by Fiona Palmer
As he washed his hands, he thought about the things he needed to do before they started on Saturday. He’d already gone through his notes from when he’d got his certificate in shearing. He’d organise some sheep and move them into the shed near his house. He’d only need a small mob at first. He didn’t want to burn CJ out too quickly, but he knew she’d hold up better than most blokes and she’d never complain. Others protested about how hot the day was, how bad the sheep were or how much their muscles ached, but not once had he heard a whine from CJ’s lips. Such luscious lips they were too.
‘So, how ’bout after work on Friday I take you out and show you where we’ll be working, and you can help me get some sheep penned up ready for the morning?’
CJ dried her hands on the orange, threadbare towel hanging by the basin from an old nail. ‘Sounds good. I might just have to lock Dad in his room.’
Lindsay hadn’t really thought about Tom and wondered for a moment if it’d be too hard for CJ. He was nearly going to ask her, but thought better of it. CJ needed a break, an escape from Tom, and maybe this was just the thing she needed.
11
CJ and Lindsay pulled up the old concrete driveway at her place just before six p.m. on Thursday. Lindsay stopped the ute, hands resting on the steering wheel and his elbow on the door, casual and sexy at the same time. She saw him watching her. Their eyes connected; she couldn’t look away. Was that taunting she saw in the grey-blue expansion of his eyes? The silence was unnerving as time ticked by.
‘You wanna come in for a beer before you head home?’ she blurted out before she could think. Damn it. She’d never properly invited anyone for a beer at her house.
Lindsay just smiled his wickedly cute grin. ‘Yeah. Why not?’
Why not? she thought. I could give him heaps of reasons why not. Because my dad’s an unstable drunk who’s likely to take a swing at him, my mum’s an Easter egg all hollow and waiting to crack, our house is a sub-standard seventies nightmare, and to top it all off, I live in the shed out the back.
But Lindsay was already getting out of his ute so there was no turning back. She grabbed her towel and water bottle and headed to the door, praying this wasn’t one of those days when her dad could be found sitting in his jocks.
As she pushed open the door, the first thing she heard was her mother.
‘No!’ Dot was pleading.
‘Bitch. I told you to leave it alone,’ growled Tom.
Dot was cowering in front of him, her hands raised, ready to protect her face. CJ had to get to her mum, but she felt paralysed. Tom’s arms came forward in a blur, sending Dot backwards across the room. CJ heard a sickening crunch and the crack of breaking plaster as Dot slammed against the wall and then dropped to the ground. CJ’s lunch rose in her throat.
Her water bottle hit the floor and CJ heard an unfamiliar voice yell, ‘Mum!’ Then she hurled herself at her dad. ‘You piece of shit. Look what you’ve done! You’re a fucking arsehole.’ She pushed both hands hard into his chest, forcing him backwards. CJ seethed with anger. Her mind had shut down, gone blank. She threw a hard punch at him. ‘How do you like it?’ she screamed, and pushed him against the opposite wall. Tom sank to the ground with his head hung low and his hand wiping away the blood that ran from his nose. CJ went to Dot’s side. She crouched down, kicking the overturned bottle of scotch. Lindsay was already by Dot’s side, holding her hand.
‘Mum, are you okay? Mum?’ CJ held her hand against her mum’s face, already seeing the swelling on her cheek. The bruising was flowing red into her dry, crinkled skin.
Dot’s eyes fluttered open. ‘CJ?’ she asked.
‘It’s okay, Mum. I’m here now.’
‘Let’s get her up gently.’
CJ was confused to hear Lindsay’s voice beside her. She had forgotten he was even there, and was surprised he hadn’t fled in utter horror.
‘It’s okay. I’ve got her,’ she snapped, her right hand beginning to throb as she snatched her mum’s hand from his.
‘We should take her to the hospital, or get an ambulance,’ said Lindsay, getting his phone out.
‘No, she’ll be okay,’ she said, almost snarling. CJ looked Lindsay in the eye. ‘You can go now. I’ve got it under control.’ She pushed him away gently with her hand and she saw his eyes brush over her red, swollen knuckles.
