“I fucking do,’’ I replied gruffly, looking back out my window. Coming from me, it was as much as saying I was in love with her. I had never liked another woman and they knew I needed to be shaken up by her to get out of my self-imposed celibacy.
“She’s leaving soon,’’ Otis pointed out without looking away from the road.
“I know that.’’ I sighed and rubbed at my eyes. “It’s not going anywhere.’’
Maxen scoffed and I glared at him. He showed me his ‘fuck you’ tattoo again and I had to bite my tongue not to smile.
“She’s a damn blogger, Dex. She could work anywhere if she wanted to. And her parents are in LA.’’
“She has friends in New York. You move away from your place when you’re in a serious relationship, not when you’re fucking your brains out with someone,’’ I retorted irritated. I didn’t want to think about her leaving, about stopping what we’re doing and never seeing her. Or seeing her in a few months with another man when she’s in LA to visit her family. The thought of another man touching her, making her come and seeing her naked made me want to break something.
“Whatever you say,’’ Maxen replied and shrugged as if he didn’t care one way or another, but I knew him better than that.
“It’s funny how you’re keen on giving relationship advice when we all remember, or partially remember Las Vegas.’’
He glared my way and the hard mask on his face made me regret mentioning Las Vegas. I knew it was a sore topic even though I never really got why. In the four years since it happened, it was the first time anybody mentioned it. And we never went back there, not even for a concert.
“Speaking of, I called Alan last night,’’ Beckett said, trying to change the subject. “I told him we wouldn’t be able to play at his bar this summer but that we would come special there another time.’’
Alan was our college buddy. He was the only one we kept in touch with. He bought out his uncle’s bar when the old man moved away to follow his second wife and since then we hadn’t been able to see much of Alan, but we regularly called him and played catch up. Alan had also been there in Las Vegas and his cousin too. It had been one crazy weekend and it was still a bit foggy, but I remembered most of what happened and even how I had to take care of a puking Maxen in our hotel room while the guys were passed out on the bed and floor.
“How’s Lark?’’ Maxen asked and we all saw through his fake nonchalance.
“Uh, she’s good. She’s still with the same guy and moved in with him a year ago. They’ve been together two years now, I think.’’
Maxen nodded and looked away, his eyebrows bunching over his eyes. Something clicked in my head and I sighed. A year ago he heard about Lark moving in with some man and that was a year ago when he started coke. I had never understood what it was with Lark and him. After all, they had always been at each other’s throats and never even once shared a kiss. In college, they barely acknowledged each other on their good days. But she got to him.
He absentmindedly brought a hand to the chain around his neck and toyed with what I knew was a tacky silver band under his blue t-shirt.
I said nothing and we all fell silent. And then, my mind went back to Harley.
I grabbed my phone in my pocket and opened the Twitter app.
Dex Bowers (@TheDexMystery)
What should you do when someone special enters your life and they’re not supposed to stay? #stayplease
I knew she would see my tweet, but I didn’t know what she’d do or say. My heart hammered in my chest and a sheen of sweat appeared on my forehead.
Fuck, maybe I should have thought about it instead of going balls to the wall.
*
HARLEY
Dex Bowers (@TheDexMystery)
What should you do when someone special enters your life and they’re not supposed to stay? #stayplease
I kept on reading and re-reading his tweet posted twenty minutes ago. Already thousands of fans tweeted him back, retweeted and favorited him. Me, I stared at that tweet, my heart doing some weird shit in my chest while I was gaping at my phone unsure of what to make of it.
Did he mean to stay a little bit longer? Did he mean move to LA? What did he mean?
“Honey?’’
I finally looked up from my phone and met my parents’ inquisitive looks. My mother had a little smile, but my father’s gaze wasn’t so soft. He kept expecting to see me be a mess, thinking that Dex would hurt my feelings. I knew now that the situation would end up hurting me, there’s very little doubt. Leaving him and stopping what we had would be painful, no matter what I tell myself. I cared about him. I cared more about him than what I probably should considering it started as just a casual thing. And his life was so very different from mine. I wasn’t made for the spotlights.
