by Blythe Stone
“Okay,” she smiled anxiously. “Wish me luck.”
I nodded.
“Good luck!” Avery said.
“Thanks baby,” Nat smiled, ducking and reaching her hand in for Avery to grab and touch for just a second. Avery grabbed it and shook it.
When Nat pulled herself back out of the car she walked slowly to Layla and lead her inside up the porch steps.
“Wow,” I sighed, my breath quick now from the sudden turn of events.
“She’s totally going to get an autograph just a very different kind than I’m going to get,” Avery joked.
“Okay, what are you fucking talking about,” I beamed over at her, intrigued by her naughty thoughts.
“Um, you know, an autograph with her tongue instead of a pen?” Avery said.
She pouted and tried to clear her throat.
“Or my brain is in the gutter,” she said.
“Which gutter? What gutter? Where?”
My house didn’t have street gutters. We were on a hill with beautific landscaping. That was enough. I looked around, playing with her.
“Very funny,” Avery said, crossing her arms and glowering at me.
“Okay, what?” I asked, relaxing and smiling over at her. I reached for her arm with my fingers and tugged on it lovingly to get her to look at me as I leaned back in my chair. “Are you mad at me?” I asked.
She had no reason to be but it was obvious that something was up. Emotional dinner like that I worried it might really mess with her. But she never looked prettier and she never acted happier, at least, before this. I wanted to know where she was.
“Of course not, I was just playing,” she said.
She leaned over in my space and kissed the tip of my nose.
“It's impossible to be mad at you for more than a second and I wasn't mad anyway. Your joke was something I would say. I'm actually proud of you,” she said.
“Mmm… I doubt that,” I teased, watching her closely. My jokes never came off like her jokes, no matter if I tried to assimilate. “What do you wanna do, baby. I’m very tempted to drive to the ocean and wander on the sand in the moonlight but that’s just me.”
My parents weren’t home. I knew they’d be out really late. They liked being served and I liked it now too but we weren’t together and I felt a little guilty tonight.
“Let's go but when we get back I want to get in the hot tub,” Avery said, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah?” I wondered, raising my eyebrows and staring back at her.
That’s all I wanted. All I ever wanted. Even when we were miles away at Stanford. I missed our hot tub time, like when she first tried to map my features inside of her brain.
“Yeah. It's been a long time since we got in by ourselves,” Avery said.
“You are really making me want to kiss you right now,” I realized.
Whatever was going on with her it confused me and I was into her so…
“Why don't you,” she flirted.
“I’m trying to figure you out,” I said.
My heart was so full I didn’t know where to put it, how to help it. Avery had been so unnaturally beautiful all fucking night. It was kind of aggravating.
And the stress of it, of not knowing how it would go if something bad would happen and a volcano would erupt. What was I supposed to do with all of that now?
“What's to figure out?” She moved closer but not close enough to kiss me. “Am I mysterious?”
“Are you kidding?” I asked. “You’re always mysterious.”
The moonlight glowed in somehow, showing her blond hair like it was light in the dark and I wanted to kiss her.
“I think it's just because I'm never still,” she said.
“Mmm, no,” I said, reaching over and putting my hand down on her leg. “You’re still often. I just don’t know what to do.”
Did she really want me to drive back out to the ocean. If we did would she swim with me? In the cold… In the dark?
I wanted that…
“Can we go swimming?” I asked.
Not in a pool. Not in some regulated body of water.
“We can do whatever you want. I don't care as long as we're together,” she said.
“I’m taking us to the ocean,” I decided.
Layla was gone and so was Nat. They would have a wonderful time in my treehouse enjoying the space I’d prepared for Avery. That was good, that was fine.
I pushed on the gas and tried not to make it super obvious that I was taking her back around and out of the gate.
“Are you okay?” I asked nervously.
I wanted her to talk to me. Whatever had gone on back at her house it wasn’t exactly something I could participate in. She’d separated me, put me outside. I could try to be part but that was more about her.
“Yeah. I freaked out a little at first when I saw Greg and with my dad but by the end of the night I felt way better,” she explained.
She put her hand out to touch me.
“For real, I know it's not all better but I let go of some bad feelings tonight and I feel lighter,” she said.
Bad feelings… I thought.
“You’re gonna swim with me,” I smiled, unleashing the engine and allowing us to drive back out toward the main road.
It was so dark now, no one watching. All the streets were empty as I rode back out toward the main light at the end of the road.
