“But you said you loved me…”
“I do. But I’m scared, too. Marriage is a big step. One I need to be sure of…”
Lavina could hold back the tears no longer, her heart feeling pierced. She sprang up, tossing her stick into the fire, and ran to Lizzie’s house.
Nathan did not follow.
~*~
Granny was glad that the girls from Forget-Me-Not Manor were warming up to her. Was it the pies she’d just delivered, or was Colleen spreading the word that the Amish weren’t some backwards people, their austere clothing making them appear unfriendly? If only the English really knew why they dressed as they did; their plain material was always cheap, and the patterns reusable. It was a symbol of their unity, too.
Her mind wandered to Lavina as she coaxed the horse away from Forget-Me-Not, and headed towards Suzy’s.
How could her son ask Nathan to come back to Montana without a goot reason? In their regular letters, she had expressed to her son that she thought Nathan was being too impulsive, falling for the first girl he met…and that she was worried about Lavina’s past. But now that she knew the girl, and her unhappy circumstances, she wouldn’t have thought Nathan hasty at all, only compassionate and a goot judge of character. Had she caused this whole ruckus? Roman was also taken back, expanding the business, only to find Nathan would be leaving, at least for a spell. Who could help him? Granny prayed out loud:
“Oh, Lord, I cast this on you. We do make a muddle of things, and it’s a miracle you can make everything turn out for the goot. For that I am so thankful.”
She wasn’t going to let the weight on her heart ruin such a gorgeous day. Blue skies dotted with white chunks of wool. She saw yarn waiting to be spun everywhere, but today she needed to treat herself to a yarn order from Suzy’s. The news of the church district being divided and Jeb being the new bishop was a secret until it was announced at church on Sunday. Some of her girls would not be attending her gmay, and this caused more pain than Granny thought imaginable.
She didn’t have any favorites, really, but Fannie came to her the most to talk. The girl had come so far and with being pregnant, her fears of being fat gnawing at her heart, it wouldn’t be as easy to check on her.
Granny looked both ways, and then crossed over Route 954 in a hurry. Summer tourists walked up and down the streets, easily crossing over this route on foot, but she was still nervous crossing it in a buggy. She made her way to the intersection of Clarion Street, then turned right, and a few houses up, turned into SuzyB Knits. Clark, the young homeless man living at Janice’s old house, was pounding nails on the side of Suzy’s house. Granny waved, glad to see Suzy hired him to put up the new white siding she’d talked about.
When she opened the door to the yarn shop, the familiar bell that jangled was a comfort, as was the brightly colored yarns that filled the shelves on three walls, from floor to ceiling. There was no one in the store, but soon Suzy came in from her back room, eyes red and swollen.
“What’s wrong?” Granny asked.
Suzy put a tissue to her eyes and bowed her head. Granny could easily see her body jerking as she sobbed. “Suzy…is Molly gone?”
Suzy shook her head. “She’s just so ill.”
“Can anything be done?”
“Dave made an appointment with the vet, but we can’t get her in until tonight.” Another sob escaped. “If the vet wants to put her down, I need to be there. I’m sorry.”
Granny went over to embrace Suzy, and then stepped back, puzzled. “What are you sorry for?”
“I can’t make it to knitting circle. I gave all the girls assignments, but –”
“Don’t worry yourself. Marge is coming and can knit. She can help us.”
Suzy stiffened. “Well, Deborah, there’s knitters, and then there’s knitters.”
Granny thought she understood Suzy’s meaning. Some women were real quilters, and others not, just doing it out of necessity, and it showed in their work. “I think Marge is the goot kind of knitter. But if not, we have next week, jah?”
Suzy’s eyes softened. “Thank you, Deborah. I’ve been missing so many classes, but my Molly is like a child.”
Granny patted her on the shoulder. “I feel the same way about Jack. That dog is a comfort. When I’m down or sick, he won’t leave my side.” She jumped when she heard a loud knock.
“Looks like Clark is back to work. Must have taken a break,” Suzy said. “He’s such a good worker.”
