by BA Tortuga
He reached out without knowing he was going to, touching Dakota’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Nothing has been in so long that I wouldn’t know okay if it walked up and bit me on the ass.”
Jayden pulled Dakota in and hugged him. His momma would say he wasn’t a hugger, but compared to this guy, Jayden would bet he was an enthusiastic toucher.
In fact, it was a little like picking up a pit bull for a moment, and he could swear that Dakota just stopped breathing altogether for a few seconds before he managed a shaky inhalation.
Jayden thought about saying how sorry he was that Dakota had gone through what he had. A thousand platitudes streamed across his mental screen, and Jayden finally settled on saying nothing. He held on, offering warmth and comfort. He hoped.
It didn’t happen slowly, like he’d thought. Dakota didn’t ease up and begin to trust and understand that Jayden had no intentions of hurting anyone. In fact, Dakota stayed stiff as a board, holding himself like a statue for one breath after another before the balloon popped and he just slumped, muscles going slack.
Jayden stroked Dakota’s back, long touches that stayed completely—well, not impersonal, but certainly not sexual. This was about fusing together some of the broken pieces.
He knew the others had to be able to see them, and the fact that they weren’t bitching proved at least a tacit approval, right? God knew, the guys were probably hungry, and he needed to get the lead out and….
Dakota’s hands slid up his back, holding on with surprising strength, so Jayden decided the others could wait. This was important.
Sage had Win. Eric had Troy. Jayden had a life and ten thousand people who loved him. This man had nothing. Nothing but an apartment and a record and one good fucking memory at the river.
If Jayden couldn’t give Dakota anything else, he could give him this one reminder of how touch could make everything better for a bit. Right?
Dakota backed off, the little ripped body a wet dream in just about any other circumstance than this. “Thanks, man. I guess they’re waiting on us.”
“I reckon.” Jayden smiled into those dark eyes. “Anytime you need me, though, you just call, okay?” The urge to kiss that mouth hit him so hard it almost drove him to his knees, but Jayden just let it pass. That was probably kinder.
“Yeah, I appreciate it.”
“How long’s it been?”
“What?” Dakota blinked at him, confused as hell.
“Since someone held you because they cared?”
“Well, if I’m honest, I guess I’d say thirty-one and some odd years.” Dakota opened the door and held it open. “Don’t spill Sage’s stuff now.”
“I got it.” Right. He’d probably clunked Dakota in the back with that silly caddy. Jayden shook his head. Smooth.
“Good deal.”
It wasn’t until he was sitting down and eating that he heard what Dakota had said to him—really understood the words.
Never?
Not one boyfriend or girlfriend? Not anything where he thought his people loved him?
No way.
Thing was, it hadn’t sounded like drama or self-deprecation. It had sounded like a truth.
Shit, that had to be the saddest thing Jayden had ever heard. He was going to have to do something about that. Something more than one hug, he guessed, since he’d already taken action. That was Jayden. Action man.
Super Lawyer with his sidekick… uh…. Research Mom? Dude, he needed to hang out with his friends more if he chose Mom first.
Jayden grinned. At least he knew who his number one fan was.
“You look like a monkey,” Troy said, tossing a napkin at him. “What are you grinning at?”
“I was thinking about my mom.”
“Yeah? Is she still… with us?”
“She’s in Dallas, which is sort of with us. Hell, she’s in Dallas with more frequent flyer miles than she’ll ever spend and comes to Austin for lunch on a whim, so hell yes, she’s still with us.”
“No shit?” Eric hooted. “She sounds awesome. Somehow now I’m picturing her having lunch with Troy’s and Sage’s mommas. That would be a hoot.”
“It would. Totally.” He scooped up a bite of potato salad that was better than anything from the HEB. “What’s your mom like, Sage?”
“She’s amazing. She lives up in Greenville so she can watch her grandbaby, but she visits all the time. She’s just folks—down to earth and all, but I wouldn’t give for her. Her and Adam’s momma get into all kinds of trouble together, along with Adam’s aunt.”
