“Did you want me?” He sniffled as he looked at me with glazed eyes.
I could feel my heart breaking all over again, just as it had that day that the nurses took him from my arms. I held myself back from reaching out for him. I wanted to hold him so badly, it was an ache.
“More than I’ve ever wanted anything, Fox.” Then the floodgates opened, and I spilled it all out for them. “My parents made me do it all. They took me away, took me out of school. They kept me locked up and took away my phone, so I couldn’t contact anyone. They even watched over me when I did my online schoolwork, so I couldn’t get on any social media to contact anyone. And I never told them your name, Kane. Never. I never wanted you to know what was going on. I was ashamed. Embarrassed. And so, so guilt-ridden. I knew it was my fault. I didn’t want you to pay for my lie.”
Kane reached over, stroking my hair. “We can talk about all that later. All Fox and I ever really wanted to know was if you wanted him or not.”
“I did. I wanted him so bad. You have no idea.” I wrung my hands in my lap. “I didn’t want to let him go after I had him. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”
“It was my aunt who took him from you,” Kane said, making me sit up and drop my jaw.
“That was her? I thought she was a nurse.”
Kane nodded. “It was Aunt Nancy. She was there in the delivery room with you the whole time. She took him to meet Uncle James, and they kept him in the hospital for a couple of days. Had the DNA test done. And when the results proved he was mine, they brought him back to Charleston where we all cared for him. My parents, my aunt and uncle, and me.”
“He’s been loved all this time.” I began to cry again, feeling a huge amount of relief, like a huge weight had just lifted from my shoulders. “I’ve always worried about that. I’ve always wondered if he was okay. Wondered if he was loved. And now, to know that he’s been with his own blood this whole time—well, it’s like it’s too good to be true.” I reached out for Fox, and he came into my arms. Finally. Smelling his scent, I took my son into my lungs for the second time in my life. “I’ve loved you all along, Fox. Even though I didn’t know you, I’ve always loved you.”
“I knew you did.” He pulled his head off my shoulder to look at me shyly. “Can I call you Mom?”
The swelling in my heart felt so odd, I swore I could feel the hole filling back up. After all this time, the hole was going to be filled. “You certainly can call me that. I would be so happy if you did.”
Fox looked at his father, who also had tear-filled eyes. “I’ve got a mom now.”
“You sure do.” Kane reached over, taking my hand. “Your family is complete, kiddo.”
“Kane, I don’t know a thing about being a parent.” I blurted it out before I could stop myself. That probably wasn’t a great thing to say in front of your kid—admitting you had no idea what you were doing.
Fox laughed as he climbed off my lap and went to get a box of tissues out of the desk. “Don’t worry. Dad can teach you. He’s pretty good at it. Most of the time he is, anyway.”
“Most of the time?” Kane asked with a smirk. “I think I’m pretty good at it more often than that. Like all of the time, is more like it.”
“Well, he does make me eat spinach,” Fox went on as he pulled out a tissue then handed the box to me. “Here ya go. And he does make me go to bed too early, too. That seems like what parents are supposed to do.”
All I could do was smile at Kane. “Sounds like he’s an awesome father.” After wiping my tears away and blowing my nose, I got up to toss the tissue in the trash.
“I like to think so.” Kane took a tissue to wipe his own tears away, though his were unshed, unlike Fox’s and mine. He came up behind me to throw his tissue away. “Sounds like life just got a hell of a lot more interesting for the three of us, doesn’t it?”
“It sure does,” Fox said brightly, coming over to hug us both. “I’ve got all my parents now! Wow, wait till Pax and Jake hear about this. They’re gonna freak!”
Kane took my hand as he looked into my eyes. “So, about that date. The reason you turned me down wouldn’t happen to have something to do with this little secret between us?”
Nodding, I confessed, “Yeah. But now that the cat’s out of the bag, I suppose I could take you up on that offer.”
