by Avery Hawkes
"You skank!" She screeched from the ground, "You broke my fucking nose!"
"Oh my gosh," I ran over to Regina, feeling the eyes of over a dozen people as they watched the shit show before them. "I'm soo, sooo sorry Reggi. I don't know what came over me, I―"
As I offered to help her up, I saw a switch flip in my little sister's eyes. Despite her bleeding nose, she let out a loud scream and bolted toward me. She was a tornado of fake nails and hair extensions, clawing at my arms and ripping my clothes. All I could do was cover my face so I didn't get scratched too badly. People egged us on, creating a circle around us. Regina wouldn't stop screaming in my ear, calling me every name under the sun. She broke skin, and her blood mixed with my own, creating a horrible mess on the dance floor.
Strong hands pried us away from each other and a wall of muscle stood in front of me to block Regina's swipes. She was screaming in anger, writhing in the grasp of Lance as he restrained her. I tried to catch my breath and look at the damage.
It wasn't too bad. There were a few deep scratches up my arm, but nothing major. Everything could be easily covered with a sweater. I looked up to watch Regina start punching at Lance, trying to get at me with no avail. People jeered and yelled things from the crowd.
"You fucking cunt!" Regina yelled from behind Lance. "You- you never deserved that money!"
"Calm down now," Lance said, grabbing her arms firmly as she tried to claw at his face. Finally, as she started sobbing as loudly as she could, Luca came out from the crowd, followed by a bouncer about twice his size. He raised his eyebrows once he realized who we were.
"Regina? Rosabella? What are you two doing here?"
"THAT FUCKING BITCH!" Regina's mascara was running down her face. In her drunken stupor, she could only swear and fling obscenities in my direction. I stepped closer to my brother, looking sheepishly toward him.
"I'm sorry for causing a scene, I just … wanted to get out of the house for once."
"And what did you do to Regina?" He glared at Lance, "Did you do that to her?" His voice was like ice. I had seen that look in his eyes before and it did not bode well for the recipient.
"No," I couldn't have replied quickly enough. My hand lightly touched my brother's forearm. "No, I punched her."
Luca did a double take, then started laughing, "You? YOU punched someone?" He covered his mouth with his hand to cover his huge smile.
"She was being mean," I grumbled, not loud enough for him to hear over the sound of the music. It felt like I had to say it to make myself feel better about becoming violent, but really there was no excuse.
"What did she do to inspire such a response?" He asked me, wiping a tear from his eye.
Great. Now I was a violent woman AND a liar. There was no way I could tell him the truth―that I had reacted that way because she had told Lance I was pregnant. I had been trying to tell him that very thing all night and it had been revealed by my drunken sister. I was so embarrassed and ashamed; I could barely even look at Lance. It took a second for me to get my head together, but finally, I was able to respond.
"She's mad about the will," I replied, getting close to Luca as the bouncer took over for Lance in restraining my sister. "I haven't been called names like that in my life, I just … I snapped." I hid my face in my hands. My brother's arm wrapped around my shoulder and pressed me closer to him.
"Ah, like a true Rossi. I thought you were the one good one in our family," he leaned in until I could feel his breath in my ear, "Looks like you're one of us after all."
"Ughh!" I pushed him away from me to his delight. There it was again. I wore my anger on my sleeve, and it came out in unexpected bursts. When Luca was able to right himself and brush off his jacket, he gave the bouncer a nod. Regina was now in a puddle on the ground, crying like a spoiled little child who didn't get a lollipop.
The muscular arms of the man standing over her picked her up from the ground until she would stand on her own. Just before the bouncer started to pull her away, her arms started flailing like a mad woman.
“Your money is going to be mine, fat bitch! Serves you right for being a WHORE!” She spat at me and her saliva landed straight in my face. I wanted to throttle her, but instead of making even more of a scene, I wiped her spit off of me. I glanced up at Lance, feeling so hurt and humiliated in front of him I couldn’t take it.
I had to get out of there.
I whipped around and pushed my way through the crowd, leaving my sister cackling at me in my wake. I bumped into a group of guys hard, but I didn’t care, I just needed to get to the door.
My sister’s words played over and over in my mind.
Lance knew. He knew now that I was pregnant.
My stomach dropped as that fact started to sink in. The music in the club overwhelmed me and the thick air made me claustrophobic. I couldn’t breathe. Tears filled my eyes.
Was I that? Just a whore? Maybe Regina was right. The first time I had sex with Lance, he had taken my virginity and put a baby in my belly. He took my purity and now I felt like a chewed up piece of gum. My mother had always taught me to save my virginity for my husband, but I had given it to some guy at a family member’s funeral.
Shame washed over me as I even thought of it.
I struggled to fill my lungs as I finally reached the door. I ran from the edge of the crowd and out the front to meet the fresh air. The cold hit me and I looked around to see all the people in the line staring at me. Did they think I looked like the skank I was? I could feel their judgment and it made me want to vomit.
Instead of stopping and thinking logically, I turned and started running down the street. I had to get away from it all―from my brothers and their stupid club, from my sister and her shitty attitude, and even from Lance, who knew my secret before I could even tell him.
