“It's okay,” I say, looking at my fingers. Looking anywhere besides Sebastian.
“No, it's not,” he says, grabbing my hand with his.
Shocked, I look up.
“Serenity, you are a good person. Maybe the best person I've ever met. And you're genuine and... life has been cruel to you, but you’re still the sweetest person. I don't want to be the one to break you,” he says.
“I'm not that fragile,” I say. “You can't break me.”
“No. I guess you aren't as fragile as I once thought you were,” he says. “You're the girl who spent her life locked away, fighting for her life. The girl who jumped from an airplane like she had been doing it her whole life. And the girl who can almost take me in a fight.”
“That last part is a lie,” I say.
“Okay, fine. You have years before you're good enough for that,” Sebastian says. “But I bet you could give some other people at Spy School a run for their money.”
“Oh, yeah?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says.
I smile. Because Sebastian makes me feel like I can handle anything the world throws my way.
“I don't want you to ever feel inadequate,” he says.
“I don't, when I'm with you.”
“Good.”
I look up at him, making eye contact.
I love his eyes. I could look at them all day, trying to memorize the patterns of dark and light blue. There are even flecks of grey and purple. They're so unique. Like him.
“When I'm not around you, I forget how beautiful you are,” Sebastian says. “I convince myself that I can focus on training and on our friendship, but then I see you and I just want to kiss you.”
“You want to kiss me?” I ask.
Because certainly I heard him wrong.
Sebastian Soto can do so much better than me. I know that. He has to know it, too.
“I want to kiss you so badly that I can hardly stand it,” he says.
“Then why don't you?”
“Because you deserve so much better than me,” he says.
“You mean you deserve better than me,” I say, because he’s got that backwards.
He shakes his head. “Do you not get it?”
“Get what?”
“The whole reason that you’re here... the whole reason you’re in danger... it’s because of my father.”
“Your father. Not you,” I say. “You are not him. And you’re definitely nothing like him.”
“But it is partly my fault,” he says. “My dad wants revenge because your dad helped him hide my mother and me.”
“When you were four years old,” I say. “You had no choice in it. It was your mom and my dad’s decision to hide you two. And it’s not like your father exactly gave them another choice. He would’ve killed your mom. And probably you.”
“Maybe,” Sebastian says. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you,” I say. “Your dad sucks. But you’ve had a good life. You have a mom and stepdad who love you. I’m jealous of it.”
“I’m just telling you this to let you know why we can’t... be anything.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“We will never be more than what we are now. Friends. I’m here to protect you,” he says. “But anything past that can’t happen.”
“You think I want to be more than your friend?” I ask.
“I see the way you look at me. And maybe you don’t think so, but you’re an open book.”
“That’s awfully presumptuous of you,” I say. “And I never asked you to be more than friends. In fact, you’re the one who told me that you want to kiss me, not the other way around. Maybe you think you can read something in my face, but you’re wrong.”
He’s right.
He’s so right.
But I can’t let him know that.
I understand why Sebastian Soto can’t be anything more than friends with me. It doesn’t make what he’s saying any easier, but I don’t want things to change. If I admit anything to him, he’s going to act differently. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.
“You wanted me to kiss you,” he says.
“So what? I’ve never been kissed. I was curious,” I say, shrugging my shoulders like it’s no big deal. It’s such a big deal, though. “But now I don’t want to. Obviously, you have some sort of feelings for me. I wouldn’t want to lead you on.”
“Is that right?” Sebastian asks, now smiling.
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” he says. “Just... um... do me a favor, and never tell Sander you’ve never been kissed. He’s the kind of guy who would do something about it.”
“I pretty sure he already knows. Besides, I wouldn’t kiss Sander.”
“Why not? I hear a lot of girls think he’s hot.”
“I see the appeal. He has pretty eyes. But I guess I’m not into him,” I say. “Besides, he wouldn’t kiss me.” Because he knows that I’m completely into Sebastian.
“I know when you’re lying,” Sebastian says.
“I’m not lying about not being into Sander.”
“Not about that,” he says.
“Then what am I lying about?” I ask.
“I want to know why you’re lying about it,” he says, not telling me. But I know exactly what I’m lying about.
“Look, just... whatever you think I feel for you isn’t important. You’re my friend and I want you to stay that way. I like training with you. And I do feel connected to you in ways that I don’t connect with other people. And the truth is, if I lost you, I don’t know what I would do. I’d rather be your friend than nothing.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” Sebastian says. “And that is a promise.”
“Can you forget about everything else?” I ask.
“I don’t want to forget,” he says.
And neither do I.
Sebastian and I are complicated. But the best things are always worth the pain. And he’s definitely worth it.
Wait.
It’s after three in the afternoon, but my dad hasn’t come back yet. Sebastian has been pacing the living room and I’ve just been sitting there, watching him. Waiting. Hoping that my dad’s okay.
