by Allie York
“Sit down, Tuesday.” Rae grabs my arm and drags me off my stool. “Nora is already up, she’s got me.” Rae blows a bubble and glares at Tuesday. Tuesday backs down quickly and goes back to her book on the couch.
“I don’t…” I start, but Rae has a surprisingly strong grip for a smaller person, and I shut my mouth. I’m pulled to the door and she tips her head at my boots. It’s only then I realize I’m being kidnapped.
Greer figures it out and distracts my parents. “So, Cliff, do you think you could look over my website and see if it looks like a good blend of professional and fun?” She steps in my mom’s line of sight and I snag my coat off the rack, putting my feet in my black boots. I nearly fall trying to squeeze my feet in but manage to get them on and out the door without twisting an ankle. Rae drags me down the steps then makes a mad dash for her game room. She comes back out in her bright red coat and takes my hand again to drag me to the front door. I turn the alarm off with my app, we lock the door behind us, and I arm the place again.
“Where are we going?” I ask, stupidly getting in her car. The leather seats are freezing but heat up quickly once she starts the car and turns on the seat warmers. The heat kicks on shortly after.
“O’Connell’s. We need to talk, so start spilling,” Rae snaps at me.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I lie, still clinging to my phone like if I loosen my grip, I might miss a call.
“Look, you and hot cop were amazing, then you weren’t, you look like shit, and your parents are annoying you more than normal. What happened?” Rae gives it some gas and we cut through the darkness to our favorite bar.
I take a deep breath. “When Mom and Dad showed up, she started her shit. She got in my head and I let her do that thing where her weird ideas affect me. I said something to him, he reacted accordingly and here we are.” I know that’s not going to satisfy her, but I have to try.
“What did you say to him?” she demands, pulling into the lot.
I wait until we’re parked to tell her, “I may have said we need to talk about something, then I got a little… I don’t know. I Nora’d it all up and made it sound like I had a problem with him having a kid.” I cover my face, afraid to look at her.
“You don’t have a problem with Cruze. You love Cruze. What the fuck, Nora?” Rae looks like she may hit me.
“I said I Nora’d it up. I know how stupid it was. It wasn’t what I was trying to say anyway. I… Mom got me all in my head about it, I meant to talk to him about my role with Cruze and how I was worried that maybe I wasn’t the best person to be in his life, but I messed it all up and it came out sounding like I didn’t want to deal with his kid.” I groan and lean back in the seat.
Rae sighs. “Let’s go drink and I’ll spend the rest of the night telling you how damn stupid you are. Then I’ll tell you how I think you should fix this.” She turns the car off and the absence of heat chills me instantly. It’s so damn cold out.
“Can’t you just tell me now?” I whine.
“No.” Rae glares at me. “You need alcohol and to feel bad for a while longer.” She rolls her eyes, opens the door, and runs across the gravel lot to the warmth of O’Connell’s. I climb out and follow her, taking a slower approach and trailing behind her once we get inside. She orders our drink and we find a two top in the corner. A Police cover band is playing, and the place is pretty full for a frigid Wednesday night.
“I feel bad leaving them with my parents,” I admit, realizing that I will owe them so many drinks once this is all over.
“Someday when they need to wallow, you will cover for them and the balance will be restored.” Rae climbs up on the stool and the runner shows up with our drinks.
“I’m not wallowing.” I take a long drink of my Jack and Coke.
“You are currently chugging alcohol. So, try again.” Rae puts her gum on the napkin and sips her drink.
“I’m miserable, Rae,” I admit. “I haven’t slept, I can’t eat, I didn’t shower for three days.” She makes a face. “I know I need to fix this, but I don’t know how. I can’t begin to figure out how to make this up to him. I miss him, I miss Cruze.”
