by D T Dyllin
“Bryn.” His name, carrying an unsaid plea, felt new and unfamiliar on my tongue. I wanted his lips on me again, so much so that me being almost raped didn’t even seem relevant anymore. “Bryn,” I said again, bringing the fingertips of my hand to touch my lips, imagining his were still locked with mine.
Bryn turned back towards me, acknowledging my silent plea with wide eyes. Tension was etched into every line on his face. “You’re drunk, and that shouldn’t have happened.”
Maybe I was buzzed, but not drunk. And for the life of me I couldn’t remember why kissing Bryn was such a bad idea. I’d never imagined kissing someone could feel so—right. So there was no reason why it shouldn’t have happened or why it shouldn’t happen again. “Why?” I whispered. “Why shouldn’t it have happened? I want—I want you to kiss me again.” When Bryn didn’t move, I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. Again—how could I be so stupid? Of course Bryn didn’t want to kiss me again, we were friends—best friends. He obviously didn’t think of me in a sexual manner—like I had told Jenna earlier in the day.
Bryn’s dark blue eyes held so much sadness I thought it might be possible to drown in them. “I’m a Guardian, Peej. That’s why it shouldn’t have happened.”
“Oh,” was all I managed. How could I have forgotten? Of course—there was no possibility of a future for us. I would marry a Seer descendant, or a Gatekeeper one day, not a Guardian. I brought my fingertips back up to touch my lips, they yearned to be pressed up against Bryn’s again—and suddenly none of that mattered anymore. “I don’t care.” I whispered, gathering my feet under me and pushing off of them to stand. I swayed for a second, dizziness temporarily tilting my word, before Bryn caught me in his big strong arms. “I don’t care.” I whispered again, as I looked up into Bryn’s beautiful face from only mere inches away.
“You should care,” he said.
“I want you—” Even as I was saying it I could hardly believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. “—to be my first time.” Not stopping to get a reaction from Bryn, I took a step back and tugged my tattered dress from my body. I stood in front of him in only a little black thong and matching lace bra. Goosebumps erupted over my skin in response to the cool night air.
“Peej—” Bryn’s voice cracked, and I averted my eyes not wanting to see any kind of rejection there. I was hoping I hadn’t misread what he had just said, he didn’t say he didn’t want me, just that we couldn’t be together because I was a Seer and he was a Guardian.
“Don’t you want to? Be my first? I thought you said you think I’m beautiful.” Still not wanting to meet his eyes I watched his fists clench and unclench.
He strode forward taking my face in his hands. “I want it so much it hurts.” There was fierceness in his eyes that I’d never seen before, and I realized I liked him looking at me that way. We somehow found our way back to the same tree that wanna-be rape guy had been trying to take advantage of me against, but none of that mattered once Bryn claimed my mouth again. I eagerly welcomed the taste of him on my tongue, the feel of his callused hands on my skin, and the press of his body against mine. I gasped into his mouth as he ground himself against me, feeling that part of him pressed so intimately against me was a shock—even if it was a good one. When I instinctively wrapped my long legs around his waist, I felt Bryn freeze. “We can’t,” he said against my mouth as he pulled away from me. “We just can’t.”
“Bryn no—” I started to protest, but he didn’t let me finish.
“No, we can’t,” he growled. “God knows how much I want to, how long I’ve thought about it. That’s why Tammie and I broke up—because it wasn’t right—I couldn’t get you out of my head. It wouldn’t have been right to be with her when I was thinking about you the whole time. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re a Seer, and I’m a Guardian. You’re too good for me, out of my league.”
I blinked at him in surprise, letting his words fully sink in. I was the reason he broke up with Tammie? He wanted me? Like really wanted me? “You can have me.” And I meant it, I realized as I said the words that I always had, and always would be his for the taking.
“Be careful Peej.” His voice was low and husky. “If you keep offering, I might just take it.”