“Sorry. I was on Twitter. It can be time-consuming.’’ I pocketed my phone without so much as favoriting his tweet or answering. I needed to talk to him. I took another sip of my now cold coffee.
“How is it going with Dex?’’ my mother asked and I choked. My eyes watered and I put down my mug.
“What?’’ I stared at my parents, both of them staring at me with all-knowing eyes that made me want to blind them. A blush heated up my face. “Uh, it’s…fine? There’s nothing to tell, you know.’’ I cleared my throat. The last time I had been so uneasy was the day I had lost my virginity in high school. It had seemed like my parents could tell with just one look at me.
“I need to make a few phone calls. There are still some of the guys’ appearances I need to cancel,’’ my dad said with a clipped voice before he left the kitchen table.
I knew he didn’t approve of me and Dex even though he liked him and knew deep down he wouldn’t willingly hurt me, but he was worried for me I suppose. My mother sighed and started clearing the table of our empty plates after eating a good serving of pancakes.
“I wonder when your father will accept that it’s normal for you to see men.’’
“I don’t think that’s the real issue here.’’ I helped my mother by bringing the mugs to the sink. “Dex isn’t your common guy.’’
“And to you, is he common?’’ She rinsed the plates and started putting them away in the dishwasher.
“He’s a man before a rockstar, but he’s not common at all.’’ He’s more than that. A lot more.
She stopped what she was doing and faced me. “You’re falling for him.’’ It wasn’t a question, it was an observation that made my heart speed up again.
I looked away and shrugged. I had lost my voice.
“Honey, it’s okay.’’
“No, it’s not. He’s the Kinky Shine frontman, he’s gorgeous, famous and he lives in LA when he’s not touring around the damn world. It shouldn’t be happening.’’ I hugged myself and went back to the bar stool at the kitchen island.
“Harley, you can’t predict or prevent that kind of thing. Talk with him.’’
“You don’t get it, Mom.’’
“Maybe not, but from the little your father told me, it looks like whenever you two are around each other you gravitated to each other one way or another. Maybe he wants more than something temporary too.’’
“What about that thing you said when I first arrived? You warned me to be careful with him.’’
She shrugged and rinsed the mugs before she put them into the dishwasher and closed it. “I was afraid you’d be infatuated with him and it wouldn’t be reciprocated. But it looks like it’s very different.’’
I looked down at my phone and his tweet came back to the forefront of my mind. I knew I needed to talk to him, but at the same time, I didn’t know if I could put down all my cards on the table and my heart with it. He made me feel things more deeply, more extremely and while I was falling in love with him, I knew he could already break my heart. I didn’t need much longer to be completely in love with him. He had my attention from the very first day and had been worming himself deeper inside ever since then. In only three short weeks. T
hat was fast, scary and crazy, just like his world was. In such a short amount of time he made me reconsider a lot of things, like leaving LA to go back to my life in New York.
I need to tell you something. When can I see you?
I ignored my mother who was pretending to tidy around the kitchen when she was really watching me. My attention was on the screen of my phone, hoping he’d see my text even though I knew he was busy getting Maxen situated for his rehab.
We should be back at noon. My place?
I quickly sent him a text to let him know I’d be at his house at noon and then I took a deep breath, knowing that that moment would change the outcome of our relationship.
My mother walked past me and quietly patted my shoulder.
DEX
Leaving my best friend behind in the facility had been harder than I expected. It was for his own good and it wasn’t like the facility wasn’t top notch and luxurious, but it was still difficult for me to believe he used and I didn’t see anything for a year. I wanted to be the one helping him like he had always been there for me, but I couldn’t. It was out of my realm.
And now that I was back at my place waiting for Harley to talk about some shit, I was out of sorts. If she told me she wanted to stop now, I didn’t know how I’d take it. At least, my bar was well-stocked. I had enough to hold my own pity-party like a loser.
