By the time her plane touched down at 1 p.m., it was the cool, calm, and collected Joseph she’d known all of her life who was waiting for her at baggage claim. Only the sunglasses he wore to hide his bloodshot eyes gave hint to his earlier emotional breakdown.
After almost a year of almost no communication between herself and her brother, Nikkie didn’t know what kind of reception she would receive, but as soon as Joseph saw her, he opened his arms, and she flew right in.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” he said soothingly as he rubbed her back while she cried hysterically. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
The two hugged close as they walked to Joseph’s car. “Nikkie, it doesn’t make sense for you to stay at Mama’s”—he paused—“you know, at the house. There won’t be anyone there, and you need to be around family. Ayoka and I want you to come stay with us and the baby. How about it?”
“Are you sure you won’t mind?” she asked tenuously.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You know you’re my girl.”
She looked at him and suddenly she was crying again. “Oh, Joseph. I’ve been so miserable. I thought you hated me. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me. My heart’s just been breaking. And then with Mama now—”
“Shh, shh . . . come on now, it’s okay. You should know I could never hate you. Never. No matter what you do.” He held her tenderly as she buried her face into his shoulder. “Come on now. Come on. Everything’s going to be okay.”
She gave him a watery smile. “You promise?”
“I promise.” He opened the car door for her. “Now hop in.”
They drove for about three miles, both lost in thought, when Joseph pointed out the window. “Hey, Nikkie, what does that remind you of?”
Nikkie looked over at where he was pointing and saw a little girl of about four or five on a playground swing being pushed by a teenage boy. “Well, I would say me and you, but he’s not pulling her hair or hitting her upside the head,” she said with a grin.
“Hey, that’s not fair,” Joseph said with a laugh. “I only got mad when Mama made me take you to the playground when I shoulda been at basketball practice. It was because of your little butt that we lost the city tournament every year.”
Nikkie waved her hand dismissively. “Aw, y’all were lousy, anyway. Central always beat your butt.”
“Naw, East Detroit High was good. Central was just better,” Joseph said wistfully. “And then every time we played, I had to be looking over at the player bench to make sure you were behaving. It’s a good thing I was the tallest kid on the team or Coach wouldn’t have put up with me always having to bring my little brat sister to the games.”
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t like I wanted to be there.”
“Stop lying,” Joseph said, laughing. “You’d have a fit if I tried to play a game without you there. What about the time you decided to get out on the floor with the cheerleaders and shake your little hips and try to do splits and all that? And then when I tried to stop you, I had to chase you all over the court.”
“Oh God, I remember that,” Nikkie said, putting her hands over her eyes. “I musta been about five, right? Yeah, because I had just started kindergarten.”
Joseph nodded. “You were the cutest little thing, even if you were a little brat.” He reached over and tugged a tendril of her hair. “And you still are!”
“Stop playing!” Nikkie slapped his hand away. “What about the time I beat that boy up for you, huh? I bet you forgot all about that, huh?”
“What boy?”
“The one who you were fighting in Klienman’s Grocery.”
“Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Vincent Wright. The only boy at East Detroit High who was bigger than me. He got mad because someone told him his girlfriend liked me.”
Nikkie nodded her head. “I bet you were glad Mama made you take me to the store that day,” she said proudly.
Joseph shook his head at the memory. “Boy, I didn’t want to fight that kid, ’cause I knew he was gonna destroy me. But I wasn’t going to punk out, either, with him calling me out like that. So I sat you on the counter and we got ready to commence thumping, and then when he landed one good punch—”
“I jumped on his back and beat him up for you!”
Joseph laughed. “You yelled, ‘Don’t you hit my brother,’ and then you leaped on his back and bit him on the side of the throat like a vampire and wouldn’t let go. I told Mama she shouldn’t let you watch all them Dracula movies.” They both started laughing.
“Vincent screamed like a little sissy,” Joseph continued, when he finally caught his breath, “and he tried to reach around and pull you off him, and I just started whaling on his face. He’s trying to get you off his back, and trying to dodge my punches at the same time. Now, that was crazy.”