“Oh, you suppose, do you?” He smiled at me then took my other hand too. Leaning his forehead against mine, he said quietly, “I’m glad to have you back in my life, Zandra. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this.”
Fox came up behind me, hugging me again. “We’re gonna be a happy family, aren’t we, you guys?”
“I hope so.” I had no idea what the future would hold for us. No idea what it held for me and Kane.
Kane seemed sure. “It will be a happy future.” It was as if he’d been able to read my mind.
He and I didn’t know each other at all. Sure, we had a kid together, but we’d never really known each other. And with eleven years of separation between us, I wasn’t as certain as he was about our future. At least, not when it came to the two of us.
No matter what, I knew that I wouldn’t let my long-lost son go now that I’d gotten this second chance at having him in my life. Knowing Fox was mine made my heart swell, but seeing Kane again hadn’t done anything other than make my panties wet and my pulse race. But then again, that’s how it had always been.
I was in a room with two virtual strangers who had just become my family in a matter of second. Or at least kind of a family. Kane and I shared a son, a son he’d taken care of for ten years. Ten years of being a parent had changed him too, it seemed. Here he was, a responsible doctor who took great care of his kid. And that thought made me realize something else I didn’t know about him. “Is Fox your only child, Kane?”
Fox laughed. “I told you that Dad doesn’t go out on dates. And I know you guys didn’t date either, but he’s just my dad now so far.”
Somehow, I doubted that Kane Price had been celibate since our night together, but that would be a discussion between Kane and me for another time, and in private. Though Fox seemed to know a lot about the ways of reproduction for a ten-year-old, I didn’t think he needed any more lessons right now. “I see. So, it’s just us now, huh?”
“It’s just us,” Kane said with a wicked smile. “Momma.”
Momma?
“Wow, that’s going to take some getting used to.” I had to go back to the couch and sit down. They both came to take seats too. One on my left side, one on the other. I picked up one of each of their hands, holding them to my heart. “But I think I can get used to this fairly quickly.”
Fox grinned, making his nose squinch up. “I hope so. Dad, can she come up to my school and meet my teachers and stuff like that?”
Panic rushed through me. Everyone is going to know about the pregnancy!
Kane cocked his head. “When she’s ready for that, we can talk about it.” He brushed the back of his hand across my cheek. “She’s been forced to keep this a secret for a long time, you know. Let’s give her a chance to take this all in, okay, champ?”
Once again, the man seemed to be able to read my mind.
With a nod, Fox agreed. “Oh, yeah. I already forgot ’bout that.” He pulled his hand out of mine to put his arm around me and lay his head on my shoulder. “You’ll get used to this soon. I hope then you can be my mom in every way. You can come to my baseball games and cheer for me—then everyone will know that I’m your kid. Man, that’s gonna rock!”
“You play baseball?” I asked as I ran my hand over his silky hair. “Just like your dad, huh? An athlete.”
“Yeah, I’m like him.” He pulled his head up to look at me. “And what were you good at? I wonder how I’m like you.”
“Um—I made okay grades.” I had no idea what I’d been good at back then. In my opinion, I had never been much of a success at anything.
But then Kane spoke up, “You remember me t
elling you that your mother was really good at writing stories, don’t you, Fox?”
“Oh, yeah!” Fox patted me on the back. “Dad said that the English teacher read his class a story that you’d written. It was a short story about fairies and dragons, and it was really good, he said.”
I looked at Kane in surprise. I recalled writing the story, but I didn’t remember anything about it being read to a class by the English teacher. “When did this happen?”
Kane smiled. “After you left. Mrs. Stubbing, like the rest of the staff and students, might I add, felt out of sorts when you just didn’t show up to school again. The teachers said you’d registered and were just as surprised as the rest of us when you never came back. No one knew where you went. No one but that neighbor, at least, and she only ever told me about what had happened. And I only told my family.”
For a moment I was puzzled. “So, who knows that I’m Fox’s mother now?”
Kane and Fox looked at each other, then at me before Fox said, “Everyone.”
