by Kasey Belle
Ella’s love had done that for Koda. Who better for Koda to pay forward his good fortune to other than his cousin? He prayed to whoever was listening and asked them to bless Devon with a mate who would love him unconditionally and help him heal. Koda could only fight so much for Devon recovering.
It didn’t take him long to spot Devon among the throng of passengers. His cousin stood a head taller than most of the humans. Plus, they seemed to give the brooding man a wide berth. It probably shouldn’t amuse Koda as much as it did. However, he had been there, done that, and had the t-shirt to prove it.
His keen wolf vision catalogued his cousin’s appearance. The scars on his face and neck were visible but looked much better than they would without Devon’s shifter healing ability. They looked years old rather than months. He wondered how the rest of Devon’s body had faired. The look in Devon’s eyes worried him though. There was a resignation there that Koda didn’t like.
Devon’s frown deepened―if that was possible―when he saw Koda. His cousin headed in his direction stopping a couple of feet in front of him.
“What are you doing here?”
They were dispensing with the pleasantries. Good to know. “Picking up your mannerless ass, obviously,” he responded dryly. “You’re welcome.”
“Thanks.” Devon blanked his expression. Yeah, Koda knew that nothing to see here, move on maneuver. Had used it quite a few times himself.
“Don’t go getting all warm and fuzzy on me, squirt. Don’t think my cockles can take it.” He purposefully used the old nickname he bestowed on his decade younger cousin when Devon was two and started following Koda around. Even though Koda had treated the pup as a nuisance he’d secretly loved the hero worship.
Koda didn’t miss the way Devon’s lips twitched before he schooled his expression. Devon turned on his heel his and made his way to baggage claim. Koda shook his head at Devon’s retreating form. This was going to be so much fun. Not.
Chapter 2
Devon filled his plate with meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and Caesar salad. Ella was all about making sure he was eating enough. After enduring quite a few of these family dinners over the past couple of months, he knew the faster he ate the quicker he could make his escape. He began shoveling food into his mouth.
Koda and Ella sat on each end of the table. Stephani Ann was next to her momma. Matt sat across from him. He could feel them watching him and did his best to ignore them, especially the ones he knew held mischief and triumph. Brat. He couldn’t however ignore the grating titter that floated across the table every few minutes. He glanced up with a scowl.
“Dude. You should have seen your face.” Matt snickered. “I so got you.” He waved his hands in the air doing a little touchdown dance in his seat.
By got him, Matt meant the prank he pulled involving the dead rattlesnake he left coiled just inside the barn doors for Devon to find that morning.
Devon had been feeding the patients in the medical building when Matt came looking for him. The little shit went on and on about a broke latch on Lady’s stall that required two hands to fix. Koda and Jim had gone into town which left Devon. He’d walked into the barn and nearly pissed himself.
Koda snicker-snorted earning him a baleful look from Devon.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t encourage him.” Koda laughed some more. “I didn’t realize you and Storm had something in common. He’s deathly afraid of snakes.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Really? You jumped like ten feet and hid behind me.” Matt frowned eyeing Devon up and down like he was a squashed bug on the bottom of his shoe. “You were willing to sacrifice your own cousin to save your ass. Some Marine you are.”
He may or may not have been willing to use Matt as a shield. Devon had been completely embarrassed once he realized the fucking disgusting scaly bastard snake was dead and Matt had pranked the shit out of him. Devon growled when Ella joined Koda and Matt in undisguised amusement.
If Stephanie Ann wasn’t sitting in her highchair a couple of feet away Devon would have jumped across the table and smacked the snot out of Matty. Which is what he should have done after Matt pulled the stunt with the snake. But at the time Devon had been too busy trying to not have a heart attack.
The almost toddler watched them with big curious eyes. Matt noticed and leaned toward her. “I think I’m in trouble,” he whispered with just enough sarcasm to make Koda grin like an idiot. “Will you protect me, baby girl?”
