“You look excited; what’s going on?” Elaina asked.
She was already dressed in her warm-up gear and sat down to put on her shoes. We had taken a dance class together when we were in elementary school and kept in touch throughout high school despite going to different schools. She was such a fun and vivacious person that it was hard not to smile when I was around her. Often when I was overwhelmed with my place in the dance world, she reminded me that I actually beat her in the dance contest at our studio when we were ten. It was a little reminder that I was a good dancer, and I could dance again if I really wanted to.
I really did love to dance and would have given anything to dance full-time like these girls were doing. But I didn’t have the financial means to dance for a living. Not only did dancers hardly get paid enough to live on, but they also had to dedicate so much time to dancing that it made it impossible to work a second job. Every single dancer in our company lived with their family, had family money, or lived with a significant other who helped support them; I didn’t have that luxury. My family struggled our whole lives, and now my mother was the only one alive, and she still needed me to help her whenever possible. Especially because my two younger brothers were still in school and couldn’t help out very much.
“Cassandra is letting me choreograph the charity number.”
“Really?”
“Don’t look so surprised. I actually have some great ideas. I’m not just a pretty face.” I laughed. “You know that most of the choreography Cassandra uses is mine anyways, right? This is all just a formality. She needs to let me take some credit.”
“Oh, I know you have great ideas. You’re an amazing dancer and choreographer; my surprise is that Cassandra is letting you do it. Are you sure?”
“Yes, she told me to come show you guys the routine I have planned. I told her all about it this morning, and she really liked it. We are going to rehearse and then show her later. I mean it’s possible she won’t like the finished product and will want to do something different, but I’m pretty sure she will love this.”
Elaina still looked really hesitant but put a smile on her face as our friend Stacy arrived. I knew exactly what Elaina was thinking; I was thinking the same thing. Cassandra didn’t even like me, so why on earth would she let me choreograph this number? Maybe she was sick or just didn’t want to do the work herself, but I wasn’t going to worry too much about it since this was my big opportunity. Perhaps I was going to do all the work, and she was going to take the credit, but I had to just keep pushing forward.
“Hey, The Devil told Jenna that she could choreograph the charity number,” Elaina said with a fake smile. “Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah,” she looked wide-eyed at me and gave a false grin. “That’s great.”
“Come on guys. Can’t you just be happy for me?”
“You know her, Jenna. She’s going to change the routine after we work all day rehearsing it. She’s going to come down here and scream and yell and say everything is stupid, and then you are going to feel horrible. We just don’t want to see you get your hopes up,” Stacy said as she rubbed my back. “We love you.”
“I love you guys too. I know what I’m getting into; I’m choosing to be optimistic that this time is going to be different. She’s really going to like this routine.”
“Okay then, let’s get started,” Elaina said as she clapped her hands and motioned for the other girls to take their places. “Jenna is going to teach us the routine this morning,” she said and motioned to me.
I’d been there for two years. Most people knew me, sort of. But I was often relegated to running Cassandra’s errands or supervising practices, teaching the dances wasn’t something I got to do often. When I did get to do it, Cassandra often berated my technique and took over the session so she could teach the way she wanted the dancers to do things.
The dancers smiled at me, and we got started on the choreography that I had in my head. First, we learned it as a group so I could see each of the dancers and how they moved with the piece. Then I split the dancers into groups of three to five and let them rehearse a little bit more while I watched.
I moved girls from groups and tried to give tips where I could, but it wasn’t going very well. Most of the girls looked down at me like I had no idea what I was doing. Not because they knew me or my history as a dancer, but simply because Cassandra constantly put me down in front of them so no one believed I had any abilities. Well, not everyone; Elaina and Stacy knew me and knew I had some skills.
“Okay, let’s take a break for lunch. Everyone be back in here in forty-five minutes, please,” I smiled as I talked to the group, but they still looked at me with such disdain that I could hardly pretend any longer.
“You are doing great,” Elaina said as she hugged me. “They are just snobs sometimes.”
“I really like this dance. It’s perfect for the event,” Stacy added.
“Why does everyone hate me so much?” I moaned.
“They don’t hate you,” Elaina said as we pulled our lunches out and walked to the back of the building. “They hate learning a dance and then having Cassandra come and change everything. It’s frustrating for them.”
“It’s a good dance, though,” Stacy added.
“Maybe she won’t change it,” I said hopefully.
Elaina was like the captain of the group; the ladies listened to her and really did respect her a lot. But Elaina had taught dances before and had Cassandra change everything as well. This wasn’t something new; it was a perpetual habit, and I knew it.
We sat quietly eating our sandwiches while watching the puffy summer clouds as they moved across the sky. It was such a peaceful afternoon and the perfect temperature. After eating, we all lay back in the grass and talked until it was time to go back in.
“How was your date?” I asked Elaina.
“Disastrous.”
“Why?” Stacy asked.
“He seriously took me to a motorcycle race. Like dirty bikes and noise. We couldn’t talk at all, and it was filthy; then he wanted to take me back to his place. Like seriously, I knew nothing about him, and he wanted to take me home. Dating sucks so bad.”
