He glanced over his shoulder toward the kitchen and despite his concerns couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. When was the last time he’d smiled over a woman?
“Earth to Nate.” Danny snapped his fingers mere inches from Nathan’s nose.
“What?” he snarled and slapped Danny’s hand away.
“I asked if you’d had time to read over the agreement on the purchase of the Celtic Lady.”
“Oh, uh…no. Not yet,” he mumbled, feeling a bit like a heel. After all, he’d been the one to spearhead the idea of purchasing a third boat for the family fleet. Now, when the deal was about to close, he’d nearly forgotten the most important part. “I’ve been a little busy lately.”
Adam smiled and crooked his head toward the kitchen. “I’d call that a bit of an understatement, bro. You’ve pretty much had Brooke’s troubles dumped in your lap from the moment you let Willow badger you into taking her fishing with us.”
Nathan took a long pull from his bottle while he considered his brother’s words. “I suppose you’re right, but when I said yes, I didn’t know about the rape and her stepfather’s involvement.”
“And now that you do?” Adam asked, his brows raised in question.
“I’m going to stick by her,” Nathan replied before downing another gulp.
“We know that,” Danny interjected. “I don’t think any of us would walk away from her when she’s being stalk by a madman. Hell, when I first found out, I wanted to storm out and hunt the bastard down. What we all want to know is how do you feel about her? After all, it’s not every day you have a woman living under your roof.”
Nathan shrugged. “I care for her a lot.”
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He shifted and brought his right ankle to his left knee. “I’m not sure I’m ready to love again.”
“Ten years is a long time,” Michael said from the loveseat. “You went through hell when Casey and the boys died, but you can’t let that factor into your feelings for Brooke.”
Hadn’t he been telling himself those same words since he’d realized just how much in love with her he was? Now, as he remembered the trust she’d placed in him just a few short nights ago, he could think of an easy dozen reasons why their relationship wouldn’t work. “I know that, Mike, but she’s over a decade younger than me. When this nightmare is all over for her and she can move on with her life she’s probably going to want kids.”
“So?”
“So, I’m two years shy of forty, damn it. I don’t want to be a senior citizen with children still in high school.”
Danny shook his head. “You want to know what I think?”
Nathan took another long pull from his beer. “Not particularly.”
“Well, tough shit, ’cause you’re gonna hear it anyway. I think you’re afraid of getting hurt again. Brooke is young, beautiful, intelligent, and from what I can tell, she adores you. You’d be an ass to push a woman like that away.” He paused and cocked his head to the side. “Of course, you’re already an ass, so it’s inevitable that you’ll probably screw this up and hurt her somehow.”
Nathan wasn’t the least bit interested in what his brother had to day. After all, Danny had been through more relationships in the past ten years than Nathan could count on his fingers and toes combined. “This coming from the man who hasn’t been able to keep a steady girlfriend since junior high,” Nathan shot back.
“Go ahead and mock me if it makes you feel better, but you know I’m right.”
Nathan shook his head. “No, I don’t, bro. This situation is way more complicated than any relationship you’ve ever had. She’s got baggage.” He swiped a hand at his face, then pressed his thumb and finger against his closed eyes. “Hell, we both do. It’s a lot to ask from either of us. I know I told her it didn’t matter and maybe it doesn’t, but what if…” He paused and drew in a long deep breath. “What if I’m wrong?”
CHAPTER 18
All through dinner she’d felt the stares, seen the pity in Nathan’s brothers’ eyes and fought back to urge to scream in frustration. If she hadn’t overheard the men talking, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t have been as self-conscious as she currently was.
The problem was, she had heard them talking and realized somebody had told Danny and Michael about her situation. If that breach of trust wasn’t enough of a blow, she’d then endured the trauma of hearing Nathan waver on his commitment to their relationship. The same commitment he’d challenged her on just days earlier, before they’d made love.
She’d barely managed to choke down enough of dinner and dessert to keep the concerned looks from becoming questions. Now as she sat in the passenger seat of Nathan’s truck while he drove home, all she wanted to do was pack up her things and leave.
He pulled into the empty space in front of his first-floor condo and put the truck in park. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve barely said three words since dinner.”
She choked back the urge to shout and barely gave him a passing look. “I’m fine,” she managed, even though she knew her voice sounded gravelly and strained. Without waiting for him to open her door, she exited the truck and worked not to stomp her feet all the way to the front door. A battle between anger and control took place inside her while she waited for him to open the door and, unfortunately, anger was winning.
“Come on. Something’s bothering you,” he said and pushed opened door.
“How perceptive of you,” she snarled and stalked past him into the unit.
He closed the door and flicked on the light. “Brooke?”
Unable to hold her temper any longer, she wheeled on him. “Who told Danny and Michael about my situation?”
He frowned. “What?”
“Danny and Michael. I saw them at dinner and they kept looking at me like I had three heads. They know about the rape.”
