by Cara Lake
A chill of ice gripped his chest. Fear? For her? Jaro focused on his fury in an effort to numb the unsettling sensation. He didn’t care. Couldn’t care. Wouldn’t care. So why did it feel as if his chest was being suffocated? Must be broken ribs. Lung damage. Brain damage, more likely. He would just lie here until Phenex sent some men to get him. No he wouldn’t. He would visit Morana. He pressed his palms flat against the hard surface of the pallet, inching his body up. Agonizing pain sliced through his back and aching muscles. He fought a wave of nausea as he forced his body upright. The cold air whipping against his torn flesh delivered fresh barbs as he moved. Slowly, every step a torture, he made his way through the darkness of the tunnels, emerging finally into the alleyways of the ghetto.
* * * * *
Morana had been strangely silent during the ride back to her mansion, which had suited Tani’s somber mood. The specter of the evening’s events hovered over her, an oppressive reminder of the chaos wrought by the Discordants. It was everything she was fighting against.
Hatred.
Violence.
Inhumanity.
Back in her room, Tani focused her thoughts on the man she was here for. Lorcan. Her emotions spiraled when she thought of him. He confused her. It was almost as if he were two different people. The façade he employed for the benefit of society, cold, haughty, indifferent, was the face he projected on a daily basis. It was a hard one for him to drop.
But she had seen the other side of him, the warm, passionate generosity he revealed only fleetingly. Life here was dangerous. He had to be this way to protect the people he cared about. His mother. The waifs and strays in the ghetto. The young girls he took under his wing in the brothels. Lorcan was a good man, an honorable man. He might be the Esseni of Hate, but like Irina’s partner Tyr who was the Esseni of War, there were two sides to his character. His capacity for love was apparent in his actions and Tani should feel elated that he was her partner duality, considering all her fears before she had met him.
Her hand rubbed the mark on her hip. The Taijitu. The mark of an Esseni. The mark she had been waiting for all her life. How elated she had been when it appeared that morning and tonight—tonight she had seen its match on Lorcan’s hip. She thought back to that moment and how she had been surprised to see it there. Really, she shouldn’t have been. Not after the sizzling kiss they had shared in the alley. It had been inevitable. Lorcan was Hate. She was Love. He probably didn’t even realize he had it.
Tani had been waiting with Morana in the private bar area, reserved for the very wealthy after the fights were over. Lorcan had gone to say goodbye to his mother and Phenex. He had returned to the room, an enthusiastic smile across his face as he walked toward her, his focus on her alone.
A servant had smashed into him, spilling a tray of wine across his chest. She had felt the bristling anger of the other aristocrats directed at the servant but Lorcan had laughed it off, removing his shirt to wipe away the residue. As he did so Tani had caught a brief glimpse of the unmistakable mark of an Esseni at his hip. Now that it had appeared, evidence of her connection to Lorcan was irrefutable. She was his and he was hers. To ensure balance in the universe, they had to commit to each other.
Her fear had been that Hate would not commit to her but for reasons that eluded her, she was afraid to make that commitment to him. Yet. Time. She just needed time to get to know him more. There was an attraction. Definitely. And at times it was fierce and overwhelming. Her thoughts meandered again to that second kiss at the club and the fact that with just a brief touch of his hand he had almost made her come. But he had burned for her too. She had felt the hard evidence of his desire pressing into her belly. Could still feel it. Gaia in heaven! But at other times… Maybe it was her fear taking over, causing her to doubt.
Tani shook herself out of the morbid direction her thoughts were taking her. She would not be dragged down by fear. She would not be another Carita. A sharp knock sounded on her door. “My lady! Lorcan Rodach is below and wishes to speak with you.”
Tani’s heart pounded. He was here. Time to step up and face her destiny.