In the industrial district, there were no real sidewalks, only gravel parking lots and streets.
My heels were having a tough time finding even ground, so I tipped and teetered. There were too many close calls, but I caught myself, having some mastery over my heels.
Tears flowed down my face as I got further and further away from the thumping of the club. Even though I had gotten fresh air, in my need to run as far away from Lance as possible, I realized that I was still out of breath. I finally slowed down and tried to slow my breathing.
“It’s alright,” I told myself under my breath, “Everything is going to be fine.” But it wasn’t. New York City had fallen through my fingers like sand, just like all my dreams had.
More tears, I tried to wipe them away and pull myself together, but it was no use. Along with the horrible night, there was this feeling inside of me that I deserved to have my dreams dashed. Tonight I had punched Regina, gone against my family’s wishes to a sleazy club, and the truck stop ….
As soon as I had thought about our little escapade, I felt a hand grab my upper arm. I twisted away from their grasp, afraid it was a crack head since many wandered this area at night. To my relief and dread, I turned to see Lance staring back at me.
“Rosa, we need to talk,” he said. His eyes were glinting in the streetlights. In them, I could see worry and a hint of fear.
What did an ex-marine have to be so worried about?
We both stood, facing each other in the gravel. I realized that my face was still wet and my eyes puffy and red. Sniffing, I brought my blouse sleeve up to try to wipe my face off the best I could.
“Uuugh,” words were difficult for me at that moment, but I tried anyway. “Look at me, I’m a m-mess,” a half-laugh, half-sob escaped my chest as I tried to make light of the situation. Lance didn’t say a word, my attempt at a joke not phasing him. He wasn’t one to skirt around an issue. I didn’t blame him after what happened at the club.
“I-I’m sorry for what happened back there,” I said. “There’s b-been a lot of bad b-blood between my family and me, lately.”
There it was again, the tears burned in my eyes. Dammit, I swore to myself, w
hy couldn’t I keep myself together for two seconds? Then, Lance’s hand was there, rough against my soft cheek. His thumb brushed off the wet that was streaming from my eyes.
“It’s because of your Great Aunt’s will?”
I nodded in reply, letting my head rest against his large hand.
“She left me a large sum of money, but not my family. I don’t know why ….” I looked away from his steady gaze, “I wish she had never left me that money.”
“What your Aunt did is not your fault,” Lance said, “You had no control over what she left you.”
I know.” I replied. “Whether it’s my fault or not, their reaction will be the same. I’m the black sheep of the family, the only one who has spoken out against the mob.
“In what world is it alright to run drugs, embezzle businesses, or even KILL people?” I said.
Silence fell between us. My chest was heaving in anger, and Lance watched me. He looked hurt at my words, darkness in his countenance.
“I’ve killed people,” Lance said. His words cut me like a knife. My voice stuttered as I tried to string thoughts together.
“That’s different,” I retorted. “You were at war.”
“Your family probably feels it’s at war too.”
“They are CRIMINALS. Don’t lower yourself to their level, Lance. For too long I’ve been living under my Father’s thumb, turning a blind eye to the messed up shit around me.”
The tears were starting again, but this time, Lance didn’t wipe them away.
“And for the first time in YEARS, I thought I was going to get away from them. My aunt’s will would give me the money to get out of this shit-hole and find my own way!”
“You thought?”
I turned, unable to look at him. The emotions were sweeping over me in waves. My hand rose to cover part of my face, hiding my ugly sobs from Lance. I struggled for air for a while and was finally able to speak.
“M-My aunt―she … she left a few stipulations in the w-will―"
Lance grabbed one of my hands, carefully prying it from my wet face to hold it. It was a sign of his support and I could see the same warmth in his eyes. Whatever I had to tell him, he was ready.
So I did. I started at the beginning and told him about the details of the will. The document was now seared in my mind, so I had no difficulty giving him all the info. Finally, the difficult part came. My entire body shook as I prepared myself for the blow.
“Remember when you came back? At my Aunt’s funeral?”
He nodded.
“Well, I think … maybe in the passion of the moment the condom slipped. I-I’m pregnant.”
“Oh.” Lance stared at me with wide eyes. Of course he was surprised, anyone would be in his situation.
My mind raced as I waited for him to reply. I pictured the worst case scenario in my mind, that he’d treat me like Regina did. Call me a whore, a slut, and deny he was the father. “Are you sure?” he asked me.
I nodded. “I took about a million tests. Unless they were all wrong ….”
“Yeah, yeah of course.” He stepped back from me, like he needed another few inches to himself to process the bomb I had dropped on him. I allowed him to have it. To be honest, I could barely move, I was so frightened.
“What’s your plan?” he asked.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about keeping the baby,” I said shyly, glancing up at him. “If you don’t want to be a part of our lives, I completely understand.”
“No,” he grasped my hand and my heart felt like it was about to burst form my chest. “No, I would love to be a part of both of your lives.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Of course I am,” he said before he embraced me. I could smell dirt, oil and metal on him and it instantly relaxed me. His musky scent filled my nose as I buried my head into the crook of his neck. His hand ran through my long hair.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked as he stroked my head.
