Chapter 3
I went to bed that night with a sense of wonder that was tinged with fear. It was only normal to be afraid, I told myself. The world could be a big, scary place and trying to navigate it alone could be even scarier. I didn’t even want to think about the financial aspects of the situation, but it was impossible not to worry. Joe had worked all of his life as a mason, but it hadn’t left us with much in the bank.
I tossed and turned through the night and finally fell asleep when the moon rose over the valley. When I woke up the next morning, a blanket of snow covered Bozeman and the sun shone bright over the mountain range in the distance. I reached for a sweater and a pair of jeans, then yanked on my boots and headed downstairs. It pained me that Joe wasn’t here to see how beautiful it looked outside, but I knew that his spirit could sense that it was another beautiful morning in Montana.
“Hey, Rebecca. It’s Alyssa. I’m heading out to pick up a few bales of hay for Lizzie, and I’m thinking about going to get some tea afterward. Want to meet me at Gina’s?” I wanted to get out of the house. The heavy weight of sadness that had ensnared me for the last two months felt like it was fighting its way off my body. I concentrated my thoughts on the new life that was growing inside me and tried to think of ways that I could forge ahead with grace and ease.
I walked downstairs and fished around for the keys to Joey’s old F-150, then I got my purse and headed out the door. I stood for a second and looked at the truck, remembering the first day that he drove it home. He’d been so proud and excited. Choking back a tear, I opened up the driver’s side door and climbed up into the cab.
The snow covered road crunched under the weight of the tires as I drove slowly around the curves that lead into downtown Bozeman. I got to the feed store just as the sun retreated behind the clouds, and I looked up with curiosity, wondering if it would snow again, already. Logan Fisher, a long-time employee and old friend of Joe’s, knew exactly what I wanted without me even asking. “I got three fresh bales waiting for you out back. Drive her around and you’re all set.” He gave me a friendly wink and then went back behind the register.
If there was one quality that I loved about Montana, it was the loyalty and the trustworthiness of its residents. Even though we had a heavy college-aged population, Bozeman was still a homegrown sort of mountain town that made me feel like I had known its inhabitants forever. I knew that Logan missed Joe terribly, and it was hard for either one of us to say much when we saw each other.
I drove around to the back of the store and one of the younger employees tossed the bales into the back of the truck. I thanked him and then drove off toward Gina’s. Along the way I passed Don’s Fish and Tackle, one of Joe’s favorite stores. I fought back a tear and tried to focus on sitting down with Rebecca to a comforting cup of tea.
“Over here!” she waved me down as soon as I opened the door. I kicked off the snow from my boots and then walked toward her, a smile on my face as soon as we made eye contact. “Sit down. I already ordered you a chamomile and put some honey in it for you.” I laughed at Rebecca’s forward yet generous nature.
“Thanks, Rebecca. You’re the best. Really.” I lifted up the mug she had set before me and blew the steam off the top. Then I took a long sip and placed it back on its saucer. The sun had tucked itself behind a thick accumulation of clouds and I wondered how soon before we were in the midst of another snowfall.
“How are you feeling?” She smiled and then took a sip of her coffee.
“I’m okay. But I have some serious planning to do. I mean, I don’t have a job, Rebecca. And Joe didn’t leave much in the savings account that we shared. In fact, most of what he made right before the accident was sent over to his brother when he lost his house in that fire. Bless Joes’ heart, he was a good man and he was awfully generous, but it didn’t put us in much of a position to handle a situation like this.” I shook my head and looked at Rebecca for consolation.
“Let’s put our heads together and think about what you can do here.” She looked at me and smiled, then took another sip of her tea. “You know I told Manfred as soon as I got in. He’s completely excited for you.” Rebecca reached across the table and grabbed my arm with her hand. “This is really going to be great, Alyssa. Don’t worry so much.” She winked and I sighed. Easier said than done, I thought.
