by A. J. Downey
Tab had said something about this Grace, and said the journal was supposed to lead to ‘unfolding’ it. I chewed my lip and thought about it… yeah he did. Unfolding the Grace would give the location to some kind of keys then. Well shit, Tab was my key to this entire mess right now. I thought about it some more and wished I had some freaking internet access. If I did, I would try to research some of the lore on this crap and see if any of it panned out, but I didn’t, so I had to pick my questions for the Angel carefully and work with what he would give me.
I paused, my train of thought derailed. Tab was an Angel. I knew it, I just knew it and I can’t tell you how I knew, but my guess was it had something to do with this Grace stuff coming online. It felt like a memory, like a piece of information you knew to be true and just took for granted that it was, I just didn’t have the need to question it anymore, and so I went with the instinct. Tab was an Angel, not Fallen. I had seen his wings. So what if they weren’t white like the Archangels had been in the torture memory? Maybe if Tab and I could get along and develop some kind of working relationship that didn’t involve him treating me like a pest rather than a person, I could ask. For now it was irrelevant. I chewed my lip. This was all so fucked up, but it was what it was, and I either had to move forward and deal or go nuts. Guess which one I fancied as I lay in the dark and silence.
I don’t remember doing it, but I fell asleep again. Only this time when I woke, it was to the peal of a large gong or bell that was calling everyone in the place to wakefulness. I groaned, looked out the window, and was greeted by the ass crack of dawn, the light just coming up over the mountain peaks. I dragged myself out of bed and blinked down at the stack of clothes on the table, my heart much lighter at my freshly clean bra and panty set sitting on the top. Hurrah! Comfortable underwear – the day was suddenly looking up.
My white tee must have been toast, because it was gone. I slipped the shirt over my head and dealt with the unfamiliar fasteners on it. It was a deep rich midnight and silk and had long sleeves, which I was grateful for. It was a touch tight across my chest, as I had quite a bit more bosom than the other girls I’d seen around here, but it worked.
I finished quickly in the cold crisp air in my room and was pleased that with the long Asian style shirt was a pair of black pants and not a skirt like most of the rest of the girls were wearing. Black Chinese silk Mary-Jane-style shoes with a sensible rubber sole finished off the outfit, and I was presentable, if feeling a bit awkward in the borrowed clothes. I swept up my hair into a high ponytail, forgoing my usual braid and opened the door to my little room to find the hallway all a-bustle with people. Mei-Lei stood at the ready with her usual smile, already reaching for my hand.
I couldn’t help but smile back at her, her good nature positively infectious. God knows I was the last one anyone would dare accuse of being a morning person. We were swept up into the flow of people all heading in the same direction and to what I assumed was their Morning Prayer, or breakfast. Mei-Lei tugged my arm so I would lean down to hear her over the dull roar of just so many people in the small hall way.
“We meditate first, then eat, then they work, I guide you – that is my work today.” She smiled up at me impishly, and I grinned back. She was good. Making me feel like I got her out of having to do her chores or something, rather than like I was her daily chore. I would follow the old saying as much as I could while Tab did his thing. You know the one: when in Rome; do what the Romans do. I could already tell I was becoming the local sensation, or at least the new thing. As tall as I was, I easily stood a head above everyone else in the hall, and I could see many pairs of eyes casting furtive glances in my direction, if they weren’t outright staring already. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but if it was the worst thing that happened to me today I was in awesome shape as compared to yesterday.
Still, out of the press of people, all moving purposefully in the same direction, it was her stillness that caught my attention. She stood against the wall, dressed similarly to Mei-Lei and all the other girls in residence. She was younger though, no older than fifteen, but no younger than twelve either. Her hair was braided through with red ribbons up in a coronet on her head, and though the flash of bright color only helped to make her stand out from the crowd, it was her expression that made me swallow hard. Unlike everyone else’s that was curious, or pleasant, hers was downright unfriendly. Her dark gaze smoldered in her face, and I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at the amulet to see if it glowed warning, such was the look she gave me. I tried to politely ignore her and listened as Mei-Lei chattered along in Chinese to the people around us.
