“It takes a while to get a full jar. It takes patience.”
Noah chuckled. “Or it requires a different method. When you chase them, it makes them scatter and fly away from you. It’s almost as though they’re taunting you.”
Rose bristled. How did this mann manage to get under her skin so quickly and efficiently? It was almost as though he delighted in aggravating her.
“If you think you can do better, I challenge you to see how many you can get. They are very fast, and hard to catch.”
Noah stood up, a smile slowly curving up the corners of his mouth. Rose felt herself momentarily mesmerized by his mouth, but quickly cast her eyes to the ground, grateful it was dark enough he could not see the blush that she could feel heating her cheeks.
“Pick up the jar and have it ready for me,” he demanded.
Rose picked up the jar from the grass and held it out to him with fake enthusiasm, mocking him.
Noah ignored her as he planted his feet firmly in the grass and held out his hands. The fireflies swarmed around him, seemingly surrendering themselves to his open hands that he quickly cupped around them. He reached over and deposited his first handful into the jar, leaving Rose feeling like a dummkopf for doubting him.
Handful after handful went into the jar until he was satisfied there were enough to light her way properly. She looked at him, almost no expression on her face, that it was hard for him to detect the admiration in her eyes—but it was there.
“The trick is to let them come to you. When you chase them, they scatter, but when you stand still, they float right by you.”
Rose smiled, taking the jar from him after he twisted the ring around the rim, his square of cheesecloth covering the opening. She walked slowly up the dock, Noah on her heels. She set the jar of fireflies down at the end of the dock and stepped into the boat. Noah stayed on the dock, but she could see in his eyes that he had no intention of asking to ride along with her. She could see sudden sorrow in his eyes, but beyond that, a little bit of fear.
Noah untied the rope as she slipped on her life-vest. As before, he pushed her off from shore with his foot and she began to pedal backward until she was clear from the edge of the dock. Before she left him, she looked into his face once more. He was so handsome and so vulnerable she wanted to hug him, but she knew such an advance was unacceptable. She turned the rudder and set her feet in forward motion.
“My name is Rose.”
Chapter 12
Noah’s heart fluttered as he watched Rose pedal away from the dock. Knowing her name seemed like such a simple gesture, but to him, it meant that she trusted him—even if only a small measure. He lowered himself onto the end of the dock intending to wait for her to return. Would she be happy to see him when came back, or would it annoy her that he was still here? Torn between what to do, he began to pray.
Gott, breathe life back into me. I want to live for you again. Forgive me for turning my back on you and my familye. Bless me with the return of my faith. And bless me with enough courage to face my familye and Emma’s familye.
Noah looked out onto the water with a renewed sense of peace that could only come from Gott. He let his toes dip into the cool water as he listened to the gentle lapping of water against the underside of the dock. Looking up across the pond, he could see that Rose was already on her way back. Was there a reason she only went to one end and then back? Was it possible that she was still frightened from the near-drowning she experienced?
Gott, please bless Rose with peace and courage.
The prayer surprised him. It was the third time he’d prayed on her behalf. He was beginning to like the feeling of unselfishness that praying for others brought him. He had to admit that it was a little strange for him to be praying for another woman who wasn’t his betrothed, but Emma was gone, and Rose was here and very much in need of prayer.
As Rose neared the dock, his heart began to flutter again. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in so long, he knew it was one to be treasured. He stood up and took the rope, tying it around the post without saying a word to her. Then he held out his hand to assist her out of the boat, and surprisingly, she took it. Her hand was warm, and fit his perfectly—so perfect he didn’t want to let it go, but he did for the sake of not causing her any reason to worry about his intentions for her.
Truth be told, he was attracted to her beauty and humility, but he would not risk saying that to her. The fact that the feelings were still a little foreign to him weighed on his mind, but he tried not to let it show on his face.
“Danki,” she said as he released her hand. “I wasn’t certain you would still be here when I finished my trip across the pond. I pray that after I do that a few more times I will be able to put the fear of drowning behind me for gut.”
Noah stood beside her on the dock. He was so close he could smell the sunshine that still lingered on her. “I prayed that Gott would give you peace and courage about what happened.”
Rose’s heart felt like it skipped a beat. The thought of a mann praying for her in such a way was a blessing in itself.
“Danki,” she whispered.
She continued to stand close to him, her breathing coming out in intermittent wisps. Noah could feel the heaving of his own chest in anticipation of having her closer still. She looked up at him with dreamy eyes that begged him to pull her into his arms. He wanted to respond. To hold her like it would be the last time he would ever see her.
Crickets sang loudly in the grass nearby, and fireflies fluttered and glowed magically around them. He watched her as she tipped back the kapp from her head and pulled the pins from her dark blond hair. She didn’t take her eyes off him as she tucked the pins in her apron pocket. He couldn’t resist her any longer; the pull was too strong.
Noah closed the space between him and Rose, pulling her into his arms with the sort of desperation one would expect from a heart-wrenching farewell. Then he scooped her loose hair into his fists, using it to draw her head upward. His lips touched hers and she responded with a hunger for him and the love he would give her.
