John and Annie are here to make me feel better. John complains about work and how busy things are at Owl and the bad direction that they’re taking under the new CEO. I appreciate his efforts, but I doubt things are really that bad. Annie dances around the topic of Ellie without coming straight out and asking about her. When she finally does ask how I’m dealing with the breakup, I can’t help but lie. Even though they’re my close friends, how can I just come out and say that life isn’t worth living without her?
“I have an idea!” Annie announces after we are all sufficiently stuffed with Chinese takeout. “Why don’t we all go out dancing tonight?”
John starts to protest immediately, to say that he has two left feet would be an understatement. But Annie insists. It’s up to me to break the tie. I’m about to say no, when for some reason I agree.
“Yeah, sure, why not?” I say with a shrug. I don’t really know what has come over me, except that the idea of staying home and staring at the television screen for another night is not something that I can handle.
“What? Really?” John asks.
I shrug.
* * *
***
A few hours later, when they pick me up in the cab, we are all dressed to impress. John is still in shock over my agreement to go.
“You’ve been in such a funk lately,” he says. “What made you change your mind?”
“I don’t know. Just reached that point, I guess. Like that line from Shawshank Redemption - Get busy living or get busy dying, right?”
We arrive at the club that Annie has picked out a few minutes later. Though there’s a line of people waiting in the cold to get in, the bouncer recognizes me and waves us through. It doesn’t hurt that Annie looks amazing. Her long blonde hair catches every ray of light, her strapless gold dress and four-inch heels accentuate her curves. She puts her arm around my shoulder as we walk in and whispers, “It’s going to be okay, Aiden. Everything is going to work out.”
I nod and give her a small smile. John is a very lucky man and not because Annie is so hot. She’s thoughtful and sweet and loving. In this moment, I would give anything to switch lives with John just so I could have with Ellie what he has with Annie.
Suddenly, someone runs into me. I get spun around and turn back toward the entrance. That’s when I see the glimpse of her. I can’t be sure it’s her, but I have to find out.
“I’ll be right back,” I mumble and take off after the girl running from the coat check line.
This can’t be her. What would she be doing here? No, I’m wrong and stupid for even thinking this. When I step outside into the freezing cold, I see a girl kneeling down on the pavement. Her head is buried in her arms.
Chapter 17 - Ellie
When I see him again…
“Ellie?” Aiden asks. “Are you okay?”
I recognize his voice immediately, but it takes a moment or two gather my strength to look up at him.
“Ellie?” he touches my shoulder, sending shivers through my body.
“Hey,” I say, getting up. He tries to help me, but I push him away. “What…what are you doing here?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I say, wrapping my arms around my arms. Suddenly, I realize just how cold I really am. I can’t feel my toes and fingertips. I lick my lips and immediately regret it. When a cold breeze comes through, they turn to ice.
“I just saw you running out…” his voice drops off.
“I’m fine,” I say quickly. Why won’t you just go away? I’m lying. He knows I’m lying. What’s the point of this stupid game?
Finally, Caroline comes out, carrying my coat.
“Aiden?” she asks, handing me my coat. I put it on as fast as humanly possible, and relish in the warmth. “What are you doing here?"
“I was just heading inside with some friends when I saw Ellie run out.”
Friends, huh? Okay, fine if that’s what you want to call her. I can’t help but roll my eyes at his ridiculous explanation.
I walk over to the curb and hail a cab. One pulls over right away.
“Let’s go Caroline,” I say in my most decisive voice.
“Ellie, please, wait,” Aiden grabs my arm. I turn to look at him. A lump of tears is building up in the back of my throat and I say a word out loud out of fear that they will all bubble to the surface.
The look on my face must say a lot because he drops my arm and Caroline and I get into the cab. As soon as we pull away from the curb, tears start to stream down my face.
Caroline takes my hand in hers and squeezes lightly.
“Oh my God, I’m so, so sorry,” I mumble. “I’m supposed to be here for you and I’m acting like such a fool.”
“No, it’s fine. Really.”
We don’t talk much the rest of the drive and, when we get home, I immediately head to my room.
“Hey, are you going to be okay?” I ask. “I’m sorry that tonight didn’t really work out.”
“I’m sorry that I freaked out a little. It was just all too much, you know?”
I nod and we bid each other good-night.
As I change into my pajamas and climb into bed, my phone goes off. It’s Aiden. I press ignore and put on some mindless YouTube video instead. A few moments later, my phone goes off again. This time it’s a text from Aiden. I want to ignore it, but I can’t. Against my better judgement, I open it.
* * *
I’m really sorry.
* * *
I need to talk to you.
* * *
Please.
* * *
I refuse to reply, but my phone keeps going off.
* * *
I know you’re not asleep yet because your light is on.
* * *
Can I please come up?
