by D T Dyllin
“Drake,” I called, the massive dragon appearing seconds after I summoned him.
“Yes.” He looked at me disdainfully. “What can I do for you?”
“I just have a question for you and then you can go.” He nodded once at me to let me know he was waiting for me to ask him. “Khol told me that once a male dragon was in love, he would love her forever, even if she went on to bond with someone else. What happens if she dies?” He tilted his head inquisitively at me. “I mean if something happened to me would… Khol continue to not desire anyone else or would he be free to move on?” The real question was would Bryn be free to move on?
“My Lord would be free to move on if you died, in theory, although some mates, if they’re bonded for long enough, die of grief when one of them is killed.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks. You can go now.” Drake eyed me speculatively for another few moments before disappearing.
I suddenly felt light headed and I sat on the floor where I was. So Bryn would be free if I killed myself. He would be able to move on and love someone else someday, and even though the thought ripped at my chest, I knew I had to do that for him—I just had to. I wouldn’t doom him into becoming some kind of servant for me, he deserved better than that. I had no other options. I would let Khol claim me so that I could guarantee Bryn’s freedom, and then I would end my own life. I put my head in my hands and began to sob. I really, really didn’t want to die. My life had just started. And who would help track down the alien creatures to stop them from taking over our world once I was gone? I stood abruptly and sniffled, wiping my tears away. None of that mattered, as long as Bryn got a chance at true happiness. Bryn would always be the most important thing in my life, and I would always do whatever necessary to protect him.
“Khol,” I croaked. “Khol—I’m ready.” Am I really ready to die though? Could I really do this?
Khol appeared in front of me only a few inches away and pushed me back onto the bed and covered me with his body as he aggressively kissed me. He was obviously ready to get down to business, and maybe it was better that way, so I wouldn’t have a chance to over think things and lose my nerve.
My body immediately responded to his heated kisses, even as my heart felt like a block of ice inside my chest. As he tore at my clothes, I found myself arching up to meet him, wanting, at least physically what he had to offer. Too soon, or not soon enough, we were both naked and Khol was claiming parts of my body with his touch that I swore only Bryn would ever know. I clawed and bit at Khol, wanting to hurt him in some way as he rocked into me, hating and loving what he was doing to me at the same time. Things with him were different than they’d ever been with Bryn. There was no soul deep feeling of connection. There was no feeling of being exactly where I belonged. All I felt was intense physical pleasure, which maybe would have been enough, if I didn’t know what I was missing.
Intense heat seemed to seep out of Khol and wrap itself around me as the back of my neck started to burn. “You’re mine,” Khol growled as he looked down at me capturing my gaze. “Say it. Say you’re mine.”
“Yes,” I said on the tail end of a moan, wishing I could deny the words, but I felt it—I felt his magic branding me.
“And I’m yours. Say it.”
“Yes. You’re mine.” And then I arched up one last time before I blacked out.
* * *
I had let Khol claim me, I remembered as I slowly fought my way back to consciousness, and it left me feeling empty—oh, so empty. When I’d been with Bryn, I’d felt so good, so right… but being with Khol had been wrong… even if he had brought me pleasure. Maybe it wouldn’t be as difficult as I thought it would be to take my own life after letting Khol claim me. Had Bryn felt our connection breaking? Surely he had to of. What must he think of me now, knowing what I’d done to make that happen?
I blinked my eyes open to find that I was alone, no Khol to be found. Well, isn’t that nice, he finally got what he wanted and he didn’t bother to stick around afterwards. I lurched from bed, stumbling towards the bathroom, not caring if I was naked or not, it didn’t matter for what I was about to do. I shut and locked the door, and started the water running for the bath. As the hot water filled the tub, I scanned the bathroom for options. My eyes stopped when they ran over a small hand mirror. I snatched it up and broke it on the counter, picking up the largest shard. I had to do it—I had to do it now before I lost my courage. I stepped into the tub, hardly noticing when the much too hot water practically scalded me, and sank down in the nearly full tub. I set the glass shard on the edge. When the water covered me up past my chest, I turned it off, picked up the shard and leaned back in the tub.
