“You don’t get it, Harley. This is not about you.’’
“Then tell me.’’ She narrowed her eyes and frowned. “Stop this bullshit and tell me!’’
I released her and walked to the half-obstructed window, my arms crossed again. “You stop. I don’t owe you an explanation.’’
“You don’t?’’ She laughed humorlessly and that laugh had me turning back around. That didn’t sound like her at all. She seemed livid. “You can drag me here and kiss me like no one had ever kissed me, you can turn me on and stop everything to put this distance between us and don’t give me a fucking explanation? Damn, Dex, think again!’’
“Harley…’’
“I’m not going to stop, Dex. Either you tell me or I leave and quit. I don’t care about the salary or anything right now because I’m not one to let a guy play me. Ever.’’
I stalked back to her and towered over her, my jaw clenching and unclenching in rhythm with my heartbeats. “You think this is a game for me?’’
“You’re the rockstar, you tell me.’’
I put a hand behind her head again and took a hold of her hair. “You really want to know, Harley?’’ I asked roughly, my mouth close to hers.
She glared harder at me. “Yes.’’
I tightened my grip on her hair and she went on her tiptoes. She grabbed my bare shoulders to keep her balance and feeling her hands on me again had me ready to kiss her, even with what I had to say.
“I’ve been abstinent for the last two years and I haven’t had real sex for the last seven fucking years,’’ I growled out. “I haven’t been able to come with a woman in seven years.’’
Her beautiful green eyes slowly lost that angry spark when my words finally registered and they widened innocently. I could see the moment when questions invaded her face and when the lust and desire for me left her. That was when my cock finally went back to rest.
I released her and took a step back. Her arms fell back along her sides. “Now, you know why I put distance between us.’’
She blinked and opened her mouth, but no sound came out.
I nodded when her reaction mirrored what I knew it would be. Already she wasn’t looking at me the same. My cheeks got hotter and I thanked my three day old beard for the cover. She closed her mouth and I took that as my cue. I walked out of the room without a look back.
HARLEY
What did that mean?
That question kept on circling in my mind as I watched the band working with the photographer, taking pose after pose. I had a hard time looking away from Dex, but he wasn’t looking at me anymore. Actually, since he had left the room in the building, he made sure to stay far away from me.
I was glad my Twitter account exploded with the two pics posted earlier because at least that gave a distraction and prevented me from exploding.
But every few minutes my eyes landed back on Dex and his jeans getting lower and lower on his hips and showing off his “v’’ thing leading to his pants and the flame tat right under his belly button. I couldn’t not look at his crotch, remember how hard, how impressive and hot he had felt. And that was when I replayed his words.
He hadn’t had sex in years.
How was that possible? For an average guy it seemed very unlikely, but for a damn rockstar like him? That was insane. If I hadn’t felt him hard earlier I would have thought it was a physical situation, but it wasn’t. Then what?
“We should be finished in twenty minutes. As soon as the photographer is done we’ll be able to go,’’ my father said next to me. I hadn’t seen him walking toward me.
“Huh? Oh, good.’’ I looked back at my father and he pocketed his phone in his pristine black jeans.
“What’s going on between you and Dex?’’ He wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“Nothing at all, Dad.’’ I stepped away from his comforting embrace and faced him. “What do you think is going on?’’ I frowned and I knew my tone was too defensive to be honest, but at this point, I didn’t know anything. Dex’s revelation threw me.
“That’s the thing, honey, I don’t know. Dex doesn’t…’’ He shook his head and sighed as if he was shouldering a whole lot of things. “He’s not very outgoing with people or specifically women.’’
“You don’t have to worry then, Dad. And please, remember I’m an adult now. I know what I’m doing.’’
“With rockstars, the cards aren’t the same. That, you don’t know anything about.’’ He kissed my forehead and walked to the photographer, probably to wrap things up.
He wasn’t completely wrong there.