Then it hit him.
He didn’t know her well enough to love her.
Did he?
Was he so selfish still that he would engage her in a kiss so filled with passion, but lacking in the love it needed to back it up?
He let go of her, gazing into her eyes that were filled with hope. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Please forgive me.”
He didn’t wait for a response. He left her side before he lost his nerve to do the right thing.
Chapter 13
“Noah, don’t go,” she begged him.
It was too late. He disappeared quickly into the darkness of the night, leaving Rose all alone. Now she understood what Katie had meant when she had told her that menner can be complicated. Why had Noah suddenly run off? Why had he apologized for kissing her? It was a beautiful kiss—her first.
Could it be that he wasn’t ready to kiss me or any woman? Did it frighten him to let his guard down with me?
Please, Gott, if it be your wille, please let Noah love me.
Rose reached down and opened the lid to the Mason jar, letting the fireflies escape into the darkness. They glowed happily as they flitted about lighting her path to the base of the dock. Dragging her bare feet in the soft grass along the perimeter of the pond, Rose directed her reluctant steps toward the small haus she shared with Katie. She resisted the urge to cry, even though she really wanted to. Kissing Noah had been like a dream-come-true, and her lips still tingled from it.
****
Noah called out to Gott as he hurried to get home. He had made a big mistake in judgment when he kissed Rose, and he had no idea how to fix it. He’d acted selfishly without any regard to her feelings.
She’d kissed him back. Hadn’t she?
He hadn’t been able to resist her once she pulled her hair down. Had she done that for him, or because she was uncomfortable? He’d remembered Emma telling him on many o
ccasions how uncomfortable the head dressing could be, especially in the heat of summer. She’d enjoyed letting the breeze float through her hair many times when they were together. After all, they were to be married, and she showed her hair to him as a gift.
Had Rose offered herself to him for marriage? Panic filled him as he thought about marrying a woman other than Emma. Was he ready to consider such a thing? Was it possible she was falling for him only because he rescued her? He’d heard that those things can happen, and he needed to be sure of her feelings. Before that, he needed to keep his distance from her long enough to figure out why he’d acted so impulsively toward her.
****
Rose was glad she had the day off from the B&B. She knew Bess had probably seen the kiss exchanged between her and Noah the night before, and she wasn’t up for discussing it with the woman. She knew Bess meant well, only having her best interest in mind, but she would probably offer her some unwanted advice on the matter, and Rose was in no mood for it.
After breakfast, Katie rode into town with Caleb for a few supplies, promising to pick up the material for their dresses. Rose was happy for the time alone, giving her word to her schweschder that she would have the celery patch weeded by the time she got back. As she waved to Katie, she felt a sense of relief at having gotten through the morning meal without having to engage in anything other than talk of the wedding. Thankfully, her schweschder was too preoccupied to notice anything different about Rose. The fact remained she had changed. The kiss from Noah had changed her in a way she didn’t quite understand, but she knew she couldn’t wait to see him again.
Rose dragged the garden tools from the barn and headed toward Katie’s celery patch which ran alongside of the large kitchen garden. She picked a ripe tomato off the vine and rubbed it on her apron to remove any dirt. As she bit into the sun-warmed fruit her gaze drifted across the pond toward Noah’s haus. Spotting Noah on a ladder adjusting one of the crooked shutters, she wished she could see him better. As she stared with a hand over her eyes to shield them from the bright sun, it appeared that Noah was working only in a pair of trousers.
What I wouldn’t give to get my hands on those binoculars that Bess uses to keep an eye on us.
Rose giggled at her own thoughts as she reluctantly turned around to till up the rows with the garden hoe. The sun was already burning the back of her neck, and she wished she had put on her bigger bonnet. With her hands already dirty, she decided to wait until she took a water break. She intended to get two rows finished and out of the way before taking a break, but the humidity level was almost unbearable. Turning around for a brief moment to check on Noah, she was sad to see he was no longer in her line of vision. Thankfully his haus rested on the bank of the narrow end of the pond so it wasn’t too far for her to see him if he should get back on the ladder he’d left against the side of haus.
Before moving onto the next row, Rose looked up again in the direction of Noah’s haus and spotted him watching her. She waved at him, but he looked away and went back to work. Had he seen her and ignored her? She hoped it was only that he hadn’t seen her wave, instead of what she feared—that he’d changed his mind about her. If he no longer wanted anything to do with her after kissing her the way he had, then she would be glad to be rid of a mann who would take advantage like that. On the other hand, he’d given her a beautiful kiss that she wouldn’t soon forget.
Chapter 14
Rose took her time catching fireflies the way Noah had shown her the night before. She was surprised when he wasn’t waiting for her at the dock the way he had for the past few nights. She hoped that if she took her time gathering fireflies, he would soon show up. But she was getting tired, and he still had not arrived. Tears stung the back of her eyes at the thought that he could be so inconsiderate.
I should have known it was too gut to be true. A mann like that would never fall in love with a woman like me. I’m too plain, and he’s very handsome, ain’t it so?