“So what if they do? They care about you. They’re worried.”
“Is that what you’d call their stares of pity?”
“Pity? Oh, come on, baby. I didn’t tell them, but they do know and they do feel bad for you, but the last thing either of them is going to do is pity you. I can’t believe you’re mad over just that.”
“I heard you,” she murmured.
“You heard me what?”
“Before dinner, when you were talking with you brothers. I heard what you said.”
“So you heard us talking. I don’t understand…” The end of his sentence trailed off as awareness crept into his features.
“Willow badgered you into taking me on the boat. You didn’t want me there anymore than the crew did. Maybe less because at least by the time the trip was over they’d accepted me.”
“That’s not true. Well, not all of it anyway. It’s true I argued with Willow about taking you, but only because I was worried about your safety. I thought the police could do a better job protecting you and I wouldn’t have to worry about your safety on the boat.”
“Then why didn’t you say no?”
“Because I knew how you are—stubborn, bullheaded—and you’d probably refuse the protection and then I’d have to worry about you while I was gone. At least if you were with me I felt like I had some control.”
“You said you loved me. You said the baggage didn’t matter, but it was all a lie, wasn’t it?”
“No!” He shook his head and grabbed her by the arms. “I do love you. I don’t want to because it scares the hell out of me, but I do. I know I said the baggage didn’t matter. I didn’t think it did and I certainly don’t want it to, but it does. This entire argument is all because of the fear I’m lugging around, the fear I can’t shake.”
He let go of her and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m afraid, Brooke. Can’t you see that? I’m terrified if I allow myself to love again something bad will happen and I’ll lose you, too.”
“So better to push me away with a broken heart than take the chance of being hurt again? You’re a cra
b fisherman, for God’s sake. You’re supposed to be the toughest of the tough. This is the most cowardly thing you’ve ever done.” She turned to stalk away, but only managed a few steps before she wheeled on him again. “I believed you. I pushed away my fears, faced my demons and gave body, heart and soul to you…and this is what I get in return.”
“Brooke?”
She held up a hand and shook her head. “Don’t, okay? I don’t want to hear any more of your lies, Nathan. I don’t think my heart could handle it. Tomorrow, I’m calling Detective Morrison and agreeing to the protective custody. After they find Wayne, I’ll be leaving.”
“What about us? Please, baby, don’t walk away like this!”
“There never was an us, Nathan. There was only ever you. Now I’m tired and I smell like stale turkey. I’m going to take a shower and go to bed.”
She managed to hold her tears until she closed the bathroom door and started the shower. Thankfully, the sound of the water would mask any sobs she might utter. At least she hoped they would.
Watching herself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door, she slowly stripped. After making love to Nathan, she’d no longer saw her body as something to hide away. He’d made her feel beautiful that night, made her see the sultry woman who hid beneath the pain. Had that all been a show for her benefit? The ache in her heart grew. She turned away from the image and stepped into the shower.
It wouldn’t have be an easy road for either of them, of that fact she was sure. After all, she still had demons to battle and Nathan obviously had a few ghosts of his own to face, but together she’d been sure they’d come out with a love deeper than either of them had ever experienced. Now she wasn’t so sure. So much for the old saying that love conquers all.
Sometimes the past won.
* * *
Nathan waited for the bathroom door to click closed before uttering a string of curses under his breath that would put the saltiest of sea dogs to shame. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but hurt her he had. And now she wanted out of the only relationship that had meant anything to him since his marriage. Could he let her go without a fight, without trying to make her see his side of things?
Muttering again, he stalked to the den and snatched up the purchasing contracts for the Celtic Lady. He trusted that everything was in order. His lawyer was the best, and Nathan knew nothing would be in the document that could hurt him or his brothers. Still, he scanned the pages, barely managing to take in what he was reading.
Damn her! He slammed the papers down and leaned back in his chair, tipping the front legs off the ground, then steepled his fingers together in front of a frown. She’d called him a coward. Nobody, not even his brothers, had ever screwed up the courage to call him a coward. If she’d been a man, he would have throttled her for such a comment, determined to prove her wrong.
But in this particular instance, she’d hit the mark with her words, and he knew it.
Love wasn’t nearly this complicated. So what was the problem? His frown twisted into a scowl as he considered that question and realized he wasn’t going to like the answer. He was the problem. In an effort to protect his wounded heart, he’d all but pushed away every woman who managed to work herself into a relationship with him. None of those women had meant anything to him, so moving on was easy when one grew too close.
Brooke had managed to get close to him, to burrow directly into his heart, before he knew it had happened. Now he was head over heels in love and desperate to protect his heart.
He turned his gaze down the hallway to the closed bathroom door. Wounded on the most elemental of levels, she knew his pain probably better than anyone did. If he thought for one nanosecond that she would intentionally hurt him, he was the biggest jackass on the face of the earth. She loved him and wanted nothing more than his love in return, no fancy jewelry, no elegant dinners out or outrageously priced clothes as gifts, just love.