“Yeah? They get along, huh?” Jayden thought that sounded hilarious, because he knew Win and Sage were from opposite sides of the tracks.
“Sure. My momma and Adam’s aunt are best friends. They came down for Thanksgiving, and we had the day after with Troy’s people. Man, that was a party and a half.”
Eric snorted. “Shee-it. Troy’s got enough people for everyone. It wasn’t a party. It was a knock-down, drag-out free-for-all with cake.”
“Eric got a little wild around the eyes with all my family,” Troy said.
“You don’t have a lot of family, Eric?” Dakota asked quietly.
Eric rolled his eyes. “Tons. None of them speak to me. I’m a dirty fag, you know?”
“I do. I’m a dirty fag that raped a nice girl.”
“Both of you stop that shit right now,” Sage snapped. “I will not have that sort of language here. Y’all ain’t nasty or dirty or nothin’, and I won’t hear it.”
Dakota blinked over like a startled owl, but it was Eric that surprised him, the man obviously shocked. Troy, though, Golden Boy just nodded.
“Exactly. Quit being drama queens and suck it up. No one wants to hear your whining.”
“I will beat you, babe,” Eric threatened.
“Promise?” Butter wouldn’t melt in Troy’s mouth.
“Not at the table.” Sage smiled a little now, expression rueful. “Y’all behave.”
“Yes, Mom,” Troy sang out.
Jayden realized right about then how lucky he was to have his mom and dad on his side no matter what.
“My dad’s a retired cop and my mom’s a professor. They’re like Mutt and Jeff.”
Sage shot Jayden a grin. “Adam would get along with your dad, I bet. He loved working in law enforcement.”
“He’s a freak of nature,” Jayden agreed, and he meant his dad and Win, both. “Mom was tickled when he finally retired without getting his ass shot.”
“I bet. Adam managed to get through the service and the sheriff’s department. Now if he only survives being a small business owner….” Sage actually smiled, actually winked, but there was some deep shit there.
Something Adam needed to deal with. Jayden had thought it was anger, but he wondered now. Sage had this look he couldn’t figure.
Maybe he’d mention it when Win got home. Jayden was a nosy bastard. Shit, how many beers had he had?
Too many or possibly not enough if he was pondering playing matchmaker or marriage counselor or whatever.
That was not his motherfucking job, full stop.
Right. Now. Not his job. Wasn’t his job to rescue Dakota Landry either. Or to try and make Eric Tremaine’s family apologize.
“You okay?” Dakota asked, surprising the heck out of Jayden.
“Yeah. Getting maudlin, though, so I think I’ll switch to Dr Pepper. Goes better with the food.” That last third of his Bud was pretty warm and rank anyway.
“I love that word, maudlin.”
Jayden nodded, loving the little grin that played on Dakota’s mouth. “I do too. And detritus. I love that one.”
“Yeah. And there’s peculiar. Such a weird-assed word.”
“Y’all are strange,” Troy said. “Weirdos.”
“Just because we know more words than you.” Was that Dakota teasing?
“I bet y’all do crosswords, don’t you?” Troy shot back, and Dakota nodded.
“Eve
ry day, you Neanderthal.”
“In pen,” Jayden deadpanned.
“Do they let you have pens in prison, Dakota?”
“Troy!” Eric’s tone was pure shock and more than a little horror, and to Troy’s credit, the apologies started immediately.
Dakota made a strangled little sound, and Jayden was fixin’ to come to the man’s rescue when that happy, bright laughter rang out, filling the night sky.
Sage joined in, his laughter deeper but just as merry. Yeah, that was what they needed. All of them. What a motley bunch they were.
The only thing they were missing was Mr. Winchester, and he’d bet his bottom dollar Win was missing the hell out of home too.
Yeah, he was definitely gonna chat with Win, who was his in with this crowd and deserved to know what he was losing out on.
After s’mores and sleeping on the couch.
Chapter Ten
DAKOTA HELPED pour Jayden into bed, the man still mostly asleep from where they’d been watching The Big Bang Theory.