Granny looked out the side window to see Clark up on a ladder. He looked much better than when she met him. He seemed more settled in Smicksburg. “You say he’s a goot worker, jah?”
“Jah, I mean, yes, “ Suzy said.
“Does he have a full-time job yet?”
“No, still looking, but with all kinds of odd jobs, he’s paying his bills. Why?”
Granny inhaled and pursed her lips. “Nathan’s going back to Montana for a while, and Roman needs help.”
Suzy’s eyes widened. “We prayed at church last night for Clark to have more work! This could be the answer. Roman could teach him how to make those hickory Amish rockers.”
Granny nodded, deep in thought. She’d have to talk to Roman. So much change…but yarn was always available to knit and calm her nerves. She surveyed all the yarn on the shelves, but her eyes always rested on the various shades of pink. How she loved that color. She went over and fingered the yarn. “So soft.”
“It’s alpaca and it’s warm.”
“I’ll take some.” Granny tilted her head. “Can’t a scarf be used as a hat, too?”
“I suppose so. If you’re homeless and cold, I see no reason why not. But Deborah, you’re advancing so much, you could learn to make a hat.”
Granny looked down at the pink yarn in her hand again. “I need to knit and not think hard. I can make a knit and purl now without thinking. Best I just be knitting it across and back. Would it look right?”
“Of course it would.” Suzy stepped near Granny. “What’s wrong. You’re always eager to learn.”
“Nothing… ‘this too shall pass’, jah?”
Suzy tilted her head. “I needed to hear that. Molly can’t live forever. If she has to be put down…this too shall pass. And God is close to the brokenhearted.” Suzy put a Kleenex up to her eyes again. “So He’ll be real close to me.”
~*~
Luke plunked a blackberry into the metal bucket, and then stared at a berry-laden bush. “Glad you found this spot. Never been here before.”
Ruth had known of this old abandoned dawdydaus for years, but kept it to herself. It was her place for reflection. But today, she wanted a heart-to-heart with Luke, away from her family that lived next door. She took a berry and bit into it. “They’re so ripe. Sweet. Need to make jam over the next few days.”
“Well, you know how much we go through. So goot spread on oatmeal.”
Ruth lowered her head, said a silent prayer, and then looked over at Luke. “So, how was your visit with Joe?”
His head spun to face her. “You sound awful anxious about me spending time with him. What’s wrong?”
“Bad company corrupts morals. I hear Joe’s an atheist.”
“Doesn’t make him a bad man. He’s just confused from what I can tell.”
A male and female pair of cardinals swooped down into the brush around them, thinking they weren’t seen. How vibrant the male was, bright red; the female had dull colors of brown and muted red, for camouflage. Were women supposed to be like birds? Blending in and not being noticed? She thought of Granny and how happily she was married; she always spoke her heart to Jeb.
She ate another berry. “Luke, I am worried. The English can pull us away from our roots.”
Luke took off his straw hat and swatted at the growing number of gnats. “You don’t trust me, do you?”
“It’s not about trust at all. It’s being careful. We all have feet of clay, able to fall, like the Bible says.”
“But you think my
feet are weaker, jah?” Luke snapped.
Ruth felt the old fear coming in to choke her. Her worst nightmare would be for Luke to become the old Luke; the man who was abusive. She thought of what Granny told her. Talk from your heart…
“Luke, I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing the love we share…”
Luke’s eyes softened. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Could be I’m pregnant and more emotional. Or, could be Joe and Uncle Otis coming combined. I just don’t know.”
Luke walked over and drew her to himself. “Danki for sharing that. You’ve been looking at me curious-like, and I thought you were judging me.”
“Judging you for what?”
Luke grinned. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m afraid too, of us getting stuck in old ruts, like the buggy wheels.”
Ruth hugged him around the middle. “We have others to help pull us out, if we get stuck.”
“Jah.” He held her head to his chest. “Uncle Otis coming out has me as nervous as a deer in an open field. Should I tell him how much he messed me up, with his girlie magazines?”
