Doug and Margery Hastings were strict, some might say domineering. They’d had Jenny late in their lives, when they had their routines set in stone, and neither of them once considered that the routines they craved might be oppressive to the daughter they loved. And she’d never told them, because telling them would disrupt their routines more than if she just went along. So she went along with them.
Jenny had thought things would be different when she married Adam. They wouldn’t be set in their ways, they would be caring toward one another. But in the end, she had gone along with Adam, just as she had gone along with her parents, and now here she was, adrift.
She had no plan, no goal to work toward.
She was alone in the darkness of this new life, just as she was alone in the darkness of her bedroom.
She didn’t want to be in the dark.
“I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered into the darkness.
The darkness didn’t answer.
CHAPTER FOUR
JENNY CRADLED THE phone between her cheek and shoulder, listening as Aiden, her husband’s twin, told her he hadn’t gotten on the plane. The flight he’d promised her the day before he wouldn’t miss. His voice crackled over the line, and she wondered as she looked at the brilliant blue of the morning sky in Missouri how whatever weather system was moving through California might impact Aiden’s travel plans. She needed Aiden here. Adam needed him here.
“Did they shut down the flights out of San Diego?”
“No, I just decided to drive. I’m about to cross into Texas.”
Driving. From San Diego to Slippery Rock? That didn’t make sense.
“But you’ll be in today?”
“More like tomorrow afternoon.”
Jenny bit her tongue. She wouldn’t lash out at Aiden; he knew the situation.
“I know I said I’d catch the flight, Jen, but I needed a little time alone. You know, Slippery Rock is like a whole other country compared to California.”
And Aiden was a different person since going off to San Diego five years before. He’d been the one adrift then, reeling from a bad breakup, wanting to do more than install cabinets for his father for the rest of his life. Adam had been the rock at that time, the one to tell him to go off and have his fun. Now, when Adam needed him, Aiden was taking his time returning the favor. She didn’t understand it.
Not even when the two of them had been in the accident in high school had Adam been this adrift. Both of the men had been sheltered, to some extent, by their helicopter mother. Jenny loved Nancy Buchanan, but before the tornado she had never truly stopped to consider just how interfering her mother-in-law was. To tell the truth, it had been nice having a parent—in her case a parent figure—so involved in their lives. Her own parents were too busy with their own lives to worry much about what Jenny and Adam were doing across town. They’d visited Adam in the hospital only once, hadn’t offered to help out around the house. Not that Jenny had expected them to offer. She didn’t want them to feel obligated, not really, but it would be nice to know she wasn’t so...alone.
She was beginning to hate that word. Since she’d first allowed it to pass her lips the night before, it had rolled around in her mind on a near-constant loop.
“He needs you, Aiden,” she said.
“I know, Jen.” Aiden’s voice was a huskier version of Adam’s. “But I’m not going to be any good to him or to you or, hell, the business, if I swoop in on the morning flight. Why don’t I drop by the house around six tomorrow evening? I’ll bring dinner.”
Since she didn’t have a choice, Jenny agreed. She hung up and finished the boys’ lunches. One more day. She could deal with Owen and Nancy at the cabinetry shop one more day, could keep Adam’s spirits up one more day, could... Damn, she needed to run that load of pink-striped laundry again. She shoved the brown bag lunches in their respective backpacks and hurried down the hall. Only to find Adam in the room, folding newly brightened whites. The washer was still going.
“I separated them out this morning. Whites first, colors are going now.”
Jenny blinked, thinking this had to be a figment of her imagination. But when she opened her eyes, Adam was still there, standing at the folding counter with the wheelchair discarded by the washing machine.
“Adam,” she said, and although she wanted to inspect the clothes he folded, she didn’t.
“I made the mess,” he said. “I figured I could clean it up.”
“Oh. I, um. Thank you. I could have taken care of it.”
“I know. But you asked me to do it.” He leaned a hip against the counter, the way he’d done in the kitchen a million times. Funny, before yesterday and then this morning, she didn’t think he’d ever set foot in the laundry room. He looked at home here. As if he folded the laundry every day.
A man folding laundry should really not make her heart pound in her chest like this, though. Jenny stepped back. She didn’t need any heart-pounding moments in a laundry room with Adam. He was just being nice. Folding a load of whites didn’t change anything, not really.
Before she could say anything, the boys’ stomping feet clattered down the stairway. Frankie was yelling at Garrett, who was chattering as if Frankie were actually listening to him. Typical morning.
“I’ll get breakfast and walk the boys to school. We have a client meeting at the warehouse this morning. A new construction company may want to contract with us.”
“What about the distributor in Springfield? Can we spare the manpower for more cabinets and still meet the demands for the furniture?”
Jenny shook her head and grimaced. “Your father canceled the meeting while you were still in the hospital. And told him on several other occasions that Buchanan’s was only a cabinet shop. I’m still working to get him on board.”
Adam blinked as if this was news to him. She’d told him at least three times about his father’s meddling in the family business. How Owen had taken their plans to expand Buchanan’s and basically spit on them.
