she could trust the Lord to do the impossible…give her beauty for ashes.
~*~
Jeb always felt peaceful in Ella and Zach’s home; so the tension was foreign to him. Ella in the living room, clinging to the babies, fear in her eyes. Lavina sitting at the kitchen table, hovering over a cup of tea, looking mighty lost. He thought of his remark to Roman about not needing professional counselors. He wished he had one now. The world was getting so complicated.
He put his hand on Lavina’s shoulder. “I’m Jeb. A friend to Zach and Ella and an elder in the church.” He pulled out an oak chair and sat by the girl, the biological mamm of the twins. “Why are you here? Can you tell me?”
Her fear-filled eyes met his. “I repented, you know. I knelt down in front of my whole church, but there’s still talk. I’ll always be seen as an immoral woman.”
“Did you say you didn’t know who the daed was when you knelt and confessed?”
“Jah, ‘cause I wanted to be honest.”
“And no church elder or bishop helped you choose your words? There are ways of confessing that you acted immoral.”
“Well, my daed was in a rage. He told me to confess details; even though the bishop tried to stop me, I just kept on going or I’d hear it at home.”
Jeb’s heart sank. He never had a daughter, but he loved Jenny, Millie and Tillie with all his heart. How’d a little girl grow up to find herself in so many fellows’ arms? Who taught his girl what love was? His mind wandered to Roman; despite the pain of losing Abigail, he was selfless and his girls knew they were the apple of their daed’s eye. Jeb had an awful hunch that Lavina never knew the love of a daed.
“I hear you want to live in Smicksburg. We have a spare room open for a week, and then we’ll see what we can do…”
He watched in pity as the girl put her head on the table and sobbed. He tried to comfort her, but he remembered Deborah tell him that some tears cleansed the body, so maybe she needed to get all the hurt out somehow. He got up and went into the living room and looked into Ella’s bewildered eyes.
“I’m taking her to my place. For a week, so things can settle down.”
Ella pursed her lips and her face was beet red. “Why?”
“Why not? We’re supposed to celebrate the arrival of the kings today, jah? The kings who brought gifts to the Christ child?”
“And?” Zach probed. “What’s that got to do with Lavina?”
“Well, when I think of the whole scene there in Bethlehem, there’re shepherds, too. And they were looked down on as the lowest of the low back then. But they stood alongside kings. You understand?”
H
e noticed Ella’s eyes soften and then a flicker of light shone. “I see. Ach, I was afraid of her being a bad influence on the kinner. I was looking down on her…”
“I was too…” Zach said. “She did repent and gave up the babies. That would be hard since I’m attached to them already.”
Ella walked out of the room and Jeb soon heard her talking to Lavina, trying to sooth the girl, insisting she stay with Jeb.
~*~
Maryann and Michael held hands as they snuggled on the bench turned toward the windows, and looked up at the full moon. Its light bathed a deer grazing in the field and she thought of the light of Christ. His light took away all her fear long ago when she almost lost a child. Could He take away her fears now, too? Life was so fragile and she was afraid the result of the testing tomorrow would shatter her, shatter Michael. What if she did have cancer and needed surgery? What if she lost her whole breast?
She leaned her head on Michael’s shoulder, feeling secure in his love. He’d told her today he only wanted her healthy, no matter the cost, the loss. She knew he meant it, but how would she feel if she had a mastectomy? Like half a woman?
As if sensing the noise in her mind, Michael turned and kissed the top of her hair, now flowing down over her. “Maryann, you’ll always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Do you know why?”
She gasped for air, as if drowning. “Why?”
“You have a beauty that never dies, on the inside.” He stroked her long brown hair and tilted her lips toward his and kissed her gently. “I want to see that beauty for a long while and grow old with it. I need it…do you understand?”
She understood. If she had cancer and needed the most radical surgery, he wanted her to get it, so she would live… She reached up and clung to his neck. “I’m so afraid.” She put her head on his chest as he cradled her and rocked her back and forth. With Michael by her she could face tomorrow…she was not alone. Oddly, her thoughts turned to Ruth, and how alone she must feel, having a husband she couldn’t talk to. Maryann closed her eyes and prayed a casting off prayer for her knitting friend.
~*~
Granny sat in her rocker knitting furiously. Jeb should have asked her first if Lavina could stay with them for a week, but she knew her old man. He picked up stray animals, kittens along the road, and found them homes. What did she expect with a wounded girl?
She thought of Lavina and all they’d talked about. Maybe some time away from Troutville would be good for her. She needed to recondition her mind, too. To see that she was forgiven, and made clean by a God who loved her. She’d confessed, and all was in the past.
She thought of Ruth’s decision to let Luke back home tonight. Married to an elder could be a curse at times, since she knew more than most people when Jeb needed to unload. So Ruth felt God would give her beauty for ashes. Granny sighed deeply and put down her knitting loom in her lap. She had seen such a change in Luke, but fear that Ruth would get hurt again made her sick with worry at times.
And Roman, what he’d told her in confidence about Lizzie. She grabbed for her middle. Such a terrible thing, but like Roman said, it could have been much worse. Just thinking of it made her ill; if the hunter hadn’t come by…but she caught herself. A hunter did come by! Maybe an angel! And she would not allow her mind to think of what might have happened.
She knew when she was overwhelmed, to just bow her head and pray:
Dear Sweet Jesus,
Oh, I’m so thankful you came into this sick and fallen world to make things right. I trust you to lead all those close to me. I know your Word says they’re in the palm of your hand and I shouldn’t fret so, but I’m human and I do.
