by Sue Brown
The thought of Adam left Noel feeling suddenly vulnerable again. He was tempted to ask Angel to hold his hand as he’d promised. Was it always going to be like this? Would any thought of his ex leave him sad and a little angry?
“Hey.” Angel nudged his knee, disturbing Noel’s thoughts.
“Huh?” He blinked and saw Angel’s worried frown. “Are you all right?” Angel asked. “You had that look.”
He didn’t need to spell out that he meant the expression Noel wore when he was thinking about Adam.
“I’m okay,” Noel hastened to reassure him.
“Sorry. You must be bored,” Maria said, shifting restlessly and rubbing her belly.
“Not at all,” Noel lied. “I love the fact you’re bonding over a mutual love of zombies. If the zombie apocalypse happens now, you two will know how to save us.”
“You’re damn right,” Maria crowed.
That led to an in-depth discussion on how they would save the chalet in the event of such an apocalypse, and Noel shook his head and tuned out again. This time his thoughts didn’t return to Adam, but instead fell into a comforting haze as Angel and Maria rambled on about cutting down the pine trees for weapons and stockades and the wise guys talked about mufflers. In the background he could hear the rattle of pots and pans from the kitchen and Charlie and Don’s low conversation. Everything melded into one after a while, and in Noel’s sleepy head, Angel and Maria were saving the world, one muffler at a time, while Charlie tried to feed them finger food made out of real fingers.
It was a relief when Angel nudged him again.
“Charlie wants to know what you want to drink,” Angel said.
After last night Noel had decided he should go easy on the liquor, so he asked for a beer. He’d seen an IPA on the list. He’d always wanted to try it. Angel asked for the same thing, and Maria asked for a sparkling water and grumbled about the lack of alcohol in her future.
“The joys of motherhood,” Angel agreed.
Maria grumbled again, but Noel could see the soft warm look in her eyes that told him no alcohol was a small price to pay for being a mother.
When the drinks were served, Goldie sat next to Noel and started a friendly conversation about skiing. It turned out he had been to many of the same places Noel had been as a teenager, and they spent thirty minutes discussing their favorite resorts, although Noel admitted what he loved as a teenager and what he’d want now were probably two different things. It was nice of Goldie to make the effort, and Noel appreciated the conversation. When Charlie called them to the dinner table, Goldie sat opposite him rather than at the end, and Marv and Frankie joined him. The conversation about skiing carried on, and Noel felt part of the chalet for the first time since he arrived.
Angel caught Noel’s attention as Charlie served up their steaks. “Coping?” he murmured.
“Better.”
“You know my offer to hold your hand still stands.”
“Even if I’m just moping about Adam?” Noel asked.
“Especially if you’re just moping about Adam,” Angel said firmly.
Noel had the sudden desire to lay his head on Angel’s shoulder and let him take away all the pain. He had a feeling Angel wouldn’t mind at all.
Chapter 5—Day 2
three days before Christmas Eve
evening
NOEL WAS working up a good steak-and-beer buzz by the time they said good night. The exercise and fresh air had obviously gotten to all of the guests, and they were yawning midway through the evening. Maria yawned her way through dessert and finally said good night not long after dinner finished. Marv and Goldie survived another hour but then admitted defeat, a disappointed Frankie in tow. Thanks to his impromptu nap, Noel could have stayed a bit longer, but Angel was flagging, and Charlie and Don obviously wanted to clear up for breakfast. Noel guided Angel down the corridor to the bedroom, and Angel leaned against the wall, his shoulders drooping as Noel unlocked the door. “You have a very nice bedroom.”
Noel smiled somewhat bitterly. “I deliberately picked a good room for us. Part of the whole romantic gesture. Course, I wasn’t expecting to be in the room by myself.”
“You’re not in the room by yourself. You’re with me,” Angel pointed out. Then he patted Noel on the cheek and walked past him into the bedroom.