“Would you rather be with a pop singer?” I wondered. It wasn’t a truthful ask, more a question I got since the place we’d left had such a heavy connotation.
“No. I don't want to be with anyone but you. If you were a pop singer I'd be worried all the time.” She started and then put her head on my shoulder. “I love you - not what you do. I know that's part of what makes a person up. I love that you have no need for fame for one thing. I love who we are together. I'm not sure why I'm saying all of this but I'm a little emotional right now,” she finished.
“Should I take us back home?” I wondered. We could go to the guest house. Be together and sleep.
“No. The beach sounds good. I'm down for anything,” Avery said.
Her tone was totally relaxed and a little jovial.
I put my hand on her thigh and drove us out of the gates. All I could think of was that time we'd done this before. We were nearly drunk then and she was so happy. Did she remember? One of our first real powerful dates.
I kept still and kept driving.
The roads were empty because of the holiday. Sparkling lights were everywhere. Every house we passed, every tree, every roof. Avery's house had been conquered by neatly placed decorations. I'd imagined her parents taking a whole lot of time to get it that way. Maybe even Greg helped.
My parents had probably paid someone to do the tree inside. It appeared like magic on that very first day I came home. Elegant and elaborate, nothing less and nothing more.
My mom probably worried that the house would feel foreign. Of course it couldn’t, not after all the time I’d spent there growing up. They could dress it up or leave it down and it would still be my forever home. One day maybe I’d reach a point where Avery and I built a home worthy of taking that place. Right now though we had our temporary home in Stanford, less real than the guest house where we had our first months.
Our revolving schedules always kept us at odds. The most we had together at Stanford were the long sex-filled nights, the ones where we missed each other so much we’d stay up kissing and touching to try and get back what the world had been stealing away.
I turned at the light and let the long coastal road be our guide. It was so dark out but the moon shone brilliantly, making more light than we could possibly need.
My fingers twitched on the steering wheel, turning up the song that had come on. Camila Cabello’s I Have Questions for You played. When it first came out I joked with Natalie, asking her if she was that mad at me. Of course she said no but still I wonder.
Thinking of her back up in the treehouse n
ow makes me feel relaxed, even more so than I would be otherwise.
It’d be cold out now but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel the wind with Avery, do something we’d remember.
When we finally reached a good place to park, Harry Styles’ Sweet Creature came on and I turned it down a little to look over at her.
Perhaps we didn’t even have to get out. I slipped my hand in hers, tightening my fingers around her own.
“I want hot chocolate again,” I smiled lazily.
Most places were closed and making it at home wasn’t as fun as Avery thought it was, even though she was cute.
“There has to be somewhere we can get it, like a diner that's open or IHOP,” she said.
“Would that bring down your Christmas?” I wondered. “I can actually go for some chocolate chip pancakes right now. I wonder if that drive-thru place is open.” There was this 24hour place that served everything from chocolate chip pancakes to heaping piles of quality steak.
“Nope, I don't think anything could bring me down right now,” she said.
“Will you drive me?” I asked, watching her.
“Sure,” she said.
I reached to unbuckle my belt. As I got out of the car and walked around to Avery’s side, Harry’s voice cut through the wind and made me smile.
She got out and left the door open. She stopped in front of me and looked for a few seconds that felt far longer.
I smiled up at her, keeping her.
“Thank you,” she said, leaning into me and putting her head on my shoulder.
I sent my hands up her back, holding her against me. I loved when she hugged me like this, her whole body protecting mine. “For what baby?” I wondered.
“Everything… anything. I'm just happy that I have you no matter what. Even if I have to remind my brain sometimes,” she said.
“Well, keep reminding your brain,” I mumbled. “Have I told you lately that you’re beautiful?” I asked. “I can’t stop staring at you today. It’s like I’m broken.”
“You mentioned it, yes, but it never hurts to hear it and you're not broken, I just have an exceptionally good love potion I've been feeding you,” she teased.
“It does seem a likely reason,” I joked.
“I may have been slipping it into your coffee for a year or so,” she continued.
“Mmm, well, I never skip my coffee,” I pondered.
I laid my head down on hers, rocking us a little until I realized we were slow dancing.
If it was my fault I hadn’t intended it. Avery was smooth though, it was probably her.
“I know,” she said and laughed.
“If you don’t stop this I’m going to fall too far in love,” I laughed. “I’m already beyond the point of no return. What are you trying to do?”
The waves pounded and it was like music with music. I thought of the sand on my feet, how it would be cold right now but I’d like it.
Avery kept me so warm.
