“Sure.” I went to sit at the table, taking the warm cup in my hands.
She got the pancake mix out of the pantry. “So, what makes you think you can’t call Kane and tell him what you want?”
“I just don’t think I can, is all.” I took a deep sniff of the steaming liquid, the pungent scent helping me wake up.
Shaking her head, she said, “Zandy, you’re letting your shyness get in the way of your relationship with your son.”
“I don’t think it’s that.” I took a little sip of the hot coffee. “I think it’s more like I don’t trust myself where Fox is concerned. I trust Kane to handle things.”
“And so far that way he’s handled things has kept you from spending even one minute with your son.” Mixing the batter, she gave me a stern look. “You’re his mother, Zandy. You should start taking that seriously.”
I knew she was right. “Well, with that said, you know I need to find another job. And that most likely means I won’t be able to afford to live here, right?”
She bit her lower lip as she picked up the stainless-steel bowl full of batter, giving it a good whipping with the whisk she held in the other hand. “About that. I want you to know that I can afford all the bills on my own. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again. So you could get a lower paying job if you really want to. But do you really want to? Do you want to be broke all the damn time, just so Dr. Kane Price can say his son’s mom is something other than a cocktail waitress in what he deems a rowdy bar?”
“I appreciate your offer, but I don’t think that would be the right thing for me to do, Taylor. First of all, I don’t want to live off you, which I would pretty much be doing if I went to work as, say, a waitress in a restaurant.” I took another sip of the hot coffee before going on. “I’ve looked into waitressing positions in some of the local restaurants, even the more prestigious ones. I would be lucky to bring home a thousand dollars a month at those places.”
Taylor nodded. “Yeah, I figured as much. But what about applying at one of the stores here as a cashier? My cousin works at In and Out Convenience Store, and she makes a little over twenty thousand a year. You could get by on that.”
She forgot one thing. “I don’t have any experience working in retail. What chance do I have of getting a job as a cashier?”
“Apply and find out, I suppose.” She pulled a pan out from under the counter then put it on the stove. “But again, I ask you, do you really want to switch jobs just so you can impress the good doctor?”
“It’s not just to impress Kane.” I took another sip of the coffee, which had begun to get too cool. Getting up, I went to pour some more in my cup to warm it back up. “It’s so that I can be a good mom. The kind Fox deserves. He’s ten and in school. I don’t want him to have to tell kids in his class that his mom is a waitress at Mynt. What will their families think? I want to be respectable for my son. I know Kane would take me either way if he didn’t have Fox to think about. But he does. And he has his reputation as a doctor to think about too.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t mess with men who think they’re too wealthy or too important.” Taylor poured some of the batter into the hot pan.
“Sure, that’s why?” I said sarcastically.
She looked at me like she’d just been slapped in the face. “It is!”
Taking my steaming cup back to the table, I took my seat again. “Taylor, you’re into guys with no future. That way you don’t have to think about growing up yourself.”
“Wow, Zandy.” She nodded. “I think you’re settling into your mom role just fine. Just listen to yourself. But you can’t do this little psychoanalysis on me and not do one on yourself too. Why do you make the choices you do?”
Because I never look past tomorrow. But now I’ve got to.
I didn’t say that, though. I merely shrugged and huffed. “I’m going to get dressed while you finish making the pancakes.”
Getting up, I headed to my room, putting on shorts and a T-shirt and then pulling my hair into a ponytail. If Kane did call, I could put myself together a little better before I saw them. If not, then I wouldn’t feel I’d gotten myself all made up for nothing, and there’d be no cause for disappointment.
But I was already disappointed that I hadn’t heard from him. And I had to admit that I was disappointed in myself, too. I’d made a vow to get on my computer to look for other jobs that day, and the next day I would go out and scout the town for jobs that might not be posted online.
I had to start making changes, or Kane would think I was too immature and irresponsible. The last thing I wanted was for Kane to see me as someone who was going nowhere. Though I had to admit that was exactly how I’d seen myself up until I found my son.
