I had never acted like this before. Normally when I am bothered by something I can take it in calm strides. I don’t know what was different this time. I felt like a child throwing a fit. My mind was going in circles. I was upset with her but I also wanted to help her at the same time. I didn’t want to be mad. I didn’t want to stay mad. I didn’t want to feel like an object to her, though. I thought that it was clear that what we were doing was off the books. Apparently not. I should start saying “Off the record” to her. That would be annoying. That would be dumb.
I noticed I was pacing in the room. I went back and forth between the bed and the porch. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to turn back time to before the fight. I wanted to turn back time to before we started flirting back and forth. I hoped she wasn’t just acting back. I certainly wasn’t acting around her.
I left her like that, silent and confused. I went into the room and got dressed. I only had nice clothes, but I didn’t feel like wearing them now. I felt like going down to the lobby in pajamas and just kicking back. I felt like doing a couple laps from here to Asia to blow off steam.
This was the first time I felt like this. I hadn’t felt used before. Not that she had used me. I don’t really know what was making me so mad, but I was hoping this wedding could get over quickly. The faster I was out of here, the faster I could regain my sensibility. I wanted to swim. I wanted to run. I wanted to do something to blow off this steam. I didn’t have the right clothes or time for any of these apparently, so I decided maybe drinking was my best option. Lucky for me, I get all the drinks I need on the house. Apparently I’m worth that much here.
“I’m going down to the lobby.” I shouted at her.
She didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I could tell I shocked her, but not in the way I wanted to. It was all unpleasant. I just grabbed the clothes that were on top of the rest and threw them on. I left the room, shoes in hand. I put them on in the elevator.
17
April
I was silent. My mind ran in circles and my mouth fell open. Did that just happen? All I could do was stare at the door he just slammed. Did that really just happen? I didn’t know what to do or say. I was speechless. How did that just happen? I counted in my head when he said it. Four thousand dollars for one night? That was ridiculous. I couldn’t believe that. What was happening? What was happening right now?
I felt a little bad for assuming that he was just doing what he was doing for money, but at the same time, we never established there was anything outside of that. I started to cry a little. This weekend had been an emotional roller coaster. What goes up must come down, I just didn’t know why it had to be a plummeting crash when I was only just experiencing life above sea level.
The shouting had hurt my head. I took a couple ibuprofens with my coffee and finished the cup. I wasn’t sure what my next move should be. It was early in the day, but there was already so much that had happened and much more for me to do.
I was surprised that he just stormed out. That seemed out of character for him. He had been so calm and cool the whole time I knew him. I never thought he was capable of blowing up like that. I didn’t know what he was doing in the lobby, and I didn’t care to see him yet. I was upset. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t taking his acts the wrong way.
I wiped my eyes and took a long long shower. I was right about him having more products than me, and they were the really really nice stuff. I hadn’t even heard of some of these brands. I was sure that they were made with Oprah’s tears. I decided to use some of them. He could more than afford it, if he made that much money. No wonder he was so clean. I was glad he charged that much. If I had gotten someone that had actually only charged $400 I might have been skinned or gotten mange.
My hair felt so soft after I used his shampoo. I smelled vaguely like colognes. My skin had never been fresher. I was going to have to steal some of this and put it in a travel container. If he was going to accuse me of using him, I might as well actually use him.
When I got out I rapped myself in the robe he had worn the night before and called Travis. He better have a great explanation for this. He didn’t answer the first time. I dialed again, and he picked up on the first ring. “Hey, I’m at the gym. Is everything okay?”
“Four thousand dollars?”
“Oh shit.”
“Four. Thousand!?”
“So you know, then?”
“Of course I know. When were you planning on telling me? What did you have to do to get this kind of a deal, anyway? Sell your soul? Did you sell mine?”
“Girl. Chill. I was doing you a favor. You are broke as a joke.”
“But he doesn’t need to know that! He is just there for the weekend for you.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Oh no.”
I took a deep sigh. I was in it now. I hadn’t realized how strong my feelings for him were until I was scared that he was no longer a possibility to me.
“You have feelings for him, don’t you?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Well you are going to have to do some crazy magic, because I can’t afford to buy him for you every night of the week.”
“Well… Actually…” I was quiet for a moment.
“Go on.”
“Last night we kind of…”
“Kissed?”
“Yes.
“So?”
“And there was more.” My voice squeaked at the end.
“Uhh.. How much more are we talking?”
“We are talking, like, all the way.”
“Like… You went all the way all the way?”
“Yeah.”
“Like not just a hug or something, but him penetrating inside of you all the way?”
“Gross.” There was never an excuse to use the word penetration, even if it was in an appropriate or correct usage. “But yeah. And this morning just made it worse.”
“Why? Did you double dip? Is he sending a ransom to your family for the dirty cash?”