Ruth sighed. “Maybe have Jeb do it. You should never have to talk about it again.”
Ruth could hear Luke’s heart beating out of his chest. “My big concern is Uncle Otis doesn’t have any family but Zach and me. We are responsible for him.”
“I know. That’s been on my mind too. I couldn’t have that man live near us….Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“He’s changed. Or is willing to change.”
~*~
Granny got up on her tip-toes and kissed Jeb’s cheek. “Like I said, I don’t need to have the circle, you being bishop soon.”
“And I said I’d let you know when I need you.” He encircled Granny in his arms and patted her back. “I smell smoke…”
Granny ripped herself away and ran to her stove and quickly opened the black door. Smoke billowed out. “Ach, I burnt all the cookies. Now what will I give the girls?”
Jeb grinned. “You think I don’t know, do you?”
“About what?”
“The cookies you have hid around the house.”
“Old Man, what are you talking about?”
Jeb took a chair and placed it next to the pantry. Getting up on it, he opened the door and reached for the top shelf. “I’m talking about this, Deborah. You hide cookies from me…”
Granny gasped. “Those are from Christmas. I hid them from the kinner. Ach, too high for me to see up there. I forgot.”
“They’re still goot.” Jeb tapped the side of the plastic container. “These storage things you got at Punxsy-Mart really work.”
“How do you know?”
“I tested the cookies.”
Granny tried to hide laughter, but couldn’t. “Jeb, you and your sweet tooth.”
“You have two more containers. Why not give them to the girls tonight?”
Granny moaned. “They’ve got to be stale.”
“They’re not. Taste one.”
Jeb leaned down and Granny took a round cookie and bit into it. “Amazing.” She took another bite. “These are thumb print cookies without the jam.” She looked up at Jeb and winked. “Just made berry jam. Can you help me fill them real quick?”
“Jah, sure, Love…”
~*~
Granny walked out onto her porch with a tray of jam filled cookies. Lizzie followed with Meadow Tea. “So glad to have this porch to catch a breeze. Awfully hot,” Granny said. She looked over at Marge. “And so glad to have Marge as our teacher.”
The girls nodded in agreement.
“I think we should pray for little Molly,” Janice said. “Such a sweet little dog.”
Ella gasped. “Pray for a dog? Doesn’t sound…normal.”
“God cares for a sparrow that falls,” Janice said. “Why not a dog?”
Ella shrugged her shoulders. “Doesn’t seem sacred, or something.”
“Well, I pray about everything,” Janice said. “God knows my heart.”
Marge got up and took a cookie from the tray. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
Janice nodded. “Yes I do.” She got out her knitting needles. “How’d you like church?”
“Well, it did bring back lots of memories. But the funniest thing was when I got home. Joe wasn’t upset about me going anymore.”
Jenny looked up at Lizzie. “Mamm and I fixed his heart yesterday.”
“What?” Marge asked as she walked from one woman to another, looking over their knitting.
“Mamm and I talked to Joe about God. He thought God was mean, but we told him He wasn’t. Didn’t we Mamm?”
Lizzie beamed. “Well, Joe brought it up. He was scared that you went to the Baptist church. Said he was afraid you’d get legal.”
“Legal?” Marge asked. “What do you mean?”
Lizzie looked down at Jenny to let her speak first, but she was trying to cast on. “He said when he went to church it was too legal.”
Marge stared at Lizzie for a few seconds. “Legalistic. Oh, I understand that.”
“What does it mean?” Ruth asked.
“Rules, rules, and more rules,” Janice said. “Some churches have a rule for everything.”
“We have rules.” Granny shifted, wishing they didn’t have to talk about religion.
“Seems like Joe only saw rules and nothing else. He said he always feared he’d go to hell,” Lizzie said.
“His father was a strict man and preached fire and brimstone. Nothing about the love of God at all. Once Joe was caught writing a note to a friend in church and his dad beat the tar out of him.”
Granny leaned forward. “That’s sad. So he thinks God’s mad all the time. But I thought he didn’t believe in God.”