Stephanie Ann must have thought that was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. “Matt. Matt.” She slammed her palms against the tray and giggled. Her sweet laughter filled the air and also miraculously eased some of Devon’s anger. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t be paying his cousin back though. Nope when he did that shit would be epic.
“Looks like I have a protector now. Suck it, Dev,” Matt taunted with a smirk.
Devon smirked right back and crossed his arms over his chest. “I didn’t hear any agreement coming from the princess. All I heard was her laughing at your dumbass.”
“Dumb bass.”
Everyone froze and stared at each other. Matt grinned like a loon. Koda wore an expression of amused horror. Ella just looked pissed. At him.
“Seriously, Dev?” Ella spat. She shook her head. He swore fire was about to shoot from her eyes. “What did I tell you all about watching your language around the baby? They always pick up the bad words.”
Huh. He thought she was just acting overprotective when she’d laid down the edict his second day at the sanctuary when he’d let an f-bomb fly.
Stephanie Ann bounced in her seat. She grabbed a Cheerio off her tray and shoved it in her mouth. She giggle-snorted, said dumb bass again, then squealed with laughter.
Ella covered her face with her hands and groaned. “I’m going to murder you, Dev.”
****
Devon woke with a shout. Jolting upright, he examined his bare skin breathing a sigh of relief when he didn’t see charred flesh or feel excruciating pain, only the scars that remained in their place. He flopped to his back and stared at the ceiling. He began doing his breathing and self-talk exercises. Deep breath in. Hold for ten. Breathe out slowly. You are in the present. Deep breath in. Hold for ten. Breathe out slowly. You're home. Deep breath in. Hold for ten. Breathe out slowly. You only relived that horrible day in your nightmares.
Except he hadn’t, not entirely. His fucked-up mind had changed the identity of the bad actors. Instead of Baseer and Hajira, it had been Ella and Stephanie Ann. She’d strapped a bomb to the baby. Fuck! He was losing it. Devon closed his eyes. She wouldn’t do that. Ella would never hurt her daughter. Deep breath in. Hold for ten. Breathe out slowly. You're home.
Home. The word should cause a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. Every day since leaving Sanctuary at eighteen had been a lesson in torture and slowly turned his idealism to bitterness that had nothing to do with his service and everything to do with his mate. Devon had been arrogant thinking he could handle the separation because he hadn’t claimed her yet. Oh, how wrong he’d been. Now, it was too late to make it right.
In the beginning he’d held his own against the gnawing loneliness, but eventually it became too much for his soul to bear and it slowly ate away at him. His family thought this cold, angry man who replaced their happy-go-lucky son was a byproduct of the explosion and betrayal of a man and woman he considered friends. They were wrong. It didn’t happen all at once. The signs were there if they looked for them. Weekly emails soon became monthly, then infrequent at best, and finally none at all. The same with phone calls and Skype chats. It wasn’t only his family he cut off, but his mate as well. The pain of hearing her voice and seeing her beautiful face became too much for his wolf. In order to save his sanity, he ceased contact. After a while all that was left of him was an empty shell who was really good at faking normal.
Now here he was two months later in the one place that should make him happy but didn’t. He was drowning and had long ago given u
p trying to kick his way to the surface. Ending it all would have been so easy. Some days he hated himself for not following through then he’d remind himself how devastated his mother would be if her only child took his own life. She’d been a wreck seeing him laid up in that damn hospital praying and begging for him to heal and come home. For her he had. It didn’t mean he would stick around though. He couldn’t. He refused to saddle someone as sweet as Janelle Harper with a bitter mate. She’d break under the weight of his anger. She’d move on, eventually. Janie would find someone that loved her, and she would be happy.
Him, not so much. There would never be another woman for him. Devon would live out his days alone. However, unlike his cousin, Devon wouldn’t be dumb enough to stay in the vicinity while that happened. He’d go far away. The Canadian wilderness or perhaps South America. He would live out his remaining days in exile with the occasional email to his family to let them know he was still breathing. When the emails stopped, they would know he no longer inhabited the earth.