After a while of slipping through the traffic jam of people up to the Temple’s antechamber, it became apparent the topic of conversation with Mei-Lei was her new charge. I smiled and nodded politely at those that looked and was rewarded in some cases with a smile back, and in others with a hasty look away. It was a mixed bag: some people were curious, and others seemed afraid of me. I couldn’t say I blamed them. I was afraid to be me right now too. As we managed to get sucked through the bottleneck and flow out into the Temple, I followed Mei-Lei to the back, beside the great doors we had come through the day before. I could see people trickling in through doors in each of the four corners of the vast room, and now that I was paying attention, I could see that unlike a church or any other Temple I had seen before, this one didn’t have any religious icon at the front altar.
Instead it had a large bell, with what looked like a log of the same type of wood as the pillars suspended from thick rope behind it to use as the clapper. The bell was made of heavy bronze and was affixed with a yin and yang symbol. That made sense: after all, hadn’t Tab said this was a Temple of balance? People were taking up places on the mats on the floor, sitting cross-legged, their backs straight in a traditional meditative pose. I followed Mei-Lei and did the same, just trying to blend in, following the proverbial bouncing ball as best I could. When the chanting started, the men’s voices rising into the air, I remained silent, and when the others closed their eyes, I looked forward and did the same. The chanting was loud and strong, and I could feel it vibrating in my chest and along my spine. I was dimly familiar with the concepts behind meditation, and so I set my breathing to slow and deep and did my best to let go of my thoughts, stilling my mind to a pleasant blank.
With everything that had happened over the last day I tried to use this time to cultivate calm, focusing on my breathing, my heartbeat and the relaxation of tense muscles. I don’t know how long I sat there; I don’t even remember the chanting coming to a stop, but it was a gentle touch on my shoulder that brought me back from wherever I’d gone inside my own head. I opened my eyes to look into the smiling eyes of Mei-Lei.
“You have meditated before,” she said in her heavily accented English. “That is good.”
I looked around us and realized I was one of only a very few people in the Temple’s great room and that most of the others were getting up, or even a very few were staring curiously at me. Except one, the girl from the hall was up near the bell, her forehead creased by a frown. I attempted to smile at her, figuring it couldn’t hurt, but her brows just drew down further. I stood up and felt a little bit creaky from sitting it one position for so long, still not exactly sure how long I had been there. Mei-Lei, happy and go-lucky as ever, linked her arm through mine, and we stepped out the great doors to blink in the sun, letting our eyes adjust.
The courtyard down the Temple steps was all a-bustle with activity. Boys came up some steps to the left carrying buckets of water, two at a time, with yokes across their shoulders. Women carried large baskets brimming with vegetables on their backs and all disappeared down some other steps, presumably toward the kitchen. A corner of the courtyard had a neat grid of uniformly dressed people, men and women alike going through slow, graceful and deliberate movements that captivated my attention. I stood and watched for a long time, and it was Mei-Lei’s giggle that brought me out of my fascination.
As if my body remembered the movements that my conscious mind had simply forgotten… Was this the Grace taking over? I didn’t know, and I didn’t care either. It was tranquil, and the movements felt good and pure, and for the first time in days, I felt light and free, and I didn’t want that feeling to end just yet. So, I just let my mind go that pleasant blank again. I let the horror slip off my shoulders and the terror seep away, and for the rest of the morning, I let myself forget that Heaven and Hell wanted to tear me apart for something I didn’t have the ability to give them even if I’d wanted to. And at this point, I didn’t feel like giving them shit… either one of them.
We all flowed as one, gently streaming from one movement to the next until we came to the final one. I raised my arms out and above my head, bringing my legs together to stand straight as my arms swept in and down, my hands pressing flat on empty air.