“No. We were at breakfast, and I gave him the money because I figured, well, I don’t know. I didn’t want him to think he wasn’t getting paid.”
“Sure, yeah. I get that.” He was breathing heavy in the background. I could tell he was starting to run again.
“But then he got super pissed. He slammed his coffee on the table and started yelling about how I’m a horrible person and how last night had nothing to do with money, and then he just stormed out and he has been in the lobby for god knows how long now.”
He stopped breathing heavy. I could tell he stopped again. “So…”
“So?”
“So he has feelings back?”
“I… I guess….”
“Weird.”
“Yeah.” I picked some of the paint off of one of my fingers. “What do I do?”
“I don’t know, I have never had to deal with that kind of drama. Prostitutes are all news to me.”
“You think I have experience?” I scoffed.
“More than I do. As of now.”
“Shut up.”
“Sorry.” He started jogging again. His speech was becoming quick.
“So you see my dilemma.”
“Girl, I would help you if I knew how, but your situation was already fucked before you even got the party invite.”
I sighed. “Yeah, you’re telling me.”
“If you want my honest opinion, I’d say ask him how he really feels. It’s not your fault that you thought a prostitute might have been sleeping with you for money.”
I chuckled. Travis was the best at making me laugh. He knew that too, so he pushed harder.
“And how would anyone believe that he would want to touch someone as hideous as you?”
“I know. I get confused with the sea monsters so often I have my own fan page dedicated to the search for me.”
He laughed too. “I have had people come to our house and ask me for pictures
or evidence of life in your natural habitat.”
“Yeah, a lot of people do the same for you.” We both sighed.
“I’ll have a ton of wine waiting for you when you get back. I have to go. Keep me updated.”
“Okay. Just know I hate you forever for lying.”
“Yeah, you’ll get over it.”
The line clicked. He was right. I would get over it. It wasn’t close to the worst thing that had happened to me the past year. Sadly, it was actually one of the nicer things anyone had done for me in a while. I didn’t have a clue what to do. The engagement party was tonight, and my paid-date was mad at me for paying for him, my mom would kill me if I didn’t show and ridicule me if I were alone. I didn’t want to have to deal with any of this anymore.
Maybe I was wrong to come here. Did I really care that much about my parents approval? I was an adult now. I can make all my own decisions. I should have just stood up for myself. My mom could have dealt with me not coming here. Why would she want me to come? Having been left before, she should know how bad it hurts to see Tom. It makes it even worse that he is with another person, and he is having the time of his life.
I had had enough. I didn’t care what my parents would say, I’d take them yelling at me. I grabbed a towel and put on my swim suit. If I was going to have to be held hostage here in Santa Barbra, then I was going to swim. I wiped both of my cheeks to get rid of the tears and put on the suit I had packed. I still felt weird wearing a one piece, but I had felt a little self esteem boost from last night. I wondered if I was really as good looking as everyone had said. I would have to see the reaction tonight when I didn’t choose the skimpiest dress I owned.
I put on some of the sun screen. It smelled like a pina colada and I wanted one so bad. I was avoiding going downstairs still. It was probably best to let Grant deal with his anger in his own way and just come back upstairs when he blew off some steam. I called room service again. They were going to have my face and room number memorized. I put an order for two pina coladas in, extra strong.
While I waited, I paced the room. Tonight was the engagement. Tonight. I had to do so much in so little time. Swimming was not realistic. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to think about all the things I had to do to get ready. I didn’t want to think about having to apologize to Grant. I was in the wrong for giving him the money, but at the same time this was the most intense and confusing thing that has ever happened to me.
I drank the drinks when they came up and watched some more TV. I had to work up the courage to walk through the lobby. It was going to take all my effort and mental capacity to stay calm and look like I had the perfect life that I had painted for everyone last night. The alcohol helped give me that extra push I needed. I put normal clothes on over my swim suit, just in case I needed to do not fun things instead of not caring. I went out of the room and walked past the elevator and to the stairs. I knew I was going to regret this the next day. I started walking down the steps, hoping this would be a good enough work out for the month.
18
Grant
I was mad. Mostly at myself. I had never yelled at a client before, and maybe that is because I didn’t think of April as one. I walked to the bar, jacket held tight in my hands. The staff greeted me with a smile and I tossed the card down.
“Mimosa, please. Keep them coming.”
This is what breakfast looks like when your day needs an extra kick to keep up with you.
The more I thought about it, the madder I became at myself. It wasn’t April’s fault. She didn’t know. If I had been in her situation I probably would have been more confused than ever. She didn’t deserve to get yelled at. I did. I made it unprofessional, and I fell for my client. I had sworn before that that would never happen. I had never expected to have a woman like April, though. There had to be some way that I could patch this up. I downed the mimosa and rested my head in my hands.