“I c’n take the sofa….” Jayden started snoring again right away.
“He’s not a big drinker, huh?” Sage grinned over the bed before nodding down toward Jayden’s feet. “Grab his flip-flops, would you?”
“Sure.” No. He’d seen Jayden drink, what?—three beers, four over six hours. The guy was a lightweight and just totally pooped, he thought. Maybe Jayden wasn’t really working just forty-hour weeks. “I’ll grab him a water and a couple Tylenol to put on the bed stand.”
“Thanks, man. I’m gonna go put the rest of that food in the fridge. Tylenol is in the bathroom medicine cabinet.”
“Yes, sir.” He got Jayden water and medicine, carefully putting them both on the bedside table.
He jumped about a mile when Jayden’s hand landed on his wrist, fingers closing around his arm.
“You okay?” Jayden murmured.
“I’m fine. You want a blanket?” God, Jayden’s hand was so hot.
“Please.” Jayden laughed. “I can get it. They have to be in the closet, right?”
“There’s nothing around here in the closet.”
“No?” That got him another laugh, warm and husky.
“No. We’re all pretty out and about, for good or bad.” Dork. God, he didn’t want to think Jayden was pretty.
“This is true.” Jayden sighed. “Did I embarrass myself?”
“When?” He didn’t remember any embarrassing, really.
“At any time during the evening. I don’t ever have more than one with supper.” Jayden was… petting him, thumb sliding over his skin.
“No. No, you were fine. You didn’t drive, you didn’t goose anyone, and you kept your pants on.”
“Oh, good deal.”
Jayden let him go, and for a moment, the disappointment hit Dakota hard. Hard enough that he stepped back, rubbing his arm.
“You okay?”
“Fine. Just fine. Let me find that blanket.” Let me hide my face for a second.
“Did I hurt you?” Jayden sat up, frowning, staring at him in the low light.
“God, no. You…. You didn’t hurt me. I don’t think you know how to really hurt someone.” Thank God. Jayden seemed like a good guy. Like a genuine real good person.
“My weapon is always words. I can be evil when I want to.” Jayden flopped back dramatically. “My momma, now, she’s way worse.”
“It’s okay. I mean, I guess it’s okay? I mean, you’re fine.” You just make me stupid. That’s all. Stupid and a little hard, and you hugged me? Why the fuck did you do that? It was so cool!
“I try.” Jayden rolled his head over and looked at Dakota again. “I really like you a lot, man.”
“Why?” Why would anyone like him?
“There’s something about you. You’re really funny when you don’t think anyone is listening, you have a great laugh, and I think you’re brave as hell.”
“Oh.” He had no idea what to say to that, really, so he went with “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I’m crapping out on y’all. You sure you don’t want to sleep in here?”
“No. No, you’re in the bed already. You’re settled. It’s all good.” And he was going to jack off to the thought of Jayden stretched out like that for weeks. Maybe tonight in the shower. Was that weird? That was weird to do in Sage’s house. Hell, these days he was just happy that erect was on the menu. “Uh. Good night.”
“Night, Dakota.”
“Good night.” He patted Jayden’s arm, trying to keep it light but really wanting to just feel, one more time.
Then he turned tail and ran before he bent down and kissed Jayden or something equally stupid. That wouldn’t be brave; that would probably just be really dumb.
Sage was sitting there in the front room, watching the television and drinking a huge glass of iced tea. “I left you a glass in the pass-through, man.”
“You rock. Thank you ever so.”
“No problem.” Sage chuckled. “I got this urge to eat a whole bag of chips. You ever feel like that?”
“God yes.” When he was a kid, he could power down two double Quarter Pounders with cheese and a twenty-piece Chicken McNuggets for a snack. He got being hungry in your soul.
“I reckon it was a good day, though. I think it’s just quiet now that Troy and Eric went home.” Sage chuckled. “You tell me when you want to sleep and I’ll get out of your way.”
“We can sit and visit. I’d like that.” Sage was easy. Sage knew. Sage had been there too.