* * * * *
Each step was a wrench, every footfall an agonizing spear lancing through bruised skin and fractured bones. But Jaro kept going. The urge to reach Morana’s was an insistent pounding on his consciousness. Why he was bothering he didn’t know. Yes he did. No matter that the redheaded temptress was Lorcan’s, she was in danger and Lorcan was that danger. Lorcan would sell her off to Phenex just as his mother had sold off Jaro and for some reason he couldn’t define, it was something he could not allow.
Finally he emerged from the shadows and found himself facing the iron gates of Morana’s large townhouse. His swollen eyes registered movement at her door so he dissolved back into the alley, not wanting to reveal his presence. There were two people on the steps. A female and a male. Jaro caught a glimpse of red, as the light from the open doorway permeated his impaired vision. He realized the woman was kissing the male and that the dark-haired man was responding with enthusiasm.
A rush of intense fury sparked in the deepest recess of his brain as the full impact of the scene crashed his senses. It was her—and she was with his brother. She didn’t appear to need saving. Well fuck! Forget the warning; she would get what she deserved. If she was stupid enough to be drawn into his brother’s web of deceit, then so be it. He was done looking out for others. Why he should be bothered about her fate was a mystery. She was nothing to him. He didn’t even know her!
His anger increased. At Lorcan. At her. At himself. What the hell was he thinking? His body was fucked to chaos and he was trying to play knight in shining armor. Well, it sure didn’t look like the damsel was in distress. He needed to heal and that was more important than some red-haired bitch. She was clearly in knee-deep with Lorcan—had probably played Jaro for a fool. Rage swept over him, burning a fire through his veins. But it still took every muscle he possessed to force his protesting body to turn. Walk away. But he did. Jaro headed for Liana’s and a warm place to lay his head.
* * * * *
“Lady Tanith, I hope you don’t mind me visiting so late, but I had to see you.” Lorcan held her hands in his, gray eyes meeting hers with concern. “I wanted to make sure you were okay after the battles. I was worried when Morana told me she was bringing you. The arena is not for the faint hearted and those of delicate sensibilities. I’m sorry Morana subjected you to that.”
Tani bristled slightly at his inference of her fragility but shook it off quickly, realizing that she should be grateful this man was showing her such great care. Wasn’t that something she had always wished for? She met his gaze as he stood at the entrance, her eyes roaming to his black hair, remembering the feel of it in her palms. It was no longer disheveled and unruly as it had been outside the club but swept back neatly from his handsome face and even so she couldn’t help but think that he was one of the most handsome men she had ever seen.
But she preferred his hair untamed. His demeanor now was urbane. This was his civilized face and she realized it was the one he used when they were in company. There were servants around and Morana could come down at any moment so he was continuing to play the sophisticated aristocrat. If only they were alone. His tone and the voice in which he spoke, although concerned, had none of the raw emotion that stirred her heart to somersaults and it even made her feel uneasy because now she could tell it was false.
Lorcan’s hands cupped her face and before she had a chance to think, his head dipped forward and his lips found hers. After the initial shock, Tani was surprised to find that she felt only a cool detachment as his tongue roved her mouth. Her arms lifted automatically and her hands lay on his shoulders but there was no urge to press into him, no burning need to fuse into his kiss. His hands were inching their bodies closer, one laced in her hair behind her head, the other at the small of her back. At the same moment he broke the kiss to murmur something in her ear, Tani experienced a rolling wave of heat,
vicious in its intensity as it pierced through her skin and bone and then expired, leaving her insides smoldering. She was unable to process the emotion before Lorcan murmured again.
“What?” she asked, not catching his words.
“My apologies for my lack of restraint but you are irresistible, Tanith.”
Tani pulled back and stared up at him. “Thank you,” she replied, wondering what the hell had just happened and what the hell was wrong with her. Perhaps the shock of the battles and how bloodthirsty they were was still preying on her mind because she knew this kiss was nothing like the kiss they had shared in the alley.
Lorcan’s hands tightened as if he could sense her confusion. “I’m trying not to lose control with you,” he confessed. “I know we have only just met and I don’t want to scare you with how I feel.”