“Tough morning?” One of the bartenders asked. He was shinning a glass with a rag, just like the stereotypical image that every TV show and movie used. I had to laugh.
“I couldn’t begin to explain it even if I wanted to.”
He nodded back at me. An order on the phone came and he started to make two pina coladas. They looked so nice, though it was a bit early in the day. I budgeted more calories in my diet for trips, so it wasn’t the worst idea, just a bad one.
“I’ll have one of those, too.”
The bartender smiled and sent me one over. It was thick and luscious, served in a pineapple. I raised my glass to him and drank. It woke up the part of my mind that was still asleep.
“I don’t know what’s going on, so maybe this doesn’t apply, but I don’t think you should let your vacation here be spoiled. It’s so lovely outside and there is so much to enjoy. When you remember this place, are you going to want to remember the bad times or all the good?”
Bartenders have a way of looking into your soul and seeing your desires and fears. He was right about not spoiling the vacation. Even if it was ruined between April and I, I could still enjoy the weather and these drinks. “That’s excellent advice.” I drank more of the pineapple. “Normally, I’m the one who fixes problems for a living. It’s nice to have someone else for a change.”
“Are you a doctor?” He said. “Like, a therapist or something?”
“Something like that.” Some people considered sex therapy. Those people were called sex addicts, and they were some of my best clients. I checked my watch. It was eleven. There was still enough time to enjoy the day.
Finishing the pina coladas, I ordered another mimosa. The champagne bubbles and orange juice were just what I needed. I turned in my chair, surveying the room. I saw some people getting breakfast from the party last night. I hadn’t recognized most of them, I only talked to the people that April had known. Entering the lobby as I looked was Tom. I avoided eye contact. If there was one thing that this morning did not need heaped onto it, it was an interaction with that guy.
“Hey,” I said to the bartender. “You see that guy over there in the brown button up?” The bartender nodded. “What is he doing?”
“Well, he is looking around. Okay, he is looking at you. He is staring at you. He is starting to walk over here.”
“Shit.” I raised my glass to him. “Good luck to both of us, then.” I downed the drink and felt a hand on my left shoulder.
“Hey, buddy.”
“Oh, hey Tom. How are things going today?”
His eyes were bloodshot and heavy with baggage. “Great.”
“Ready for today’s adventures?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He ordered a rum and coke. I decided he might have had a worse start to this morning than I had. “How does a man like yourself get away with a weekend from work?”
“Great employees.”
Tom smiled weakly back at me. “What do you do, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“I own a hedge fund.”
He let out a soft whistle. “How did you get that gig? Help from your parents?” I could see doubt in his eyes. I took out my wallet, fishing for a business card.
“I started as a day trader and worked my way up. I am pretty good with it, and so I figured I would let other people get a chance to practice their own skills.” I handed the card to it, and he held it from the corners like a photograph or item for a museum. I wondered if I should have waited for him to put gloves on first.
He slid the card into his pocket. “So you’re good with finances then?”
“It’s my job.” That part was true.
“I have to be honest, I’m not having the best luck.” I looked around at the lavish hotel. This wedding was a huge expense. His parents must have been paying for it. I could imagine them both happily writing out a big check for their turd of a son for getting married. “I don’t actually know how I am going to get a house after all this.” He swirled his finger in the air. A man like him, I would have assumed he already had a house.
&n
bsp; “I just thought that anyone who worked for Google would be given a crown and a thrown in a palace somewhere.” I kid back.
He chuckled and took a drink. “You would think so. Google is actually…” he stopped talking. He shook his head and took several large gulps.
“Are they suffering?”
“Far from it. I just might be. They don’t seem to be too thrilled with me.” He shrugged. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. He looked up at me and then back down at his drink. He picked at his fingers. He and April had the same nervous habit.
“I have a trustworthy face.”
“That must be it.”
“Sorry to hear about your situation.”
He waved his hand as he finished the last of his drink. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s not talk about it. How are things with April?”
“Oh, fantastic. I was actually looking at the wedding packages here.” I wasn’t the type of person who normally kicked someone when he was down, but I wanted to do this for her. It would be a nice way of saying I’m sorry and for him to feel miserable for giving up a great girl. He cringed a little when I said the word wedding. I wasn’t sure if they were harsh feelings towards marriage or towards me being with his ex. “She is doing really well. She has had several articles published and she is working on a series right now for the Huffington Post.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish. Then I would have more time with her.” He nodded at me, eyes wide with surprise.
“Yeah, they still have to see whether they want to finish this project or move on to a new one. This one might be losing its edge, according to April, but I wouldn’t know. It’s top secret so I haven’t read it. She always wants my opinions on writing, too, so this is a little hard for me.”
His jaw was clenching and unclenching. He ordered another drink. This one was without the mixer.
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