“I was … really scared. My sister messed this all up. She told you before I had the chance to.”
“Ha! I thought your sister was just trying to throw lies at you.”
I wrapped my arms around his middle. He was so warm, like my own personal furnace in the cold night. We stayed like that for a long time, enjoying the touch of each other. I felt so supported and peaceful about the pregnancy. After a long time of feeling stressed, letting the truth out was like a breath of fresh air.
“Here. I’ll call us a car,” Lance finally said, detaching himself from me momentarily. I lifted my head and he planted a firm kiss on my lips. It was heaven.
When the kiss ended, he was able to pull up an app on his phone and get a car headed our way. The night air had gotten much colder than it had been earlier in the evening, and my teeth were chattering.
Lance hugged me again, squeezing me around the shoulders to warm me. As we waited something pushed me to start talking once more.
“I’m so happy you want to be part of this,” I motioned to my stomach. “But my family cannot know about this baby at ALL.”
Lance grasped my shoulders and leaned back to look at me.
“What do you mean?”
“If my family―if they found out I had a child out of wedlock … they’d kill you.”
“I’m sure they wouldn’t―" The look on my face stopped him mid-sentence. He cleared his throat. “So what?”
“So what? You do know you have to be alive to be a father to this baby, yes? You said yes. You aren’t getting out that easy.”
Lance chuckled at that and brought me close. “Then let’s run away together, make a new life for ourselves.”
A sigh escaped my lips. “That WOULD be nice, wouldn’t it?” Venom filled each syllable. When he tilted his head inquisitively I let my fingers pinch the bridge of my nose.
“That was my plan before we got pregnant. I was going to use the money from my aunt’s will to go to New York City. Maybe buy a small condo, settle down. But―"
“You can’t have a child out of wedlock.” His eyes widened as he realized it.
“Exactly.”
“Well, that does make this more complicated, huh?”
Lights appeared down the road and the sound of gravel against tire broke the night air. A sleek, black car pulled up to us. Before I could say anything, Lance opened the door to let me in the back seat. He kissed the top of my head as I passed him and I blushed. We had never kissed in front of any people―that I knew of. After the stunt we pulled in the parking lot, I thought it was possible that anyone could have seen us.
“I’ll take you back to your house,” Lance said, entering my address into his phone. I nodded, wanting so much to talk more about our future, the baby, what he was thinking―but I was too uncomfortable talking abut such things in front of our driver. From what I knew about my Father’s business, you never knew who were friends or foe.
We watched the city lights stream past. Though I was nervous to talk about my pregnancy while someone else could hear, I allowed myself the luxury of holding Lance’s hand.
We twisted through the city and came upon a large park. It was beautiful at night. The trees swayed slightly in the breeze, and in the middle of the green lawn was a lovely fountain. The water reflected the lights that shone up. Light danced and played against the white stone.
Lance looked out my window and squeezed my hand. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “It is.”
Something jolted Lance upright, making me jump in my seat. He leaned forward in the car and grasped the back of the driver’s chair.
“Stop the car!” he exclaimed. I was thinking there was some sort of emergency. I looked around for any sign of danger, but there was none. The driver grunted in reply, perturbed by the sudden outburst, but he turned the steering wheel to the right. We came to a stop at the curb.
Lance flew out of the car and ran around to open my door. I gave him a weird look.
“What’s happening?”
“You’ll see!” He told me, taking my hand and leading me around toward the park.
Since it was late at night and we had driven to a better part of the city, there weren’t many people around. There was one other couple on the other side of the park who were walking in the opposite direction.
The place was ours.
“Come on,” Lance told me, pulling me up toward the fountain. I resisted a bit, but he eventually was able to pull me up with him toward the edge of the water. Crossing my arms, I waited for his explanation.
“Just hear me out.” Lance said. “In your auntie’s will, it stated that you couldn’t HAVE a child out of wedlock.”
“Yes, but in order to receive the money, I have to take a pregnancy test if I’m not married.”
“So, what if you were married?”
My breath caught in my chest. “What?”
Before I could think, Lance was on his knee before the fountain. I covered my mouth with my hands in shock. We had known each other for six years, yes, but it was all too fast for me. The world around me spun and I wasn’t sure I could see straight.
“Rosabella,” he showed me that same stupid grin that I had seen when we first met. “I don’t have a ring. But …” he reached down toward the end of his shirt, tearing at the edge of it to rip the fabric into a long, slender piece. “I hope this will do.”
He looked up at me expectantly, then motioned for me to give him my hand. I opened my mouth to protest, but closed it and gave in. He took my slender hand, tying a knot on my ring finger with the fabric. It was large and looked ridiculous, I couldn’t help but laugh at it. Then I met his eyes.
“Will you marry me?”
My mouth was like a muppet with no voice actor. I opened and closed it, but no sound came out. I could feel the redness in my face as the time went on and on. Lance didn’t look worried in the least, kneeling with an amused look on his face as he waited for my reply.