I stepped into him, resting my hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t offer it if I wasn’t willing to let you have it.” His sea storm eyes threatened to pull me under, to wash away any thoughts of anything but him. “Don’t you see? I’m not too good for you, if anything it’s the other way around. You’re always watching out for me, taking care of me—what have I ever done for you—except be a major pain in your ass?”
A slight smile curled the corners of his lips up. “You don’t even know how great you really are, which is part of why I love you.” As soon as he said the last part he clamped his mouth shut, face going taunt with tension again.
My mouth dropped open, ready to catch any nearby flies. “You love me?”
“Yeah, you know that, of course I love you,” he said gruffly, not meeting my eyes.
“No—you love me?” Bryn stood still and silent, hardly breathing. “How long—just—how long?”
“I don’t know.” His voice was so low and soft that if I hadn’t been standing so close, I never would have heard it. “Maybe always. It just took me awhile to figure out what my feelings really meant.”
As his words sunk in, it made me question my own feelings. Could I be in love with Bryn and not even know it? I thought about all the times I’d gone out of my mind when he’d been with Tammie, even though I thought it was because he was my best friend and I was just jealous of his time. But maybe not, maybe it had been more. Next my mind flipped through all the times when I’d gotten petty with girls when I felt like they were trying to flirt or make a move on him. Again I had thought it was just because I was jealous of his attention. But it was more than that I realized—much more. I had always thought of Bryn as mine. He belonged to me. His smile—his eyes—even the mix of his deodorant, soap, and individual scent that made him—home—I’d come to think of as home. Everything about Bryn was home for me. “Every time I’m with you it’s like coming home,” I murmured.
“What does that even mean?”
I stepped closer into Bryn pressing my body tightly against his. “It means I love you too.” Why did it take being almost raped for me to figure it out? Now I understood why I’d thought of him when I was about to be raped. It was because his was the face that I loved, the one I truly longed for, the one I wouldn’t have been able to look at again if he hadn’t arrived in time to stop it from happening.
He opened and shut his mouth, as though he didn’t know what to say, before his face hardened with determination. “You’ll get over it when your mom starts setting you up on dates with guys you can actually be with, guys that a real future is possible with.”
I let out a strangled cry of frustration. “But I don’t want other guys—I want you.” If only I’d figured it out sooner.
“I won’t be strong enough to watch another guy walk away with you once I’ve had you. It’s just better for me not to know.” His voice turned pleading. “Let it go, Peej. I’m going to be your personal Guardian one day. I won’t be able to handle it if we have some kind of thing like you’re suggesting. I know I’m a guy, but I want more than just sex with you.”
“I’m not trying to suggest that we have some little thing that’s just about sex. Didn’t you hear me? I love you too.”
“Put your dress back on. Now.” Bryn said between clenched teeth. Instead I unhooked my bra and let it slip from my arms. I loved him too. I wanted him. Why couldn’t he see that wasn’t something someone like me would just throw away?
Bryn groaned, his eyes locking onto my nearly naked body. “You’d put it all on the line for me, give it all to me, wouldn’t you? Because you think you have a choice.” His voice came out sounding strained to the point that it almost hurt me to hear it. “But you don’t have a choice. We d
on’t have a choice. Put. Your. Clothes. Back. On. Now.”
“No.” I raised my chin at him defiantly. “There’s always a choice. We’ll find a way. You’re not going to run away from this—from me.”
“Now—Put. Them. Back. On.” Bryn snarled at me. He’d never talked to me like that before, and even though I wasn’t afraid of him, it still made me back up a few steps. Unfortunately for me, my balance wasn’t what it should be because I was buzzed. The ground came up to meet me so fast that I banged my head on the hard dirt.
“Ow,” I grumbled, suddenly feeling nauseous. “I don’t feel so good anymore.” I rolled onto my side just in time to throw up everything I had in my stomach. Fabulous. I closed my eyes and wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. “Go away Bryn. Just leave me.” My humiliation was complete.
“I’m not leaving you. Don’t be stupid. I’m going to give you my shirt, should cover you better than Jenna’s dress did anyways.”
“Why can’t I just put the dress back on?” I mumbled.