Suddenly, she didn’t feel like going for a boat ride. She lowered herself to the end of the dock and looked at the fireflies glowing in the Mason jar. Noah had been right about them lasting longer with the cheese cloth at the top of the jar to let in air. But she was guessing he’d thought it wrong to kiss her, and that’s why he wasn’t here to greet her at the pond tonight.
I was right about him ignoring me when I waved to him. Why would he kiss me if he didn’t like me? Does he think it too soon to fall in love again after losing his betrothed? If he did, then he should have never kissed me. Shame on him.
Rose fought the tears that stung the backs of her eyes. She swallowed hard the pain of rejection as she released the fireflies from their temporary captivity. Sadness consumed her as she stood up from the dock to find she was still alone. She knew Bess would probably have something to say about it when she arrived at work in the morning, and was not looking forward to it.
****
Several times Noah set out to meet Rose at the dock at the B&B, but every time, his feet would not take him past his own yard. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for her—he did, and that’s what scared him so much. He just wasn’t ready to face her until he had sorted out the end to his grieving. He needed to end the mourning period, but he just didn’t know how to let go of something he’d held onto for so long—even if he was ready. It wasn’t fair to Rose if he were to move forward with her when he hadn’t yet closed the door on his past. He knew the only way to close that door was to face her familye and his own once and for all.
Having not spoken to anyone since Emma’s funeral, he worried that they would reject him. He also worried he may have been shunned, and figured a visit to Bishop Troyer would be his first order of business. He intended to pursue his interest in Rose so he could get to know her better, but there were a few things he had to take care of first. He prayed she would understand, and not form a low opinion of him because of his actions.
****
“If there’s one thing I do know about menner, they get spooked easily like horses,” Bess said as she helped Rose set out the place settings at the dining room table. “If you ask me, I think he’s feeling guilty for kissing you.”
Rose sucked in her bottom lip. “Because of Emma?”
“Jah, but don’t worry. Noah is an honorable mann. He wouldn’t kiss you unless he really liked you. He just needs some time to sort out his feelings.”
Rose’s heart quickened at the thought of Noah liking her.
“I have to say something else to you. I noticed you took your hair down from your prayer kapp.”
Rose couldn’t look Bess in the eye. “I have seen Katie do the same for Caleb. I only wanted Noah to think I was pretty like my schweschder.”
Bess placed cutlery at each place setting. “That sort of thing will make a mann think you are interested in marriage.”
Rose smiled. “Jah, that’s why I did it. To see if he would receive me. I thought he had, but now I can’t be certain. His absence from the pond last night has made me worry I acted in haste.”
Bess smiled knowingly. “Love always makes people act in haste. There is no way around it. But it is worth it if you can work through all the ups and downs of relationships. They take a lot of work.”
Rose looked at Bess shyly. “I wouldn’t say that Noah and I have a relationship.”
Bess put down the linens she was folding into swan-shaped napkins. “Jah, you do. Even if it’s only a friendship. You have a relationship with him now, a bond that cannot be broken.”
“But he’s already broken it.” Rose collapsed into one of the dining room chairs.
Bess crossed the room and sat across from Rose. “It’s not broken. It’s just getting started. And new relationships can take the most time. So much time, in fact, that it might seem that they’re moving backward, but I assure you it’s not broken.”
“How can you be sure?”
“He just needs some time to digest it like a heavy meal. That kiss might have come a little too s
oon, but it did happen. It happened because he obviously is interested in you. A mann doesn’t kiss a woman like that if isn’t interested in her becoming part of his future.”
Rose blushed at her comments.
“Noah has lost at love once already, and he is probably afraid he could lose you too. Loving another can be scary. There is always risk in loving someone, but the risk is always worth it. When he realizes that, he will come back around.”
Rose hoped Bess was right about Noah and his potential interest in her. If she wasn’t, Rose wasn’t sure she could survive such heartbreak.
Chapter 15
Noah stood in front of the small mirror at the bathroom sink for some time, staring at his reflection. Even with the scissors in hand, he found it difficult to part with his shoulder-length hair. He hadn’t cut it since Emma had died. In some ways, it was a symbol of his loss—his outward sign of mourning. Was he truly ready to put it behind him and let go of Emma forever?
An image of Rose entered his mind. Her natural beauty and humbleness pulled him toward her like a magnetic force. He had thought he would never be able to love again, but here he was, feeling very strongly for Rose, and he couldn’t ignore it much longer. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to catch fireflies with her and hold her in his arms.
But he couldn’t.
Not yet.
First, he had to cut his hair and his ties to Emma. Then he would go to see the Bishop. Rose would certainly be more eager to accept him if he made his commitment to the community and the church known. Was he already considering marriage with Rose? How could he not? She was the angel who had pulled him from the darkness that was his life until only a few days ago.
Noah lifted the scissors to his hair and snipped the first piece. Regulation stated that he was to have his bangs trimmed straight across. He’d never really liked the look, to be truthful, but his long hair would not go over well with the community or the Bishop. If he wanted to remain and have a chance to pursue Rose he must cut it straight across.
Chasing Fireflies: Book Five (Jacob's Daughter, an Amish, Christian Romance) Page 4