I’ve checked my phone no less than ten times in the last two minutes. Like, somehow, if I stare at it long enough, I’ll hear from my dad.
“Are you sure he didn’t just go... I don’t know... grocery shopping or something?”
“He said he’d be back by eleven,” Bass says.
“Okay,” I say. “But he’s my dad. I don’t think anybody is going to mess with him.”
“Everybody wants him dead. I mean, not just my dad. Your dad has many enemies.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask.
“No. It’s supposed to make you scared. Because this is serious.”
It’s then that I begin to worry.
Sebastian is always calm. We were getting shot at and he was completely calm. But here he is, freaking out because my dad is a few hours late. Which worries me. Something bad must’ve happened, right?
“Let’s just remain calm,” I say. “We just need to....”
Breathe.
Which I seem to be forgetting how to do at the moment.
Sebastian drops to his knees in front of me and grabs my hands. “Just breathe, Serenity.”
Easier said than done.
I shake my head. “I... can’t.”
“In... out...”
I try, but it hurts my chest.
“Serenity! Listen to my voice, okay?” Sebastian says.
I can tell he’s trying to remain calm, but he’s not at all, anymore.
But Sebastian slowly fades away and it’s just me. It’s dark and I can barely breathe. It smells like cigarettes and mothballs and I am crying... screaming... pounding on the door until my fists are bloodied and bruised.
Let me out! I cried.
But nobody listens.
They never do.
Please! I promise I won’t do it again!
The truth is I’m not even sure what I did. I’m never sure. I just know that I can’t take being in the closet anymore.
“Serenity.”
I hear my name, but it doesn’t belong here. Not in the closet. Here, I am Karlie.
But I’m not in a closet.
I was rescued.
“Serenity,” I hear Sebastian say again, this time I can hear the desperation in his voice. “Please, just come back to me. Please.”
“Sebastian,” I say, opening my eyes.
It’s then that I see him crying.
“Sebastian, I’m sorry,” I say. “It was just a panic attack. I promise, I’m okay.”
He doesn’t say anything, he just grabs me and pulls me into his arms. I’m not sure who he’s trying to comfort—him or me. But I love that he’s holding me, because it’s just what I need.
“If I ever meet the people who took you, I am going to kill them for all they did to you,” Sebastian says.
“No. They're not worth the hate and anger,” I say. “I forgave them for all they did and you should, too. I refuse to let them affect me anymore.”
“You were screaming because they locked you in a closet,” he says.
“I said that?” I ask, then shake my head. “It doesn't matter. I have anxiety from what happened. But I'm safe now. I'm with you.”
“You're not safe. You're never safe,” he says.
“I know that you will protect me.”
“I will,” he says.
“So, what are we going to do about my dad?”
“We wait,” he says.
Wait.
I'm not good at waiting.
“What if our location is compromised?” I ask.
He laughs. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, S. Nobody is going to find us. Even if they know we’re in New Zealand, we’re safe here.”
“Okay,” I say. “But what if we’re not?”
“Well, that’s what your training is for. Sometimes, you do get caught. And when you do, you’ve got to know how to protect yourself,” he says.
“With guns?”
“Among other things,” he says.
“Don’t tell me we have grenades,” I say, completely joking.
“A few. But you’re not going to use those until you’ve been properly trained,” Sebastian says.
“Oh.”
We really do have grenades.
Oh, my gosh.
“We usually train our whole life,” Bass says. “My mom didn’t want me in spy school, but she taught me a lot. I think she was worried my dad would find us one day. But my uncle, Sander’s dad, taught me how to do the stunt driving. But even before that, Sander and I rode motorcycles and four wheelers.”
“That’s cool,” I say. “This is my first experience with any kind of training.”
“Which is even more impressive,” he says. “Because you’re good.”
I don’t feel like I’m good. But then again, I’ve been around Sebastian, Gage, Sander, my dad, and the rest of the guys. They’re the best. I’ll probably never be the best. But I am never going to stop trying.
“If Sander and the rest of the guys are all on one team, how come they’re all off on individual missions right now?” I ask.
“Each of them has a special set of skills that are needed in different places,” Sebastian says. “While they prefer working together, and usually do work together, they have to split up sometimes. Maybe for a few months, or a year. But they’ll be back together.”
“Why did they all come for me?” I ask.
“From what I understand, your dad was worried that once your identity was discovered, you’d be in danger. He didn’t even tell them at first that they were looking for you. They just thought it was some random teenaged girl,” he says.
“They must have thought I was weird,” I say.
“Why do you say that?”
“The first time that Jaxon saw me, I was dancing in the rain.”
Sebastian laughs. “That’s just you.”
“Yeah, but then I ignored Gage and Hunter the first day of school. And I sat on the floor of my lunchroom cafeteria,” I say.