* * *
My heart skips a beat. He’s downstairs. Shit. The feeling that surges through my body is hard to explain. It’s some combination of dread and excitement. What is he doing here? Why isn’t he still with that blonde? A hundred other questions rush through my mind as I try to decide what to do.
* * *
No. I’m going to bed, I text back.
* * *
Ellie, please. I have to talk to you. I need you.
* * *
I need you. What does that mean? I wonder. I’m tempted to say no again, but I know that I won’t be able to sleep a wink if I do.
* * *
You have five minutes, I text and climb out of bed. I walk down the cold parquet floor barefoot, regretting the fact that I didn’t put on a pair of socks. When I buzz him in, I unlock the front door and head back to my room to look for a pair of slippers.
“Hey,” Aiden whispers, startling me. He’s leaning on the doorframe to my room, looking as handsome and brooding as ever.
“How did you get here so fast?” I ask as he tries to catch his breath.
“The elevator was taking too long so I ran up the stairs.”
“Four floors?”
He shrugs. “It probably would’ve been faster to just go wait, but I couldn’t keep my legs still.”
I smile at the thought of this.
“Listen, Ellie, the reason I wanted to come up is to tell you…” his voice drops off. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t.
“Yes?”
“Just seeing you again at the club…it just made me realize what a horrible mistake I made.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“It was so stupid of me to break our engagement. I hate to say that I didn’t mean it, but I actually didn’t. I was just going through a lot with getting fired and then that article came out. I wasn’t thinking. I was totally lost.”
I nod and look away. I understand and sympathize with what he was going through, but that doesn’t change all the hurt that he caused me.
“It’s okay, I guess,” I say after a moment. It’s definitely not okay, but there isn’t much to say in situations like th
ese, is there?
“No, it’s not. I was an asshole. And I was wrong. And I’m here to apologize to you. I know that you probably can’t forgive me immediately, but I just need you to know that.”
I nod.
“There’s something else, too.”
I wait for him to elaborate.
“Do you think there’s any chance that you could take me back?” he asks, taking a step toward me.
“What?” I take a step back.
“I love you, Ellie. I should have never said any of those things. I didn’t mean a word of it. I want you back, Ellie.”
Tears of frustration and anger start to well up somewhere in the back of my throat, but I refuse to let him see them. I swallow hard and clench my fists.
“What are you doing, Aiden?”
“What do you mean?”
“You think I’m an idiot? A fool or something?”
“No, not at all!”
“Yes, you do,” I say. “We don’t know each other well, but I never thought that you were this cruel and heartless.”
“What are you talking about?” Aiden shakes his head.
“I saw you!” My voice breaks a little. He stares at me, dumbfounded.
“You need to leave,” I say after a moment. “If you refuse to admit it then I just can’t deal with it. You’re not the person I thought you were.”
“Ellie, seriously, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I stare at him. How can he just lie to me like this? So effortlessly. Maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
“I need you to leave,” I say after a moment.
“Ellie, please. Can you just tell me what you’re talking about?”
I finally lose it. “I’m talking about tonight. I saw you with that blonde with the long legs. She was all over you.”
“What?” Aiden asks with a perplexed look on his face. “Oh, Annie? You mean the girl I walked into the club with?”
I nod and cross my arms across my chest. I don’t have time for this charade.
“That’s Annie. She’s my friend, John’s, fiancée. I’ve known her for years.”
This is not the direction that I had expected this conversation to go.
“Why was she all over you like that?”
“She wasn’t. I was really upset tonight. It was their idea to take me out. She was just hugging me to make me feel better. John was right there.”
I still don’t fully believe him, but I also know that Aiden is either telling the truth or the biggest sociopath ever.
“Listen, I can tell that you don’t believe me. Let me show you,” he says, taking out his phone. He flips to Facebook and shows me pictures of Annie and John, the happy couple since high school. I didn’t see John there, but that was definitely Annie who had her arm around Aiden.
“If you want, I can call them right now. Or just call John and ask them where we were tonight.”
I don’t really want him to do that because I know it will make me look like the most insecure girl ever, and yet I do. When I don’t reply right away, Aiden dials John’s number. Without really explaining why, he tells him that he’s on speakerphone and asks him where he and Annie were today.
“Um, are you okay, Aiden?”
“Yes. Just please answer, okay.”
“Okay…we were with you, at the club in Chelsea. That is until you ran out on us.”
“Yeah, why did you do that, Aiden?” Annie pipes in. “You know we were only going there to cheer you up. It’s not exactly our scene.”
After joking around for a few minutes, Aiden hangs up the phone and looks at me.
“Okay, I guess she is who you say she is,” I say.
“I would never lie to you, Ellie. Maybe I should’ve back then after dinner with your parents, but I couldn’t lie to you then either. I love you.”