“Then maybe you should grow the fuck up and not let your mom tell you how to be happy, Nora.” Rae is always the bringer of good advice, but for her to use this tone, she has to be pissed. “I love your parents, I do, but have you forgotten how your mom was growing up? We could barely come hang out at the coolest place in the world because of her. She’s not like you and Cliff. Your mom is like a happiness crusher, remember?” I know Rae is right. Mom was strict to the point of it being overbearing. She never allowed me any real hobbies and if it hadn’t been our income, I’m not sure she would have let me read comics.
“I remember,” I admit.
“You swore when they left that she wouldn’t ruin your life anymore,” Rae reminds me.
“I know,” I groan.
“And you let her do it. You love him and that kid. Why would you let her get to you?” Rae gets louder to make sure I hear her over the music.
“Because I suck.” I shrug. “She made me wonder if I can really step up and help him raise Cruze. I know he’s not mine or whatever, but if I’m around him, that’s what I’ll be doing, and I don’t know if I can be what they need. I don’t know how to tell him that is what I meant to say instead of what I actually said, which was something along the lines of me not being able to handle him having a kid.” I drop my head into my hands.
“You just tell him that.”
“How? If I call do you honestly think he will talk to me?” I am ninety-nine percent sure that he will not answer the phone.
Rae stares at something over my head and I turn to see what she’s staring at. “Looks like your opportunity to fix things just walked in.” Wyatt’s partner, Janet, is currently leaning on the bar flirting with Reggie. A runner passes and Rae waves him down to order us more drinks and sends the message to have Janet come sit with us once she’s done.
“Why are you doing this? That’s his partner, she hates me as much as he does right now!” I screech at her and try to wave down the runner she sent to do her bidding. It’s no use. Janet is on her way to our table, the look on her face tells me that I’m correct and that she hates me. I deserve it, but that doesn’t make it any better.
“Out celebrating?” Janet walks up and props a hip on our table.
“Out inebriating,” Rae corrects, scooting a Jack and Coke to her. Janet accepts the drink and sips it.
“What can I do you for you?” She cuts the shit and gets right to it.
Rae looks at me to answer and I sigh. “I messed up.” I have no problem admitting that.
“Damn right you did. Have you spent any time with that kid? He’s amazing. How dare you say anything less? Collins has busted his ass to make sure that Cruze is the best kid you will ever meet. He’s smart and funny. How dare you?” Janet stares me down, waiting for my response.
“I agree.” I swallow the tears threatening my eyes and take a gulp of my drink.
“Then what the fuck?” she demands. I fortify with more drink and tell her the story, all the way from my stupidity for believing my mother to how I still haven’t contacted him to why I’m about to order my third drink. The longer I talk, the more I realize how bad I screwed up. I shouldn’t have said anything at all.
“So, yeah, I screwed up.” I wave my hand for another drink and Reggie gives me a thumbs up.
“How did your brain go from you not being good enough for them to making it sound like you were calling Cruze an issue? Who the hell does that?” Janet also gets Reggie’s attention for a drink. “You’re buying these by the way.” She points at the table. I nod.
“How do I fix this?” I plead over the music.
“It’s pretty simple.” Janet grabs her drink as it’s delivered. “You need to go apologize and beg him for forgiveness. You also need to take a gift for Cruze because he misses you and that’s a shitty way to treat a kid all beca
use your mom gave you a complex.” She gives me a dirty look.
“I was afraid you would say that exact thing.” I’m not above an apology, but I know I’m not going to be well received at all. I throw my drink back like it’s a shot. “Well, let’s go!” I give a passing runner my card.
“Now?!” Rae and Janet demand at once.
“Now!” I slam my hand on the table and head to the bar to settle up. I’m about to go make an ass of myself to get my person back.
“Your plan sucks.” I glare at Janet, wanting to slap her.
“You have a better one? No? Then hush!” Janet and I are behind the counter at Words for Nerds with the same cops that came after I got robbed. This is a terrible idea on so many levels. If he does show up, he’s going to be so pissed he won’t be able to look at me. If he doesn’t show up, then there’s nothing left for me to do. I want to apologize; I want to talk it over and explain that I’m an idiot and never should have said what I did.