I got up to use the bathroom after I had finished my tea and then stopped to look at the bulletin board before making my way back to the table. A tiny brown square of card-stock tacked to the top of the board caught my eye. Need money fast? Avalanche Saloon is hiring for all positions. Must be efficient, personable and responsible. Stop by in person and ask for Tim Deshane if interested. I tilted my head in brief contemplation, then walked back to the table.
“Can you see me working as a waitress?” I sat down and eyed Rebecca with a serious tone. She sipped her coffee and then coked her head in thought.
“Waitress?” She asked out loud, as if it would lead her to an answer. “I think that if you have a baby to take care of, I can picture you doing anything that pays the bills.” She knew that I was a hard worker and that I already had quite a few connections in town. I wasn’t so sure that she thought I’d be a great fit over at Avalanche, but like she said- if it paid the bills, then it suited the purpose.
“I’m going to walkover there after we finish here.” I nodded my head in affirmation, then looked outside as the snow started to fall. “I knew it.” I craned my neck and watched as the sky grew even grayer. “I bet you we get another foot tonight.” I looked outside and watched as a group of college-aged kids rough-housed on the side of the road.
“I hope you get the job if you really want it.” Rebecca nodded her head and then pulled a few dollars out of her purse. “The tea’s on me today.” She smiled and then we both got up and reached for our coats. “Hey, by the way- are you going to get everything conformed with the doctor soon?” She always had good questions.
“Yep. I already made an appointment with Doctor Crawford. I think I’m about 3 months along.” I nodded my head and tried to do the math in my head. Rebecca nodded with interest. “I bet you it’s a girl, too.” I wasn’t sure where that spontaneous statement came from, but I chuckled once it came out. Rebecca smiled.
“Give me a call and let me know how it goes.” Rebecca gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and then we both turned and headed for the door. When we got outside, it was snowing heavily. We parted ways and I walked with a determined step until I reached the front of Avalanche. It stood out from all the other restaurants on the street because of its elaborate, hand-painted mural at the entrance.
Stopping at Avalanche for a beer after work had been one of Joe’s simple pleasures. I could still remember the day he told me about the new art work that they had done. “You ought to see it, Liss. This guy painted an entire mountain landscape scene, and there’s big-horn sheep, too. It’s pretty impressive.” Joe had always had an interest in art, and I thought of him as soon as I reached the front steps. I sighed to myself and then slowly pulled back the long, wooden handle and opened the door.
The bar was packed, even at this time of day. A few younger men who looked like they had just finished snowboarding sat at one end of the bar drinking beer, and another group of older men sat on the other end sipping brandy. I craned my neck to see if I could spot Tim Deshane, and just as I was about to walk toward the kitchen, I saw another group of older men step inside the bar.
Avalanche always attracted a mixed crowd- everyone from college students to young ranchers, laborers and small business owners liked to stop here to have a drink and catch up with friends. The décor was a mixture of modern and classic décor, with lots of white pine and oak furnishing. I thought of how much Joe would have enjoyed sitting down for a drink on a snowy day like this, and my eyes welled with tears. Just as I was about to excuse myself and go outside to cry, Tim appeared from the kitchen.
“Hello there, Alyssa. How are you?” His ruddy face greeted
me with a concerned and empathetic smile.
“I’m hanging in there, Tim. Thanks.” I nodded my head and then stuffed my hands in my pockets. I felt awkward asking him for a job. Maybe I had too much pride, having always been a homemaker with a husband to support me. I didn’t know why I felt so out of place, but it was difficult to bring myself to speak.
“What brings you to the trusty Avalanche on a wintry day like today?” He smiled and then walked behind the bar.
I swallowed hard and then forced out a wry smile. “Well, Tim…’ My voice trailed off and then I drew in a deep breath. “Well, I was at Gina’s today with a friend, and I saw your ad on the bulletin board.” I smoothed down my hair and then looked shuffled my feet a few times.
“You’re interested in my waitress position?” Tim handed one of the snowboarders a frosty mug of beer, then stood back with his hands on his hips.