“Which explains why you were so uncomfortable the first day of Spy School at lunch,” Bass says. “And I yelled at you for sitting in my seat.”
“But you thought I’d be a spoiled rich girl,” I say.
“I should’ve just looked you in the eye. If I had, I would’ve seen the pain,” he says. “I’m sorry I was rude.”
I just shrug. “I’m used to it... to you being rude.”
“Ouch,” he says. “But you’re right. I am rude.”
“I get it. It’s a defense mechanism.”
“I was wrong about you,” he says. “I’m never wrong. Ever. But maybe it was because I had made up my mind about you before I ever saw you.”
“I already told you, it’s forgiven.”
He starts to say something, but a phone starts ringing.
A landline?
He walks towards the kitchen and I follow him. There is a landline phone hanging on the wall. I remember seeing it there, now that I think about it, but I just assumed it didn’t work. I mean, who uses landline phones anymore?
“Hello,” Sebastian answers.
I wait, watching his face. But there is no change in his expression, so I have no idea what the call is about.
“Understood,” he says, then hangs up the phone.
“What is it?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer. He just grabs my arm and pulls me towards the backdoor of the house. Out the back, there is a small yard and a deck that leads into the river. But we don’t go towards the river. Instead, we run into the woods.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Just keep up, S,” he says. “And keep quiet.”
Of course.
Once again, my life could possibly be at risk, but I can’t know anything. What’s new?
No.
I’m not sure how long Sebastian and I run—it’s longer than I’ve ever run before. I’m not sure how I’ve run so long, but something about being scared makes you stronger and pushes your body farther than you ever thought possible. But eventually, we run into a clearing where there is a small airplane sitting.
“Get in,” Bass says.
There are literally only two seats in the plane.
“No,” I say, shaking my head.
“Why not?” he asks.
“Too small.”
Because I would literally be in the smallest seat in the world. And I can’t.
“You have to.”
“I can’t,” I say again, looking away from the plane, towards Sebastian. “I can’t handle small spaces.”
“Crap,” he says. “Okay, look. You don’t have a choice. You have to either get on the plane or you are, literally, going to die. Do you understand?”
“No,” I say. “How could I possibly understand? I still have no idea what’s going on.”
He lets out a breath. “The phone call said Protocol Kryptonite. Do you know what Kryptonite is?”
I nod. “The stuff that hurts Superman.”
Gage made me watch a ton of Superman movies.
“Right,” Sebastian says. “And if my dad is Lex Luthor, who do you think your dad is?”
“Superman.”
“Exactly,” he says. “I don’t know what is going on. But I know that we need to get out of here and we need to get out of here now.”
“Where are we going?”
“North,” he answers. “And then we’re getting on a bigger plane and going to Australia. Then we will figure it out from there. Right now, I just know I need to get you out of the country as quickly as I possibly can.”
“And you can fly this?” I ask.
He smiles. “I guess you’ll find out.”
“Do you have your license?”
“No,” he answers. “I’m only seventeen, S. You can’t get a pilot’s license when you’re seventeen.”
“You’re not making this easier,” I say. “And look, I might have bravely jumped from an airplane. But I can’t do this. This... is different. It’s the small space.”
“It’s my fault. I knew your fear was small spaces. I guess I just thought we’d have more time,” he says.
“What are we going to do?” I ask.
“Plan B.”
“What’s plan B?”
Sebastian holds up a set of keys and pushes a button on a remote. I hear a car horn go off and look around the plane to see an SUV sitting there. “We drive. It’s going to take longer and put us at a bigger risk, but right now we don’t have another choice, unless you’ve changed your mind about the airplane.”
“No.”
“Okay. Get in.”
We both run towards the SUV, getting inside. Sebastian drives, of course. I’ve taken a couple of driving lessons, but I’m still not a good driver. Sebastian drives like he’s been driving for years, which I guess, technically, he has. And he’s taken stunt driving courses. He can do a lot of crazy things that I couldn’t dream of doing.
I breathe a sigh of relief as he pulls out onto the road.
For a minute there, I really thought he was going to force me onto the plane.
“You did good running here. It was ten miles. You’ve never run that far before,” Bass says. “You don’t even sound out of breath.”
“Well, I was kind of scared,” I say.
But my adrenaline has worn off, and my body hurts.
Something Sebastian said comes back to my mind.
“What exactly is Protocol Kryptonite.”
“You. You’re kryptonite,” Bass says. “Your dad’s one weakness is you.”
“Right,” I say. “Does it mean my dad is safe?”
“I don’t know where your dad is,” he says. “The call came from somebody else. We’ve been keeping an eye on airports and any place we feel is big enough for a plane to land. It’s why we chose New Zealand. It’s small here, and easier to keep an eye on things.”
“Right,” I say.
“Your dad is smart. Whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it to keep us safe.”
Keeping Me (Spy Chronicles Book 2) Page 12