Marge looked down at Fannie’s knitting. “You did the purl backwards.” She took up the yarn and showed Fannie her mistake. “That’s the odd part. Joe says there’s no God, but get so upset that God’s mad at him.”
“He knows there’s a God,” Jenny said. “I told him to look at the cute bunnies. God is good and makes good things.”
All the women stared at Jenny. Granny felt pride swell within her soul. “Jenny, what did Joe say to that?”
“Well, when mamm went in to see the turkeys, he told me a secret.”
“A secret?” Marge asked.
“Jah. He believes in God, but doesn’t want to ever go to church again.”
Marge put a hand on her heart. “He said that?” Tears welled in her eyes. “Thank you, Honey. It’s just like I thought. He does believe….”
“And we’ll just have to show him our church isn’t legalistic,” Janice said as she pulled more pink yarn from the skein.
“How are the cookies?” Granny asked, hoping to lighten the conversation.
“Goot,” Fannie said. “But I better not eat too many. Getting as big as a cow.”
Ruth sighed. “Fannie, you’re pregnant and need to feed your baby. I’m gaining weight, too.”
“But you’re skinny.”
“So are you,” Ella chided. “And you should be grateful you can get pregnant. Stop worrying about your weight.”
“Jah,” Granny said. “Need to recondition your mind again?”
Fannie looked across the circle at Granny. “I’m trying. Have scriptures memorized and all, but I feel like I’m so huge. My fingers even feel fat as I knit.”
“Water retention,” Janice said. “Comes with hormone imbalance. I have the same thing, only it’s because I’m going through menopause.” Janice looked over at Granny. “Thanks for going to the doctor with me. I was so nervous.”
“But he said it was more than menopause, jah?”
All eyes went on Janice. She slouched. “Ya, Dr. Pal said I have a problem with anxiety. So embarrassing as a Christian…”
“Why?” Ruth asked. “Luke gets anxious. Takes medicine for it.”
“I just feel like I don’t have fa
ith…”
“Well, Luke’s doctor told him it’s no different than a diabetic taking insulin. Did the doctor give you medicine to help?”
Janice was not beet red. “No. Not yet. Wants me to walk…and knit.”
Granny patted Janice’s hand. “Knitting releases natural hormones that help calm a body down.”
Janice slipped a smile to Granny. “So, I’ll be knitting a lot.”
Everyone got quiet as they concentrated on their knitting. A hummingbird whizzed in to drink the sweet water Granny put in a feeder hung from the porch rafter. Granny couldn’t help but stare at her knitting after making a short row. The hues of pink mesmerized her. Marge came over and checked her work and marveled at her even stitches. After a few minutes, Granny got up to get a glass of Meadow Tea. She looked over at Lavina, who hadn’t said a word. So she went to sit next to her.
“Lavina, you alright?”
Silence. Lavina pursed her lips and didn’t say a word. Respecting your elders was the Amish way, and Granny felt irritated. If Lavina blamed her for Nathan leaving, why not come out and say it? Confronting problems head-on was also their way. “Let’s take a walk, jah?”
“Nee, I’m tired.”
Granny stiffened. “Later on tonight then?”
“I’m going home early. Need to help Maryann.”
Granny said a quick casting off prayer. It wasn’t her fault Nathan was leaving, and God was in control. She looked over at Colleen who sat on her other side. “So goot to have you here.”
“I’m glad to be here.” Colleen smiled warmly at Granny, and she had to admit, she did feel attached to this wunderbar girl. She watched Colleen knit, as she was more advanced than her. But as she did, she noticed cut marks on her arms. “Did you go berry picking in short sleeves?”
“No,” Colleen said. “I wore long sleeves, like Ella told me.”
“Then how’d you get so cut up?”
To Granny’s horror, Colleen burst into tears. Granny put her arm around her. “Want to talk about it?”
Colleen nodded, and they both got up and went into Granny’s kitchen. Jeb was sitting in his rocker reading Pennsylvania Fish and Game, but his eyes widened as they entered the kitchen.
“What’s wrong?” Jeb asked.
Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes Page 37