Looking in the mirror, I told myself, “You can do it, Zandra Larkin. You can be what you need to be for Fox.”
I even pulled my cell out of my pocket and found Kane’s name on my contact list. My finger hovered over his number.
But then Taylor called out from the kitchen. “It’s ready, Zandy.”
“After breakfast,” I told myself, and then shoved the phone back into my pocket. “For sure, I’ll call him after I eat.”
Taylor had already sat down with her stack of pancakes, pouring syrup all over them. “Yum, sugary.” She looked at me as I walked by her to make my plate. “Hey, will you make me a big glass of chocolate milk, since you’re up?”
“Yeah.” I put a pancake on a plate for myself then made her some chocolate milk before going to sit down. My coffee still sat on the table. “Here you go.”
I put some syrup on my pancake, noticing that she was looking at my plate. “I made us three each, Zandy. You can have the other two.”
“I’m not really that hungry.” Mostly I wasn’t hungry for this sugar-laden food, but I didn’t want to tell her that. She’d gone through the trouble of making it, so I didn’t want to gripe or come off as ungrateful.
“Suit yourself.” She munched away on her pile of pancakes. “So, if you don’t do anything with Dr. Delicious today, then what are you gonna do with your day off?”
“Don’t call him that.” Jealousy shot through me so quickly that it surprised me. “And if he doesn’t want to do anything with me then I’m going to get on my computer and stay there until I’ve found a job.”
“I see.” She looked toward the sliding glass doors that led out to a patio. “I think I’ll have a day beside the pool, catching some sun and letting the guys ogle my bod. But you stay inside in front of a computer screen all day, Zandy.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “You do that, Barbie. I’ve got better things to do than that.”
“You sure do.” She winked at me. “You’ve got to turn yourself into Holly Homemaker so you can win the heart of the good doctor and his son.”
“Our son,” I corrected her. “And there are worse things to turn myself into.”
She was just teasing me and I knew that. Taylor would never stand in my way of becoming what I wanted to be. She’d always been a good friend, but she was still a kid in many ways. She probably just didn’t understand why I would even want to take on the role of mommy to a son I’d given away minutes after he was born.
Thinking about Kane and his disapproval the other night at the club, I wasn’t sure why I wanted it either. Living up to Kane’s standards might not suit me at all. But for some reason, I wanted to at least try. Besides, my becoming a mom wasn’t about Kane, it was about Fox.
A knock on our door had us both looking up from out food. “Now who could that be?” I asked as I got up to answer it. Not that Taylor cared, but she was still in a short nighty that she’d worn to bed. I didn’t think she was dressed appropriately to open the door. “I’ll see who it is. You might want to get up and put on a robe, Taylor.”
Stuffing another forkful of pancakes into her mouth, she asked, “Why would I do that?”
Shaking my head, I went to the door and looked through the peephole. “Oh, my God.”
/>
“Who is it?” she asked with a full mouth.
“My son.” I opened the door, a huge smile on my face. “Hey, Fox.”
His face was beet red, and sweat was making his dark hair cling to his face. “Hi, Mom. I came to see you.”
Stepping back, my smile slowly faded as I realized something was a little off. “Come in,” I said, looking out at the parking lot for his father, but seeing no one. “And where’s your dad?”
“Home.” He looked around at the living room. “Nice place.”
“Thank you.” I closed the door. “How did you get here? Your dad didn’t just drop you off and leave, did he?”
“No.” He looked at Taylor and the pancakes she was shoveling in her mouth. “Hi, I’m Fox.”
She nodded then swallowed her food before saying, “I’m Taylor. Nice to meet you, Fox. I’ve heard a lot about you. You want some pancakes and chocolate milk?”
I headed toward the kitchen to make him a place, certain he would want some too. “I’ll get you some. Take a seat, Fox.”
“Uh.” He stood still as he looked at Taylor’s nearly empty plate. “I can’t.”