Everyone broke into serene smiles, turning to one another and bowing with murmured thanks. Mei-Lei cocked her head. “You do that very good, Addy. Master Yin proud,” she said pointing back at the Temple. I turned to look, and sure enough, there was Master Yin, stooped and clad in golden robes. Tab acted as the old man’s tall, dark, and brooding shadow. The grin on Master Yin’s face was unmistakable even at this distance, and Tab…well, his features were pretty much unreadable as always. I raised my arm and waved at the both of them, Master Yin waved back, but Tab, he just crossed his arms over his chest and said something to the older man, who looked up at him and responded.
I sighed, so I was still just a problem to be dealt with, not a person. Somehow the thought crossed my mind that Tab wasn’t as bad as all of that, but from where I was standing, it was hard for me to believe. Again Master Yin’s words struck a chord in me, about how Tab had been through a lot for the human race with little thanks. Again I felt a pang of guilt about how I had treated him. I looked back at Mei-Lei to tell her I was going to go talk to the men but caught sight of the younger girl again. She was watching me from the deeper shadow of the wall, her gaze again decidedly unfriendly.
I’d had enough. I’d at least done something to earn the attitude from Tab, but I hadn’t done shit to little miss. In fact, up to this point, I had tried valiantly to be on my best behavior. I pointed at her and asked Mei-Lei, “Does she speak English?” Mei-Lei followed my finger and grew very still.
“She speak many language,” she said, voice solemn, but before she could say more, I was off, striding in the girl’s direction. My vision wavered in that sickeningly familiar way, causing me to stop short of her. I closed my eyes and willed whatever it was that was going to happen to just do its thing. I wish I could tell you that this meant I was gaining control over the Grace, but that wasn’t it. I just didn’t try to fight it. I closed my eyes, and the images were as bad as I’d feared they would be. Damn, couldn’t this thing show me something nice for once?
I closed my eyes and fought down the queasy feeling in my stomach and tried to tell myself that what I was seeing had already happened, at least that I was pretty sure it had. The walls were on fire, the eerie glow the flames produced throwing the courtyard in high relief. I turned slowly away from the wall towards the Temple, eyes widening at all the bodies. They were all dressed in the familiar Temple garb and just strewn across the flagstones, so many just broken and bleeding, eyes staring sightless to the stars. I hugged myself and bent forward, a cry emanating unbidden from my throat. The tears welled and spilled of their own volition, but the sight did not waver in the slightest, and of course why would it? It wasn’t really here, just in my head right?
My eyes swept up the Temple stairs pausing in a macabre leapfrog from body to body, which is when I realized, some of the bodies; especially the ones on the stairs, weren’t even close to human. Some of them my brain just couldn’t or wouldn’t make sense of, they were so horrifically twisted, and I didn’t pause to look at them long enough to force myself to make sense of them. My gaze continued its climb, even though my body was rooted in place. It stopped cold at the top of the steps, where a young girl, the tatters of red ribbons in her hair, stood posed, stretched out in an elegant combat stance. She had two swords in her grasp, one in each hand, held out from her body and dripping viscous black blood. Her tiny chest heaving with each breath, the look in her dark eyes burned fiercer than any flame and screamed silent defiance.
It was the last look I got before the sky cleared, and the birds began to sing again, and I stared at the empty Temple steps of now, Tab and Master Yin conspicuously absent. I turned to the girl who stood beneath the shadow of the wall, her arms crossed over her chest, the look in her eyes daring me to speak on what I’d just seen. Never one to back down from a challenge, I nodded and chose my words honestly.
“I get it now,” I said. “You’re the protector of this place, and I have nothing but trouble biting at my ankles.” I swallowed. “I promise you, I like it here, and I would do anything, give anything I could, to keep the trouble that’s following me out of here, out of these people’s lives.” I looked at the ground and back to her, but she wasn’t giving an inch. “It’s probably a pretty crappy consolation, considering what’s after me though,” I mused. I bowed carefully and respectfully to the girl and finished with, “I’ll talk to Tab as soon as I can about getting us out of here,” and I meant it.