“Is that possible? And if so then I'm okay with it,” she murmured.
“You know how susceptible I am to insanity, “I whispered. Love was no cure. It could make it worse even. “You promised me pancakes,” I said.
“Do you want to get them or do you want me to make them?” She asked.
“Mmmm… I was going to be lazy and I wanted to swim.”
Avery held me and swayed me.
“As long as I get to kiss you I don't even care,” I realized.
I'd left the house to do something but we didn't need to go. What sort of compulsion was that? Perhaps it was the knowledge that we could do anything. That it didn't actually matter either way. We'd have fun no matter where we were.
“Let's go down to the water, stop at the diner on the way back, and then go home and give each other one present,” she suggested.
“Well, we're already at the beach,” I reminded.
“Yeah, but we aren't swimming yet,” she said.
I pushed off of her, hating the lack of contact as I pulled myself away. I crawled back into the car and took my keys out, holding them up as I shut the door and walked backwards toward the sand.
My heels found their way off of me and pretty soon I saw that glow in Avery’s expression so I turned toward the water, started to pull my dress off as I began to run.
“Wait up,” she said, chasing me.
My dress hit the ground and my warm feet sunk into the cold sand, kicking it back after me as my eyes set sight on the water and I felt my muscles work.
As soon as the frothy water slid over my feet and rose up past my ankles I knew we were being dumb with this but all I could think was how cold it was and my body kept running because if I stopped Avery would catch me and I wanted to win.
She came up behind me and I felt her body contact mine. She was in her underwear now, warm stomach brushing up on my back. We fell forward into the water. A cold splash took my breath as we both were buried beneath a cold rushing wave.
Intense cold, the kind that silences. Underwater you feel nothing. As soon as you rise back above and breathe your brain starts to work again and function.
“Oh my god,” I gasped, feeling the stinging all over me, the cold- like a million frost-biting wasps. I was soaked now from head to toe. Stumbling to try and stand as another wave hit my thighs and I instinctively clung to Avery in the dark.
Eyes back at the sand. The lights from my car shun out on us reminding us that it was watching and waiting with warm.
“You okay?” Avery asked. She was shivering but she had also expected the cold water unlike me.
“Yea,” I huffed out. “Let's go where we can't touch.”
I let go of her and started to walk further in. The trick of the ocean when it's cold, sometimes it can feel a lot warmer than the air.
She followed close behind, close enough that she could touch me if she reached out. The parts of my body that were buried in water were stinging and beginning to have that numbness about them. I rushed ahead. As soon as the water was deep enough, I dove in.
Waves lifted me. I floated and looked back at Avery, waiting as she dove too and joined my side. I grabbed onto her with the lower half of my body and she pulled me in, smiling.
“It’s fucking freezing,” I laughed, loving it. Avery had taught me that being a little reckless every once in awhile was actually therapeutic. This was one of those times. Nothing horrible would come from a winter night swim. Unless of course we got caught in a riptide and drifted away. Or sat outside in the cold, wet and freezing all night right after.
A cold dip was a mind flush and a body revitalizer.
I thought about the hot tub and how we’d be soaking in it soon with warm food in our bellies and a whole lot off our minds.
“It feels amazing,” she said.
“You feel amazing,” I flirted. There was a time when I’d be too scared to be this far out from the shore but Avery conditioned me to trust in her.
A wave came and lifted us up. I didn’t let go of her. Instead I used my hands to keep my head above water and float with her.
“So I've been told,” she laughed.
My teeth clattered eventhough the smile was pretty much stuck on my face.
“Should we swim to Japan?” I teased.
Avery could probably actually get there. Me, not so much. I’d drown just a ways past the mile buoy out far beyond the waves. That is if the panic didn’t get me first. Deep water with animals and waves could frighten me.
“Na, let's swim to Australia. We could find dolphins to ride or a whale,” she continued.
“I’m pretty sure we’d find sharks too,” I reminded. “Japan has less sharks. And the water is generally colder there. Unless I’m mistaken. I’d rather not make it all the way to our destination only to be eaten five feet from the shore.”
“I just wanna see Sydney,” Avery confessed.
“Perhaps we should fly,” I recommended. “It’d be faster anyway. Well worth the comfort in avoiding all the unn
amed perils at sea. We just need time.”
After Christmas we’d have a little time but not enough.
No point in visiting somewhere grand like Australia if we’d only have a couple of days. I'd want it, to visit the country and of course tour the opera house. That alone would take more than two days.