“No,” I scoffed, “that wasn’t it.”
“Yeah, right. Stop letting the cock go to your brain, Blondie.”
“What does that mean?!”
“It means quit making excuses for him just because you like how he fucks you. Here’s the truth: as long as Derek’s getting his way, he’s sweet as pie. Problem is, he needs you to say ‘You’re so awesome’ all the fuckin’ time. And he gets bored real quick. Just remember that.”
I could almost hear Killian’s voice whispering in my ear: It’s in his nay-chuh.
“Ryan, though… Ryan’s a keeper,” Riley finished.
“So you want me to ditch Derek for Ryan?” I asked sarcastically.
“If for no other reason than I’d like to see that smug bastard finally lose one, and Ryan win one.”
“Ryan’s in the hottest rock band in the world. And according to you, he’s the heart and soul behind it. He’s won plenty already.”
“Yeah… just not the one he really wants.”
Her words broke my heart a little bit.
“Ryan’s not my type,” I said lamely.
“What’s your type – assholes?”
“No. I – I’m in love with Derek.”
There. I finally said it.
Even if he hasn’t.
She nodded. “So… your type is assholes.”
“No – ”
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter – the pussy wants what the pussy wants. But don’t ever say I never gave you any good advice.”
The pussy wants what the pussy wants.
It wasn’t exactly Shakespeare.
But it turned out she was right about the other part – the part about giving me good advice.
I just didn’t see it at the time.
96
The night – and Riley’s story – continued amidst a flurry of shots.
She talked about the various punk rock bands she’d been in through the years, including the one she’d started when she was sixteen, called ‘Fuck You.’ When she first heard Cee-lo Green’s song by the same name, she immediately changed the band name to ‘Punk Rock Bitches’ because she didn’t want people thinking she took her band name from a Top 40 hit. That would have been very un-punk rock. (Although, technically, the Top 40 hit was titled ‘Forget You,’ and ‘Fuck You’ was the naughty, alternate version… but that didn’t seem to matter to 16-year-old Riley.)
She talked about how she started playing the drums when she was five years old, using overturned pots and pans as the bass and snares, and lids suspended on fishing line as the cymbals. Growing up, she got practice time on other kids’ real drum sets by trading them alcohol she shoplifted. She didn’t get her own set until she was seventeen, just three years before she joined Bigger. She paid for them by working on a phone sex line. She eventually got fired – but not because she was lying about her age to work there. No, it was because she pissed off too many customers. If she got mad at a caller, she liked to tell them things right before they were about to climax. Like their penises were too small. Or she would drop her voice and say she was actually a 65-year-old man named Hiram.
She talked about how she had been born to a sixteen-year-old girl who had gotten pregnant and given her up for adoption. She didn’t even know her mother’s first name, just that her last name was Wojtalik.
She talked a little about some of the foster homes she grew up in. Riley freely admitted she was the kid from hell – furious at the world, shutting everyone out, always in trouble, getting drunk daily by age twelve. As a result of her bad behavior, she got shuttled around a lot. Some of the foster homes were good… and some weren’t. She didn’t go into detail, but I could tell there was a lot of pain there. And there was some kind of abuse in her past. Whether it stopped at physical beatings like the one that Mr. Hopkins had given her at four years old, or whether it went beyond that into something worse, she wouldn’t say… but she never looked me in the eye once when she talked about it.
She finally brought up her sister, who was actually her foster sister. Megan was two years older than Riley. Their host family only kept them for the government checks. They’d kicked Megan out of the house the day she turned eighteen. A couple months later, Riley ran away and followed her foster sister to New York City.
Megan got a job as a waitress, went to community college at night, and lived with three other girls in a squalid dump in the Bronx. Riley would crash on their second-hand couch for weeks at a time, until the other girls got tired of her drunken rages and kicked her out. Even then, Megan would always give Riley some money out of what little she had, and always made sure Riley had something to eat.
Megan was the only person Riley still talked to from that period in her life. I could tell how much she loved her just from her voice – because it was the only time in the three weeks I’d know her that I’d ever heard her sound truly happy.
97
Riley eventually got tired of all the self-introspection.
“C’mon, Blondie,” she said, grabbing my hand. “If I can’t hit on you, I can least use you as chick-bait.”
We went out on the dance floor – which was no more than twenty feet square – and bumped and grinded along with at least forty other women, ranging from lipstick to sporty to full-on butch.
I got my fair share of attention from other women, including a few offers to buy me a drink. I turned them down, but told them I appreciated it. Everybody was cool; nobody got annoyed.
I had a fantastic time. When I didn’t have to fend off advances from Riley, she was actually a hell of a lot of fun to be around.
Riley hit on just about everybody else, though, over the course of the night. Her favorite trick was to wait until someone set their sights on me, then dart in and say, “Hey, have you met my friend Kaitlyn? She’s straight. But I’m not.”
She got a few make-outs from that approach.
There were more shots, and more dancing, and more laughter. For the first time in over a week, all my troubles were gone. No drama with Derek… no fucking article to write…
Just a good time had by all.
