by Piper Scott
“You need to calm down.” Adrian met Gabriel’s eyes and silently urged him to get out, but Gabriel remained plastered against the door. “If you have a problem with me, we can talk about it when you’re in your right mind, okay? But we can’t have a productive conversation right now. You’re not ready for it.”
“Really?” Her fists pulled, tugging the neck of Adrian’s shirt forward until it bit into the back of his neck. He clenched his jaw and endured. “You think I’m not ready? Well, let me tell you something, Adrian—I wasn’t ready when you took Gabriel from me, either. I wasn’t ready when you came home without him. I wasn’t ready for any of this!”
“You’re causing a scene, Mom.” Adrian spoke through gritted teeth, his voice darker than before. It took all of his willpower not to fight back. “You need to go lie down. You’re not yourself right now.”
“I need my son back!” she shrieked. The noise pierced Adrian’s ears, and this time, he did wince. “I need my son back and you took him from me! You killed him! I hate you!”
“You need to go.”
“You murdered him!”
There were many things Adrian had done in his life that he wasn’t proud of, but for now, blinded by a protective instinct he was only starting to realize, he didn’t regret shoving his mother farther down the hall. She stumbled and staggered, and as she fought to regain her footing, Adrian sprang into action. He rushed to Gabriel’s side, opened his bedroom door, and dragged Gabriel inside. The door was barely closed when he heard his mother’s rapid footsteps approach, and Adrian turned the lock seconds before she started to rattle the doorknob.
“I hate you!” She shrieked through the door. “You killed him!”
The hate continued to spew from her mouth as Adrian moved across the room and settled on the side of Gabriel’s bed. He breathed in deeply, then collapsed backward and stared at the ceiling. Dissociating from what was happening was hard, but it was the only way to save his sanity.
Adrian had hoped that with Gabriel back in the house, his mother’s temper would cool, and they could move on with their lives. Adrian would graduate with his bachelor’s degree in business and go on to start his master’s in the hopes of one day taking his father’s place as CEO of his mergers and acquisitions company, Gabriel would go back and get his GED, and the past would stay the past.
It was clear to him now that life wasn’t going to go as planned.
“You didn’t kill me…” Gabriel flopped onto the bed by Adrian’s side. They didn’t touch, but feeling his weight shift the mattress was a small comfort. “You didn’t do anything, Adrian. She’s not being fair.”
“I know,” Adrian whispered, but he didn’t believe it.
“Is she always like this?”
“Not always, but the bad days are becoming worse, and they’re getting more frequent.”
“Is that why you have panic attacks?”
Adrian didn’t reply. His mother’s behavior was only part of a complex web of self-loathing that he still wasn’t sure he understood in full.
With a little sigh, Gabriel turned onto his side and laid a hand on Adrian’s stomach, right over his tiny bump.
“You’re going to make it right,” Gabriel whispered. “I know you will. You’re stronger than me.”
Adrian didn’t say anything. He stared at the ceiling as his mother shrieked at him and rattled the doorknob. He didn’t think he was strong at all, but he did know that he was strong enough to be weak. It was time to admit to himself that he couldn’t do this alone—not with Gabriel in his life. They couldn’t stay here. Gabriel needed a place where he could heal, and Adrian? Adrian wasn’t sure what he needed, but he knew that he wouldn’t find it here.
Something needed to change.
He knew what he needed to do.
16
Sterling
It wasn’t the first time Sterling had heard the club-side door open, then latch gently back into place, but it surprised him all the same. He set his book aside and turned his gaze to the wall dividing the living room from the short hall leading to the door. There was only one person brash enough to come into his home uninvited.
Adrian was here, and that meant he’d made his decision.
Sterling’s heart skipped a beat. He stood from his chair and was on his way across the living room when his visitor came around the corner.
It wasn’t Adrian at all.