“And you bought me an ice-cream cone on the way home so I wouldn’t tell Mama what happened. Double scoop. With rainbow sprinkles.”
“Yeah, and then you still couldn’t wait to tell Mama.” Joseph reached over and smacked the back of her head.
Nikkie grinned. “I was proud. That was my first fight.”
“Mama was so scared his family was going to sue us or something, remember that?” Joseph gave a wistful smile. “She went over and talked to his parents, and then came back and made us go over and apologize. Boy, was she mad at us.”
Nikkie nodded. “But Mama never could stay mad long. We were supposed to be on lockdown for a week, but after you put
on your long face—”
“And you batted your pretty eyes—”
“We were back out the house and playing and hanging out at the playground three days later.”
“That was Mama. She always wanted to be stricter than she really was, but she was just a natural softy. But that was a woman who really knew how to love, huh?” The sunglasses still covered his eyes, but the tears were evident in his voice even before they started rolling down his cheeks. “She was so sweet. Always looking out for us. Working two jobs, and sometimes three to make sure we were okay. It wasn’t like Papa ever kept a job more than a couple of months, so she always had to pick up the slack. To her, it wasn’t about keeping up with the Joneses, but it was sure about making sure that we had everything we needed to stay ahead of the game. We didn’t have PlayStations and Nintendos, but she made sure we had a computer so we could keep up with our schoolwork. And, you know, that woman never did even learn how to send an e-mail on her own.” Joseph took a big gulp of air. “It was all about us, never about her. Always about us.”
“She was the perfect mom. She couldn’t get to all of my dance recitals or all of your basketball games, but she was there in spirit, wasn’t she? And always baking a cake when you guys won.” Nikkie sniffed back her tears. “Good thing you were so lousy or both of us would have wound up fat as pigs.”
“And that woman could bake some cakes. Man, I used to love it when the school had those annual bake sales, because everyone would go crazy over Mama’s cakes.”
“She always could throw down in the kitchen. And could sew her butt off, too. I was the only girl at the senior prom wearing a homemade dress that didn’t look like a hot mess. In fact, my dress got so many compliments that people started trying to get Mama to make dresses for their kids’ proms. Remember that?”
Joseph nodded. “But that was her little special something-something she only did for her family, she’d say. She never would do any sewing for anyone but us, and Papa, of course. Not that he deserved it.” He pounded the steering wheel. “He didn’t deserve her. And he wound up killing her. I hope he rots in hell.”
Nikkie said nothing. She didn’t have a particularly close relationship with her father—she never felt like she ever got to know him. He was always content sitting in front of the television with a six-pack. She never remembered a really tender word from him, but never a harsh word, either. He was just there. It was Mama who was always the f
orce in the house. And now Mama was gone.
“Hey.”
She looked over and saw Joseph wiping his face with the back of his hand. “You know I saw him a couple of months ago,” he said in a light voice.
“Saw who?”
“Vince Wright. He still has those bite marks on his throat.”
“Stop lying!” Nikkie started laughing again.
“If I’m lying, I’m flying. You damn near took a chunk out that poor kid.”
The light banter ended when they got to Joseph’s house. Ayoka came out to meet them, holding their five-month-old son, Akinseye.
“Nikkie!” She reached her free arm out to give her sister-in-law a hug. “Good to see you, girl. You okay?”
Nikkie nodded. “The best I could be under the circumstances, I guess. Thanks for letting me stay here while I’m in town.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re family. Where else would you stay?” She turned to her husband. “Hey, babe.” She kissed Joseph. “The phone’s been ringing off the hook since you left. Oh, and the funeral home wants you to call them back.”
“I’ve already made all the arrangements, I hope you don’t mind,” Joseph told Nikkie as they settled in the living room. “The viewing will be Wednesday night at Haines Memorial Chapel, and Pastor Johnson will preside over her funeral at Mt. Olivet Baptist. Mama would have wanted it that way.”
