Colleen was radiant, glowing from inside out. Granny put a hand on her heart, feeling its pounding.
“So sorry to intrude,” Janice blurted, “but Deborah, we have news!”
“I’m Amish!” Colleen squealed with delight, twirling around.
“Huh?” Jeb asked.
Granny patted the table, asking them to sit down.
Colleen quickly nestled in next to Granny. “Emma’s my grandma. Can you believe it? Maybe you can since you and Janice had suspicions and made me work there so we’d figure it out, but now I know I’m not crazy.”
Nathan leaned forward, gawking, and Granny pursed her lips so she wouldn’t laugh. She embraced Colleen. “You discovered the reason we wanted you to help Emma, jah?”
“Janice told me all about it. I can’t believe I’m Amish!”
Colleen’s honey eyes sparkled like Granny had never seen. This girl, who came to Smicksburg homeless with a child, found her roots…her family. “We can trust God to make things right. Ach, I’m ever so happy for you, and Emma.”
“And I’m Amish!” Colleen said. “I. Am. Amish!”
Jeb put a hand up. “Well, you come from Amish roots, but you can’t be saying you’re Amish…”
Granny shot a glare at Jeb. “She’s just excited. Using the word loosely.”
“No I’m not,” Colleen quipped. “I’m going to be Amish. Live with my grandma and everything.”
Granny slowly looked at Janice. “Really?”
“Well, we’re going down to Pittsburgh to confirm everything. She has an aunt who was Amish, too.”
“Miriam,” Granny added.
“Yes. And we’ll find her mother.”
Colleen leaned her head on Granny’s shoulder. “I don’t want to see her, but I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt.”
“But she’ll know where you’ll be living,” Jeb groaned. “And she pestered her mamm for ages, asking for money. Will she leave you alone? And Aurora?”
Everyone was silent. The pendulum clock ticked and Canada Geese honked overhead.
“We need a better plan,” Janice said, taking Colleen’s hand from across the table. “We can’t put Forget-Me-Not in danger.”
Jeb pulled on his beard. “Let me think about this…I may have an idea….”
~*~
Granny placed the sticky buns Emma sent over with Colleen on the table, and lifted her face upward. Thank you, Lord. I’ve had no time to bake. She handed the tray to Colleen, who was now forlorn after her talk with Jeb about all that was entailed about being Amish: baptismal classes, a proving time, the Gmay voting her in. She smiled at Colleen. “Faith is the bridge to carry us across all the troubled waters of tomorrow, jah?”
Colleen took the tray and froze. “I’m an unwed mother. The Amish will never let me in.”
“We don’t judge, and you’ll have time to explain what led you astray. We all can be lost lambs at times.”
“But six months? It’s so long.”
“Not for a decision that will affect decades. No, time is needed.” Granny cocked an eyebrow. “Why the hurry? Do you need to leave Forget-Me-Not for higher education?”
“Well, I hope to live with my grandma. Janice still wants me to look into being a pastry chef. And that means college.”
Granny saw Janice come in the side door, and needing some privacy, asked her to take the tray of sticky buns and paper plates from Colleen and greet the women. She’d be out shortly. Janice gave her a cynical look. Didn’t she want Colleen to be Amish? And why not?
Granny asked Colleen to sit down at the kitchen table. “You’re not baptized into the church so we won’t be faulting you for going to college. Some Amish don’t convert until they get that out of their system…”
“Out of their system? So learning isn’t encouraged?”
“As long as you’re breathing, you’re learning something. Look at me, learning to knit. Nee, we believe you learn everything you need in eight grades. And all Amish are literate, not letting children graduate without knowing how to read…”
“Some kids who graduate from high school can barely read,” Colleen said.
“I know. I read the paper. It’s sad. Our kinner don’t have fancy calculators but can make change in their heads. They learn mental math since wee ones.” She pat Colleen’s hand. “Like I said, you’ll have six months to ask questions…and be questioned. What’s the rush?”
Colleen was silent, but her neck and cheeks grew red. Not looking at Granny, but staring at the bowl of fruit on the table, she said, “Someone wants to know.”
“Hezekiah?”