And then, somewhere along the way, I blacked out.
98
I awoke in a grimy hotel room with the worst hangover I’d ever had, to the sound of my cell phone blaring loud as a trumpet.
At first I didn’t know where the hell I was. Grey light was filtering through an open window. I was lying on a lumpy queen-sized bed with stained, threadbare sheets. The yellowed wallpaper was peeling off here and there in strips, and the furniture was so shabby that I doubt even Goodwill would have wanted it.
The previous night came back in a blur. Shots… lots of shots… lesbian bar… dancing…
…Riley…
…unfamiliar hotel room…
I looked over in panic. There was a person-sized, rumpled spot next to me – but no Riley.
Next I looked down, checking my clothes – but I was fully dressed, with everything on but my boots. Jeans, blouse, jacket. My underwear seemed untouched: no funky bunching of my bra, no uncomfortably skewed panties.
My phone was still blaring like the 1812 Overture, though.
I leaned over the bed, half-blind and nauseated, and fumbled in my purse for my phone. When I hit the ‘Answer’ button and spoke, my froggy, one-octave-deeper-than-normal voice took me by surprise.
“…hello…?”
“Kaitlyn – are you okay?!”
Derek.
I squinted around the empty room. “…I… think so…”
“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me when you didn’t come home.”
Awwwww… he cared.
I felt a tiny bit better – which meant I felt like I might die in thirty minutes instead of the next five.
“…I was out drinking with Riley…”
“I know. Why does your voice sound so weird?”
I tried to think of an answer, but the easiest was the one I’d just given.
“…I was out dri
nking with Riley.”
“Okay, stupid question. You sure you’re alright?”
“…I’m alive,” I croaked.
He laughed. “That’s something, I guess. If you survived a night out with Riley, count yourself lucky. Where is she?”
I looked around the room, then slowly got to my feet and wobbled over to look into the dingy, horrifying bathroom. Nobody was there.
“…I don’t know…”
Derek’s voice became angry. “She better not have ditched you, or I’m going to fucking KILL her – ”
I winced. “…not so loud…”
“Sorry. Do you need me to come get you?”
And this was the guy Riley had said was an asshole. Pfff. What the hell did she know.
“…I… maybe…?”
Then, from outside the room, there was a familiar laugh.
“…uh… let me call you back…” I mumbled.
“Okay, talk to you – ”
I didn’t realize until he reprimanded me later, but I hung up on him.
Then I stumbled to the door and opened it.
Outside was nearly as grim as inside.
It was some cheap, by-the-hour motel, the type prostitutes use for tricks on TV cop shows. The parking lot was mostly empty except for a few battered junkers, a dozen withered, used condoms, and a shitload of cigarette butts and broken crack vials. The main office was way on the other end of the building. The metal bars over its windows made it look like a prison, and the second ‘A’ in its neon ‘Vacancy’ sign was burned out.
Riley was standing on the patio walkway outside our motel room with a cigarette, blowing smoke into the misty Seattle morning. She was wearing her thrift shop parka from the night before as protection from the chill in the air. She held a cell-phone to her ear, and her crumpled Mohawk jutted out over it like a protective shelter.
“…yeah, that’s awesome… I’m really proud of you… I knew you could do it.”
She heard the door open, looked around at me, and raised one finger in a hold on kind of way. Then she turned back to the conversation.
“What, are you fuckin’ kidding me? Of course I don’t mind. Bitch, please, I got so much cash laying around I don’t know what the fuck to do with it. No, it’s totally cool. Just think of it as payback for all those years you took care of me. Yeah. No, it’s cool. I’ll get Ryan to handle it for me right away. It might take a day or two, but I’ll get it to you. Yeah. Okay. No, don’t even worry about it. I gotta go – I’ll talk to you later. Yeah… you too. Congratulations again.”
When she hung up the phone, she was smiling bigger than I’d ever seen before.
I can’t say I shared her elation.
“Jesus, Blondie, you look like you got plowed over by a steamroller.”
I glared at her. “…thanks.”
“And you sound like you gargled a razor blade.”
“…yeah. Thanks for that, too.”
“No problem.”
“…how can you not have a hangover? You drank, like, four times as much as I did… and I’m gonna die any second now.”
“Oh, I got a hangover. I just don’t wear it as bad as you.”
“…great.” I looked around. “Where are we?”
“Oh. Yeah, you were pretty trashed, and it was pretty fuckin’ late, so I just got us a place around the corner.”
My skin crawled as I looked back into the room at the faded stains on the bed sheets. “…I hope I didn’t catch anything…”
“Give me a fuckin’ break, Blondie. Don’t be such a pussy. This place is better than half the places I grew up in.”
That gave me a whole new appreciation for certain aspects of our conversation last night.
At least you were fully clothed while you slept, I reminded myself.
Too bad you weren’t wearing a hoodie.
I wanted to ask her about her phone conversation, but this was the second time I’d unintentionally eavesdropped on her.
However, as I stood there in a world of pain and heebie-jeebies – all thanks to Riley and her Night of a Thousand Shots – I decided I didn’t give a fuck about feeling guilty.