Gabriel, his shoulders drooped and his back hunched, dodged Sterling’s gaze and cowered where he stood. He made an uncomfortable humming noise, like he wanted to say something, but the words had all jammed in his throat. In his hand was a medium-sized piece of rolling luggage, just a hair too large to be a carry-on.
Sterling looked from him, to the luggage, and back again.
What the hell was it with the Lowe family and breaking into his penthouse?
The answer came a second later. Adrian rounded the corner, far more confident than Gabriel. Two large duffel bags were slung from his shoulders, one red, the other blue.
“We’re staying here,” Adrian announced. “Where can Gabriel sleep?”
“You’re staying?” Sterling arched a brow, but on the inside, he was pleased. “That’s news to me.”
Frustration glinted in Adrian’s eyes, but didn’t infect his posture. “Now’s not a good time to joke around, Sterling. Gabriel and I need a place to stay. Will you help us, or do we need to find somewhere else to go?”
The clinical tone of Adrian’s voice sobered Sterling’s joy. He nodded. “I have a spare bedroom he can stay in.”
“We can stay in.” Adrian locked eyes with Sterling and held his gaze with steadfast determination. “I’m going to be sharing the room with him. I haven’t… I don’t want to commit to anything more right now.”
“That’s fine.” A small step in the right direction was still a step forward. It wasn’t Sterling’s preference, but he wouldn’t turn it down. “Let me show you where you’ll be staying.”
The penthouse was modest in terms of floor space. As a bachelor, Sterling saw no need to occupy the entire upper floor of his club. There was enough room for a lavish master bedroom with an attached bath, a spare bedroom for guests, a guest bathroom, his office, and his expansive living room and kitchen. Apart from that, he didn’t see the need for more space. But now that he was set to keep Adrian and Gabriel? And now that Adrian was pregnant with his child?
Renovations would be forthcoming.
One of the closed doors down the far hall opened into the guest bedroom. The sheets were a little musty, but that fact didn’t deter Adrian or Gabriel in the least. As soon as Sterling opened the door, Adrian stepped into the room and laid his duffel bags on the bed. Gabriel followed, much more timid, and stowed his luggage by the headboard.
“Thank you,” Adrian said with finality. Once his shoulders were freed from the duffel bags, he stood ramrod straight and sucked in a breath. “We’ll pay you for the trouble, of course.”
“You will not.”
Adrian’s expression gave nothing away, but he didn’t argue any further. Instead, he looked away. The weakness was unusual, and Sterling found himself concerned. What had happened that was so bad, Adrian couldn’t even reach out through text? Whatever it was, it put Sterling on alert.
If anyone was threatening Adrian, they were threatening his family. Sterling wouldn’t stand for it.
“Once you two have settled, I’d appreciate it if we could have a discussion.” Sterling bit the inside of his lip, aware that he was coming across as stern. It wasn’t his intention, but with his protective instinct woken, he couldn’t help it. “There’s no rush. Take whatever time you need.”
“No. You’re fine.” Adrian nodded at Gabriel. “You stay here and get comfortable, okay? This is our room, so you can rest easy here. I’m going to talk with Sterling.”
Gabriel didn’t look so certain, but he nodded and slunk to the side of the bed while Adrian stepped forward and took Sterling by the arm. All bu
siness, he led Sterling from the bedroom, nudged the door closed behind him with his foot, and took Sterling into the kitchen. On his way into the room, Adrian flipped on the fans. The kitchen was consumed by low, dull whirring. Gabriel wouldn’t be able to overhear.
Clever.
“Listen…” Adrian parted from Sterling’s arm and leaned against the counter. The flat expression on his face bled into concern. “I know that we arrived abruptly, and I know that you’re waiting on me to make a decision, but I’m not ready to give you an answer yet. I was only doing what I had to do for the sake of my family.”
“Just as I asked what I had to ask for the sake of mine.”