Five minutes later my father called out the end of the photoshoot and the band immediately hightailed it to the building. They probably wanted to put on more clothes before going back to their car. It was now or never if I wanted to talk to Dex. He had me by surprise earlier, but now that I had had time to reflect on the situation, I needed to know more, to understand him and his issue with sex. I also wanted to make sure that was the real reason why he was playing hot and cold with me and not some other unhealthy game.
I glanced around and discreetly made my way inside the building and up to the first floor. I peeked into the room and found the guys talking while putting their t-shirts back on. Beckett threw his beanie on a lone chair and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. Otis put back on his cap with the hockey team Hawks’ logo. Maxen was talking about one of the women out there working as a makeup artist who he would “bang’’ without a second thought as he put back around his neck a black cord with what looked like a thick ring. And then, in the far corner was Dex with a grey-blue t-shirt on already. He was passing his thick leather belt through the loops of his jeans. I could see him frowning from here and his movements were jerky.
I bit the inside of my cheeks and braced myself. I left my hiding spot and walked in. Maxen smiled at me with his playfulness. “Damn Harley, two minutes ago and you’d have been able to see me in my underwear. You missed out on something.’’
“I’m so crushed,’’ I replied with a short laugh, bringing my hand to my heart. The guys laughed. Even Beckett as he put his expensive looking watch back on.
But when I glanced back at Dex he looked grim and not amused one bit. A nervous energy invaded me as I closed in on him. It got worse when he continued to ignore me. “Can we talk?’’
He froze right when he put on his aviator sunglasses. His dark eyes finally landed on me and I recoiled. He wasn’t only grim, but stone cold. “There’s nothing to say anymore.’’ He looked me up and down and pushed past me, bumping into me on his way out and not glancing back to make sure I didn’t end up on my ass.
I kept looking where he had been standing, unable to face the guys now very quiet behind me. I swallowed thickly and pushed back the tingle in my eyes. I wouldn’t cry over such a stupid thing. But he hurt my feelings and put me down in front of his friends and I wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much.
“Harley?’’ Otis called out my name.
I fortified myself, took a deep, cleansing breath and turned around. I didn’t try and force a smile on my face, but I knew my eyes didn’t hold the same shine like earlier. “I think I better go. I still have to write a few things for my blog.’’
“Hey, girlie.’’ Maxen stopped me with a hand on my elbow as I walked past him. “Don’t mind Dex. He can be a moody asshole.’’
A small smile stretched my mouth, but it was difficult. I didn’t feel like smiling or talking. At this point, I wanted some alone time and focus on working on my blog and the different emails I knew were sitting in my inbox. That was safer. “It’s not my problem anyway.’’ I shrugged and waved at Otis and Beckett when they walked out after saying goodbye.
“From where I stand, I think it is.’’
I frowned at Maxen and scoffed. “He told you, didn’t he?’’ I pushed away some of my hair that was sticking to my forehead. “Of course, he did.’’
“He didn’t have to. The guy can’t hide shit from m
e, Harley. We’ve known each other since we were sixteen.’’
“You deserve an award because he’s a serious piece of work.’’
He barked out his laugh and toyed with his piercing. “I can’t say he’s not difficult, but he isn’t a bad guy. He’s…’’ He looked at the ceiling as if trying to find how to finish that sentence. “Well, let’s just say he has a lot on his mind and he’s not always used to new people.’’
I looked back at the open door and didn’t see anybody and didn’t hear a single sound coming from inside the building. I leaned closer to Maxen who narrowed his eyes at me, probably wondering what I was about to do. If even Maxen was wary, then they must have met some serious nutcase women over the years. “How close are you and Dex exactly?’’
His eyebrows arched upward and disappeared behind some long strands falling back over his forehead and hiding parts of his vivid green eyes. “Not like you imply.’’
I gaped at him at a loss. “What? What are you talking about?’’
He blinked and cleared his throat. “Uh…weren’t you asking if we’re gay?’’
I chuckled and snorted, unable to control myself. “No!’’ I said with a laugh. “God, I would never think that.’’