‘CJ, you don’t have to handle this on your own. Let me help, please?’
She cringed at Lindsay’s words. For some reason she just didn’t want him here, couldn’t open herself up to help because, well… what if she did, and then when that help disappeared she would be left to cope alone – again. She needed to stay in control to be able to survive. ‘Please just go,’ she begged. CJ couldn’t stomach the dismay and shock in his eyes. It embarrassed her.
He opened his mouth but then shut it and quietly left the house.
CJ heard her dad try to move and spun around, pointing at him. ‘Don’t you bloody dare move. Do you hear me? Or so help me God, I will deck you again.’ She was sick of seeing the ashamed face that looked upon her, sometimes full of remorse, but mostly just more and more vacant.
CJ helped Dot up and just about carried her to the safety and security of her bedroom.
‘Mum, are you okay? Where does it hurt?’
‘It’s mainly my shoulder, but I’m okay.’ Her voice was feeble. Her whole body was shaking uncontrollably as the shock began to wear off. Gingerly she lay down on her bed and CJ got her an extra pillow from the cupboard. Dot put her hands to her face and began to cry silent tears.
CJ couldn’t bear it. ‘I’ll go get you some painkillers and your sleeping pills.’
Dot’s eyes flew open. ‘Don’t leave me!’
CJ held her mum’s hand and rubbed it. ‘It’s okay, Mum. I’ll be right back.’
Her soothing words put Dot at ease. Dot closed her eyes again and CJ slipped away.
In the lounge room Tom was still slumped sideways on the floor and he was breathing heavily. CJ wished she could leave him out on the nature strip and wait for the council to take him away with the rubbish on Thursdays.
CJ grabbed a glass of water and the pills and headed back to Dot’s room.
After Dot swallowed the pills, CJ put the glass on the bedside table and lay next to her mum, rubbing her arm gently. Her shower and dinner would wait. She wouldn’t leave her mum until she slept deeply. She’d lost her appetite anyway.
The next morning CJ was running late, trying to shower and get ready. Her mum was still asleep but CJ had left her a note telling her to see the doctor if she was in pain or Betty if she needed company. She had just finished eating some cornflakes when there was a knock at the door. She opened it with caution, her dad still asleep on the floor behind her.
‘What you doin’ here?’ she asked in a whisper through her teeth.
‘Ah… came to take you to work, like usual.’ Lindsay raised his shoulders. His blue, long-sleeved shirt was unbuttoned. Too nice a picture for this early in the morning.
CJ hadn’t expected to see him. She thought he’d run like the rest. Run to the cops or something. But Lindsay didn’t look judgemental like the others. If anything he was tired and his expression was more of concern. For some reason she felt anger building. Was it to hide her shame at what he’d seen?
‘Okay,’ she said. She grabbed her stuff and followed him to his ute.
There was stony silence for most of the trip, both thinking about what had happened but neither wanting to discuss it. She didn’t want him to make a fuss. A few times he looked like he was going to speak but then he clammed up.
It wasn’t until they had parked at the shed and were collecting their things that they spoke. Lindsay held out her water bottle but wouldn’t let go when she reached for it. She could feel his eyes watching her, demanding her attention. She eventually looked up and found his light-blue eyes, which seemed quite dark today, staring at her with such determination it was unsettling.
‘I’m here if you e
ver need me, okay?’ he said.
She saw compassion and a protectiveness that suddenly had the bottom of her stomach doing a flip. All she could do was nod; she couldn’t even look away from the depth of his blue eyes. It felt as if he was opening his soul to her. When he finally looked away she almost felt alone and abandoned. But he walked by her side into the shed, their boots scuffing the dirt. When they got inside, they walked their separate ways.
Soon Irene joined her and CJ told her in hushed tones what last night had brought.
‘It’s just not right or fair,’ said Irene with a heavy voice. ‘So Lindsay actually saw it too?’
‘Yeah, he probably thinks we’re all nutters.’
Irene spotted CJ’s hand. ‘Bloody hell, did your dad do this?’ She eyed off the puffy red bruising.