“So, you want me to text Collins and tell him that we need him here to follow up on a lead so he can come down here and she can apologize?” The two familiar officers stand in front of us looking as skeptical as I feel about the whole thing.
“Yes,” Janet insists. The taller one looks at me and shrugs, pulling out his phone. The text is sent. Then we wait. The waiting is by far the worst part. He doesn’t text back, he doesn’t call, and I lose all hope after thirty minutes pass. I sit on the floor and stare at the ceiling tiles. The officers leave, Rae hugs me before heading out, and Janet realizes that I was right, her plan sucked. I can’t even process how stupid it was.
“Thanks for trying.” I look up at Janet and smile the best I can. I feel more like crying than laughing.
“Have you tried calling?” She pushes off the counter and I walk to let her out.
“No,” I admit, unlocking the door for her and wrapping my arms around myself.
“Why not?” she demands.
“I don’t know,” I groan.
“Call him.” Janet puts a finger in my face. “Of course that text didn’t work if you don’t even have the lady balls to call him! I’m going home. If you can’t call, you’re beyond hope and don’t deserve them.” She throws her hands up and starts toward the car.
“Thanks for trying,” I call to her back, watching her walk out into the darkness. Our parking lot light is out so the lot is extra dark. I lock the door, arm the alarm, and head up to meet my fate with my parents.
Upstairs, my mom is nowhere to be seen, but Dad is on the futon. “Were we too much for you today?” He pats the seat next to him and I drop down beside him.
“No, I’m just a little down,” I admit. Might as well come clean. “Mom said some things to me about Wyatt having a kid, and I approached Wyatt with my concerns, but I messed it all up.” I lean my head on my dad’s shoulder and the tears start to well in my eyes.
“What did she say?” He doesn’t move or make me look at him, thank god because I would for sure start ugly crying.
“Just that I would be helping him raise Cruze and is that what I want. I adore Cruze but started thinking that maybe I’m not what’s best for them. I wanted to talk to him about it, but I ended up calling his kid an issue.” A tear slips down. “I messed up bad and I haven’t been able to fix it.”
“What have you tried?” Dad is usually a pretty laid-back guy, fun loving and tons of nonsense, but right now, he’s calm.
“His partner set up a stupid plot to get him here tonight. He didn’t come, obviously.” I roll my eyes. It was dumb.
“Have you called him, sent him a text?” It’s becoming the age-old question.
“No,” I admit. Dad tilts his head to give me a look that tells me how stupid I am. “I think I’ll suck it up and do that now.”
“Good plan. I’ll leave you to it.” Dad kisses my head and stands up. After a stretch, I’m left alone on the futon. I throw myself down in the mound of blankets and pull out my phone.
Me: I know that it’s probably too late for this, but I’m sorry. Nothing came out the way it was intended, and even if it had, it was wrong. Cruze isn’t an issue, he’s my favorite kid in the world. Doubting my ability to be what he needs shouldn’t have translated into what I said and I’m so, so sorry.
I set my phone on the floor, having said my piece. I don’t expect to hear back. I lay back and close my eyes, not ready to sleep, but mentally exhausted all the same. When it buzzes, I nearly fall off the couch. I grab for it, but then realize that I may not want to see the response. It doesn’t matter if I want to see it or not, I have to.
Wyatt: I feel like this isn’t a text conversation, but I appreciate you reaching out.
That’s all. My heart sinks and the tears fall full force.
Me: Is anything important ever a text conversation? I’m just happy you answered me.
Wyatt: Why wouldn’t I?
Me: I was horrible.
Wyatt: True, but I figured you needed time to sort it all out.
Me: There’s nothing to sort.
Wyatt: There’s nothing to sort? What does that even mean? How can there suddenly be nothing?
I almost throw my phone. He’s right, this is not a text conversation.
Me: Not what I meant.
Wyatt: Enlighten me then.