He chuckled and rubbed at his neck, a light pink hue now coloring his cheeks. “Fuck, that was real awkward.’’ He waited until I stopped laughing before asking, “Then what are you asking?’’
“I don’t know how to…’’ I trailed off and shook my head. How do you go around asking a guy’s best friend if he knows about his friend’s issues when it comes to sex? Wasn’t that a no go between men? I pursed my lips and brought a hand to my forehead. “No, forget it.’’
Maxen glanced at the open door before focusing back on me. “Did he talk to you?’’
I narrowed my eyes. “About what?’’
He crossed his big tattooed arms. “You tell me.’’
We kept on eyeing each other, gauging what the other knew, but it was completely ridiculous. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “He told me about his sex life.’’
“Or lack of one, you mean,’’ Maxen retorted and smiled. “For once he listened to my advice. That’s a first.’’
“I pushed him until he told me.’’ I groaned when I remembered what a bitch I had been. “I messed up, Maxen. I shouldn’t be surprised he pushed me away there,’’ I said pointing at the corner of the room where Dex had been.
“Nah, don’t think that.’’ He uncrossed his arms and put the necklace with the ring under his white t-shirt. “He’s not used to talking about that shit, that’s all.’’
“I got mute when he told me that he can’t…you know.’’
“You didn’t say anything?’’
“No, that’s why I tried talking to him. I wanted to, I don’t know, say something at last.’’
He cringed and patted my shoulder. “The guy opened up and he never does so if he thinks you rejected him because of his…uh…problem? Well, he’s not going to come around easily. He’s a stubborn fucker.’’
“Basically, you’re saying I should give up and ignore him.’’
He shook his head. “No, what I’m saying is that you have to make him listen.’’ He fished his car keys out of his light blue jeans. “Do you have a car?’’
“No, why?’’
“Because I’m going to drive you to his place.’’ He chuckled. “He won’t escape you if you go over there.’’
I smiled and nodded. “I don’t know why you’re helping me out, but you’re a devious one under that naughty angel look going for you.’’
He laughed and glanced around to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything before walking out. “Yeah well, something tells me you’re exactly what Dex needs. And if he doesn’t keep his cock hard when around you, then I’ll stop having sex.’’
“Whoa, be careful what you put on the line, Maxen. Unless you wish to take a break from casual sex.’’
He shot me an amused look over his shoulder as he started walking down the stairs. “Me? Ha! I’m made to fuck and play the drums.’’
“I think you’re also a very good friend. There’s more to you than the sex and music.’’
He sighed and rubbed at his neck. “Nice to hear it, girlie.’’
*
DEX
I pushed myself harder and swam faster. I had lost track of time after the fifteenth lap in my swimming pool. My lungs burnt, my limbs were aching and my heart was beating at a fast pace. But the one thing it didn’t do and the one thing I was looking for, was emptying my fucking mind.
I replayed again and again that fucking kiss with Harley, how good, no, how great it had been. And then I would see her face behind closed eyelids when I told her about me. I stopped swimming right in the middle of the pool and opened my eyes. That shit wasn’t doing a damn thing for me.
I looked around and froze, drinking and choking on some water when I saw who was standing at one hand of the pool, arms crossed and eyes narrowed on me. Harley. What the fuck was she doing here? And how did she get in?
“I didn’t break anything to get in here. Maxen used his key to open the front door when you didn’t answer.’’
I ran a hand through my damp hair to push it away from my face and swam to the edge of the pool. I hoisted myself out with my arms and walked to her, already clenching my hands into fists. The very little composure and calm I had found while swimming disappeared at the first glance of her here, at my place. What was Maxen thinking!
“You have nothing to do here.’’
Her eyes slipped from my face and down my chest. Her cheeks turned red and as usual, it made me want to kiss them, to touch her face. Fuck, that show of innocence was still calling out to me.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Dex. You left without giving me the time to tell you something.’’