I passed the glass shard back and forth between my hands, watching the lights glint menacingly off its surface. I had to do it—there was no other way. I refused to doom Bryn to a miserable life; my death would bring him happiness. Besides that, the emptiness that I felt knowing that I could never have him again was enough to make me want to end my life all in itself. But I wouldn’t have done it for myself. I’d always thought suicide was the coward’s way out, an easy escape from problems that would only make a person stronger if they stayed to face them. What would have happened if the hero of a story died before they had a chance to become who they were really meant to be? I never thought myself capable of doing such a thing, but then again maybe I wasn’t the hero of this story. I wanted to live—even now as I readied myself for death—I craved life. There was still so much to do, so much to experience, the good and the bad… I didn’t want to die now. No—it wasn’t time for selfish thoughts—this is for Bryn. Everything is for Bryn.
I held the glass tightly in my right hand, so tightly that I drew blood, just not from the right place… yet. I pressed the glass to my left wrist making sure I cut deep and quickly, barely able to grip it in my left hand to repeat the process on my right wrist. I just had to hope it was enough. Dropping the shard and sinking back into the tub, I closed my eyes and waited for death—my death.
“No!” I heard someone roar with outrage, but it was far away, much too far away to care.
“Peej! How could you do this? How could you let this happen?” Another voice sounded from much too far away. “Save her!”
But I was just sleepy… too sleepy to care.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
My eyes fluttered open to bright light shining on my face. The sun, it warmed and comforted me, and I stretched as I yawned, sitting up in the middle of a pallet set up in the center of an immense garden. Strong warm arms held me at my waist and I looked down with a smile as I recognized the long masculine fingers and who they belonged to. “Bryn,” I murmured, twisting around to see his sleeping face steeped in the brightness of the day. I stroked my fingers down his cheek and ran my hands through his silky mane of black hair. I must be dead, I mused, for certainly waking up in Bryn’s arms is heaven.
Just then he stirred, his dark lashes cracking open to allow me to see his sea storm eyes churning with emotion. “Peej,” he whispered on a rough voice as I suddenly found myself on my back with him pinning me down. His face became a mixture of anger and agony. “Don’t you ever fucking do something like that again. Do you hear me?”
His fingers bit into my arms and I wriggled against him. “I don’t understand.” I felt my face furrow with uncertainty, was I dead or not? Because angry Bryn wasn’t one I wanted in my own personal heaven. Maybe I should clarify. “I did it for you. Everything was for you.”
“You tried to end your life for me? Why? Why would you think that’s something I could live with?” Bryn growled.
Not dead then. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his anger anymore. “I had to free you. I wasn’t going to get you either way, so I at least wanted you to get a chance at happiness. Once I was dead, you would have been free to love someone else, bond with someone else.”
Bryn shook me, causing my eyes to snap back open. “When did you get to be so stupid? Dead or alive I’m never going to love anyon
e else.” He continued shaking me until I felt sure my teeth were going to fall out, then he lifted me up and wrapped his arms around me. “Oh, God, Peej, I’ll never be able to erase that image from my mind—I thought you were dead.”
“How am I not?” I whispered into his chest. “And where is Khol? Why is he letting us be together now?” My throat constricted with panic. If I wasn’t dead, then that meant I was bonded with Khol. No, no, no, no, no.
“He healed you. He was releasing me when he felt something was wrong with you, and he brought me with him since he was touching me and he was in a panic.”
I stiffened and pulled far enough back from Bryn to look up at him. “So, I’m still bonded with him?” I’d tried to kill myself all for nothing. I tore my body away from Bryn’s grasp and looked down at my completely unmarred wrists. Something in me snapped, or maybe it had snapped a long time ago and I’d never been the same. I started clawing at my wrists as I cried out in frustration. “You should have let me die!” I screeched hysterically.