“What about Papa?”
Joseph was silent for a moment, then said, “I’ve arranged to have him cremated.”
“Cremated? Is that what Papa wanted?”
“Mama would still be alive if it wasn’t for his drunken ass. The man’s going to hell. I thought I’d give him the proper send-off.” He turned on his heels. “I’ll take your suitcases upstairs.” With that, he walked out of the room.
Ayoka sighed and sat down on the couch next to Nikkie. “I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but I haven’t met with much success. You know how stubborn he can be. Maybe you can try.”
Even as Nikkie nodded, she knew there was no way she was going to talk to Joseph about the way he was treating Papa, even though she felt he was wrong. Yeah, Papa wasn’t the best father—in fact, he wasn’t much of a father at all—but the bottom line was that he was their father. She guessed she loved him, and she always assumed that Joseph did, too, even though he never hid his resentment of him. But to just cremate him . . . Nikkie shivered. Still, no, she wasn’t going to say anything to Joseph about it. They were getting along too well, and it had been too long since they did. She wasn’t going to put that in jeopardy.
“Here, let me hold my little nephew.”
Ayoka beamed as she handed the baby over to Nikkie. “Now, be careful. He moves around a lot and—”
“Oh, come on, Ayoka. I know how to hold a baby.” Nikkie started chucking him under his chin, causing him to smile and wave his little hands in delight. “Ooh, look! He’s smiling at me! You love your aunt Nikkie, don’t you, sweetie? Yes, he do,” she cooed at him. “Yes, he do.”
“And he’s so smart,” Ayoka said proudly. “He’s always so aware of everything that goes on around him. And he’s even trying to talk.”
“At five months?” Nikkie asked skeptically.
“I know! Isn’t that amazing?” Ayoka said while reaching over and stroking her son’s cheek. “I tell you, he’s going to be a genius.”
“That’s cause he’s gonna take after his auntie Nikkie. Isn’t that right, baby?” Nikkie tickled his stomach. “He’s just going to be the smartest little thing.” She looked at Ayoka and sighed. “Oh, he’s just the sweetest little thing. He almost makes me want to have a baby.”
“Yeah? You’d probably make a good mom,” Joseph said as he walked back in the room. “You have a good heart even if you do act ditzy as hell sometimes.” He took Akinseye from Nikkie’s arms. “But we won’t hold that against her, will we, Akinseye?” He lifted the child in the air and gave him a little
jiggle. “Look at my big boy.”
“Joseph—”
“Oh man!” Joseph said as Akinseye burped out a combination of strained peas and breast milk all over his father’s suit.
Ayoka giggled. “I was just going to tell you that you might not want to be doing that because I just fed him.”
“That’s okay. He just wanted to share his food with his daddy. Ain’t that right, little man?” He cradled the baby in one arm, sat down next to Nikkie, then reached over and used a handful of her hair to wipe his shirt.
“Ew! You’re so stupid!” Nikkie said as her brother and sister-in-law broke out in laughter. She reached over to hit him, but stopped when she noticed that Akinseye seemed to be chuckling. “Don’t encourage him, baby. Your daddy is an idiot.”
“Oh, shut up, White . . .” Joseph stopped mid-comment, and Ayoka averted her eyes.
No one spoke for a moment.
When the silence had finally become too uncomfortable for her to bear any longer, Nikkie cleared her throat and stood up. “Well, I guess I’ll go upstairs and unpack. I might even lie down for a nap for an hour or so. See you guys later.”
She walked out of the room and up the stairs without looking back, while wishing she had a pair of sunglasses that could hide her tears.
Chapter Nineteen
April 2008
Nikkie stared at her puffy face and bloodshot eyes in the ladies’ room mirror at Paxon & Green and reached into her pocketbook for the small bottle of Visine she’d had to carry with her for the past two weeks.
She hurt. Bad. It wasn’t the first time a man had broken her heart, but the pain had never been so severe or lasted so long. No man had ever hurt her as bad as her brother did when he dropped her off at the airport for her return flight to New York.