“Sure you can,” Taylor said. “There’s plenty.”
Something inside of me clicked, and a little motherly instinct came out of my mouth, “So, if your dad wasn’t the one who dropped you off, who was it, Fox?”
“I ran over here by myself,” he informed me as he kept looking at Taylor’s plate. Then he looked at me. “Hey, you’re my mother. You can tell me I can have some pancakes, right?”
“Okay, hold on a minute.” The idea that his father had let his ten-year-old son sprint across the city to my apartment, alone, didn’t sit right in my brain. “Fox, does your father allow you to go places all by yourself?”
“Um, well, I’m allowed to walk to Aunt Nancy’s and Uncle James’, and I’m allowed to walk to the park with my friends sometimes.” He glanced at the glass of chocolate milk in front of Taylor, which was still half full. “Hey, if you said it was fine, then I could have some of that milk too.” He looked back at me. “Is it real cow’s milk?”
“Hell, yeah, it is,” Taylor said, then looked at me. “What’s wrong with you, Mom? Get your kid something to eat, will ya?”
I had a strange feeling that there was a lot more going on than Fox was saying. “In a minute. Fox, does your father know where you are?”
“Um, he’s probably figured it out by now.” Jerking his head toward the kitchen, he said, “So, how about that milk and those pancakes now?”
As adorable as the kid was, I knew I had to make a phone call before I did anything else. “How about you take a seat on the sofa and I call your dad?”
His green eyes went to the floor, his small shoulders slumped. “Oh, man.”
“I knew it! You left your house without telling him, didn’t you, Fox?” I was horrified and knew Kane would be furious.
All Fox did was nod as he went to sit down. “I’m really hot from running all the way over here. It was like fifteen blocks or something like that. I looked up the address on my computer and found you.”
I went to get him a bottle of cold water from the fridge and gave it to him before taking my phone out of my pocket and making a call I never expected I’d get to make. Even when all this started, I never imagined I’d be the one to call Kane to let him know that he’d been anything less than vigilant in watching and caring for our son.
Kane answered with the very first ring, “Please tell me Fox is with you!”
“He’s here with me, yes.” I could actually feel his fear coming through the phone.
I could tell his teeth were gritted as he growled, “Keep his ass right there, Zandra. I’ll be right over.”
“Kane, can’t he stay with me a little while? I’ve missed him so much.” I ran my hand over his little sweaty head. “And he must’ve missed me too. I know what he did was bad—”
“It was a terrible thing,” he interrupted me. “Not just bad, Zandra!” he shouted at me.
“I know. I know he did, but Kane, he’s here now. He’s safe now. Please, just let us visit a little while before you come get him.” I felt like I was begging, and I didn’t like that I had to beg anyone to be able to see my own son for a little while, no matter what the circumstances were.
“Zandra, what he did was dangerous.” He sighed heavily. “He had to cross two busy streets to get to you. He’s got to be punished.”
“I agree, but not right away. I’ll talk to him about how dangerous that was and how he should never do it again, but for now, can he and I just visit?” My heart ached thinking about the trouble Fox had gotten himself into. I didn’t even want to think about what kind of punishment Kane was going to give him. “He only did it because you haven’t let us see each other, Kane.”
“I know,” came his soft reply. “I’ll give you guys a few hours, and then I’m coming to get him.”
“Okay.”
I’d won this battle, but I had a feeling there were going to be more of them in the foreseeable future. I just hoped we wouldn’t have a war.
Chapter 20
Kane
Knowing that Fox was with Zandra did little to stop the anger and frustration that had built up inside of me over his little stunt.
Her apartment was a little over a mile away from our house. Busy streets with speeding cars weren’t the only thing I worried about. Fox was just a little kid, no matter what he thought. He’d had no business walking over there, and he damn well knew that.
I had no idea exactly how I would address this behavior, but I sure as hell was going to try my damnedest to get my son back to the good kid he’d been before his mother came along.