I went back to Mei-Lei, who was standing there, ashen, her color returning with her smile. She linked her arm with mine, and I tried to think of something to put both the girl and the Temple’s guardian at ease. I decided to cater more to Mei-Lei, simply because nothing short of me getting the fuck out was going to make the guardian happy, and so I said, “I don’t know if I will ever have the opportunity to see any place so beautiful again, Mei-Lei. Show me and tell me everything.” Mei-Lei looked at me as if trying to judge if I were serious or not. Finally deciding that I was, she started off with me in tow, her joyful chatter filling the air surrounding us.
I had no doubt that by the end of the day I would know everything about the Temple and quite possibly about everyone in it. It may not have put me any closer to figuring out my problems, or answering any of the questions I had about the things I carried or why I was suddenly everyone’s favorite person to want to kill to get it, but it made Mei-Lei happy. That, and it would fill up the time I had to wait until I could find Tab to talk to him and see if he’d come up with a plan. I hope he had, and then I really hoped he might share it with me. After I said what I needed to say maybe he would. Who knew?
Mei-Lei had me going all day, crawling over every last inch of the Temple, filling my head with dates and facts and how things worked. She was so enthusiastic about where she lived that I almost wished she could come to Seattle someday so that I could return the favor. I felt a pang of sadness when I realized I may never see her again. After the evening meal and evening meditation, which I just couldn’t get into like I had that morning, she deposited me at my door. I was physically exhausted, and so when I shut the door behind me to find a linen nightgown folded neatly on the table, I almost crawled into bed in my clothes without changing.
I took the time to put the thin shift of material on. It was long, grazing the tops of my feet, and was really just a glorified tank top the way it was cut at the top. It was comfortable, though, and who w
as I to bitch? It was nice. I lay down, but my mind was all a-buzz. I hadn’t seen Tab again all day, but I had seen plenty more of the guardian as she’d shadowed me and Mei-Lei throughout our tour of the Temple. At least her expression wasn’t quite as fierce at the end of the day as it had been at the beginning. I had no idea how I’d managed to score any Brownie points with her, but at least it was some sign of progress.
I finally sat up and decided sleep wasn’t coming. I stood in my small room and looked around. The odds and ends I had rescued from my jacket were spilling from my bag on the table. I picked a shiny dime out of it and slipped out of the room, setting the dime on the floor in a puddle of moonlight close to my door so I would know which one to come back to.
The air coming in through the open archways was crisp and a bit chilly, but I didn’t expect to be out long. I padded barefoot up the hall and took a path that looked familiar from our ramblings earlier in the day. If I was right, there should have been a balcony of sorts just up around the next corner. I was correct, and so made my way out under the deepening night sky.
The star scatter was amazing; I’d never seen anything like it. I stood in the chill of the Tibetan mountains with my neck craned all the way back, my hair hanging loose around my shoulders and down my back, and just stared into the sky. I sucked in a breath, let it out slowly between my teeth, and wished I could get back the calm state of this morning before the courtyard vision, but now my selfish time was over. I knew I had to get out of here. Not for me but for all of these people that I put in such danger just by being here. I ran my lower lip between my teeth and wondered how to go about getting a hold of Tab.
I knew I was probably the last person he wanted to talk to, but even he had to agree I needed to make my next move. I didn’t like not knowing what that move was going to be or the fact that I didn’t know squat about my situation. That wasn’t true. My situation boiled down to this: I had it; they wanted it, and they could go get bent. I just didn’t know how to go about accomplishing their getting bent while keeping me alive. I hugged myself against the deepening chill and hoped Tab had an idea. I didn’t trust him, I know any sane person would after everything he’d done to keep me alive so far, and it wasn’t like I wasn’t grateful for those things, it’s just I didn’t know if I was completely cool with trusting someone that played everything as close to the vest as he did. That and I knew the minute that this was all over he was going to bail. Everyone bailed on me eventually, friends, even my own family. Everyone but Piorre, who was murdered. I tried to squash the little voice in the back of my head that tacked on …before he could get the chance.