Me: I mean, I’m falling in love with you too and that includes Cruze. I love reading to him in silly voices and hearing him call me Norlee, and everything about him. Maybe for a second I thought I might not be what he needs, but I am so willing to try.
Wyatt: Is that why I got a text to come over there tonight? Why didn’t you just say all of that? This is why a heavy conversation shouldn’t be done over text.
Me: Yes, it is why you got a text to come over here. Janet had that idea. We should talk face to face; this isn’t working.
Wyatt: I’ll be there in fifteen.
I drop my phone on the floor and swallow the lump in my throat. My heart thunders in my chest, and the tears keep spilling down my cheeks. I guess my stupid self should have called him sooner.
19
Noralee
I pace the front desk, controlling the urge to salute Katniss every time I walk in her direction. I hear his truck before I see it, then the headlights illuminate the front of the building and I run to the door to unlock it. As soon as I see his silhouette, I throw the door open and narrowly miss hitting him directly in the face. He pulls his head back Matrix style as the door swings by him and I flail to stop it but miss.
“I missed you too.” Wyatt blinks a few times and catches the door on the way back toward him. I nearly hit him twice.
“How poetic would it have been if I had hit you?” I muse, ushering him in and letting the door close behind us.
“So, you were trying to take me out.” He rubs his hands together and stands awkwardly a foot or so away from me.
“No, but it would have been a little funny.” I shuffle my feet on the carpet.
“I knew there was no follow up to the robbery.” Wyatt arches an eyebrow at me.
“How?” I arch my brow right back.
“Because they picked up all three of them last night trying to hit the hair salon across town.” He gives me the same look he gives Cruze when he gets in trouble.
“Again, that was Janet’s idea.” I can’t look him in the eye anymore.
“I’ll chat with her later,” he mumbles.
An eternity of silence stretches between us before I finally speak. “Look, I screwed up.” It’s the best way I can think to begin my apology.
“Yes, you did,” he confirms.
“And I’m sorry,” I continue.
“Good, because I’ve really missed you and this being angry stuff is not for me.” Wyatt smirks a little.
“Will you hear me out?” I need to know he’s actually going to listen to me and not feel the need to cut me off.
“I’ll try really hard,” he assures me.
“I mean it, no interrupting.” I
make sure to glare a little when I say it. He nods once and presses his lips together.
“Okay, here it goes. I screwed up so bad. My mom started talking all this shit, and I don’t usually listen to her, but she did get me thinking about it. She was asking if I was sure that I wanted to help raise a child.” I speak slowly, so I don’t screw up again.
“But you won’t be!” Wyatt breaks his promise of silence.
“Hush!” I put my finger to his lips. “One: you promised not to interrupt. Two: I will be helping. How could I not? If I’m with you, that means I’m with Cruze, and I’m a part of his life. Just like Pops and Janet. Now no more talking.” I slowly take my finger away and he nods again.
“So, Mom said all those things, but I was more stuck on the opposite. I got in my head and started thinking that maybe I wasn’t what was best for you and Cruze. I don’t know how to be a parent or be around a kid at all really and you two deserve someone who knows what they’re doing. I never meant to hurt you or make it seem like I didn’t want him in my life. I do. I love you two. But maybe it’s you guys who shouldn’t be picking me.” I stare at my Converse putting a divot in the carpet.
Without a word, Wyatt closes the space between us and grabs my face. Before I can react, his lips are on mine, my body melting into his and my whole world comes back together. I throw my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, needing more of him. His hands move down my body, then back up, under my shirt, his skin sending a shock of electricity across mine. Wyatt takes a step back, pulling us toward the stairs to my apartment and I have to force my lips from his to stop him.
“Where are you going?” I breathe out.
“We are going upstairs.” Wyatt tries to move us again.
“Does that mean you forgive me for being stupid?” I tease, knowing that he obviously does.
“Yes, and I’m trying to apologize for not listening to you the other night. Now, we need to go upstairs,” Wyatt insists, pulling me closer to the steps, his lips trailing down my neck.