“Yes. Actually, I’m very interested.” I smiled and a sense of relief permeated my body.
“Wow. I never took you for the waitressing type, Alyssa.” Tim cocked his head to the side and then poured another beer for a customer. I started to feel like I shouldn’t have come inside. Maybe he thought I was too old, or too desperate. I looked around the bar and saw a few young, attractive women giggling and playing with their hair.
“Well…” I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say. I felt stupid for even asking him about the position, and decided to tell him to forget I had even asked.
“Can you start this weekend?” He raised his eyebrows and then stuffed an empty glass in the sink that he had filled with sudsy water. My heart leapt with surprise. Had he just hired me?
“I’m hired?” I looked at him with wide eyes and he just smiled. I nodded my head and realized that he had hired me out of sympathy. At the same time, I knew that he trusted my ability to work hard, and to make sure that I did the best job that I could.
“Tim.” I stepped closer toward the bar and he waved me away.
“Don’t worry about it, Alyssa. I got you covered. Just make sure you’re here by three, and wear something…” His voice trailed off and then he shrugged. “What am I saying?” He chuckled and then sighed.
“You want me to wear something hip and attractive. I know the deal.” I smiled and then turned around to leave. The bar had gotten packed and noisy with patrons. I stopped and then turned my head. “Hey, Tim,” I called. “Thanks for helping me out. Joey would really appreciate it.” I choked back a tear while Tim just nodded his head and sighed.
The snowboarders demanded more drinks so Tim went back to pouring beers. I lowered my head and stared at the floor, then reached for a tissue and headed for the door. A group of women walked in, laughing and shaking the snow out of their hair. I flipped my hair over my shoulder and then wrapped my scarf around my neck. The women flitted to the bar and I watched them for a few minutes before finally stepping out of Avalanche Saloon and into the Montana snow.
Chapter 4
“I got the job.” I sat down at the kitchen table and spoke to Rebecca over the phone. “He felt bad for me.” I played with a spoon while I talked, trying to distract myself form the fact that I’d soon be serving drinks on the weekends to a crowd of lustful young men. The thought of it sent an uneasy wave of anxiety through my chest.
“Congratulations. It’s what you wanted, right?” Rebecca sounded matter-of-fact and I appreciated her honesty.
“Yeah. I mean, it’ll get me through this phase of my life. I don’t have room to be ungrateful, or even picky. I just need to start generating an income fast.” I drew in a deep breath and then got up to boil some water. My nausea had kicked in again, and I felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue drape over me like a sopping wet blanket.
“You can always just see how it goes and then look for something else if it’s not a good fit.” Rebecca offered her advice and I nodded my head. There was really no point in worrying about it now. I’d simply have to show up and make the best of it. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Rebecca had to help Cherry with her homework, so we ended our conversation and I rustled around in the kitchen for a tea bag.
Just as I was about to pour my hot water, I noticed that Lizzie was standing close to the edge of the corral. I opened up the back door and whistled. She tossed her head to and fro, then turned around and walked slowly back to the barn. Joe used to go outside and feed her an apple around this time, and it hurt me to realize that she probably missed him, too. I dropped a lemon tea bag into my mug of hot water, then closed the door and walked up the creaking, wooden steps that led to the bedroom.
“Hi, Misty. It’s Alyssa. I know. It has definitely been awhile.” I smiled and then sat on the edge of the bed with my tea. “I was wondering if you were working tomorrow. I just got a job over at Avalanche Saloon and I wanted to pick out some new clothes.” I knew that Misty would be happy to see me. Her husband, Rick, had been close with Joe, and the two often went snowshoeing together.
“I’d love to put a few pieces together for you, Alyssa!” I could feel Misty’s enthusiasm through the receiver.
“Great. I’ll stop by around ten.” I smiled and then hung up the phone. Misty worked at Backcountry Boutique, a cute mountain apparel store that had a wide selection of chic clothing for men and women. I had no idea what I wanted to buy, but I knew that my faded jeans and woolen sweaters weren’t going to cut it at Avalanche.