I knew my tweet had been a bad idea and I had spent the better part of the morning cursing myself and scowling while checking the facility and saying goodbye to Maxen.
The bell rang and I jumped to my feet. It was now or never. I ran a hand along my jaw and walked to the front door. I took a deep breath and opened.
Harley was there, standing with a shy smile on her sweet face. Her big green eyes were luminous and uncertain when they met mine. Her small crocheted black top revealed most of her waist and her jean shorts didn’t cover much of her thighs either. She was delicious to look at and my cock immediately sprang to life.
“Come in. I was about to fire up the grill.’’ I moved to the side to let her in, but when she walked past me I stopped her with a hand on her bare waist and leaned down to kiss her lush lips. I wanted to take her mouth and kiss her to make her lose her mind, but I held back. She wasn’t here for that, not yet at least.
She blinked up at me and then slowly made her way to the deck outside where the grill, the table, lounge chairs, and pool were. I watched her sweet ass move as she walked, the way her shapely legs shifted as she strolled outside.
“How did it go with Maxen?’’ she asked when we were both at the grill and I started firing it up to grill some meat for a quick lunch outside.
“Good. He’s nervous and would love to be anywhere else, but he knows it’s important.’’
“I’m sure he’ll make a quick recovery.’’
I nodded and watched the flames licking the grill, warming the air around us even more than it already was. “Yeah. I hope he won’t go back to the coke afterward. That’s the fucking issue when you’re in this business. It’s not like we never see drugs around us at parties or even at some concert venues. He’ll have temptations.’’
“He’s strong enough to fight these temptations.’’
I sighed and grabbed the plate of meat next to the grill and put it on to cook before I turned to face her. “You’re not here to talk about Maxen. You saw my tweet.’’
She arched her eyebrows at my tone but slowly nodded. “You don’t waste any time I see.’’
“We’ve never been one to pretend around each other, Harley. Let’s not start now. Especially now.’’
She turned around and went to sit on one chair around the table. I followed her, making sure to keep my eyes on her. I hated that the table was in between us, separating us and making it difficult for me to touch her.
“I saw your tweet and I…I don’t understand.’’ She glanced down at her hands clenched in front of her on the table. “I mean, I think I understand but…’’ She groaned and closed her eyes tightly. “I don’t make any sense, do I?’’
I stretched over the table and put a hand on hers, completely covering them with only one of mine. She was trembling under my palm. “I don’t want to see you leave LA and I don’t want to stop what is going on between us. It’s that simple.’’
She turned one of her hands to wrap her fingers around mine and that made the blood in my veins rush faster.
“It’s not simple. I got an email this morning just before I came here for a meeting with the label on Monday. I think they’ll sign the end of my contract.’’
“So? You can stay a little bit longer. If it’s about money, I can—‘’
“Don’t go there, Dex. Please.’’ She frowned and squeezed my fingers. “My blog is doing well, more than well since I have been here for my job with Kinky Shine, but I can’t stay here.’’
“You mean you won’t.’’ My gut twisted and I pulled back.
“This is crazy,’’ she mumbled and the sadness in her voice and in her eyes calmed the anger growing inside me. “We’ve known each other for a few short weeks, Dex. Weeks! I don’t know if…forget it.’’
“If what?’’ I frowned at her before I stood up and took care of the meat, making sure it wasn’t burning to ashes. Then I went back to the table. “Talk to me, Harley. We’re doing a half-assed job at the communication shit here.’’
“You’re difficult to talk to.’’
“No, I’m not.’’
She chuckled lightly, the sound strange when the tension was so thick between us. But it was a nice sound, something so sweet and sexy at the same time that it made me smirk a bit too.