“I love you,” she had whispered in his ear as she hugged him good-bye at the security checkpoint. “And I’m going to come back and visit again soon. I promise.”
“Nikkie, I love you, too. But I don’t think you need to come back until you’ve got your life straight.”
“What?” She pulled back from him in surprise. Her stay with him had been so pleasant, considering the circumstances, and she’d thought that he’d finally forgiven her. What the hell was he talking about?
“I’m sorry,” he said when he saw the pain in her eyes. “But as much as I love you, I can’t support what you’re doing. I’m your brother, and I’ll never disown you, but as long as you pretend to be something you’re not, I don’t think we should be around each other.”
“But, I thought, I mean . . .” Nikkie tried to keep the tears out of her voice. “I mean, you know, the whole time I was here, you didn’t say anything about it or anything. I thought you’d gotten over it.”
“Gotten over it?” Joseph snorted. “No, I didn’t say anything about it, but you know as well as I do it was like a big pink elephant in the room that no one mentions because they hate to bring up unpleasantness.”
“But, Joseph—”
He stroked her hair tenderly. “Get your head together, girl. And when you do, come on home where you can be real. I’m going to be waiting. And so will Ayoka and the baby. But until then . . .” He paused. “Take care of yourself, Nikkie. It was good having you home.”
She started crying again at the memory, the bottle of Visine fell on the floor and she tightly gripped the sides of the sink to steady herself so that she didn’t fall down beside it as she sobbed uncontrollably. Mama was gone. Papa was gone. And now the only family she had left in the world wanted nothing to do with her.
“Hey, you okay?”
Nikkie hadn’t heard Jenice Hanford enter the ladies’ room. “I’m fine, thanks,” she mumbled before rushing back into one of the bathroom stalls.
To Nikkie’s horror, the six-foot-two beauty was still there when she emerged from the stall a few minutes later, a concerned look on her usually smooth mahogany face.
“You sure you’re okay, Nikkie?” Jenice walked over, gently placing her hand on Nikkie’s shoulder. “I
wish there was something I could do. I know what it’s like to lose your parents.”
“I’m fine.” Nikkie went to stand at the mirror. Her face looked even worse than before. She retrieved the Visine bottle from the floor, rinsed off the nozzle, and began applying drops to her eyes.
“Maybe you came back to work too soon? I mean, you’ve only been out two weeks. I think the company would understand if you took another few days off to get yourself together.” Jenice stood at the next sink, her arms folded against her chest. “I’m sure if there’s anything going on with one of your accounts, Yanna or Susan can take care of it.”
Nikkie shook her head. “Actually, being at home is worse. It just makes me feel more alone.” She started brushing her hair. “I’ll be okay.”
Jenice looked at her a moment before shrugging her shoulders. “Well, all right, then. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do,” she said before disappearing into a stall.
“Hey, Jenice, I didn’t know you had such a taste for fine dining. Do you mind if I join you?”
Jenice looked up from the magazine she was reading and used her Big Mac to wave Nikkie into the seat across from her. “Not at all.” She watched as Nikkie unfolded the paper from her seafood sandwich and tore open the salt and ketchup packets and spread them on her fries. “So how are you feeling?”
“Much better now,” Nikkie said after taking a sip from her soda. “I was just going through a bad spot this morning. I’m sorry you had to see it. But thanks for being so supportive.”
“No problem.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes.
“You know it’s like I’m really alone for the first time in my life,” Nikkie said sadly. “Papa and I weren’t close, but Mama, well, I always thought that Mama would be there.”
Jenice nodded sympathetically.
“Now with her gone, I don’t feel I have anyone in the world I can turn to.”
“What about your brother? You two aren’t close?”
Nikkie’s eyes found their way down to the table. “We used to be close. Very close. But he kind of stopped speaking to me last summer. When I went home for the funeral, everything seemed to be cool, but then when he dropped me off at the airport, he made it clear he still didn’t want anything to do with me.”
Passin' Page 17