“Stop,” Bryn commanded as he grabbed my hands to keep me from hurting myself. “You’re not bonded with him anymore, something happened because you were so close to death—you’re not bonded with either of us.”
I met his gaze with hope. “So we can be together? Me and you, like it’s supposed to be?” If he still wanted me after what I’d done, and I wasn’t talking about the attempted suicide, I was talking about letting Khol claim me. I’d been with someone else besides him; maybe he wouldn’t want me anymore. “Unless… unless you don’t want me anymore,” I added with a shaky voice.
Bryn looked at me like I’d sprouted two heads. “Maybe you have lost it if you think that. Why would you think that?”
“Because I was with him—I let him—Oh God—,” I crumpled to the ground unable to stop the sobs from wracking my body.
Bryn took me in his arms, enveloping me with his warmth. “That doesn’t matter. I’ll always love you no matter what happens. You didn’t betray me on purpose. I know you never would.”
“But I enjoyed it. It felt good,” I croaked into his chest.
“I don’t get it. Are you trying to talk me out of wanting to be with you?”
“You deserve to know. You deserve to know that you deserve someone better than a slut like me.”
“What?” He pulled me back to look in my eyes with an incredulous expression. “You think that makes you a slut? Peej—don’t you know that I could never want anyone but you? I love you unconditionally. Always.”
Bryn’s lips came crashing down on mine and his tongue swept into my mouth with a mixture of his taste and salt from my tears. My hands tangled in his hair as I struggled to get closer to him. Home, he was my home. His hands ran over my body as if he was checking to make sure I was real before his motions changed into something with more intent. I wrapped myself around him, needing to feel his skin under my hands, needing to feel the taste of him on my tongue. I hadn’t really thought about what I was wearing but when the cool air touched my heated skin as Bryn parted the front of my soft and fuzzy robe, I shuddered as goose bumps erupted all over me.
“Is it too soon? Do you want this?” Bryn paused before going any farther, hesitation evident in his voice and body language.
“Yes,” I rasped as I pushed my bare skin up against his hands. “I need this… with you.” What I left unsaid hung in the air between us. I needed Bryn; to have his touch wipe away the shameful feelings Khol’s had left behind.
My words set Bryn’s lips and hands into motion again and I moaned with satisfaction. “I’ll never let anyone else touch you again… I promise. You’re mine.” Bryn’s promise seemed to wrap around me with his power in a cool caress, claiming what rightfully belonged to him. And then he made love to me, softly and slowly at first, and then faster as we were both swept away in our passions.
I scored my nails down his back and cried out his name before a feeling of ultimate possessiveness washed over me. I looked up at him, capturing his cerulean eyes in my sights that were currently glowing an electric blue and made my claim. “You’re mine. No one will ever tear me away from you again.” I knew it was the dragon part of me jockeying for control, but I didn’t care because all of me wanted him, and all of me would have him.
“Yes,” Bryn rumbled as his pupils dilated and he bowed his head to claim my lips again. I felt our powers rise up and twine around each other, becoming one. It was perfect, all so perfect, I thought, as Bryn and I cried out our releases together and collapsed into each other’s arms.
Bryn cradled me to his chest as he wrapped one arm around my waist while the other smoothed my hair back from my sweaty face. I had so many questions floating around in my head now that we were done getting reacquainted. Like where was Khol now, and why had he let Bryn claim me for his mate after all? Where were we for that matter? “Why did he let this happen now? After he fought so hard to have me himself?” I mused out loud.
“Maybe it would be better if I answered that for myself,” I heard Khol say with a sharp edge to his voice. I would think later about the fact that he still seemed to be able to read my mind somehow.
I rose quickly, refastening my robe, and Bryn wrapped his arms around my waist so I could face Khol with him at my back. “What are you doing here?” I asked nervously.
A bitter smile turned his lips up ever so slightly. “This is my land. I am free to go where ever I wish on my land.”