Blinking, feeling like I might be about to pass out, I leaned back on the sofa and fanned myself with my hand. “My secret has been out all these years, and I’ve been hiding out in Chicago for no reason at all? God, my life is completely different than I thought it was.”
Fox laughed. “Yeah, it is. So, maybe coming to my school and meeting my teachers and friends ain’t such a bad idea after all, Mom.”
Mom.
Man, that felt weird. But a good weird. Tousling Fox’s hair, all I could do was smile. “Yeah, it ain’t such a bad idea after all. I may as well get over myself. It was my parents’ idea to run away from it all, and to try to prevent anyone from ever knowing the trouble I got myself into. I never cared as much about that as they did.”
Kane’s expression turned serious. “About that. How’s your relationship with them, Zandra?” he asked.
“Strained.” I shrugged. “Nearly non-existent.” I ran my hand over Fox’s cheek. “I mostly hate them for what they made me do.”
His lips pulled up to one side. “Dad says that it’s not good to hate anyone.”
“It’s not,” I agreed. “But I do hate them just the same. It hurt when I had to give you away, Fox. And it was their fault that I had to do it.” I couldn’t stop staring at him, wanting to know him—my flesh and blood. He was just as beautiful as I’d always imagined he’d be.
“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “But I was given to my aunt and uncle and dad, so it all turned out okay.”
He was right. But that had been some big crazy fluke. There’s no way my parents had known that it had all worked out that way, and I didn’t even know if they would’ve allowed Fox to go to Kane and his family, had they known. “I’ll work on it. But only for you, Fox.”
“Good.” He rested his head on my shoulder again. “’Cause one day I’d like to meet them too, Mom.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I looked at Kane, trying to tell him with my eyes that that was a terrible idea.
He and I would have to have a conversation about my parents and their archaic beliefs. In their opinion, our child was an abomination in the eyes of God. He represented a horrible sin that never should’ve happened. They would never be the doting grandparents I was sure Fox was used to.
Kane’s hand ran up and down my arm. “That’s something to talk about another day. Today, you’ve got your mom, Fox. Let’s take a while to let that all sink in and to let you get to know her. And she’ll get to know us too. We’re all kind of new to each other, you know. We need to take the time to settle into this new family.”
I had no idea how much time it would take to get comfortable with this new situation. With my son in my life now, I worried about my chosen career as a waitress. It didn’t seem to be the most motherly thing to be doing. I had to make a lot of changes if I wanted to be the mother that the boy deserved.
His father was a doctor. I didn’t want him to have to say his mom was a waitress at a nightclub.
Change had been in the air, and now it was thick with it. So thick, it made it hard to breathe.
Chapter 12
Kane
The overwhelming emotion of Fox and Zandra’s reunion had helped ease my hard-on situation. With all the crying and heartfelt words, keeping a hard-on proved to be impossible.
The day had finally come. Zandra and Fox were together again.
I had to admit that I never saw it coming. I had never really thought that we would see her again.
My emotions had been mixed on that subject before seeing her again. Now, I knew I wanted her to be a part of Fox’s life, and mine. But I had to admit that I didn’t know the woman who now sat next to me.
I had to take things slow. For my son, I had to watch what I did and how much I let Zandra in. That same old lust that I’d always felt was still there, burning a hole in my pants. But I had a kid now. And that kid had to be my number one priority.
She’d accepted the date I’d offered her, so we would finally be getting to know each other on a level we’d had the chance to explore before. It was a great start, and one I hoped would end up with us being close enough to raise our son together.
And screw around, too.
My dick was hard for her. I knew that particular organ would get what it wanted eventually. But I didn’t know about my heart. About what it wanted, or what it would be getting.
For all I knew, Zandra could have some pretty nasty habits that I could never deal with. I already knew that I wasn’t thrilled about what she did for work. With that kind of career, she most likely drank and stayed out late into the night more often than I did. She did work at a bar, after all.