When I walked in to see Misty the next morning, she greeted me with an embrace and a smile. “Oh, Alyssa. I’ve been thinking about you so much lately. I can’t imagine how tough it’s been for you.” Misty looked at me with her big brown eyes and then took me by the hand. “Come on back. We’ve got a ton of new stuff in.” She smiled and sauntered to the back of the store, her long blond hair trailing behind her back in a golden cascade.
“You know, I’m a little nervous about working as a waitress.” I smiled at Misty as she pulled a red waffle knit shirt off the rack.
“How about this, Alyssa? It’s got a nice low cut in the front but it doesn’t look slutty.” She held it up to my chest and then draped it over her forearm. “Or…” She paused and then pulled a green off-the shoulder sweater off the rack. “There’s this.” She held it out in front of her and put a finger on her chin. “I think I like the red one better.” She scrunched her nose and put the sweater back on the rack.
I skimmed through a few of the shirts and then wandered away to look at the pants. How would I size myself? I wasn’t showing yet but I wanted to buy clothes that would still fit me in a few months. Should I even tell Misty that I was pregnant? Or should I just have her direct me to the elastic band pants? I felt clueless and bewildered.
“Hey, Alyssa. What do you think about these fitted cotton skirts?” Misty pulled a few of the rack. I knew immediately that they were perfect. “They have a sort of bohemian vibe to them but they’re still classy and hip.” Misty draped a few over my arm and then guided me to the fitting room.
“Thanks, Misty.” I smiled and then plopped my clothes onto the fitting room bench and started to undress. Once I had taken off my clothes, I stared at myself in the full-length mirror. A life of horseback riding and gardening had put me in pretty good shape. My thighs were still firm and my breasts were full and round. My stomach was still flat, and I placed my palm over it, then smiled. In just a few months, my belly would be big and round with a little person balled up inside of it.
“So what did you decide?” Misty appeared outside the fitting room door, anxious to hear of my decisions. I laughed, then quickly threw on one of the skirts and the red waffle knit shirt.
“The red shirt and the black skirt are prefect.” I smiled and then threw open the door. Misty stood with her hands on her hips, an affirmative expression on her face.
“Perfect, Alyssa.” She nodded her head and then smiled. That outfit looks like it was made just for you.” She gave my forearm a squeeze and then turned around to walk away. “Come on up to register two when you’re dressed. I
can give you a friend discount.” She winked and then strutted away. I closed the fitting room door and gave myself a good look in the mirror. For the first time in two months, I liked what I saw. A spark of life shined through and I felt some of the weight lift from my soul.
I thought about how my first night at Avalanche would go, and then smiled. How bad could it really be? I would just go in and do my job, making sure that I worked as hard as I could. I pulled the shirt over my head and slid my wool sweater back on. Then I wriggled out of the skirt and put it back on the hanger. I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me and I fought the urge to lie down on the fitting room bench. Then I put my jeans on, collected my clothes, and headed up to the register.
Misty rang me up and wished me luck. I slung my bag over my shoulder and left Backcountry Boutique feeling confident and attractive. I had some new clothes, a new job, and a new life growing inside me. I was going to participate in life again, and set aside my despair for the sake of the future.
When I got home I set the bag on the floor and climbed onto the couch. I closed my eyes and thought about Joe, remembering how he used to kiss me every night before going to bed. A tear rolled down my face and I wiped it off with the back of my hand. I propped my head on a pillow and closed my eyes, the weight of exhaustion seeping into my face. Then I imagined Joey by my side, and drifted peacefully off to sleep.
Chapter 5
“Hey, lady. Over here.” It was only six o’clock, and I was already exhausted from all of the running. I had poured at least three rounds of beer for the group of men who sat at the bar, and they still had demands that apparently weren’t being met. I hustled to the end of the bar to see what they wanted now.
Romance: Luther's Property Page 17