“Because it’s ripped, and you just threw up on it.” If I didn’t know better I’d swear Bryn was laughing at me. No. He wouldn’t dare.
“Okay. But you can tell Jenna what happened.” My world was spinning and all I wanted was to go to sleep until a thought occurred to me. Bryn would be walking around with his shirt off in front of everyone—everyone as in all the other girls at the party. Jealousy spiked through my fuzzy, probably concussed brain. “No. I’ll wear the puke dress,” I mumbled, my eyes still shut. I had no desire to see whatever was swimming in his beautiful sea storm eyes. But I felt Bryn lift me up in his arms, apparently already in his t-shirt. When had that happened? “You can’t walk around without a shirt on.” I stated with annoyance. Why did he not understand this?
He chuckled. “I think me walking around without my shirt on is going to cause less of a stir than you doing it.”
“I said I’d wear the puke dress,” I grumbled. What did I have to do to make him understand? Geeze.
“What’s your problem with me being shirtless?” I could hear the amusement in his voice.
“Because you’re mine,” I said snuggling in tighter to his muscular chest. “And I don’t want the Jenna’s of the world to get a good look at what they’ve been missing and steal you away.” I inhaled deeply, letting Bryn’s scent surround me in comfort—home. As I began drifting off to sleep I heard Bryn whisper something that I’d never forget.
“There’s never any danger of that. I’m yours. Always.”
CHAPTER FOUR
At first I thought it was a dream, the way it felt like I was being pulled up and out of my body. Not a completely unpleasant feeling, just different than anything I’d ever experienced before. My attention was drawn towards a weird purple light emanating from off in the distance, and the draw of it made me feel like I was caught in a tractor beam. As I focused my mind completely, the light drew closer to me, or I drew closer to it, I wasn’t really sure which. When I got there I was completely mesmerized. It looked as if a piece of sky had been ripped into the side of a forest. Different shades of purple and blue with flecks of night shown in a pulsating, changing state. It was absolutely beautiful. I’d never seen anything quite like it, and putting it into words couldn’t quite do it justice, the beauty and uniqueness was beyond any words I had in my vocabulary.
As I stood, or hovered or whatever, shapes began to emerge from—the gate—yes—I realized I was seeing one of the gates for the first time. Truly seeing it. But my elation was short lived as the shapes took form in front of my eyes. They looked human, and yet they were other. Their eyes were too big, and features too small. As I stared at them, a chill ran up my spine. I couldn’t shake the feeling that these creatures were dangerous and they were creeping into my world completely unnoticed. Where were the other Seers? Why weren’t they here watching this with me? Where were the Gatekeepers to shut the gate on these pesky humanlike creatures? And where were the Speakers and Guardians to tell them to return to whence they came or they’d get some major smack down laid on them? I seemed to be the only silent witness to the breach of our world. And then, just like that, they blurred off into the distance too fast for my eyes to track. With horror I realized they were gone and I had no idea where they went. They could be anywhere—anywhere at all. I had to tell everyone. Warn them before it was too late. I had to—
“P.J. Hey. P.J. Wake up,” Jenna said with annoyance. “You’re having a nightmare and I’m trying to sleep.”
I opened my eyes and tried to sit up, but my head was pounding. Reaching up, I grabbed my temples, almost sure I’d find brain matter of some sort oozing out. “What happened?” I tried to focus my eyes but everything was blurry.
“I’ll tell you what happened. You got too drunk, you puked on my dress, but not before managing to rip it, and then you passed out. Me and Bryn brought you back to my place, where I’ve been trying to sleep.”
Events from earlier in the evening all came flooding back with crystal clarity. I groaned as I tried to process everything that happened. “Where’s Bryn?” Was all I could manage.
“I made him go home. He wanted to stay, but I was afraid if my parents came home early and found him here they’d blow a gasket.” Jenna said around a yawn. “Now go back to sleep.”
“But he’s my Guardian,” I groused.
“As my mom would say… he’s not your Guardian yet… so go to sleep.” I heard Jenna flop over on her bed.