His wolf howled in sorrow. A response to Dev’s thoughts not an acceptance of them. His wolf had found a kernel of hope now that they were back in Sanctuary. Dev had to hand it to the furry bastard, he put up a good fight. Eventually, he’d accept the inevitable as Devon had.
“You wish,” Wolf growled.
“It is what it is.”
“Only because you insist.” Wolf curled up, tucking his nose near his tail effectively ending their conversation.
Just as well. He wasn’t in the mood to argue. Didn’t have the strength to engage in the internal battle of wills.
Devon glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Two-thirty-five. Hours before he needed to get up and start his day. It was going to be a busy one. He was supposed to help Koda check on the wolves. One of them appeared to have a limp but scurried off into the trees when Koda tried to get near him yesterday. Even a shifter needed to be well rested when dealing with a pack of their natural cousins. Unfortunately, there would be no more sleep for him tonight. A heavy sigh rumbled from his chest.
Devon kicked the covers off and rolled out of bed. Not bothering with clothes, he made his way to the kitchen. Might as well make a pot of coffee. He was going to need the caffeine overload if he planned on being halfway useful today.
Still naked, he carried his mug out to the porch immediately engulfed by the near-freezing temperatures of a Montana autumn night. Thank goddess as a shifter his body temperature ran a little higher than normal or his balls would be in his throat. He sat in the cushioned chair and set his coffee on the little side table.
He stared into the darkness. His wolf senses picking up the subtle shift in the trees or undergrowth as small nocturnal animals scurried about. Devon took a deep breath. As the cold air filled his lungs, he attempted to clear his mind of the disturbing images playing on an endless loop. The exercise wasn’t always successful. The images often grew teeth and held on making them impossible to shake. This was one of those nights.
He blew out a heavy, troubled sigh that reeked of self-pity. Nothing new there. He grunted at the thought. This was the time in the movie where the hero had some sort of epiphany about how he couldn’t go on like he was anymore. Then there would be some ridiculous montage where the dude was miraculously healed because he decided not to be damaged anymore. The whole town fell in love with him when he turned out to actually be this generous philanthropist instead of the rude asshole they loved to hate. He gets the girl and they live happily ever after.
Devon rubbed his hands over his face. He had to stop binging RomCom and sappy flicks. Due to his PTSD movies involving explosions and war were out. Drama was too. He was depressed enough. That left animation, comedy, and romance. Genres with perfect endings. He snorted. Happily ever after. Such complete bullshit.
Chapter 3
Nikki and the kids settled into a booth at the diner and waited for their server. She spotted Janelle I-still-refuse-to-call-her-Janie Harper moving in their direction. Her ever-present long ponytail swaying as she walked.
Nikki fought to keep a frown off her face. Janelle’s flirtatious manner with Jim when he and Nikki had just met shouldn’t still bother her, but it did. She should be over it by now. It wasn’t as if Janelle still flirted with Jim. She didn’t. Once she found out Jim and Nikki were in a relationship, the young woman stopped immediately and offered her congratulations to them as a couple. Nikki sighed. She had long come to terms the fact that her fox was a jealous bitch, but it seemed she also obviously held onto grudges with all four paws.
“Hey, guys,” Janelle greeted them with a huge smile, then addressed the kids. “How was school?”
“Good,” they responded in unison.
“But boring because it was Monday,” Jack added.
Janelle nodded in commiseration. “Mondays are the worst. Oh, Stevie. I love your friendship bracelets.”
“Thank you, Ms. Janie.” Stevie beamed and held out his wrist to show off the multi-colored bracelets made out of embroidery floss. “We all have them.”
Jack, Casey, and Marie also held out their right arms and pulled back their sleeves.
“We had craft day at my house on Saturday since it rained, and we couldn’t ride horses. We made one for ourselves then one for each other,” Casey supplied in that rapid information dump way of hers. “Mommy went to the craft store and bought all the supplies. They were having a sale, so we got loads of stuff.”