“…who was that on the phone?”
“Hm? Oh.” Her earlier smile came back full-force. “That was my sister.”
“…Megan?”
“Mm-hm. She just found out she got into med school. Georgetown.”
My eyes opened a couple of millimeters wider – which, for me at that moment, was practically bug-eyed. “…holy shit… that’s awesome, Riley…”
She absolutely could not have looked prouder. “I know – isn’t it?”
“…sorry to be so personal” (no I wasn’t) “but… did I hear you’re gonna pay for it?”
“Fuck yeah. Once the band took off, I made sure she didn’t have to work anymore so she could go to school fulltime. She transferred to NYU, graduated with a 3.9. I paid for that, too.” She nodded slowly, somberly, but the smile on her face was pure joy. “She’s gonna be a doctor. She’s gonna be somebody important.”
At first I smiled with her, because she seemed so damn happy.
But something in what she’d said sounded… off.
“Riley… you know you’re important too, right?”
Her smile faded, and she looked away as she took a drag on her cigarette. Shrugged. “I’m just some chick in a band, that’s all.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Riley, you’re a female drummer in the biggest band in the world. You’re one of the most famous women musicians alive, doing a job normally only men do – and you’re better than all of them. And you’re doing it without shaking your ass, or wearing skimpy little costumes onstage – you’re doing it your way. There are millions of little girls who’re watching what you’re doing… and they know that if you can do it your way, they can do it their way, too. That’s important.”
She stared off into the distance with a sad, resigned look on her face. For a second I saw her the way she must have appeared to her foster sister so many years ago: a tiny child with delicate features, alone and lonely in the world.
“Nobody’s ever gonna remember me,” she murmured.
“What are you talking about?! Of course they are!”
She shook her head slowly, never taking her eyes off the horizon. “They only remember the ones who die. John Bonham… Keith Moon…”
Her words sent a shiver down my spine.
They only remember the ones who die.
We had just officially crossed over into a Very Dark Place.
But I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to ask her about that. I couldn’t. Not now. Not the way I was feeling, like my insides were about to come up any second.
So I struggled to think of another famous drummer everybody knew. “What about – what about Ringo Starr?”
She finally gave me a look, and it was a withering one. “Okay, number one, not one of the greatest drummers of all time. Number two, he’s a fuckin’ Beatle, Blondie. Of course everybody’s gonna fuckin’ remember him. Jesus.”
“Well, then… just get as big as the Beatles,” I joked.
She snorted. “Yeah, right.”
But the old Riley was back. The dark spell was broken.
…I thought.
But there was one more moment of melancholy as she flicked her cigarette over the railing and into the empty parking lot. She watched it spark briefly on the pavement, then roll and die away.
When she spoke, she did it without looking at me again.
“C’mon, Blondie, I’m starving. Let’s go get some breakfast.”
We had eggs and bacon at a nearby greasy spoon. She was somber and pensive the entire time. I tried to get her talking about her past, the way we had last night, but she wouldn’t go there again.
The interview was over.
99
We were hurtling towards the end of the tour like a runaway train.
Things became a blur. One night of partying bl
ended into the next; the concerts seemed to be one unending performance; one city transformed into another. I could barely distinguish between what happened in Vancouver versus Boise versus Denver. The only way to differentiate were things that were vastly out of the ordinary, like my interview with Riley. I’ll always remember Seattle because of that night. But otherwise, the only indicators were different skylines and the weather, and when you spend most of your time inside hotel rooms or concrete stadiums, every city looks the same.
There were things that stood out, of course – both good and bad.
One of my favorites was the time we were walking down the street on one of the band’s nights off. I don’t remember what city; it doesn’t even matter. But Derek, Ryan, Riley, and I were passing by a karaoke bar downtown when we heard somebody inside start singing one of Bigger’s hits.
“HEY!” Riley yelled, drunker than usual. “That’s our song!”
Ryan seemed to have an almost telepathic ability to tell what she was thinking. “Riley – no – ”
But it was too late. She was already inside, up on stage, and grabbing the mic away from the startled singer.
“That’s not how you sing that song!” she yelled. “THIS is how you sing that song!”
As we raced inside after her, she launched into one of the worst renditions imaginable.
It became readily apparent why she was the drummer.
Only a handful of people knew who she was. They cheered and took pictures – but the rest of the place was mystified at who the tiny punk-rock pixie was butchering ‘Go All Night.’
Fifteen seconds later, Derek bounded up on stage and grabbed the mic away from her.
“That’s not how you sing that song,” he said in his rumbling voice. “This is how you sing that song.”
Then he proceeded to give one of the most awesome mini-concerts in the history of the world.
The entire place knew who he was, and they went INSANE.
Then some people recognized Ryan, and he was thrust up onstage, protesting all the way. So it turned into Derek singing the main lyrics to three Bigger hits, Ryan singing backup, and Riley drumming on the speakers with a pair of spoons she stole from the front row of patrons.
Rock All Night (The Rock Star's Seduction #2) Page 34