“You didn’t stop him?” he asked.
“I was a little busy at the time. You know, I had a husband in a hospital two hours away, two boys who were terrified of their shadows, a house and yard to care for. Not to mention a dozen other contracts to protect from your father’s helping hands.” The words were laced with sarcasm, but Jenny didn’t care.
She’d had it with the whole Buchanan clan, as much as she loved every single one of them. Owen and Nancy would never see the business as more than what they had worked to make it, and neither would admit Adam was more than a twelve-year-old who needed their guidance. Aiden had called almost daily, but she’d told him over and over not to come. Until she realized a couple weeks ago that she was losing her grip not only on the business, but her boys. And Adam. Now that he’d agreed to come back, Aiden was taking his sweet time getting here.
And Adam just kept sliding away. He’d been moping around the house for months, rude to the doctors trying to help him, unavailable to comfort or care for their children...and he’d acted as if she existed only to force him to go to doctors’ appointments he didn’t want to attend.
“It’s our business, Jen, not his. Not theirs. We—”
“What’s this we you’re talking about? Yeah, we both signed the papers when they retired three years ago, and yes, we were both working on the expansion. But since the tornado it’s been me. I’ve paid the bills, ordered materials, approved layouts and figured out design issues.”
She could hear the boys in the kitchen, debating the merits of the mini muffins she’d left on the table for them against the sugary goodness of their favorite cereal. She intentionally lowered her voice. They didn’t need to hear their parents arguing, not on top of everything else. “I was the one who got the extension from the distributor in the first place, and I’m the one who has bee
n busting my ass to win him back since your father treated him like a pariah. I begged you to go with me to a meeting last month, and all you did was stare out that damn window, feeling sorry for yourself. And now you’re surprised that, because you folded a freaking load of laundry, the life we’d been building is falling down around our ears?”
“What was I supposed to do? Go in this wheelchair? So he could take us on out of pity?” Adam put a hand on her arm, but Jenny jerked away from him.
“No, you were supposed to go as Adam Buchanan, a damn fine furniture designer. A man who, yeah, is temporarily in a wheelchair. The wheelchair doesn’t stop your mind from working.”
“No, the epilepsy does that,” he said, the words dripping with sarcasm.
“Temporarily. They’ll figure out a medication regimen—you heard the doctor. You’ll get the surgery for your hip and knee, and you’ll have your life back.” Jenny held her hands out at her sides. What wasn’t he understanding about this? “But you couldn’t even do a load of laundry without calling your mom for help. You know what that means, don’t you? It means for the first hour that I’m at work today, instead of actually working, I’ll be listening to her lecture me on your condition, as if I don’t already know it by heart.”
“I’ll call my mom—”
“No. No, I’ll deal with it, just like I’ve been dealing with everything else. But let me tell you one thing that you don’t know. I’m done, Adam. I’m done. I’ve been the supportive wife. I’ve been encouraging since the accident, and I’ve tried everything I know to help you deal with this. I still believe they’ll find the right medications, and I still hope that somehow the epilepsy won’t be permanent. When they find the right meds, and if the epilepsy goes away, I’ll be cheering for you.”
Jenny squeezed the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “I hate that I’m angry. God, I don’t want to be angry at you. I’ve done my best to just be angry with the tornado or the destruction, but I’m not just angry about that. I can’t be the supportive wife when you refuse to be the husband who at least tries to deal with his condition. I can’t hold your hand while you refuse to even consider how to make this new life work for you.”
Adam’s face was a strange shade of red, as if he was just as angry as she. Maybe he was. He should be. Yes, the tornado had been awful, but he was still here. Alive. He had two amazing boys who were unhurt. Parents and a twin who loved him. He had had her, right up until the moment he’d called his mother to do the laundry. Jenny knew it was a silly thing to throw her over the edge. That should have gone to his refusal to meet with the service dog company, or his lies to the doctor trying to fix his brain. She shook her head as she picked up a pair of Frankie’s shorts. Carefully, she folded the garment into a square.
“I know about separating out the loads, now. It’s not that big a deal.” The redness had gone from his face. Adam tossed an unfolded pair of the boy’s underwear atop the carefully folded shorts, then a haphazardly folded T-shirt.
Jenny had thought Adam calling his mother to do their laundry was the last straw. It wasn’t. The carelessness with which he said the words and tossed the underwear made up that final straw. These things mattered. His involvement mattered.
His noninvolvement mattered even more. She was not going to go through her life desperately waiting for him to take an interest; she’d had enough of that as a child.
“I think you should move out,” she said, and she hated that her voice cracked over the words. She didn’t want him to go, but she couldn’t bear to watch him fade away like he’d been doing for the past three months. The boys deserved better.
She deserved better.
“Jenny, come on.”
She fled from the room before he could stop her, and didn’t pause at the kitchen to check on the boys. She didn’t slow down until her back was pressed against the closed door of their bedroom. She held a hand against her chest, felt her heart banging against her sternum, and refused to cry.
Laundry was supposed to be her first battleground, and it was killing her that it would be the only one. Fighting required two people—she couldn’t do it alone.