Aunt Nancy and Uncle James came over once I told them Fox was safe with his mother. Aunt Nancy made chamomile tea to help calm us all down. She handed me a warm cup. “Here, sip on this and let’s all just take some time to decompress. That boy sure did give us a scare, but at least we know he’s safe now.”
My hand shook as I took the cup she held out to me. “Well, for now he is. Once I get a hold of him, I’m not so sure about his safety.”
Uncle James stood behind my chair, and he clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Now, Kane, don’t be so hasty. Let’s think about the right way to handle this. The boy wanted to see his mother very badly. Frankly, I don’t understand why you haven’t let him. She’s all he’s been talking about, and he told us how he talks to her each night before bedtime. And he was looking forward to spending Sunday with her all week long. Were you not going to let him do that? Is that why he ran away?”
He’d hit the nail on the head. “Well, I didn’t say no. He just brought it up this morning and I told him to let me think about it. But he got all impatient and ran off on his own.” I put the cup down on the coffee table in front of me. “I still can’t believe he did that. I never would’ve expected something like this from him. Not my son.”
Aunt Nancy laughed. “Oh, Kane, he’ll do many things you’ll never see coming. It’s what kids do.” She sat down on the loveseat across the table from me. “Now, let’s talk logically here. What’s stopping you from letting Fox see his mother? What is it that you’ve been spending so much time thinking about?”
“She works in a bar,” I stated. “You guys know that already. But what I haven’t told you guys is what kind of bar it is, and how she acts while she’s there.”
Uncle James took a seat next to Aunt Nancy. “I’m sure it’s pretty crazy. Well, crazy to you, Kane. You grew up quickly. That’s not your scene anymore. Maybe you’re judging her a little harshly.”
Taking a second to think about it, I had to admit, “Yeah, maybe I am. Maybe I’m expecting her to hurry up and grow up the way I did.”
“But she didn’t have the responsibility you had, dear,” Aunt Nancy reminded me. “She had no reason at all to grow up. You can’t very well expect her to do that overnight, especially if you won’t let the two of them spend time together. How will sh
e ever know what goes along with having a child if you never give her the opportunity to experience what it takes to look after one?”
She was right. I could admit that I’d been wrong. “But what if she does something to hurt him? I don’t want him to be scarred, emotionally speaking, because I allowed her into his life too soon. What then?” I picked up the tea to take another sip. It did seem to be helping with my nerves.
“Don’t you think we worried about the very same thing when we started letting Fox stay with you when you were just eighteen?” Aunt Nancy asked. “He was a baby back then. He couldn’t tell you what he wanted or needed. But we took that chance. We let you keep him all by yourself sometimes, so you could bond with him and learn how to become the boy’s father.”
Uncle James added, “When we decided to give him to you, do you think we didn’t have fears that we were putting too much on you? All the responsibility that came along with Fox rested squarely on your shoulders for the first time then. But you did it.”
“But I came from a good home. And I had you guys and Mom and Dad to show me the way. Zandra had horrible parents. Even before they made her give Fox up, living with them had made her into a shy girl who hardly knew how to make friends. They turned her into someone who didn’t have the wherewithal to get away from them when she was pregnant to let anyone know what they were doing to her and the baby she carried.” I thought about how terrible that must’ve been for her. My heart ached with the thought. “I don’t want her to instill that same thing into my son.”
“He’s hers too, Kane,” my aunt reminded me.
“I know. I’m having a hard time adjusting my thoughts about that, though,” I admitted. “For so long he’s been mine and mine alone. I’m having a hard time adjusting to him having a mother.”
“That’s understandable,” Uncle James said. “But you have to adjust, for Fox’s sake, if not Zandra’s.”
I knew I would have to speed up my adjustment process. “So, the punishment. What should I do about that?”
Dirty Little Secret: A Secret Baby-Second Chance Romance (Sons of Sin Book 1) Page 15