“This is something I know very well.” I laughed.
“Sorry,” Elaina made a face at me.
I had the absolute worst luck in the dating world out of all of us. Maybe it was because I couldn’t afford to go out to the clubs very often or I lived in a crappy neighborhood. Or maybe I was just totally undatable, but I hadn’t been on a real date in the two years that I’d lived on my own. It was rather pitiful.
“What about Raul?” Stacy asked.
“He’s gay.” I rolled my eyes.
“Really?”
“Yes, haven’t you seen him flirting with Mike during rehearsals?” Elaina rolled her eyes at Stacy.
“No, they are always behind me. I’ve never noticed.”
“Last week, he literally made a joke about dating men.” I laughed at Stacy’s naivety.
“Oh, I thought it was just a regular joke.”
Elaina and I couldn’t stop laughing. Stacy was such a ditz, yet she was the only one who had a boyfriend. And her boyfriend seemed like a pretty decent guy. Camden was a former dancer who now worked as a bartender. He’d danced with Stacy in one of her classes throughout high school, and the two of them fell in love. Camden was a very sweet boy, and whenever Stacy and he were together, I couldn’t help being a little jealous. Their love came so easily to them. It never seemed like they questioned each other or wondered if the other was going to stay with them. They acted more like an old married couple than a young dating couple.
“What are you doing?” I heard Cassandra screaming from the back door to the rehearsal building. “Do you think you get paid to sit around in the dirt? My God, it’s like you girls were raised in some sort of barn or something.”
She let the door slam behind her, which meant we were going to have to go around to the front of the buildin
g to get back in. The three of us scurried to grab our things and ran around the building.
“It’s like she is possessed sometimes.” Elaina scowled. “She sits up in her office doing nothing literally all day long, but the second we take a break, she’s out here.”
“I know!” Stacy yelled as she ran ahead of us. “But I hate it when she yells; hurry up. Let’s get inside.”
None of us were particularly fond of being yelled at, but I’d grown accustomed to it. Elaina had a pretty thick skin to Cassandra’s yelling as well. Stacy, she couldn’t handle it, though. Any time Cassandra was yelling at Stacy, it was only a matter of minutes before we saw our friend break down into a full-blown crying fit. Stacy didn’t get yelled at often, luckily, but when she did, it was usually because she was hanging around Elaina and me.
“Show me the dance,” Cassandra growled as we ran into the studio. “I’ve been waiting forever.”
It had only been a half hour since everyone went out for lunch, and only a few of the dancers were back in the practice studio. Everyone stood frozen as they looked around for the partners for their groups, but of course, none of the groups were complete. It wasn’t worth arguing with Cassandra and asking her to wait for everyone to get in there; it was never worth arguing with Cassandra.
Luckily for me, Elaina and Stacy just grabbed one of the girls and pulled her into a group with them. They moved to the middle of the floor, and Elaina took the lead to count out the steps and show Cassandra what we had put together so far. This was exactly why Elaina was considered the head of the dancers; she didn’t complain and just took charge.
“We were just getting going on the practice. I’d love to show you the final product at the end of the day,” I said as Cassandra and I watched the girls do the number. “Each group will have either three or five people in them. The guys will all be split up among the groups.”
“Oh, my God, this is hideous,” she yelled out and made the group stop dancing. “You don’t really expect me to let this go in front of all our best donors? Come on; I knew I’d have to do this myself.”
Cassandra moved to the middle of the dance floor as the rest of the dancers made their way into the room. They had likely overheard the commotion from down the hall and were all trying to get their faces in front of Cassandra so she knew they were responsible.
“I think this is everyone,” Elaina said as she looked over the room and stood next to Cassandra.
I was nearly in tears at this point and so grateful that Elaina knew this and took over talking to Cassandra. One time I’d actually cried in front of her, and I didn’t live that down for weeks afterward; Cassandra didn’t like cry babies.
“Okay girls, how about we open like this,” Cassandra said as she basically did the exact same move that the girls were already doing. “Then you can go into the turn. Okay?” She stood with her hands on her hips as all the dancers looked at her blankly. “Shake your heads if you understand.”
Elaina looked confused as she watched Cassandra, but she put on a smile and did the dance again. Most of the other dancers looked similarly confused. They were used to having Cassandra actually changing the dance, but from what I could see, nothing was changing.
“Like that?” Elaina asked.
“Yes, for God’s sake Elaina, you don’t need to have so much attitude. You know I don’t have to keep you as the lead dancer. One more mess up, and you’re out.”
All the dancers looked puzzled as they watched the interaction between Elaina and Cassandra. Elaina didn’t have an attitude; if there was anyone in this studio who was nice to Cassandra, it was Elaina. It was puzzling the way Cassandra couldn’t even be nice to the nicest person in the studio.
“Of course, I’ll do better,” Elaina said with a big smile.
“Yes, you will. Or you won’t be dancing here any longer.”
“Yes Ma’am,” Elaina said as she went back to the group. “Would you like us to show you the rest of the dance?”
