by LS Sygnet
“I don’t understand what that means.”
“She’d have to steal one or use a turkey baster, if you catch my drift.”
“Well, now you know how Aidan treated Crevan when he learned that his son is gay,” I said. “I suppose it makes no difference to you that Crevan feels like you hate him for the same reason his father does.”
“I don’t hate him,” Tony growled. “I hate that he lied to me for all those years.”
“And what would you say if I told you that the same denial that kept him from believing that his father lied to him about this missing versus dead sibling was the same denial that kept Crevan from recognizing that he wasn’t like all the men around him?”
“I’d say he needs a therapist.”
“Why, Tony? Because in hindsight it seems so clear to you that your partner of twelve years was gay?”
He glared at me and shoved a half eaten meal away. Maxine showed up with my second strawberry shake in the interim of an uncomfortable silence. Tony waited until she left to go get me a gigantic, gooey cinnamon roll.
“In hindsight, I suppose you’re right. Maybe I’m more pissed off at myself for ignoring what I already knew was true,” Briscoe said. “And Jesus Christ, Eriksson. How much food do you plan to pack away today?”
“What, you don’t think Johnny will love me anymore if I get too fat?”
“You could stomp around Hennessey Island on a peg leg and that man would still love you. I gotta say though, it’s freakin’ me out a little bit seein’ you eat like this. I think you’ve had more at lunch than I’ve seen you eat since I met you. Combined.”
I wasn’t about to let Briscoe get me off message with a pitiful distraction. “So that’s it, huh? You’re gonna let a good friend think you hate him, that because he happens to be a homosexual, that you can no longer stand to speak to him or even be civil when you see him?”
“He’s the one who ran away from us,” Briscoe said. “He didn’t even give us a chance, just resigned and went to work for OSI without so much as a goodbye. What does that tell you about how he feels about us?”
“By us, you mean you. And it tells me that he saw your reaction in his apartment when Fulk Underwood spilled the beans. He probably figured he was avoiding something that would hurt more than anything else. Losing friends in a confrontation isn’t very pleasant, Tony.”
“Well, he’s a good cop. I know that’s the main reason OSI snatched him up. One of ‘em anyway. Johnny would do anything to protect his friends. That’s the other reason. But word on the street is that Crevan and Dev jumped outta the fryin’ pan into the fire. OSI’s days are numbered either way you look at it.”
“Oh?”
He nodded. “Polls show that Sanderfield is pretty well kicking Collangelo’s ass these days. If he wins, OSI is history. If Collangelo gets a second term, nobody’s gonna go for the money it costs to keep OSI up and runnin’. It don’t hurt that OSI took down this human trafficking ring, but Sanderfield’s squawking to the press that the second the scope of the crime was apparent, that OSI should’ve turned the whole kit and caboodle over to the feds.”
“The FBI was involved. David Levine was part of the team that solved the case, Tony. From what Johnny says, Zack thinks the prosecution’s case against the surviving conspirators will be a slam dunk. They caught Destiny Gerard red-handed trying to abduct the Datello baby a second time. He has hard evidence that Gillette and Agent Preston were dirty cops. We’ve got Florence Payette to testify against Melissa Sherman and to offer evidence of Eugene Sherman’s guilt, even though he died of old age before he could be prosecuted. Were you aware that he wasn’t even really Eugene Sherman? He stole the real attaché’s identity. His name was Gill Vorre. The State Department fired him because he owned Payette’s mother when he was working as a chef in Saudi Arabia. Let’s not forget the skeletal remains unearthed behind Vorre’s home in Montgomery. No way where those skull fractures accidental.”
“You all built a fine case,” Tony agreed with a curt nod. “That ain’t what Sanderfield wants people seein’. No, he’d rather focus on his gripe that OSI keeps bendin’ the rules of fair play. He don’t like it that they charge in and usurp our jurisdiction. He really don’t like it that Johnny keeps the feds outta the loop.”
“And if we had shared everything we knew, what we suspected with Alfred Preston, do you think for one second that there would’ve been any additional arrests? He’d have covered the whole thing up. Sanderfield isn’t thinking clearly. And if Collangelo had an ounce of common sense, he’d be pointing these things out to the press.”
“There’s another rumor flyin’ around, Helen. Sanderfield’s supporters are saying that Collangelo is using OSI to investigate his opponent, little more than a smear campaign to discredit Sanderfield in the eyes of the voting public.”
“I see.”
“Is it true? Does Johnny think Sanderfield took illegal campaign contributions?”
“I have no idea what sort of evidence he has,” I said. That much was true. I knew what Joe and Johnny suspected. It was what caused the paths of our investigations to cross in the first place. Eugene Sherman was the epicenter of a hornet’s nest of criminal activity. I had my suspicions about Sanderfield’s involvement in my abduction, in this human trafficking ring.
“Then there is an investigation?”
“There was,” I said, “but Johnny hasn’t been talking about work so much since I got home from the hospital. In fact, it hasn’t seemed like he’s done much investigating at all since then.”