Stunned, Noel touched where Angel had patted him. Sometimes Angel could cut right through to the heart of the matter.
They got ready for bed, not really talking beyond an agreement on who wanted to use the bathroom. Angel went first, and by the time Noel returned, Angel had curled up into a ball under the covers. Noel thought he was asleep, but as Noel slid into bed, Angel said, “I hope I don’t wake you up.”
Noel had a feeling sleeping was a real issue for Angel. No wonder he wanted a room by himself. “It doesn’t matter if you do wake me, Angel. Don’t even think about it.”
Angel sighed. “Thanks. G’night.”
“Sleep well.”
Noel read for a while and then switched off the light on the nightstand. Between the fresh air, the exercise, and the dinner, he was out like a light.
He had no concept of how long he’d been asleep when he was disturbed. As he opened his eyes, a harsh cry echoed in the pitch blackness. It took him a moment to realize what it was, and then Angel cried out again.
Noel sat up and listened intently. He couldn’t make head nor tail of what Angel was saying, the words incoherent. Noel wasn’t sure what to do. Should he wake Angel or leave him to sleep through it? But the next cry sounded more distressed, and he decided he would wake Angel out of the bad dream. He fumbled for his shoulder in the darkness. “Hey, Angel. You need to wake up.” Angel cried out again. “Angel, come on, wake up.”
Angel sat up suddenly and clutched Noel’s arms. “Please don’t die. You have to live. You can’t die now. Please don’t die.”
Noel froze, his eyes wide at the begging and pleading. Then Angel collapsed against Noel’s chest, sobbing and still begging. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.” Tears soaked Noel’s T-shirt.
He enfolded Angel in his arms. “I won’t leave you,” he promised, not sure if Angel was awake or even heard him. He knew Angel wasn’t really talking to him, so he rocked him gently, until the harsh sobbing and pleading subsided and Angel rested quietly against him.
Noel stayed where he was until the ache in his back reminded him he couldn’t hold Angel like that for the rest of the night. He tried to lay Angel down, but Angel clung on to him with a harsh “You promised.”
Gently, hoping Angel wouldn’t punch him out when he finally did wake up, Noel eased them both down until he was spooning Angel, who pressed back against him. Noel put an arm around him and Angel sighed and fell asleep almost immediately. Noel took a while longer, troubled by Angel’s distress.
“WHAT THE hell?”
Noel opened his eyes to discover Angel kneeling on the bed and looking down at him with a confused and somewhat hostile expression in his eyes.
“Why were you holding me?”
Noel licked his lips to get his mouth to work and said, “Do you remember what happened last night?”
Angel paused for a minute and then shook his head.
“You were having a bad nightmare,” Noel explained. “I tried to wake you up, but you were crying and shouting, and you were very distressed. When I tried to settle you, you clung on to me and wouldn’t let go.”
The hostile expression faded, and now Angel just looked sleepy and confused.
“What time is it?” Angel reached over Noel to look at his phone. His eyes widened. “It’s seven o’clock.”
“Okay.” Noel was bemused by Angel’s reaction.
“I never sleep till seven o’clock. I’m usually up at three or four most mornings.” He sounded almost outraged that he’d slept in, as though it were Noel’s fault. He looked like an angry cherub with a tousled mess of curls, kneeling in the wreck of the covers.
It was too ear
ly to deal with anger. Noel sat up, rubbing his eyes, and tried to get his brain online. He too had slept exceptionally well, wrapped around Angel. He wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong, aside from giving the man comfort when he needed it. He looked warily over to where Angel remained kneeling. There was a strange mixture of emotions on his face. There was definitely anger, but also surprise and maybe confusion.
“Are you angry at me?” Noel asked. When Angel didn’t respond, he said, “I’m sorry if you felt I was out of line. You asked me not to leave you, and you got upset when I tried to move away.”
“I’m not a child. You could have left me alone. You didn’t need to maul me all night.”
You asked me not to.