Help Maryann tomorrow as she and Michael go for further testing. Danki for friends who made us go to the doctors in the first place; some of my little women spun us around to see our need to go.
Lord, help Ruth. We are all holding our breath over how her marriage will turn out, but if she’s asking for beauty, give it to her.
And Lord, Lavina, she’s broken and though I don’t know her at all, she pulls at my heart. Is it you pulling my heart toward her to help?
And as usual, Lord, I lift up Lizzie and Roman. If it be your will, I’d be so happy to see them finally be wed, in your goot time.
~*~
Here is a recipe for Meadow Tea. It’s a popular tea among the Amish and country folk alike. It’s easy to grow your own mint patch, even if you live in the city. It’s a good plant to cultivate in a container, either indoor or outside.
If you grow a patch in your garden, to harvest simply take the long stalks in bunches, tie with string and hang upside down to dry. Then pull all leaves off the stalks and store in an airtight container. Mint has much medicinal value; good for colds and helps calm the nerves.
Meadow Tea
1 cups water
1 tbsp. mint leaves
1 tsp. honey
Heat water to boiling. Put leaves in an infuser and add to water. Let simmer for a few minutes. Add honey to taste. If you don’t have a metal infuser, you can put leaves into the water and then strain tea threw cheesecloth. For a quart of tea, the size of many teapots, simply add four times the amount of ingredients. You can serve hot or cold. Enjoy!
Episode 7
Beauty for Ashes
Maryann held her baby tight and rocked back and forth, forcing herself to hum the Loblied, the second song at church that was never rushed, but sung slow intentionally. To focus on the words and the fact that God would be their provision. She needed His provision more than ever.
She willed herself to be thankful for things she’d overlooked, despite her diagnosis. The cancer was contained, and if she hadn’t been in the company of such dear women at her knitting circle who forced her to get a mammogram, her condition might be terminal. She was sure they would be praying for her tonight and it was a comfort.
Maryann was going to go to the knitting circle but craved solitude, and real food. Granny always had goodies to eat, and only Michael knew she’d been to Dan Miller’s herb shop and was on a fruit and vegetable cleanse. Dan said he’d seen tumors shrink over time, and hoped hers would be smaller; small enough to only do a lumpectomy, only losing part of her breast.
She hummed louder at the thought of being away from her kinner. Looking at them now, doing school work at the long oak table after supper, warmed her heart. Why hadn’t she noticed this beautiful scene before? Michael always sat down at the table to help with any math problems, having a keen mind for figures. She never thanked him….she never took the time…
Time was what she wanted more than anything. The doctor had told her the cancer was most likely contained, and that gnawed at her soul. “Most likely”, wasn’t a definite answer. What if she didn’t make it? Who would raise her kinner?
She leaned back and hummed the hymn more slowly until she calmed down. In the multitude of my thoughts within me Thy comforts delight my soul. She thought of this verse, her motherhood verse. How anxious she was at times over such little things concerning her kinner, and God always comforted her. Now her problems seemed so petty, facing this mountain she’d have to climb.
But she wasn’t alone. She had her church family and Michael by her side. Her eyes quickly darted to Michael. What if he didn’t love her, being half a woman, with one breast? He’d never say it or even show it, but what if deep down he was appalled by her? At having a disfigured wife? She hoped that the tumor shrunk so she wouldn’t lose her whole breast. Better yet, Dan had said he had customers that had a tumor disappear with proper cleanses and change in diet.
Her mind sped to Luke. Is this what it’s like to have a mind filled with anxiety? She’d never felt her mind flap about like the clothes on the clothesline. What a torture to live like this every day. She saw more peace in Luke, and she thanked God for helping him.
She bowed her head to confess her harsh judgment of Ruth, separating for a time from her husband. Of how she’d treated Lavina, the unwed mamm of the twins, lik
e she was so superior to her. She gave Ella a tongue lashing for naming her Vina after her natural mamm, her immoral mamm. Maryann always had the answers in the past and easily gave them, even when not welcome. She prayed for Lavina, the young girl who seemed awful resistant to go home with her daed. She asked God to forgive her actions, and then got up and handed Michael the baby.
She was going to sit down and write that girl a letter of apology, telling her she was welcome to come spend time with her family anytime she liked. And then she’d write letters to everyone in her knitting circle, just how Granny wrote each one of them a letter, inviting them when she started it. Yes, she needed to write out words of gratitude and love, or anger about her condition would consume her. She’d get them in the mail by tomorrow and they’d all have them by Friday, and hopefully they’d come visit and talk on Saturday…a few days before her surgery. How she needed her friends.
~*~
Fannie let Melvin tuck her under the buggy robe and then steal a kiss. “Danki”
“You don’t have to thank me for a kiss,” Melvin said, smirking. “I enjoy taking you over to the knitting circle, but we need to pick up Lizzie, now that she’s back.”
Lizzie? Would she win Melvin’s heart back? “I don’t know why she can’t get a ride from Ella…”
“It’s out of Ella’s way.” He put his arm around her tight. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Nee, there’s something wrong. What is it?”
Even though February was right around the corner, the coldest of all months, she felt sweat form on her forehead. “Okay, I’m afraid.”
Melvin slowed the horse to a slow walk. “Are you afraid of me seeing Lizzie?”
“Jah, I am. She had your heart before, and could get it back.” Ice crystals blew into the buggy from across the field, and she leaned into Melvin.
He took her by the chin and looked at her, his green eyes puzzled. “I’ve already seen Lizzie in the store a week ago. I go there all the time for supplies. And I can say, I don’t have a love for her like you.”
Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes Page 14