To that, Adrian had no reply. He turned his head to the side and ran a hand along his belly—it was the first time Sterling had ever seen him physically acknowledge the fact that he was pregnant. Sterling’s lips parted, and he had to choke back an embarrassing, guttural sound. Pregnant bodies had never appealed to him before, but a pregnant Adrian? That was different. Pride and arousal took control, infusing Sterling with a desperate want for more.
Just as Sterling was about to speak, Adrian cut him off. “Gabriel thinks we’re a couple.”
“Then he won’t mind if you spend your stay in my bed.” Sterling wasn’t afraid to push for what he wanted, and the more time that passed, the clearer it became that Adrian was it.
“No.” Adrian held fast. “But I want you to know that if I seem cuddly, or if I’m… you know. If I treat you like you’re my boyfriend, it’s only because I want Gabriel to feel secure. I don’t think he’d take too kindly to finding out that I essentially whored myself out to you so I could keep attending the sex club you run.”
“That’s unfair of you,” Sterling shot back.
“That’s the truth.”
“You were under no obligation to sleep with me. What you did, you did of your own free will.”
Adrian shook his head. “I’m not really interested in fighting about it. All I want you to know is that I’m here for Gabriel, not to play family. Not yet, at least. I still need time to think.”
“You have all the time in the world.”
The curt, breathy chuckle Adrian made was sarcastic, but cute. “If by that you mean six months, then sure.”
Six months. Six short months until Adrian delivered the life inside of him. Until they became a family.
Sterling’s chest puffed with pride, and it wasn’t until Adrian gave him a hard look that he realized he was beaming. Sterling toned it down a notch and drew in a deep, serious breath, as if that could excuse him from being overly enthusiastic.
“Listen, I’ve got to get back to Gabriel.” Adrian pushed off the counter. He rounded Sterling, brushing by his hip in a way that Sterling would have sworn was suggestive had Adrian not flat-out refused him seconds before. “Thanks for understanding, and for helping us out when we were in a pinch.”
“You’re always welcome to change your mind, you know.” Sterling let the sincerity shine through in his voice, but he enforced his hopefulness with carefully executed detachment to make sure that he didn’t come across as desperate.
“I know.” Adrian paused in the kitchen doorway. He didn’t look back. “But don’t hold your breath it’ll happen. This wasn’t my choice.”
“I’m making it your choice.”
Adrian shook his head slowly. “I don’t get you. I don’t understand why you’re so nice to me.”
“Because I believe in you.” Sterling spoke the truth. To do anything less would be a disservice to Adrian. “And because I was in your shoes once, and I know what it feels like to be all alone in the world, bearing the brunt of responsibility you never asked for.”
From where he stood, Sterling glimpsed Adrian’s face in profile. He watched as Adrian worried his lip, and as his expression went from hardened and closed-off to troubled. “You have no idea what I’m going through. You don’t know what it’s like to have shit like this happen to you all at once.”
“Our circumstances aren’t the same, but our pain is.” Sterling didn’t try to hide it anymore. Adrian needed to know he wasn’t alone. “I know what it’s like, to have to be there for someone you love when it feels like your world is falling apart. The difference between us is our approach to handling that suffering. You don’t have to do this alone. I want to be there for you.”
This time, when Adrian shook his head, he did so with a strained, caw-like laugh. He pushed back his hair from his face, then let his arm drop to his side. “Thanks, but I’ve got this.”
The strained way he spoke made Sterling confident what he said was a lie.
“I’m going to go lie down now. Gabriel and I have had a long day, and I need to unwind. I’ll make sure that you’re properly compensated for your time. Thanks again for not kicking us out.”
“For as long as you need me, I’ll be here.”
Adrian gave him one last, lingering look, like he doubted Sterling’s intentions. Then, arms crossed protectively over his chest, he headed back toward the guest bedroom.
There were no shortcuts into the heart of a man like Adrian. Sterling didn’t want there to be. If he was to win Adrian’s affection, he wanted to work for it. The prize was worth the challenge.
One strike of his chisel at a time, he’d chip away at the walls Adrian kept around his heart. He would wait as long as he needed to in order to see the project complete—to see Adrian irrefutably happy.