Colleen slowly met Granny’s stunned gaze. “Jah, I mean, yes. We’ve formed an ‘attachment’, as Jane Austen would call it.”
“Is there an ‘understanding’ as Jane would call it?”
“No. No engagement, if that’s what she means.” Colleen smiled. “Lavina and I are reading Mansfield Park. We can both identify with Fannie Price.”
Granny grinned. “And as time passed, Edmund realized he loved Fannie. Fannie was patient. Love is –”
“So he dumps that awful Crawford lady? We’re not done with the book.”
Granny put her hand on her heart. “I’m sorry. But look for the theme of patience and ‘your sin will find you out’ throughout the book. Yes, our Jane was a believer.”
“Can’t wait to have our Knit Lit circle come fall.”
Granny winked. “Me too.”
~*~
Granny entered the circle, greeting everyone with an embrace. After taking a second look, she asked, “Where’s Lavina?”
Suzy stood in the center of the circle to take her place as teacher. “I gave her a letter that her mother brought to the store.”
“What?” Colleen asked. “Will she go back and live with her family? Her daed?”
“No. She spun into the store as quickly as she spun out…”
Janice smirked. “Suzy, you and your knitting talk. ‘Spun in’, ‘I’m unraveled’. You crack me up.”
“Well this won’t. Lavina’s mom won’t leave her husband, thinks Lavina’s old enough to not need a mother. It was heartbreaking.”
“All the more reasons for us to make her feel like we’re her family,” Colleen sighed. “I know this circle makes me feel at home.”
Lizzie leaned toward Colleen who she shared a bench with. “We’re so glad you’re here. Maybe you can help my daed with the English…”
“Didn’t go well, did it?” Fannie asked. “I just visited before I came over. He’s mighty down.”
“Well, they asked him the oddest questions. Some he didn’t even understand, so he felt like a fool. Don’t think he’ll do it again.”
Janice grimaced. “I have another bus full coming up. And the money helps the church’s children’s program…and Jonas.”
“I can help,” Colleen offered. “Since I might be Amish in six months.”
Silence. Even the needles the women started to click fell dumb. Granny noticed the women all looked at each other for an explanation, and when none was given, she asked Colleen to explain.
“Ach, I mean, Oh,” she giggled. “Emma is my grandma.”
Silence. A barn swallow swooped in and out of the porch and no one jumped, thinking it was a bat. But slowly, a smile slid across Fannie’s face, and then Ruth’s.
“Are you sure?” Fannie asked.
“Yes. I was the little girl who Emma secretly watched. I came for long vacations. Sometimes a week or two. So when I was having flashbacks when seeing Ella’s root cellar, and believing I was here before, well, it wasn’t my imagination. It was Emma’s root cellar…”
Suzy spun around to look at Granny. “Didn’t you know Emma did this?”
“Nee. But I knew about her dochders leaving for the English world. When Colleen said she has an Aunt Miriam, Janice and I thought it best if Colleen volunteer at Emma’s shop. If my instincts about Colleen were correct, they’d be brought to light.” She sat her needles down and
glowed across the circle at Colleen. “When I first saw Colleen, there was something about her. It was as if she didn’t belong in the English world.”
Janice cleared her throat loudly. “But she’s not Amish….”
“Not yet,” Colleen said evenly. “Jeb and I are talking about baptism classes. And I hope to live with Emma, but it’s all such a shock, Granny just advised me to be patient and be like nature…move slowly.”
Janice flashed a smile at Granny. “I’m glad. This is such a big step.”
“And living off the grid is a pain,” Marge uttered. “Joe and I think we’ve had our fill.” She nudged Ruth next to her. “Hoping Ruth and Luke can take over the land contract.”
Granny felt tears sting her eyes. “Marge, are you sure? I mean, Joe just got you a black and white sheep. And you were going to learn how to spin after harvest.”
Marge stared at her yarn as she knit vigorously. “Indiana’s only fifteen miles away. I can visit, but I’m losing it. And Joe and I found the peace we were looking for…”
“Why are you leaving?” Granny probed further. “If you found peace?”