Her lifestyle would prove to get in our way, I knew that already. Were there any other things about our lives that would make us incompatible?
“So, Zandra, are you working at the bar while you’re going to college or in some kind of a program?”
Shaking her head, she ran her hand over Fox’s head as he laid it on her shoulder, looking comfy with her already. “No. I should be honest with you, Kane. I’ve never looked past waitressing. My life has been kind of … empty since I had this one here and had to give him up.”
So she hadn’t been in a good place since she’d had the baby. That also might’ve had something to do with how much of a negative spin her parents had put on the pregnancy, or how they’d taken her away from everyone she’d ever known, then made her give up the child who’d been a part of her for nine months.
Those circumstances could send anyone into a downward spiral. It was no surprise she’d felt a bit stunted after that.
“You should get therapy.” Reaching out, I ran my hand over her other shoulder, the one where Fox wasn’t leaning. “What you’ve gone through isn’t easy. I’ll make sure you get help.”
She blinked at me a few times. “I think I can handle it. And now that I’ve got Fox in my life again, I think I’ll be okay from here on out.”
So she wasn’t great at accepting help. That wouldn’t be easy for me to deal with, stubborn man that I was. “Okay. Well, let’s just take things nice and slow. And if you do feel like some therapy will help you, then don’t hesitate to ask me. I know lots of great therapists, and I don’t mind paying them to take care of you. As a matter of fact, Fox sees one once a month to talk about you.”
Her eyes narrowed at me. “You make him go to therapy?”
“Yup,” Fox answered for me, perking up again. “And I like Doc Parsons. He’s nice, and he and I talk about all kinds of things. I’ve known him pretty much my whole life.”
With Fox’s words, her narrowed eyes had opened back up and she went back to stroking him, running her hand over his back. I noticed that she couldn’t seem to stop touching him, and that made me so happy to see.
“Well, as long as you like doing it, then that’s good.” She looked at me. “As you can imagine, I don’t like it when parents make their kids do things against their will.”
Yes, I could alr
eady see that Zandra had been damaged by what her parents had done. Hearing more about how they’d handled the situation, I could only imagine that nothing about her childhood had been easy. Yet she wasn’t willing to get help to begin to mend things within her.
This may not be easy.
Fox laughed as he looked up at her. “Dad makes me do lots of things I don’t want to do. I’ve got to make my own bed even though we have a maid who comes in twice a week. I’ve got to take out the trash, too. And I’ve got to make good grades, or I have to go to after-school tutoring until I bring the grade up. I could go on and on about the things he makes me do.”
Thankfully, she laughed, then tousled his hair. “Yeah, I bet you could. But those sound like good dad things that he should definitely be making you do. I would have to agree with him about those kinds of things.” She looked at the floor. “But he’s the one you should be listening to, Fox, not me. I don’t know if I’m even considered your mother still, legally.”
Though I was thrilled that Fox had his mother in his life, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to change anything legally just yet. “We’ll see how things go, Zandra. I don’t want to rush into anything. At least this is just between you and me. My aunt and uncle no longer have any paperwork tying him to them. He’s mine and mine alone. Well, you know what I mean. On paper he’s mine. Only mine.” I spoke quietly, trying to keep this just between Zandra and me. Unfortunately, Fox had great ears.
But he surprised me by standing up and looking at me with defiance in his eyes. “Dad! She’s my mom. I don’t want to see how things go. I want you to make her my mom for real!”
My kid didn’t get away with throwing tantrums, even if they were about important and valid topics. I stood up and pointed at the chair. “Over there, now.”
“Dad, I’m serious,” he said in a much quieter voice.
“So am I. Now, son.” I pointed at the chair and looked at it.
Reluctantly, he went to sit down, and I caught Zandra chewing on her lower lip. “Kane, please don’t be mad at him.”
Dirty Little Secret: A Secret Baby-Second Chance Romance (Sons of Sin Book 1) Page 9