His words sounded sweet, thoughtful and as he spoke them, Tani’s confusion solidified to enlightenment. “Is that why you walked away outside the club?” she asked, just to be sure.
“I wanted you so much,” he replied. “I had to leave you, Tanith. You are so beautiful and we have this indescribable connection. Tell me you feel it too.” His forehead dropped to meet hers. She lifted her eyes to meet gray ones. “Lorcan, do you know what’s happening here?” she asked.
“Something magickal.”
Tani swallowed and took the plunge, holding at bay a tiny corner of her brain that was insisting she back away. “Lorcan, I need to tell you I came here specifically to find you,” she said. His cool, serious eyes narrowed in surprise. “To find me?”
“The connection you felt between us, it’s…” Tani paused, reluctant to speak the word. But it had to be said. “It’s fate.” His mouth broke into a grin. “So you are my destiny.”
Tani relaxed at his smile. Maybe this wouldn’t be so difficult after all. She nodded. “Lorcan, you and I, we are Esseni.”
“Esseni?” His brow furrowed.
“Do you know what that means?”
“Of course, but…I am one?” He sounded incredulous.
“The proof is on your hip,” she said. “You have a mark there that matches mine. I saw it earlier.”
Lorcan appeared completely dumbfounded as her hands pushed aside the fabric of his shirt to reveal the small Taijitu mark scarring his hip. She then revealed her own and watched his dark head as he gazed down at them and then brought his eyes back to hers.
“You are mine,” he said smiling. Tani managed a half-smile in return because at that moment as he held her close, she felt only fear. Her eyes darted to the street outside, senses attuned to danger and the feeling that they were being watched. “Come inside,” she urged. “It’s not safe out here for us.”
The handsome man in front of her continued to smile, following her inside, linking his hands with hers. Tani felt his touch but it somehow it didn’t bring her the comfort it should have. Fighting to eradicate her fears, she took him into the sitting room where they sat together on the couch. Tani tried desperately to focus on what she needed to tell him. She turned toward him and took a deep breath. The time had come.
“I watched you in the bazaar,” she confessed. “You gave food to a small child. He was undernourished but it seemed as if you feed him regularly.” Lorcan appeared startled by her words and then she realized that he was embarrassed. “I thought it was beautiful,” she said quickly, “that you care so much. But…” Here she paused as his serious eyes met hers. “Who was he? I only ask because it seems we are fated, but I don’t know very much about you and I would like to know everything.”
“I’m ashamed to say that the boy is a relation of mine,” he said quietly.
Tani’s heart jumped, the sudden unwelcome awareness that he could indeed have a son and a lover who relied on him washed over her skin, causing it to tighten just as her hands clenched into fists, nails digging into her flesh. Jealousy. She had never experienced that emotion before.
As if he could sense her distress or read her mind, Lorcan immediately brought his palm to her face. “No it’s not that,” he said. “His mother is my cousin and the boy is the result of a rape. In fact a rape by the fighter you saw tonight.”
Tani’s eyes flew wide in shock. “That’s his child?” She could hardly process that such an engaging child could be offspring of such a brutish male. “His mother must be very beautiful.”
Lorcan’s eyes gazed at hers with sadness. “She is. She was, is the daughter of an aristocrat as you know, but once pregnant, even though she was raped, because she refused to abort the child they disowned her. She was cast out. My uncle, her father, refused to help her in any way. Even though the rapist is a slave he could have still married her, but he abandoned her to her fate.”
“But you didn’t,” Tani whispered.
“No, she’s my cousin, and my mother adores her, so I try to visit when I can.”
“That’s very noble of you.”
He almost blushed, appearing uncomfortable with her praise. Another confusing contradiction. The Esseni of Hate, a good samaritan. She remembered then that he asked nothing about the essence that he held or her own. His forehead dipped to hers again.
“I’m not noble, Tanith,” he said quietly. “I just try to do the right thing.”
“We need to talk about our situation,” said Tani, “but I’m not sure it’s safe here. Can we meet somewhere tomorrow? I need you to understand what being an Esseni means, who you are, who we are.”