“Yeah, I guess he wouldn’t give a damn about politicians and their squabbling in light of what happened to you. See, the thing is this. I know that no matter what happens with this election that Johnny’s gonna land on his feet and be just fine. He’s got his other business, that security company he inherited when his father died. But Puppy ain’t got that. Even if Aidan turned over the family dough to him on the spot, which I think we both know isn’t even an option at this point, Puppy wouldn’t want anything to do with it. I worry about what’ll happen to him in the meantime. Dev too. Ol’ Darnell should’ve retired long ago. He don’t need the headache anymore. But these young guys, what’s gonna happen to them?”
“They’re young, Tony. They’ll figure it out if it comes to that. Devlin seems to think that the state police would absorb the staff from OSI, since technically, they’re just a specialized branch. I’m sure that if Crevan felt he still had friends in Downey, he might consider coming back here.”
“You ain’t very subtle.”
“I never claimed to be.”
Tony chuckled. “‘Bout as subtle as a brick to the head. I reckon I’ve missed that most of all, Helen. You made your point. I ain’t gonna lose sleep worryin’ that an old friend puts me in the same box as his narrow minded daddy. I’ll give him a call.”
“I want that, for your sakes mostly,” I said. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I feel more than a little bit responsible for what happened, Tony.”
“He confided in you about the gay business, didn’t he?”
“Not willingly. I guessed. He denied. I told him it was all right, encouraged him to accept the truth and told him that the people who know him and love him wouldn’t be upset at all.”
“And then I got all pissy about it.”
“I do see your perspective in this, Tony. It was a normal reaction. Please tell Crevan that you weren’t upset because he’s gay, just that he never felt like he could tell you the truth, that he didn’t trust that it wouldn’t make a difference to you.”
He laughed. “You know, if Puppy weren’t what he is, I figured all along that he was the only guy in Darkwater Bay that could’ve seriously given Johnny a run for his money with you.”
My stomach churned at the very idea of becoming romantically involved with a man who might well be my biological relative. It revolted so much that I asked Maxine to box up the cinnamon roll as a to-go order.
Chapter 6
Johnny was unloading boxes from the trunk of his T-bird when I got back to the house. I parked inside the garage and ambled to where he continued piling boxes into his arms.
“What’s going on? I thought you already moved everything in when we made this official a couple of months ago.”
“Nothing to worry about,” he said. “These are just some things from the office.”
“So Briscoe’s rumor mill has you worried,” I said.
“Tony has a big mouth.”
I knew this, counted on it as much as every resident of Darkwater Bay knew that fog would roll through the city at sundown. “Johnny, are you giving up on the investigation into Sanderfield? Tony said that Sanderfield’s people are crying foul over it.”
“Joe’s trying to make a decision about it. In the meantime, I’m following orders. For the record, this stuff merely helps me work from home more efficiently.”
“I don’t think you should back off. It might well be the last important case that OSI closes. People are stupid if they can’t see the difference that you’ve made.”
“Yeah, well Sanderfield is spinning a different version of events. Seems he thinks we were pretty ineffective until Darkwater Bay finally did something proactive. Apparently anything I’ve done over the past couple of years had no results until you came along and started making things happen. And where’s all of this baby furniture you planned to buy this morning, by the way?”
“Eh, Maya and I got distracted over coffee. We never actually got around to shopping for anything more than decaffeinated sugary, fatty beverages.”
Johnny dropped the boxes back into the trunk of the car and drew me into his arms. “Good. I was feeling a little excluded this morning.”
“I did get the number of her doctor. I’ve got an appointment first thing in the morning. Think you can tear yourself away from work for an hour or so to come with me? They want to do an ultrasound.”
One hand splayed over my belly. Johnny peered into my eyes. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m not missing any of your appointments, Helen. We’re in this together, right?”
I snuggled close and laid my head against his chest and compartmentalized my life a little bit more. “I certainly hope so.”
“Helen, don’t have a single doubt about it. Nothing else matters as much to me as you and our family.”
“Not even the fate of all the people who have counted on you to provide stable employment?”
“They’ll be fine. Chris is already talking about retirement. It would remove a hefty chunk of our budget. God knows I don’t need the money. We could trim a significant amount if I took a pay cut.”
“You’re not doing such a dangerous job for free.”
“Yet I wasn’t the pro bono who got hurt recently, was I? No, that was you.”
I grinned up at him. “Who says I’m not submitting a bill for my services?”
Johnny slammed the trunk shut, boxes still inside. He steered me into the house. “What have you got in that Styrofoam package?”
“An enormous cinnamon roll from the diner across the street from Downey Division. Want to split it with me?”
“Only if you’ll tell me how lunch with Tony went.”
I couldn’t suppress the satisfied grin. “He’s going to call Crevan, Johnny.”
“Ah, so your ulterior motive is now crystal clear. Are you sure he’s going to say nice things when he calls him?”
“I made a good argument for his best behavior.”
“Uh-oh. Does that mean he’s going to call me screeching that you threatened his life again?”
“No, but I did point out to him that his attitude has been disturbingly similar to Aidan Conall’s, which he didn’t like hearing, I might add.”