“We were looking for peace outside ourselves, but found it in here.” Marge stopped knitting long enough to point to her heart. “Joe found peace in Christ, and I found peace in being involved in a church again.”
Granny leaned forward. “Look at me, Marge.”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Because I might cry. I’ll miss everyone here.”
“I give knitting classes to lots of women from Indiana. Why not enroll in one and visit? And you’re still a home healthcare nurse. Try to get patients in Smicksburg.”
Marge slowly looked up, tears streaming down her pudgy cheeks. “It won’t be the same.”
Ruth rubbed Marge’s back. “When Ella moves to New York, we have a plan to stay in touch. You need a plan or time slips by. And we don’t have car. It’s so easy for you to come up and visit.”
Marge swiped at a runaway tear. “You’re right. I need to take a class at your place, Suzy.”
“Or teach a crocheting class!” Suzy squealed. “I’ve had a few knitters who’ve inquired about that ‘other way of knitting…’”
Marge laughed. “The better way, huh?”
Both women laughed, and then the circle all joined in...except Fannie.
“What’s wrong, Fannie?”
She shifted in her rocker. “My mamm almost came to the circle. But of course, didn’t feel goot enough.”
Granny knew Fannie had a heavy burden to bear, having a mamm who was depressed. All Fannie’s life, she’d had no one to really nurture her, her mamm not having much emotional energy.
“Why won’t she come?” Ruth asked. “Is she tired putting up?”
Fannie filled her cheeks with air and then blew it out. “I do it all for her. Poor Melvin. Hasn’t seen his wife in weeks.”
“But why?” Colleen asked.
“My mamm gets depressed. A lot. So I’ve always put up food for her. But even though I’m married now, she still asked me to do it, pregnant and all.”
“Why can’t Eliza help?” Ruth probed further. “You shouldn’t be lifting heavy pots.”
“Ach, she’s depressed, too. Ever since she had her boppli.”
“Postpartum Depression,” Janice quipped. “It passes in time.”
“My mamm’s didn’t.” Fannie knit slowly but with determination. She held up her pink scarf. “Suzy, can you check this? Looks like I purled too many. Pattern looks funny.”
Suzy held up the scarf and examined it closely. “Right here. You purled two. It’s knit one, purl one. I can fix it.” She took the scarf and quickly started to knit.
“What are you doing?” Fannie asked.
“Knitting backwards to fix your mistake.”
All the women groaned.
“We’re trying to simply knit, and you can knit backwards?” Lizzie asked, defeated. “I don’t think I have this gift of knitting. Jenny does though.”
“It takes practice,” Suzy said. “Where is our little student?”
Lizzie broke into matronly smile. “Reading with my daed. Those two have quite the bond.”
“Does Jonas have her reading Oswald Chambers or C.S. Lewis?” Marge asked, grinning. “Joe calls her ‘The Female Amish Preacher’. Her innocent little spirit helped him see his bitterness.”
“His bitterness?” Granny asked.
“Yes. His dad’s real religious, you know, like in a bad way. Legalistic. But he saw in Jenny her ability to accept a new mom, Jonas living with them. Well, her loving little heart, and it only made him see his need to change. Forgive his dad.”
Granny felt pride swell in her heart. Jenny had been a light to Joe? And she was only seven… “The girls all have their birthdays soon. Can’t believe the twins will be six and Jenny eight.”
Marge squeezed her yarn. “Oh, let’s have a party for them!”
All the women in the circle nodded enthusiastically and started to plan a party.
~*~
Lavina felt the moisture of the moss on the log seeping through to her dress. But she was too glued to the letter to notice. She read it again, mulling over each word:
Dear Lavina,
I’ve missed you so, having fond memories of us putting up the garden this time of year. I hired a driver to get this note to you. Your daed doesn’t know about it.
I just can’t go on anymore, with you thinking I don’t love and miss you. But my place is with my husband. I live outside Troutville in a house I’m not too happy with, it being run-down, but it seems like your daed is listening to our new bishop. Pray for him.