Chapter 18 - Ellie
When he sleeps over…
I’m not one for quick decision making, especially when my mind is still in somewhat of a fog. After talking to Aiden for close to an hour about where he stands and where I stand, I’m no closer to getting any sort of clarity about any of this. What I do get though, is a throbbing headache.
“Let me get you some Advil,” Aiden says. “It’s getting late, then you need to rest.”
He’s right, of course. But I can’t help wondering whether my need to rest also comes with his need to leave. Frankly, that’s the last thing I want.
Aiden comes back from the kitchen with a glass of water and a bottle of headache medicine. I swallow a few tablets and sit down on my bed.
“Can I ask you something? But you have to promise not to take it the wrong way.”
“Okay,” he says quietly, bracing himself for the worst.
“Would you mind spending the night?”
“What?” his eyes light up.
“Just as friend for now. I can’t think about all of the rest of that stuff right now.”
I expect the expression on his face to fall, but much to my surprise, it doesn’t. His eyes continue to shine with brilliance.
“Yes, of course. I’d love to,” he whispers. “Why don’t you get in bed and I’ll just make myself comfortable right here.”
“On the chair?” I ask.
“Yep.”
“No, no, no. You can’t sleep on the chair,” I say. “That chair is awful. I get a backache just from sitting in it for an hour. Just come and sleep in bed with me, okay? Friends do that you know.”
“Really?” Aiden asks. “I’ve never heard of friends sleeping together in the same bed except maybe on Dawson’s Creek.”
“Now, that’s a blast from the past,” I say, pulling back the covers.
* * *
***
I sleep in late. It’s after ten when I finally open my eyes. Even though I’ve been getting a lot of sleep over the last few days, this is the first time that I actually wake up rested.
“Oh hey,” I say, sitting up in bed and stretching. “What are you doing here?”
“You asked me to spend the night,” Aiden says. He’s sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, reading a book.
“Are you reading Danielle Steel?” I ask.
“I’ve never read her before. She’s actually quite good.”
“Well, yeah, she did sell like six-hundred and fifty million books.”
“Is that true?”
I nod. I actually looked it up recently. I’ve never read her stuff until a month ago either, and since then I raced through four books, unable to put them down.
Aiden puts the book on the nearby table and walks over to me.
“You look beautiful,” Aiden says, sitting down on the bed. I look away, slightly embarrassed at his comment. I haven’t even brushed my teeth or washed my face, let alone put on some makeup.
Suddenly, he reaches out and brushes his fingers along my bottom lip. He leans closer to me. His fingertips feel rough and effervescent at the same time. I close my eyes and lick my lips as I feel the softness of his breath on my cheek. Slowly, Aiden cradles my face and buries his fingers in my hair. I close my eyes and press my lips against his.
His lips are as soft as I remember, I can almost taste the kindness through them. He tilts my head back, dropping his. Slowly, he runs his lips up my neck. Shivers run up my spine in exhilaration. When he takes my shoulders in his hands, our legs touch and I feel his body against mine. He’s pressing against me, and my legs open up on their own. Within a few moments, our bodies intertwine and we become one.
“Wait,” I whisper.
Aiden pulls away, reluctantly and waits. I don’t really have anything else to say except that this feels…strange. Not really wrong, but not really entirely right either. I look up at him. His face is so close to mine that when his hair falls into his face, it brushes against mine as well.
“What’s wrong?” Aiden asks.
I shrug, and look away. He takes a step closer, even though it hardly feels as if there’
s any room for a step to take between us.
“Nothing. I don’t know.”
He moves his face closer to mine, but does not kiss me. Instead, he closes and opens his eyes and lets me feel the softness of his eyelashes on my cheek. These butterfly kisses make my knees grow weak.
“I want you,” he whispers, without moving a muscle. He wants me to make the next move. And suddenly, I can’t think of a reason not to. Whatever reasons I had to push him away are no longer relevant. I’d give anything to be in the warm embrace of his strong arms again. We belong together.
“I want you too,” I say.
“Show me,” he says, smiling with his whole face. His piercing eyes twinkle in the morning light.
I take him by the hand and lead him back to bed. I lay down first and pull him on top of me. He lowers himself slowly. When he settles on top of me, his smile disappears, and yet his face keeps that familiar whimsical and mysterious expression.
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my whole life.”
He smiles again. I’ve never been that open with anyone before, not even with Aiden himself.
“I love you,” he whispers. My cheeks flush red. How, after everything that we’ve been through, he can still make me blush is difficult to comprehend. He kisses me again, this time more forcefully. Pressing his whole body into mine, he overwhelms me with his strength. I love how hard his body feels on top of me, taking mine as his. I kiss him back, with just as much force. As I push back into him, I feel him rise a little above me.
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