“I love them all. My friends and I made those when we were kids, too. I still have mine in my keepsake box at home.” Janelle grinned but sadness clouded her eyes for a moment before it disappeared. Nikki wondered what that was about and why did she care?
Janelle pulled a pad and pen from her apron. “Do you guys know what you want?”
They ordered a family size plate of extra crispy French fries and milkshakes to dunk them in because the others had picked up her and Casey’s habit of indulging in the salty and sweet combination.
Nikki grabbed the bill off the table and practically waddled her full belly to the cash register. Thank goddess for her shifter metabolism or she’d be in serious need of a nap. The children followed behind her like little ducklings jacked up on sugar and carbs. She shook her head at their exuberance. She met Janelle at the counter and paid their bill noticing the younger woman looked a little lost. “Are you okay?”
Janie smiled and replied, “I’m fine. How was your food?”
Nikki told her everything was great as usual when she really wanted to say, “If you’re fine. Why doesn’t your smile reach your eyes?” It was none of her business, really. They weren’t friends, so she shouldn’t care, but damned if Nikki didn’t.
****
Janie sighed heavily and watched her favorite little people leave the diner. The thought made her grin. Was it wrong she included Nikki in that description? Probably. Her levity only lasted a second as Nikki’s question came back to her. Janie wished she’d had the guts to answer honestly. No, she was absolutely not okay. Far from okay. She should have known when Devon reenlisted after his original four-year contract ended that things had changed for him. For them.
The boy she loved was a man she didn’t know. She wanted to, but how could she get to know him if he refused all offers of contact. She wanted to hate him so badly. Really, she did, but you couldn’t hate the other half of your soul.
She knew he’d been hurt. She’d actually felt it when it happened. A few months ago, when Devon’s mother came into the diner, Janie had finally been able to ask her about Devon. Celia had said he’d been hurt. Of course, Janie already knew that. How bad? That she didn’t know. She’d asked of course, but never received a straight answer.
Janie hadn’t known Devon had finally come home until a few of her older patrons who were card-carrying members of the diner gossip grapevine shared the information. Everyone was talking about yet another Sanctuary hero’s return, except his family. There was a lot of hemming and hawing on Celia Stone’s part about Devon when Jan
ie brought him up. He didn’t want to see or talk to anyone and needed time to heal. Knowing that hurt more than anything because Janie wasn’t just anyone.
If she hadn’t given her word to Devon not to reveal their mated connection, she’d have spilled the beans to his family a long time ago. With Devon now sharing the same zip code, it was getting harder to play the ignorant childhood friend and ex-girlfriend.
She both hated and loved the flirty personality she wore like a second skin. She loathed lavishing attention on other men fake as it may be. However, at the same time, their response in return made her feel desirable and less like a ghost. But, something had to give, namely Devon Stone. She was at her breaking point.
A mean snicker to her left pulled Janie’s attention. She glanced over at Jeff. A useless waste of space if she’d ever met one. Why her Aunt Maude insisted on employing the high school student Janie would never know. The kid was seventeen going on ten. He was an immature, self-entitled little snot. She glared at him when she realized where he was staring.
“Problem?”
He nodded toward the door with a sneer. “The fairy kid. Can’t believe his parents let him dress like that. He’s just asking to get beat up.”
“The fairy kid?” she snarled.
“Yeah. Steveena,” he drew the rude name out fluttering his lashes at the same time.
Oh, that was it. She didn’t care what kind of chance her aunt wanted to give the asshole. Nobody. And she meant NOBODY messed with Stevie. He was the sweetest little boy she’d ever met. His smile brightened her day every time she was lucky to be on the receiving end of it. She made a point to speak to him whenever he was around. She knew people could be assholes. Janie wanted the boy to know there were people out there who loved him for who he was, and it was okay to shine. She didn’t want him to think he needed to change, ever.