And she was through crying for Adam, for the life they’d had before the tornado.
She might still be alone, but she didn’t have to stay in the darkness.
CHAPTER FIVE
ADAM SAT IN the hallway between the laundry room and the kitchen for a long time, waiting for Jenny to come back. She always came back. Of course, she’d never spoken to him like that before. He couldn’t remember a single time she’d raised her voice—not that she’d raised her voice just now—or been anything other than a younger version of his mother. Nancy followed Owen’s lead. That was how marriage was supposed to work, wasn’t it?
Was that even what Adam wanted? For Jenny to be some kind of clone of his mother, a woman who loved her husband and kids, but who had never made a decision that wasn’t based on what was best for someone else?
He listened for footsteps in the hallway, but the house was silent except for the chattering of the boys in the kitchen.
Jenny wasn’t coming back.
He wanted her to come back. Which was weird, because just yesterday he’d decided to walk away from their little family, for her benefit. Now that she was the one walking it felt...like he should maybe chase after her. Beg her to stay.
The clock in the living room chimed the quarter hour. It was better this way. She deserved more than he could give her, and at least if she was angry with him, she wouldn’t cry. He didn’t think he could take Jenny’s tears, not on top of everything else in his world falling apart. So he’d go. This time of year there would be rooms available at the B and B near downtown. He could make it a clean break, for her and the boys.
Adam wheeled himself down the hall. Frankie and Garrett were at the kitchen table, their backpacks leaning against the island. Fall hadn’t yet hit Slippery Rock, and they both wore shorts and T-shirts, with Velcro tennis shoes on their small feet. God, he was going to miss his boys.
“Morning, Dad,” Frankie said.
“Where’s Mom?” Garrett asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “I put Washington in my pack for show-and-tell, but now there’s no room for my lunch. I think I need a bigger pack. Like Frankie’s.”
“My pack is full of school stuff, not stuffed animals,” Frankie said, referring to the giant yellow-and-purple stuffed cat Garrett had won at the fair over the summer. Adam’s younger son and the cat had been inseparable ever since. “You can just carry your lunch sack until you get to school and put it in the bin.”
“But what if someone sits on it?”
“Who’s going to sit on it? It’s just you and me and Mom in the car, dummy.”
“Dummy isn’t a nice word.” Garrett clenched his jaw and leaned forward. Adam had no idea what else the boy was about to say, but he didn’t want this whatever-it-was between them to go any further.
“Okay, okay. How about the three of us walk to school, then, and you can both hook your packs on the chair so your hands are free for the lunches?” Adam wanted to pull the words back into his mouth. The last place he wanted to be was in public in the chair. He’d avoided most Slippery Rock events and businesses since the accident. Walking kids to school was one of those everyday events, and he would run into people he had known most of his life. People he’d avoided since the tornado.
Garrett stared at him, wide-eyed. Frankie looked past Adam to the empty hallway and the living room beyond, as if he expected Jenny to come rushing in at Adam’s words. She didn’t appear, to save him from his declaration.
“You’re gonna walk with us to school?” Garrett said incredulously.
“Mom drives,” Frankie added.
“Well, I can’t drive, but we have time to walk it.” He motioned to the backpacks, and the boys dutifully hung them on the h
andles below Adam’s shoulders. “Let’s go.”
Neither boy said anything until the three of them were down the driveway and a few houses along the street. When his grandfather left him the land and broken-down farmhouse on the edge of Slippery Rock Lake, Adam had imagined one day walking his kids to school. He’d never bothered before today, not even before the tornado. He’d always had a reason for leaving the school runs to Jenny. He couldn’t remember a single one of those reasons now.
“So, it’s show-and-tell day?” he asked Garrett, not wanting to delve too far into why he’d never walked his kids to school. Had to be his schedule. Running a business was time-consuming.
“No.” Garrett stopped to pull a couple yellow dandelions from the grass in Mrs. Hess’s yard. “Friday is show-and-tell.”
Adam blinked. “Then why did you put Washington in your pack today?”
“So I won’t forget him.” Garrett skipped ahead, and this time pulled some purple ground cover from another neighbor’s yard.
Adam looked to Frankie for help, but the older boy only shrugged. “Kindergarteners,” he said, with no small amount of disgust in his voice.
“You don’t have show-and-tell in third grade?”
“We have I-C-M-M days, and we have to earn them. We can’t just bring toys in anytime we want.”
“What’s an I-C-M-M?” Adam had a feeling he should know this.
“I Can Manage Myself. It means we’re doing our work and not messing around. I’m already halfway to mine and when I get it, I’m gonna bring in my Xbox.”
“I don’t think a gaming system is a good option for show-and-tell.”
“It’s not show-and-tell, it’s I-C-M-M, and it’s a whole afternoon. Not just five minutes. If I get ten more marks on my card, I get a whole afternoon to myself. And I’m bringing my Xbox.” He crossed his arms over his chest, but kept pace with Adam’s chair. Garrett was still picking wildflowers from neighbors’ yards, blissfully unaware of the conversation.
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