Lorcan smiled. “I know some of it.” His hand brushed her cheek again. “But you’re right. I have an apartment in town. Can you be there tomorrow around six? After we talk I’ll take you to dinner.”
She nodded and he gave her the address. “I look forward to your instruction,” he said as she led him to the door, his lips gently brushing hers. It was only after he had gone that Tani felt a shiver of apprehension as she replayed the conversation in her head and heard the tone he had used. It almost sounded as if he would be instructing her, not the other way around. But instructing her in what?
Chapter Twelve
Suspicion
Tanith wakened the next morning with a slick coat of fear lying heavy on her chest. The night had brought no comfort. She had been restless, unable to sleep and now her whole body felt dull with aching pressure, the weight of it settling on her lungs so that she awoke gasping for breath. Not what she expected after the initial excitement of finally—finally finding her Esseni partner.
Her mind in turmoil, she sat up slowly, trying to sort through the gamut of emotions ricocheting in her head. The confusion she felt toward Lorcan was even more tangled than before, one moment veering toward deep desire and aching need then bouncing over to reveal slivers of fear at the thought of bonding with him. Playing heavily on her mind was the overwhelming sensation she was being watched. Last night particularly as she stood on the steps with Lorcan, the waves of dark anger she had sensed then still clung to her skin. The ecstatic joy of the Taijitu mark after having watched and waited for its appearance for so long had ebbed away, the remaining residue a bitter unease that had her on edge. Could she really trust Lorcan? And what about Morana? She definitely had secrets.
Tani jumped out of bed, no longer able to contain her need for action. It was still early morning and the house was quiet. She knew Morana had mentioned being absent this morning due to an unavoidable engagement she had with other members of the Serpens sanguini council, the Vita Cruor. A perfect time for Tani to visit the library.
Once dressed and breakfasted, having made sure the servants were busy, Tani shut the door to the library and scanned the bookshelves. Quickly finding the right book, its image filed away in her mind’s eye, she pulled it forward and waited. Moments later the soft grind of wood against stone as the shelves to her left slid open, revealing a dark stairway. Thankful again for the wiccani light magick she possessed, Tani whispered the kindling phrase, “Aduro in vita lucis,” and waited as a small spark of white light settled into her palm, growing to the size of
an egg glowing and radiating enough for her to see through the pitch. Having located a switch on the inside of the stairway and knowing that she would be able to get out, Tani decided to close the door in case a servant or Morana should arrive.
Darkness enveloped her as the library disappeared, the glow from her palms creating shadows on the surrounding walls, highlighting claw marks and streaks of red that could only be blood. Tani’s heart thumped loudly. Morana was a sanguini, a blood drinker. Was this where she kept a bloodslave hidden away? Most Ophiuchi paraded their bloodslaves openly to the world as a sign of their wealth and status. But Morana had something to hide. A dirty little secret. Tani began her descent thinking that if she were wise she would turn back and focus on her mission. This was a distraction and could lead to a complication she could do without. Then again, Borealis would want to know what Morana was hiding. She was one of his informants but he didn’t trust her one hundred percent. It was always useful to have something to hold over an informant’s head should they become a liability.
Tani didn’t have to go far before the stairs gave way to a small corridor, barely six feet in length. At the end was a wooden door. She turned the handle. Tension gave way to disappointment. The bare cell was empty. It was reasonably large for a prison, perhaps thirty feet square. There was no furniture, but the walls, painted a soft eggshell blue, were covered in numbers and symbols drawn in white chalk.
Tani recognized the numbers and letters as chemical formulas and DNA sequences, the symbols as abstract representations of animals. As she looked closer her heart gave a lurch. The symbol most in evidence was that of the caladri, a rare white bird that existed only on the planet Lyra. They were rarely seen. Tani herself had only ever seen one. She had held the creature and fed it seeds from her own hands. She even knew its name, Fiducia, and the person who had tamed it.