It was infuriating how Cassandra made Elaina apologize with threats to lose her dancing position. I really didn’t know how Elaina kept her composure. I was only seconds away from tackling Cassandra at any one moment; I knew I couldn’t have handled the yelling as well as Elaina was taking it.
“No, it’s hideous,” Cassandra said, “just try and make it better before the event this weekend. Ugh, I can’t believe they actually pay you ladies, and this is the best you can come up with. I can’t take this another second.”
The dancers stood waiting for a minute before Elaina took control and started to go through the dance with them. I stood silently off to the side. Cassandra watched as Elaina, Stacy, and the other dancers did the number all the way through. Then Cassandra berated them for being late, although they were back from lunch exactly when I had asked them to be.
My stomach turned with anxiety. I still didn’t know if Cassandra actually liked the dance or not. She always said things were horrible, but that wasn’t an actual indicator of whether she liked the choreography or not. Plus, it sounded like she wanted the dancers to continue rehearsing with this number, and that was a positive sign that she was keeping it for the event. Either way, it was clear I was no longer in charge of the rehearsal, and it was now Cassandra.
She didn’t change my dance, though; I was excited about that. As the dancers showed Cassandra the choreography, she complained about every step of it and even said she wanted changes but really didn’t change anything. It felt like a tiny win for me. A little bit of me getting something right for a change was something I was going to hold onto.
“So you did a horrible job with the choreography, but I think I’ve improved it, so we can use it at the event. Keep them practicing, though,” she said and turned to leave. “And stop looking at me like that. You’re not a puppy.”
“Sorry, thank you for using my choreography. I really appreciate it.”
“Don’t let them slack off before the event! And I’m not using anything of yours. This is all new choreography. I changed everything, weren’t you watching at all? Wow, it’s amazing you’re able to feed yourself,” she grumbled as the studio door slammed behind her.
My heart sunk right into the pit of my stomach. I tried as hard as possible not to break down in tears; I couldn’t cry in front of Cassandra. I held my breath until she was down the hall, but I just couldn’t stop myself any longer. It was all too much. She was such a hideous woman!
“No, no, no,” Stacy said as she grabbed me and pulled me to the corner of the room. “Don’t cry. This isn’t something to cry over. We are using your choreography. You should be happy. Who cares what that woman thinks. You know she’s crazy.”
“You guys can take a break,” Elaina yelled to the group.
“You can’t let the dancers see you cry. There is no crying in ballet,” Stacy added with a huge fake smile.
“I’m sorry,” I said through my tears.
“Let’s take a break. Elaina can work with everyone for a little bit,” Stacy said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room. “Come on now. This isn’t a surprise. You’ve got to toughen up around her. She’s never going to be nice. That’s just not who she is.”
“She used to be nice,” I said as we sat down in the stairwell. “I’ve heard the stories. I think she’s just having a cranky few years.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Stacy laughed. “I know how it is, trust me. I cry every time she yells at me. But you’re trying to be her equal. You are trying to be a choreographer; you absolutely cannot let her get into your head like this.”
“I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I don’t do this job for recognition; I just do it so I can stay in the dance world. I should be happy that I’m here.”
It was the truth. As much as I wanted to choreograph this event or anything for that matter, I loved my job. I loved that I got to hang out with professional ballet dancers every day. It was the closest I could get given my circumstances, and I really did want to be happy about wh
at I had in my life.
I wasn’t one of those people who lived beyond their means or tried to be someone they weren’t. No, I accepted my place in this society, and my place was as the unknown assistant. Yet every now and again, a spark of excitement built up inside of me like it had on this day, and I thought something was going to change for me.
“So we are on the same page,” Stacy said with a smile. “Now take a couple deep breaths and get back in there. You can still lead these rehearsals. You can show these guys and girls that Cassandra can’t ruin your day. At least she didn’t actually change things, and the dancers won’t be as grumpy now for the rest of the day.”
“Yeah, what was that she was doing? She said she changed things and basically did the exact same moves. That was weird.”
“She just wanted to look important.”
“Always. She always wants to look busy. I’m not sure what work she actually does. You know last week I went and got her breakfast and lunch, and she hadn’t moved from her desk between the two meals. Then when it was time for her to go home, she said she was tired. Really? Tired? She sat and played on her phone the whole day.”
Stacy just smiled at me as I talked. I think she liked seeing me get a little angry about my boss. Most of the time, I just meekly did what was asked of me. It was my job. I got paid to do whatever Cassandra asked me to do. I wasn’t getting paid to make up my own choreography. And I definitely wasn’t getting paid for my opinions.
“Okay, so we know she’s not worth your time and energy, but these dancers are. They need you. Now that Cassandra is out of the rehearsal room, you can do what you want. Let’s make this amazing. Pull out all your ideas, and let’s have fun,” Stacy said in her most enthusiastic voice.
“Yeah, she’s not going to even remember what we have already rehearsed. Maybe we should get a little crazy?”
“Yeah, what the hell? Is there something else you want to add that you haven’t?”
Four Reasons to Come Page 24