“Why? Then tell my why you let him claim me?” I figured it was time to cut right to the chase.
“I miscalculated how human your emotions are. I never thought you’d do—,” He closed his eyes for a moment before looking at me again. “—what you did. And when you did, I realized I would never be able to have you for mine.” The rest passed from him to me silently, it didn’t need to be said out loud. In his way, he’d done exactly what I’d done for Bryn. He’d sacrificed himself for the happiness of the one he loved… me. My heart broke just a little for him.
“Thank you,” I murmured, not knowing what else to say.
“I will protect you. You will stay here as planned, out of reach of the aliens.”
“And Bryn?”
“He is your mate now, I can’t expect you to stay and for him to not. We must regroup and gather our strength so that we can make our move against those creatures soon. The time for action is nearing; we can no longer wait on the sidelines.” He turned as if to go and then looked back at me with sorrow in his glowing eyes. “I never meant—I never thought—please forgive me.” His voice cracked, revealing some of the pain he was feeling about what I had tried to do.
“I forgive you.” And I did. I wasn’t sorry that I’d done what I’d done, it had led me back to Bryn after all, but I wasn’t going to hold a grudge against Khol. Maybe he was too dragon to fully understand what he was doing before, but at least he had righted the wrong.
“Thank you,” he whispered just before he disappeared.
“Well, I don’t forgive him,” Bryn muttered under his breath.
“Bryn,” I chastised, swatting him with my hand playfully. “He’s not human.”
“Yeah, and neither are we apparently.” Bryn’s face settled into hard planes, as he no doubt thought of the betrayal from his parents that represented.
“At least we have each other, for real now.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes so I could reach his lips with mine.
Bryn scooped me up and settled on the ground with me in his lap. “This is all just a little surreal. I didn’t even know dragons existed.”
“Yeah, me neither,” I rasped against the skin of his neck as I darted my tongue out to taste him. Would I ever get enough of him? My whole body seemed to buzz in anticipation of his touch. I nibbled on his ear next, causing Bryn to fist my hair to hold me close.
“Oh, God, Peej. Is it just my imagination or does everything feel better than before? Because I didn’t think that was possible.”
I had moved so that
I was now straddling him, my ankles locked behind his back. “Khol said dragons are insatiable, especially the females. He said we haven’t even begun to experience the full scope of what it means to be dragon yet, and now we’re mated.” I slid my hands over the hard expanse of his back. “And because we’re mated—,” I nipped at his bottom lip and his large hands dropped from my hair to cradle my bottom, “—you’re the only one who can give me what I need.”
Bryn chuckled low in his chest. “I swear I’ve had dreams about you that began like this.”
I stopped kissing him and raised my eyebrows. “Oh yeah, and how’d those dreams end up?”
He chuckled again, tugging at my robe. “I’m a guy, how do you think they ended up?”
It was my turn to laugh. “That’s what I thought.” I sobered as I studied his beautiful face, a face I’d known practically all of my life, and now a face I would know intimately for the rest of my life. “I love you more than I can ever explain to you.” My words were similar to ones Bryn had said to me the first night we had ever been together. “I would die for you.”
I felt rather than heard a low growl erupt from his chest. “You almost did.” He laid me back down on the pallet and pulled my robe wide open to expose my naked skin to the warm afternoon, and yet I still shivered under his rapt gaze. “How the hell did I get to be so lucky?”
Warm liquid heat pooled in my middle and despite having just been with him, it felt like it’d been an eternity since I’d felt his intimate touch. I met his illuminated cerulean eyes, which were still a slight shock to see, and reached out to him. “I need you,” I rasped low. And he welcomed the invitation that my arms offered, staying in my embrace for the rest of the afternoon until the sun began to dip low behind the horizon.
* * *
“P.J.!” I heard Jenna yell excitedly, setting me in frenzied motion to cover Bryn and myself up. I so didn’t want her to get a look at Bryn’s goodies; they were for my eyes only.