Noel fixed his attention on Angel. “I wasn’t going to leave you in the middle of your nightmare,” he said steadily.
Angel flushed an angry red. “I’m going for breakfast.” He dressed quickly and left the room, leaving Noel staring after him, wondering what just happened.
It was a hell of a start to the day. Did he stay there and wait for Angel to return so he could apologize? Was Angel going to call the cops on him for cuddling him unasked? Noel snorted. Angel had asked, but he didn’t remember it. Noel never intended to upset Angel. He had genuinely wanted to comfort him. Noel showered and got dressed, but Angel didn’t return, and Noel eventually decided that he needed food more than a makeup.
In the great room, Frankie and Maria were chatting, but there was no sign of anybody else.
Maria grinned at him as he appeared. “Morning, Noel.” She looked past him. “Where’s your shadow?”
“I’m fine,” he said shortly.
Her eyebrows raised, but he shook his head and hoped she would leave it. To give her credit, she did.
Charlie appeared a minute later to ask him what he wanted for breakfast. Noel was too churned up inside for food, but he knew Charlie wouldn’t let him get away without eating something. He asked for coffee and pastries and was rewarded as Charlie beamed at him and hurried away.
“Where is Angel?” Frankie asked as though he’d only just noticed the young man was missing.
“I don’t know,” Noel admitted. “He mentioned something about going for a walk.”
“I saw him earlier,” Maria said. “He was heading off in the direction of town. He said he had a bad night and just needed to work off some steam.”
If she knew that, why did she ask where he was? And why did Angel say he’d had a bad night? Compared to his usual sleeping pattern, he’d had a great night. He might have had to work off some steam, but it wasn’t for lack of sleep. Was Angel heading for the sheriff’s office? Fuck, should Noel go after him?
Marv and Goldie joined them a few minutes later. Marv looked like he’d been dragged through a ditch, but Goldie seemed smug, for some reason. They sat next to Frankie, who immediately started a conversation about profit margins. From the lack of response from his companions, neither of them cared much and Frankie trailed off.
Breakfast was much more of a relaxed affair than dinner, and Charlie didn’t seem to mind guests arriving at different times. Over endless pots of coffee—and in Maria’s case, mint tea—they talked about the previous day’s skiing and what they wanted to do today.
“I’m going to take advantage of the good weather and go for a walk,” Maria said. “I promised to take photos for Joe.”
Noel gave her a sympathetic grin. “He’s still stuck at work?”
“Like glue,” she said. “We keep hoping, but in the meantime I’m gonna take lots of photos and show him what he’s missing.”
Goldie looked over. “Would you like a companion? I’d like to explore a little.”
Noel wondered if he imagined the flash of worry in Frankie’s eyes when Goldie made his offer. Marv didn’t seem to notice as he shoveled pastries as fast as he could. Noel had almost finished breakfast when Angel appeared, his cheeks and nose bright red from the cold. He decided Angel would probably be more relaxed if he left, and he got up from the table, wishing everyone a good day’s skiing. Angel didn’t meet his eyes, so Noel figured he hadn’t been forgiven.
Back in his room, Noel wasn’t sure what to do next. Did he wait for Angel to come back or did he clear out and give Angel some space? The trouble with barely knowing someone was that he didn’t know how they were going to react in any situation. He decided he would give Angel space and talk to him that evening.
It wouldn’t do them any harm to spend a day apart, and Noel had never intended to be with Angel the whole time anyway. He got ready for a day on the slopes and all he needed to do was put his jacket and boots on when he went to the front door. As he picked up the room key and wallet, the bedroom door opened and Angel stalked in. From the way his eyes were flashing, he was on the warpath.
“Let’s make one thing clear,” Angel snapped. “I’m not a child, and I don’t need you to hold my hand.”
“I held you, and you wouldn’t let me go,” Noel snapped, his anger rising. “All I wanted to do was wake you up from a nightmare.”
“You don’t know it was a nightmare,” Angel said.