“You don’t realize how intense you are most of the time.’’ She flipped her dark hair over one shoulder and tilted her head sideways as if assessing me. I clenched my hands in my lap, scared shitless of what would come out of her mouth next. I laid myself bare to her and now…I didn’t know what she’d do or how she’d take it. “Why do you want me to stay? Is it for the sex because you know you can with me? Is it because…because you…hm…like me?’’
“Seriously, Harley?’’ I growled and glared at her. “Yeah, the sex is out of this fucking world between us, but do you really think that’s why I want you to stay? Fuck, I basically spelled it out on Twitter for ya. I care about you. All of this would have never happened if I didn’t.’’
“But how do you care about me? That’s what I need to know.’’
“I’m not good with that kind of talking.’’ I rubbed at my temples and cursed myself for leaving my sunglasses in the house when I needed them to hide.
“Forget it then.’’ She looked away at the grill and made a move to stand up, but I grabbed her forearm before she left her chair.
“That’s not because I’m not good at something I give up without trying. Stay the fuck here.’’ When I was sure she wouldn’t make another move to leave, I relaxed a little and released her arm. “I’ve never cared about a woman like I care about you. I can’t exactly put it into words, but I think…’’ I shook my head. “No, I know that we have something here. Attraction and lust started it and I couldn’t resist you, but there’s the potential for more. I feel it here.’’ I put a hand over my hammering heart. “It’s always doing some crazy shit when you’re around. That’s a good barometer.’’
“Mine too,’’ she whispered, her cheeks turning that pink color I love. “But I’m…afraid.’’
“Of what? Don’t you want to see where it goes? You can stay here while we explore it, or if you’d rather stay with your parents I understand. I’m just asking for some time with you.’’
“And what if you realize that it’s wearing off and you were only feeling like this because it’s been a while for you?’’ She hugged herself and for the first time I saw her fear. It’s not just words, she’s really afraid I’d hurt her.
“I know it’s more than that, Harley. Believe me. Trust me.’’ I stood up and walked around the table to kneel next to her chair.
She turned her face toward me and I ran my thumb over her lips before I cupped her face. “I can’t let you go. If you want to stop having sex with me and start again really slow this time, we will. I don’t care. Ask me anything, but give me the time to prove to you that I deeply care about you. I’m…Fuck Harley, I’m falling for you.’’
*
HARLEY
I gulped and looked in his eyes to see if he was pulling my leg. But there was nothing other than apprehension and honesty. His palm on my cheek made me feel cherished and I wanted more of his embrace. My whole body vibrated at his touch, as simple as it was.
“You do?’’
“Yeah. I didn’t think it was possible so soon or that I was able to open up like this with a woman, but you’re not like any other to me.’’
He leaned into me and kissed my lips slowly, not trying to deepen it. It melted me.
“I’m falling for you too and I’m so scared, Dex,’’ I whispered against his mouth.
I felt him smiling against my lips, but I kept my eyes closed to better sense him and that moment.
“You don’t have to be scared, Harley. You’re mine and I’ll take care of you. Stay, please.’’
I pulled back and ran a hand through his soft dark hair. “Let’s give each other a trial. I’ll stay the summer and we’ll see how it goes. What do you think?’’
“Believe me, you’ll be staying a lot longer than that,’’ he replied with his handsome smirk. As usual, his dimple had me melting.
“You’re so full of yourself,’’ I said in a laugh, not looking away from him even though now I could smell that the meat was burning on the grill. But he didn’t move away either.
“I know what I want and I’m fucking persistent when I want to be. I bet you before the end of the summer you’ll be moving in here with me and you’ll be working on your blog from LA instead of New York.’’
I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought my forehead against his. I hope what he said was true, but for the sake to be the frustrating woman I had always been since meeting him I said, “How much do you want to bet?’’
He narrowed his eyes on me and kissed me deeply, nibbling on my lower lip before his tongue slipped into my mouth to tease my own. I couldn’t tell how long we kissed, but when he broke the kiss I didn’t know where I was anymore and my breathing was labored.
Dex (Kinky Shine #1) Page 21