‘No. I smacked him one, I was so angry.’ CJ swallowed hard and turned her face away. She gave Irene a faint smile. ‘Ain’t life a box of chocolates? You never know what ya gonna get.’
‘You’re a better woman than most, CJ. I’ll talk to ya later,’ said Irene, and headed off to find a scraper.
CJ was glad for the peace. The loud noise of the shed with the whirr of the handpieces, the clanging of the wool press and the thumping of the music all helped calm her mind. They were the sounds she loved, and she felt even better when the first fleece landed on the table and she could sink her hands into the warm, soft wool. She got stuck into work, happy for the distraction the endless fleeces would bring.
That afternoon Lindsay pulled into her driveway as the afternoon warmth brought out tiny little midges. Instead of leaving, he shut off the ute and opened his door.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I left my mobile here yesterday. Is it okay if I come in and grab it?’
The whole fiasco had rattled him. It was bad enough knowing Tom had accidentally hit his daughter, but to actually see him hitting a woman, to see him hitting Dot, had knocked him off his axis. His dad may be a pain in his arse but there was no way he’d ever raise his hand to a woman. He’d been close to hitting Tom himself but CJ had beaten him to the punch – literally. No wonder her hand looked sore. He’d wanted to call the cops but then rationalised that it would just cause more complications for CJ. She probably didn’t want him interfering.
He could see the panic in CJ’s eyes now, and the fragile interior she was so strongly trying to hide. But she nodded, and they both walked inside. CJ went to the kitchen to see how her mum was going. Lindsay snuck past Tom, who was sitting on the couch watching TV, and picked up his phone on the side table.
‘Who are you?’ asked Tom.
Lindsay was going to ignore him, but instead he sat on the edge of the couch.
‘A friend of CJ’s who’s very worried about her and her mother.’
Tom twitched. His bloodshot eyes sagged.
‘Dot’s your wife, the woman you promised to love and protect… and for CJ to see you do that…’ Lindsay’s fingers clenched. ‘You may be suffering but you can’t take it out on those you’re supposed to love. In case you’d forgotten, you have an amazing daughter, and you’re missing that. Think about it,’ said Lindsay quietly before getting up and going to the kitchen.
‘Hi, Mrs Wishart,’ he said when he spotted her by the table. She was trying to hide her face and he didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, so he made a quick retreat. ‘I’ve got my phone, CJ, so I’ll head off.’
CJ followed him out to the ute and he felt her touch his arms gently. He turned to her as she dropped her hand away from him. He wished she’d kept it there. She was fidgeting and he wondered what she was thinking as her dark, blue eyes sought out his.
‘What you did back there was real nice.’ She glanced at her feet. ‘But it was all for nothing. It won’t change him. I’ve tried.’
Lindsay waited for her raise her eyes again. ‘CJ, I can see it’s hurting you. You don’t have to be so strong and hide it. It’s like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Doesn’t it get heavy?’ he asked softly. Her tears proved just how much she’d been holding it all in. Without thinking, he pulled her in close and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her arms tighten around him and it made him smile. But she pulled back all too soon. That veil of strength was back in place now, as if she’d screwed a lump of checker plate in front of her heart.
‘Thanks. You’re sweet. I’ll catch ya tomorrow, yeah?’
And then she waved and headed back into the house. How he wished he could help.
It was long after she’d shut the front door that he got in the ute and drove home. He thought of her as he drove, remembering the feel of her in his arms and how she’d let him in, even if it was only for a second.
12
ON Friday afternoon, Lindsay and CJ jumped into Lindsay’s Land Cruiser and left the shed as quickly as possible. They wanted to get the sheep in before it got too dark, and Lindsay was keen to show her around. As they drove they laughed about the trick Dave had played on Lindsay that morning. When he had arrived and gone to put on his shearing moccasins, he found they’d been nailed to the floor. It took him a while to get the nails out without wrecking his shoes; meanwhile everyone else had begun shearing. That, of course, had been Dave’s plan: slow down the faster shearer. It didn’t take Lindsay long to figure out it’d been Dave. The big fella couldn’t keep the smirk off his face, chuckling to himself while he watched Lindsay struggle to get the nails out. But Lindsay had got his own back by rounding him up and finishing the run ten sheep up on Dave. It had all been in good fun and CJ was quickly learning Lindsay had a great sense of humour. If anyone had tried that on Marty, he’d be likely to come after you with his handpiece, wanting to take your ear off.