You may recall me mention relatives out in Ohio. They know of my situation, and I’ve asked Claire to send you letters from me. Enclosed is her address. Can you write to her and give her your address? I’ll write again, but there won’t be any return address. Write to me and Claire will enclose it in hers. Your dad has forbidden me to write, but I have a mamm’s heart and I love you, Lavina.
Mamm
Lavina kissed the letter and put it to her heart. Her mamm never told her she loved her; it was assumed, but it was nice to hear. And she would pray for her daed. Anyone could change, although it would take time to mend her feelings toward the man.
Lavina jumped up when she heard, “Kissing a letter from your new boyfriend?”
She turned to see Nathan, standing near a tree, several yards behind her. “Are you spying on me?”
“Nee, just saw you walk this way, and thought I’d join you. Beautiful night.”
Lavina felt like crinkling up the letter in a ball and throwing it at him, but it was too precious.
“How could you find someone else so soon?” Nathan took his straw hat off and tossed it on the grass, and sat next to it.
“Ach, I’m free. And you’re engaged.”
Nathan fidgeted nervously with the brim of his hat. “Can we talk?”
“Nee, we can’t.”
“So you’re engaged, too?”
Lavina thought of Henry Crawford in Mansfield Park. Nathan was the same, a flirt. Beware of swoons, Fannie Price had to keep reminding herself of the villainous Henry. How could she not see this in Nathan before?
“I miss you,” Nathan said. “And since I got back, you’re different.”
Lavina just told him she didn’t want to talk. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “How am I different?”
“You’re more confident and steady. Like you have someone else in your life.”
Lavina sat back on the log, even though it was moist. What else could she do? “Nathan, when I said I have someone else in my heart, I can’t be deceptive. It’s not a man, but God. And He makes me steady. And I’m finding that He’s enough.”
Nathan looked up, eyes wide, but brimmed with tears. “I still love you…”
“You said you loved Sarah.”
“I do when around her, but when I come here to Smicksburg, I love
you.”
Lavina stiffened. Do not faint, Fannie had admonished herself. Beware of swoons.
Nathan sprang up and took a seat next to her, taking her hands. “Can you forgive me?”
“For what? Being a flirt with me right now?” She pulled away and stood up, poker straight.
Nathan stood next to her, taking her by the arms. “Lavina, what’s wrong with you? You’ve understood my predicament…until now.”
“I’m guarding my heart, like your opa told me to do.”
He pulled her close, trying to steal a kiss, but she recoiled. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to show…I love you.”
The temptation to hold Nathan started to overwhelm her, but she resisted. “Go back to Montana.”
“What?”
“Go back to Montana, and be around Sarah. You’ll fall for her again. You love the woman you’re with.” She looked down, away from the hurt in his eyes. “Forget about me.”
~*~
The roses on Granny’s porch let out a sweet aroma, and anticipation filled her. The yearly tradition of making rose jam with Abigail had continued even after she passed. But this year, the girl’s new mamm, Lizzie, would be there to help make the luscious jam.
She closed her eyes as she continued enjoying the scent. You give us beauty for ashes, Lord. When the only daughter I would have had died, and Jeb planted these roses, to give me hope. And now I have four girls around me at all times: the kinner and Lizzie.
She thought of Lavina, coming back to the knitting circle, eyes red with crying. How she wanted this girl to marry her Nathan. She’d warned Nathan that Sarah was fickle. But he didn’t seem to care.
She thought of Colleen. Could she be Amish? Should she be Amish? Granny hoped the girl knew she’d have an oma with Emma even if she didn’t convert. But was she really taken with Hezekiah? Was that the pull to be Amish?
Granny closed her eyes:
Lord,
Danki for a wunderbar goot harvest, and food to put up. May the food we donated to the Baptist to take to Pittsburgh bless the homeless. I’m ever so thankful to have a home, family…love.
Lord, I don’t understand Nathan’s behavior, and don’t know why Lavina came back to the knitting circle crying. But you do. You saw Hagar in the wilderness, and she called you, The God who Sees. You see Lavina’s heart: her love for her mamm. Danki that she got word from her. Lord, help Lavina’s daed change, like Joe did. Bring a little girl like Jenny to him to help him see how hard his heart is.
Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes Page 48