Noel rolled his eyes. “It was damn obvious it was a very bad dream. I might not have medical training, but I can recognize a bad dream when I see one.”
Angel pressed his lips together at Noel’s obvious sarcasm. “You didn’t need to hold on to me all night.”
Noel took a deep breath. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line. I was comfortable and fell asleep. And so were you. We could get the cot from Don.”
His honest apology seemed to take Angel by surprise, and Angel folded in on himself and slumped onto his bed. “I went out to find a new room for the rest of the vacation, but everywhere is booked now. There’s not one damn room in the resort,” Angel bit out, obviously frustrated.
Noel stayed quiet because he didn’t want to provoke him further.
Angel huffed. “The nightmares are the reason I wanted a room to myself.”
“Do you get them every night?”
“More or less,” Angel admitted.
“So you do remember them and you do know what they’re about?”
The hostility returned to Angel’s eyes. “Yes.”
Noel held up his hands. “I’m not going to ask you what they’re about, because it’s none of my business and I’m no therapist. I just wanted you to know that, under any other circumstances, I would never have invaded your space.”
Angel gave a curt nod. “I know, but it’s galling to know I slept better last night than I have done in three months.”
“Is that when the nightmares started?” Noel asked cautiously.
“Yes.”
“Next time I’ll just wake you up,” Noel promised. “I won’t touch you again.”
Angel sighed and rubbed his temples. “You don’t understand. You touching me is not the problem. It was just the shock of waking up in your arms. It unnerved me that I don’t remember it and I didn’t handle it well.”
Noel wasn’t sure whether he was forgiven or not. “Are we good?”
“We’re good,” Angel said, the anger easing in his tone, even if he still looked troubled. “I’m sorry for walking out on you like that.”
“I was worried you were going to call the cops on me,” Noel admitted. “You could have.”
Angel shook his head. “I wouldn’t have done that. Whatever you did, it was with the best of intentions. And I know that you had no intention of trying to force yourself on me.”
“Thank you for trusting me,” Noel said quietly. “I’m going skiing. I’ll see you later.”
Angel looked disappointed, but Noel still wanted to put some space between them. As much as he was grateful they’d sorted things out, he was acutely conscious that they barely knew each other. A day alone wouldn’t do him any harm.
Noel headed to the front door to put on his boots. He was unsurprised to see Charlie appear as he was putting them on.
“Is everything all right?” Charlie asked.<
br />
“Everything’s fine,” Noel said, maybe a little sharper than was necessary.
Charlie bit his lip. “Don says I shouldn’t interfere, but Angel looked upset when he went out earlier. Is everything all right between you?”
“Everything’s fine,” Noel repeated, but Charlie still looked worried. “We had a misunderstanding, that’s all. We’ve sorted it out now. I just think maybe a bit of space between us for the day would be a good idea.”
Charlie seemed to be unconvinced, but he said, “Okay then, if you’re sure. But you do know you can always come and talk to me if there’s a problem. I’m sure we could find separate rooms for you if necessary. One of you could take our room.”
“I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but talk to Angel if you want. He’s in the bedroom.” Noel stood and forced a smile, anxious to conclude the conversation before Angel appeared. It would be just his luck if Angel thought they were talking about him. “I’ll see you at dinner time.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that. We’ve got activities planned before dinner, so make sure you’re back by six,” Charlie ordered.
Noel dreaded to think what those activities would be, but he didn’t want to disappoint his host, so he just smiled and said he would be there. Then he escaped before Charlie could say any more.
IF THE morning skiing helped to relieve some of his frustration, it was lonelier and maybe a little less fun than it had been the previous afternoon. On the plus side, Noel pushed himself harder and faster than he would have done if he’d been with Angel and tackled the more difficult runs. He had the satisfaction of gaining back some the skills he had when he skied regularly. Maybe now that he was single, he’d book more winter vacations. He gritted his teeth. He wasn’t going to let the thought of Adam wreck his day.