“That sounds good.” Sage beckoned him to come sit.
He grabbed his glass of tea and headed over, plopped down on the sofa. “Thanks for supper, by the way. It was real good.”
“I like to grill out.” Sage rocked a little, the recliner sliding back and forth.
“I want to try it sometime. There’s one at the apartments that uses charcoal like yours.”
“Well, anytime you need some advice, you holler.” They sat there together, neither of them feeling like they had to talk, he reckoned.
They watched NCIS, chuckling at Gibbs, discussing whether or not the man was hot and whether he was together with Franks or not.
“They were totally doing it,” Dakota said.
“You don’t think it was him and Tony, man?”
“Tony is straight.” Dakota knew that type. So straight that thinking of gay men just meant “More boobies for me.”
Those were the ones you had to watch when you were inside. They’d fuck you, then try to kill you. Dakota pushed the thought away. None of that. Not right before bed, anyway.
Sage handed him the remote after the episode was done. “I’m fixin’ to go to bed, see if Adam’s available for a chat. Let me grab you a pillow and a blanket, huh?”
“I know where they are, Sage. I’ll get them.”
“Okay, cool. If you need me, you know where I am.” Sage always said that, and he thought Sage meant it too.
“Night.” He headed down the hall and pulled a pillow and a comforter out of the linen closet. When he got back to the front room, Sage was gone, and he had the whole place to himself. It was strange, to be fixin’ to sleep in such a big room.
He sort of wanted to sleep in Sage’s recliner, a smaller space, but that wasn’t cool. You didn’t sleep in another man’s chair.
So he fluffed the pillow and took off his shoes so he could settle on the couch. He pulled up the blanket, then began flipping channels.
He found something old and familiar, something from high school with a laugh track. That would keep him company in case he couldn’t sleep, which he thought might be the situation. It was so… big, this room. So big and so dark and so…. God, when had he become scared of everything? Had he always been a coward? Probably, huh? Christ.
Maybe he was braver now. He’d touched Jayden, hadn’t he? That had been shivery good.
There was a mean part of him that laughed, though, and pointed out that he had been fucked in bath
rooms, over industrial washers, over sinks filled with dirty dishes. At knifepoint, unconscious, and just to be allowed to sleep for five hours in a row. He had been a whore, and that was never going to change.
The thought dissolved those shivery feelings and left him reaching for the remote, the blanket wrapped tight around him. He felt five again, as if his feet would be safe from monsters as long as they were covered.
The first night in the prison had seemed so fucking loud, and he’d begged God that night to kill him, to just stop his heart, but it hadn’t happened. Dakota figured there was something he was supposed to learn, something he was supposed to know by now, but he just didn’t.
He curled his legs under him, his eyes squeezed tight as he wished for the fucking monsters to either kill him or go the fuck away.
Dakota panted, sweat making him feel clammy.
He fought to suck in air, to get a breath. Just one breath. He kicked at the armrest, feeling just like he was back inside, maybe locked in the laundry overnight or going to solitary for a few days.
Someone was in his cell. He could hear them. He could feel them, coming toward him, and he held his breath.
A hand landed on his foot, shaking him awake.
He shoved his fist in his mouth, muffling his scream. He couldn’t wake up the whole block.
“Dakota? Are you okay?”
He jerked upright, his heart slamming so hard his ribs felt tight.
“Hey. Hey, you were having a nightmare.” Jayden. It was Jayden.
“Oh. Oh God.” He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe. Oh God.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jayden thunked down on his knees next to the couch. “I could hear you.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“It’s okay. As long as you’re all right.”
“Uh-huh.” Never. He was never going to be all right again, and that sucked because he wasn’t all that old.
“You sure? You want some water?”
He nodded, swallowing hard, trying to get the bile back down.
“Be right back.” Jayden hopped up and ran to the kitchen, then came back moments later with an ice-cold bottle of water.
He drank deep, the cold water splashing in his gut, washing the dream away. He felt the cobwebs clearing, felt his skin warm up.