As a Dom and as a lover, the need to see his partner satisfied in all ways came first and foremost. Whatever it took, he would get Adrian there again. He swore it.
17
Adrian
The steady, peaceful way Gabriel drew breath as he slept should have been a comfort, but it wasn’t. Adrian’s mind turned in hopeless circles, struggling to break away from the same, vicious loop.
They were here, sleeping in the penthouse of a near stranger, because Adrian hadn’t been there to protect Gabriel when Gabriel needed him the most.
Gabriel needed him as badly as he did because he was broken from the experience he’d had after he’d run away.
He’d run away because Adrian had lashed out at him until he couldn’t take it anymore.
Every problem in his life and every obstacle he now faced was a result of his poor attitude. If there was anyone who deserved what was coming to him, it was Adrian.
But even though Adrian knew it, he’d never felt so afraid.
Tears, unwelcome and unwanted, gathered in the corners of his eyes. He rolled onto his side and tried to bring the sheets to hide his face, but Gabriel was tangled up in them, and they only reached Adrian’s nose—just close enough that he breathed in the scent of fabric softener.
And beneath that, the scent of Sterling.
A tear slid down Adrian’s cheek. He pushed the sheets away, but it was too late. Thoughts of Sterling disrupted the cyclical negativity spinning on repeat in his mind.
Sterling, who’d been nice to him even when Adrian deserved his hatred.
Sterling, who always put his pleasure first, and who’d even let Adrian indulge his sadism without batting an eyelash.
Sterling, who wanted their baby when Adrian couldn’t bear the thought of being a father.
Adrian couldn’t bear the thought of failing all over again.
Why was he always like this? Why did it always turn out so badly? After Gabriel had disappeared, Adrian had done his best to push others away. He’d cut ties with his friends and holed himself off from the world in the hopes that doing so would prevent him from hurting anyone else. But now, all he did was hurt, and he had no one to see him through the pain.
Whenever he got like this—whenever he got so low that all he could see was his suffering—he worked it out at The Shepherd. The powerful men who fell to him bore his pain. Adrian forced it on them. Anguished faces. Red, swollen nipples tortured by clamps. Skin so raw Adrian could still see his handprint even as he dressed to leave…
In the end, what had it brou
ght him? The pain always came back. The relief was only ever temporary, and it was always bittersweet at that.
If this was going to be the rest of his life, what was the point? Gabriel had come home, and Adrian was trying his best to make things right, but the light at the end of the tunnel hadn’t been a sign of salvation—it had been warning of an oncoming train.
Gabriel would always be broken from what Adrian had done to him, and Adrian would always feel guilty for it.
Would he feel guilty for abandoning his baby, too? Would it destroy him in the same way? Had one nightmare ended only for another to begin?
Adrian couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t bear the solitude.
Heart heavy, he abandoned the bed and crept from the room. Gabriel murmured for Garrison, but otherwise he didn’t wake. Adrian watched him until the slit between the door and the doorframe was too small to see through, then he continued on his way down the hall and opened the door to the master bedroom with equal measures of care.
The room was dark, and Adrian had only been in it once. Carefully, he picked his way across the floor until he brushed against the bedside, then he climbed onto the mattress and progressed on his hands and knees. A hand grabbed his arm, and Adrian choked back a startled yelp as Sterling tugged him close.
“Adrian?” Sterling asked. The blackout curtains were drawn, and the room was so dark that Adrian couldn’t see Sterling, even though Sterling had united their bodies.
“Yeah. It’s me.” Adrian raked his teeth across his lip, then groped through the dark until his hand found Sterling’s arm. He traced it upward to Sterling’s shoulder. “I just… I didn’t want to be alone.”
“And you never have to be alone again if you don’t want to be.”
Adrian swallowed the lump those words formed in his throat. He wasn’t going to cry. Not now. Right now, he needed to drown out his sorrows in the only way he knew how.