“Ouch,” Johnny winced visibly. “Way to push his buttons, Doc. I’m not sure why, but Tony has never had a very high opinion of Crevan’s father. Were you aware of that?”
It wasn’t as clear before, but after our chat about Crevan’s missing twin sister, I understood it much better. “He mentioned a few things in the past, after Crevan told us that he informed his family about the pending divorce from Belle. I knew there were some strong feelings, but I had no idea why.”
“You figure it’s the religious thing?” he let go of me and swung open the refrigerator. “Milk or do you prefer coffee with dessert?”
“Milk,” I said. “I need the calcium.”
Johnny grinned. “Did you remember to take your vitamin this morning?”
“Yep. And the other most remarkable thing about lunch was how my appetite freaked out our somewhat opinionated friend.”
“It’s good to hear you call Tony a friend again, Helen. I know he’s crusty and difficult and the most politically incorrect guy you’ve probably ever met, but he has a good heart.”
We’d see about that. His greatest value to me was still historical. I sat down at the kitchen table and flipped open the box containing a brick sized cinnamon roll and waited for Johnny to bring the milk. I dragged one finger through the gooey cream cheese frosting and sucked on it.
“No comment?” Johnny placed two large glasses of milk on the table. “And don’t eat all the frosting off my half of that.”
“I said I’d share, not that you could have half.”
His eyes twinkled. “Wrestle you for it.”
“No way, Orion. You’d lose.”
“I’ve had many arguments with you over food, sweetheart. I must say, this is a refreshing about face. You eat to your heart’s content.”
I unwound a strand of cinnamon freckled dough and started nibbling. “So Maya and I chatted half the morning before we parted company. I had a little extra time to kill before I met Tony at the diner.”
“Do I want to know what you were doing?”
I reached for the milk and took a large gulp. “I stopped by the Social Security Administration.”
“What for?” The wolverine eyebrows started dancing.
“To legally change my name.”
Johnny grew very still. His hand hung suspended over my confection.
“No comment?”
“Helen, are you serious?”
I nodded. “It’s legal now. I’m officially Helen Eriksson Orion.”
“Honey… I thought…”
“I said I’d think about it. I thought about it. It’s done. Don’t tell me that you’ve had a change of heart already.”
Johnny dragged me across his thighs until I was folded in an embrace from which there was no escape. He reached for the cinnamon roll and started tearing off bites which were fed to me with great care.
“I take it this means you approve.”
“Every time I think I couldn’t be happier in life, you do something that dwarfs the last moment of contentment,” he said. “I know the argument you made for keeping your name. It was very logical, practical even.”
“Those were the real reasons, Johnny. You know I never took Rick’s name either. It’s a pain in the ass changing everything. Now I’ve got to call banks and credit card companies. I need to get a new driver’s license. Not to mention my license to practice psychology.”
“And something made you think it was worth all that fuss and inconvenience?”
Our eyes met. “You,” I said. “You’re worth it. You’ve offered me something precious, Johnny. I have a clean slate, a new life, a name that isn’t tainted by my father’s criminal past. Why wouldn’t I want to share the name of the man who made everything better?”
Johnny kissed me softly. “Is that how you really feel?”
“Yeah, it’s the truth, Johnny. You make me know who I am.” Guilt vibrated inside my bones. Still, I pushed ahead. I had no choice.
“You’ve always been who you are, Helen. A name doesn’t change that.”
“That hasn’t been my experience.”
“Honey, you’re the same person I fell in love with. You’re strong and brilliant and beautiful and courageous –”
&
nbsp; “You don’t have to say this.”
“And you’re stubborn and opinionated and magnificently flawed. I love all of that. I love that you can’t admit when you’re wrong. I love the way you lie so easily.”
“You’re crazy, Johnny.”
“What I love the most is that even when you try to lie to me, I can see right through it. I know you, Helen. The good, the bad, the confused. All of it. I love you in spite of the things other people wouldn’t tolerate. I know why you are the way you are. I get you, inside and out, all the dark corners that you want to pretend don’t exist. Remember?”
“I don’t understand why.”
“We’re the same, deep down. I’m not perfect either, even though you refuse to see the truth. Look where jealousy took me a couple of weeks ago. You got hurt, and ultimately, it was my fault.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “It really was. The fact that you forgive it so easily, how is that different from what I forgive in you?”
“Because your mistakes don’t hurt other people. Mine always do. They always have. I told you once that I’m toxic.”
“And my mistake hurt the only person I wanted to protect. It hurt you. It wasn’t the first time that my errors in judgment caused you to suffer.”
“Oh really?”
Johnny nodded. “First time was when I butted into your personal life without permission.”
“In the long run, what you did protected me, Johnny.”
“But you retreated from everyone who loves you, including me. You wasted away to nothing because I pushed and you refused to let anybody be close to you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. That’s my flaw, not yours.”
“I knew damn well that you were planning to go rogue the night you served that warrant at Dunhaven. Did I stop you when it would’ve made a difference? No. I let you do what you wanted. You got hurt. Hell, you wouldn’t have gotten shot at Uncle Nasty’s if I hadn’t been so determined to dig for the truth. Yet you don’t see it that way.”