‘CJ, you’re gonna have to help me think of a way to get Dave back,’ Lindsay said as he drove along the gravel road.
‘Hmm, I’m sure we could figure out something.’ CJ was glad they were back to this light-hearted banter, with her father forgotten. She liked Lindsay’s fun company. She was already in a good mood as it was a Friday and she was full of nervous energy, knowing tomorrow was day one of her lessons.
CJ stared out the window, watching the sun blink through the tall gum trees. She saw a ute parked on the side of the road and instantly recognised the faded red Toyota and Scabs the dog on the back of the tray. Poor Burt was trying to change a tyre. Lindsay was already slowing down to pull up. Sam began to bark at seeing his mate Scabs.
‘Hey, Burt, let me do that,’ said Lindsay, getting out and picking up the spare tyre.
CJ stopped abruptly and looked at Burt and Lindsay strangely.
Burt gingerly got up and handed Lindsay the tyre lever. ‘Go for it, mate. If I keep strugglin’ with that bloody nut, I’ll end up in the marble orchard.’
CJ shook her head. ‘You know each other?’ And since when did Burt let just anyone take over?
‘Hey, CJ.’ Burt walked over and kissed her on her forehead. She saw Lindsay watching the affectionate display with interest. ‘Yeah, Lindsay’s the one renting out the old house on the other farm. I didn’t know you two knew each other.’ Burt leaned back against Lindsay’s bullbar.
CJ, still shocked, watched Lindsay change the tyre with ease. His big hands made it look as if he was assembling a Lego car. He glanced up at CJ with curious eyes and she was caught by his striking looks. That bloody cheeky grin of his. She had the impulse to kiss his taunting lips.
‘So, what are the two of you up to, then?’ asked Burt.
Lindsay stood up. ‘This here is the rousie I’m gonna turn into a shearer. We were just off to put a mob in the shed for tomorrow.’
Burt scratched the dry, wrinkly skin on his arm. ‘It’s CJ you were talking about?’ Burt glanced at CJ, his eyes wide in awe. ‘Well, hell’s bells. You won’t find a better person to train. She’s the cream of the crop. Learns just like that,’ he said, clicking his fingers. Burt’s chest was puffed out with pride.
CJ felt her face glowing w
ith heat and looked down at her feet as she kicked at the gravel.
‘Well, come on you two whippersnappers. I’ll come give ya a hand. Thanks for helpin’ out,’ Burt said as he put the blown tyre on the back of the ute.
‘You need to get a new tyre put on, Burt, ’cos your spare is crap too,’ Lindsay warned.
Burt waved off his comments as he climbed into his rusted ute.
CJ climbed into the Land Cruiser and turned to Lindsay. ‘He’s a bit on the stingy side,’ she laughed.
‘So you know him quite well? I thought he was a bit of a loner.’
‘Yeah, I’m all he has, really. People think he’s a bit crazy but I love him to bits. He’ll try to fool you, but underneath he’s a softie.’
‘Yeah, I’m beginning to see that. And this makes it even easier, then – Burt won’t mind us using his shed. I’ve got my spare gear you can use, so you don’t have to worry about any equipment.’
CJ watched Scabs sitting happily on the back of Burt’s ute as they followed him. ‘Thanks for all this, Lindsay. I hope I can repay the favour one day.’
CJ caught his eyes for a moment. It was just a split second but it felt like minutes.
The sun was setting behind CJ as she moved the small mob of sheep forward on foot. She glanced behind her, squinting into the dying light, and could just make out Lindsay and Burt’s dark figures. Dust from the moving sheep swirled around and the yellow and orange glow spread across the sky behind them. CJ thought it would make an amazing photo: Burt’s hunched shoulders alongside Lindsay’s tall and muscly build. She’d never seen Burt take to anyone the way he’d taken to Lindsay. She felt a fraction jealous, but glad that Lindsay could bring out Burt’s soft side.