“You think I give a shit, Harley? Come on!’’ I walked around her to a lounge chair and grabbed the beach towel I threw there before plunging into the pool. I dried my face and chest before wrapping it around my neck and over my shoulders.
“You don’t care and that’s fine, but I do.’’ She pushed my shoulder to force me to face her and I let her, too surprised by her obvious anger. “So here is what I want to tell you.’’ She took a deep breath and locked eyes with me. “I don’t care if you can’t go all the way with a woman.’’
“Right.’’
“I’m being honest, Dex.’’ She waved between us. “I felt something when I was with you in that room and yesterday on that street. I…I’m not crazy thinking that it’s something more than attraction and we both know I’ll be gone soon enough, but I don’t care if you have issues in your sex life.’’ Her eyes briefly went to my tattooed pecs and nibbled on her lip. “I liked kissing you.’’
I swallowed and cleared my throat, suddenly tongue-tied. I looked down at my bare feet. “I liked that too.’’ I grasped the hem of the towel on each side of me. “But that doesn’t mean I can fuck you, Harley. That doesn’t change a thing and I’m not sure I believe you when you say you don’t mind my problem.’’
“My reaction earlier wasn’t the best but put yourself in my shoes. You’re a freaking rockstar, Dex! You travel around the world, you’re worshiped and are the star of many women’s fantasies. Of course, it’s strange and bound to shock me when you tell me you haven’t been with a woman in years. I would have been less shocked if you had told me you’re gay.’’
“Good to know you believed some of the rumors out there.’’
“I didn’t, but you have to acknowledge it’s not common.’’
I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes before I snapped at her. Of course, it wasn’t the most common for a healthy man my age to be unable to fuck a woman or keep a hard on with a naked one. “Let me guess, now you want to know why I have this problem.’’
“I’m a human being and of course I am curious, but I’m starting to get to know you and I’m not going to push it. You want to tell me,
then good. You don’t? I can live with that just fine.’’ She tapped her foot on the ground, betraying her mood. Either she was frustrated with me or angry. I knew these were the emotions I called out to her, just like she did with me. Along with lust, but that was beside the point.
“I…’’ I turned away from her scrutiny and looked at the trees stretching far out on the horizon. From here, I could barely make out Maxen’s house. Only its roof was peeking in between some trees. “I need a drink if we’re going to talk about that shit.’’
“Good. I need one too.’’
I smirked and when I turned around, she was smiling shyly, looking at me from under her lashes in that cute way that made my fucking heart beat harder. “Come on.’’
I walked back inside the house, making sure to dry my feet on the small rug right outside of the deck before stepping in the living-room and straight for the wet bar in the corner.
“You have an incredible house.’’
I didn’t miss the awe in her voice. This house wasn’t the most expensive one around here, but it sure was a luxury. I bought it right when our first hit made it to platinum. Not only was I fucking proud to be able to buy a house like this one, but it had become a necessity. A gated community provided the privacy and security I needed if I didn’t want to end up with fans and the press hanging out at my place or trying to break in. Maxen followed me and bought the house next door, paying extra cash to the old couple to convince them to sell. When that hadn’t worked, Maxen upped his charm and the old lady couldn’t sign the contract and hand the keys over fast enough. The fucker knew how to win people over. I was the one driving them away.
“What’s on your mind?’’
I startled and looked down at the glasses with rum and orange in my hands. I didn’t know how long I had stood there without moving. “Nothing. Here.’’
“Thanks.’’ She took a sip and cringed. “Wow. That packs a punch.’’
I shrugged and took a big gulp seeking the warmth of the alcohol and the courage to tell her my story. Since it happened, I had never been inclined to disclose the story to anyone else. Maxen knew about it because we already knew each other back then and Otis and Beckett started to question me and I ended up telling them one drunken night. Other than them? I avoided the subject. Floyd must have cooked up some crazy stuff in his head, but at least, he never went out of his way to question me. Up until today when he alluded to my sex life, but I didn’t blame him considering his daughter was now in the middle of my mess.
Dex (Kinky Shine #1) Page 9