“Wait. I had a premonition. We have to warn people.” Finally that got a real reaction out of her, but not the one I expected.
“You got drunk, hit your head and passed out. You didn’t have a premonition, you just think you did.” Jenna flung a pillow that hit me in my face. “Now go to sleep.”
“Fine,” I muttered to myself as I stumbled out of Jenna’s guest twin bed. If Jenna wouldn’t listen to me, I would find someone who would. As I made my way out into the hallway I tripped over something in the middle of the floor. “What the hell?!” I yelled as I lurched forward in the dark. Strong familiar arms caught me before I face planted.
“What are you doing?” Bryn’s voice stage whispered. “Go back to bed.”
“What are you doing in the middle of the floor?” I asked incredulously. “It’s a good way to get kicked in the head, and send someone hurtling to their death I might add.”
“I wasn’t in the middle of the floor. I was leaning against the wall. You just don’t seem to have any depth perception.”
“Hey. It’s dark. I—”
The hallway light flicked on and a very annoyed Jenna glared out from under a tangled mess of red hair. “What the hell? I told you to go home.”
Bryn glared back at Jenna. “I couldn’t just leave her. I was worried. Besides if someone wouldn’t have let her go stumbling around in the dark you would’ve never known I was here.”
“I’m not her babysitter,” Jenna snapped.
“How about trying to be a concerned friend?” Bryn growled.
My friends were completely exasperating. “I have no time for this. I have to warn everyone about the premonition I just had.”
Bryn’s head snapped back towards me. “What? What’d you see?”
“Nothing. She was drunk and hit her head, remember?” Jenna said with a sigh. “So can we all just go back to bed, please?”
Bryn studied my face for a second before responding. “Do you really think you had a premonition or do you think Jenna could be right?”
I met Bryn’s blue eyes and shuddered thinking of the kisses we had shared earlier. Recognition of my reaction to him played briefly across his face before he looked away. I swallowed, trying to fight the sudden dryness in my throat. It finally dawned on me that I still had Bryn’s shirt on and almost nothing else on underneath. He hadn’t bothered to find another shirt, so he stood in Jenna’s hallway in nothing but his jeans and socks. I found myself wondering if Bryn was a boxer or brief kind of guy, or maybe he went co
mmando? I wanted nothing more than to close the distance between us and run my hands over his finely honed muscles and smooth skin; to dip my hands underneath the waist band of his jeans so I could find the answer to my question.
“What’s wrong with you guys? I’m getting some really weird vibes from you two right now.” Jenna looked back and forth between the two of us. “Well?”
I couldn’t let Jenna know. What happened between Bryn and I and the potential of what could happen between us in the future—that was staying between just the two of us. I had to say something to distract her fast. “It felt like a premonition. But I don’t know. Bryn—what do you think?”
He was careful not to meet my eyes again as he spoke. “If it was something that major, then someone else had to have seen it, another Seer I mean. You should just go back to sleep and we can figure it all out tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Standing out in Jenna’s hallway made the premonition or whatever it was seem too surreal to be plausible. Besides Bryn was right, how could it be possible for me to have been the only one to see such an important vision, especially when I’d never had any before? Chances were, with having hit my head and having been buzzed, I’d just had a very realistic dream. And, of course, in my dream I’d be the only one who could save the day. It was an excellent way for my psyche to make up for the fact that I hadn’t had any real premonitions yet—just give me the Mac Daddy of all premonitions to make myself feel extra special. On to more important issues, I suppose. “Are you going to keep sleeping in the hallway?”
“Probably.” Bryn said while running a hand through his black hair. “It would make me feel better to kind of stand guard for you. Since I will be your Guardian one day.” He met my eyes with meaning. Yeah, yeah, I knew what he was trying to get at and I didn’t care.
“You could keep a closer watch if you stayed in Jenna’s room with us.” I bit my lower lip and smiled at him. “I mean you could always stay in my bed, with me, so you could keep a very close eye on me.”