Life was a gamble, one he took every time he steered the Northern Lights out to sea. So why should this situation be any different? If he took the gamble and won, he’d finally find the happiness he’d been denying himself. If he lost, at least he could say he’d played and had one hell of a ride.
Slowly he eased his chair back onto all four legs and stood. The next problem would be convincing Brooke. He’d have to grovel to talk her into staying. At this point, he could think of worse things to do than beg her forgiveness.
He was halfway across the living room when the rapping at the front door stopped him. Who in the hell would be knocking at this time of night on a holiday? Knowing Wayne was still on the loose, Nathan cautiously eased up to the door and checked the peephole.
A man with a scruffy beard, wearing a baseball cap stood in front of his door. Struggling for a better look through the tiny hole, Nathan noted the grey uniform with a condo complex name written over the left breast and a tool belt slung low beneath what appeared to be a slight beer belly. Maintenance.
Nathan eased the door opened to get a better look. “Can I help you?”
The man lifted a hand to his old ratty ball cap and nodded. “Condo maintenance. The unit in 12B suffered a burst bathroom pipe. I know it’s an inconvenience, but need to check your unit for water damage. Don’t want the water shorting out any wiring and causing a fire.” “Somebody is in the bathroom right now. How about I call maintenance in the morning to come back over and check it?”
The man shrugged. “You could, I suppose, or I could take care of it now and you wouldn’t need to waste your time tomorrow waiting around for someone to show.”
He had a point and Nathan did have the final meeting with the lawyer tomorrow about the Celtic Lady purchase. “Well, I suppose it’d be all right, if you don’t mind waiting for a few minutes.”
The man smiled. “I have all night.”
* * *
The hot water helped ease the tension in Brooke’s back and clear her mind. She turned her face from the spray and allowed the water to pelt her shoulders again.
Using the time to think, she looked back on the past few weeks, only to realize that the love between them was all ready there. Whether it was patiently answering her incessant questions about crab fishing and the Northern Lights, or his willingness to stand with her and fight against her past, Nathan had done it with a gentle patience steeped in love.
Maybe it wrong of her to be so angry at Nathan over the things he’d said. He was right that they both had ghosts to face, and in a way his were even scarier than hers. Maybe he hadn’t handled it the best, but she certainly couldn’t fault him for how he felt.
He did love her. She’d felt the sincerity in his words just as she’d felt his pain. If she turned tail and ran now, wouldn’t she be the coward?
That thought didn’t sit well at all. Did she really want to continue her life as it was and know she’d end up living with questions and regrets, or was she willing to stand up and fight for those she cared about most?
Quickly she scrubbed her hair and body, rinsed and shut off the taps. It was time for her to face Nathan and work things out, time to stop running from her fears, stand her ground and fight for what she wanted. Whatever the future held for them, they’d face it as a united front. She dried off, then threw the towel aside and began slathering her scented cream all over. The bathroom quickly filled with the smell of wisteria as she rubbed in the last of the lotion.
Intent on dragging him from whatever he was doing, she checked her long silk nightgown in the mirror, then opened the bedroom door and ambled toward the living room.
Male voices filtered down the hallway, causing her to pause. One was Nathan’s, the other was deeper, rougher, and set her teeth on edge. Who would be at Nathan’s place this time of night on Thanksgiving?
She took a tentative step into the living room and gasped. Even after ten years, she recognized his face instantly.
Nathan turned to look at her. “Baby, what’s—” His last word disappeared beneath an “umph” when Wayne hit him
in the back of the head.
Nathan dropped to his knees as his eyes fell closed and his mouth gaped open.
Brooke screamed and, before she could move, Wayne struck him a second time, sending Nathan face first to the floor.
His head bounced softly against the carpet, then he didn’t move. “Nathan!” She rushed to his side, but before she could reach him, she felt a tug on her hair.
She smacked Wayne’s hand away and jumped out of his reach. Her heart pounded in her ears as she glanced between where Nathan lay and Wayne stood hovering over him gun in hand.
“You’ve been a tough little bitch to track down,” he snarled.
“How did you know I was here?” she squeaked out.
“I’ve been watching your place since the day I trashed it.” He smiled. “By the way, did you get the little message I left for you?”
She remained silent.
He shrugged and continued, “I waited and watched and then you showed up with pretty boy here.” He kicked Nathan in the ribs.
“Please don’t,” Brooke begged.
Wayne arched a brow at her. “So pretty boy means something to you, does he?”
He pointed the gun at Nathan’s head. “How much to you love him?” he asked, his lips curling into an evil grin.
Tears burned her eyes and blurred her vision as she looked from Nathan to Wayne and back. She knew what Wayne wanted.
She also knew it was the only the only way to save Nathan’s life.
“I’ll do whatever you want. Just, please, don’t hurt him.”
Northern Lights Page 16