by S. R. Grey
I admit, “Yeah, I didn’t want to have to tell her why I was staying in Harmony Creek.”
Chase gives me a look. “She’s going to find out about Lily eventually, Will.”
“I know, man. But not yet, okay? She and Greg are still on that cruise. Just let Mom enjoy her time away, okay?”
“Sure. But she’ll be back any day now,” Chase reminds me.
“I’ll tell her, I promise. Just not with all this shit going on.”
Visions of our overly dramatic mom fill my thoughts, making me cringe.
“What is it?” Chase asks.
Running my hand through my hair, I reply, “I just know the first thing Mom’s going to want to do is meet Lily.”
“I’m sure she will,” my brother agrees.
“Which is fine,” I go on. “But only once things settle down. I have enough on my plate at the moment.”
“Hey, your secret’s safe with me.”
“Thanks, bro.”
I trust Chase implicitly. He’d never betray me. And really, truth be told, he’s been incredible since the day I first showed up at his doorstep with Lily. I tell him as much, and he gives me a bro-hug, patting me on the back real hard.
“You’re doing okay, Will. You’re great with Lily, and that’s really all that matters. Whatever you decide, I’m with you, okay?”
“Thanks, Chase. That means a lot. Really, it does.”
It’s true. My brother’s support means more than he could ever know.
Emma
On Sunday, I skip church. I do, however, slip into the school to get some work done.
I’m hoping to be left alone, but that doesn’t happen. Kay and Chase show up in my classroom around noon. All the kids are with them, including Lily. Funny that there’s no sign of Will.
Whatever. I’m tired of worrying about what’s up with him.
It takes me a few seconds to realize this is no social call. Kay’s holding a cloth up to Jack’s nose, which is bleeding.
Rushing over, I ask, “What happened?”
Sarah giggles. “I kick Jack in nose when he help me tie my shoe.”
My eyes meet Kay’s. “It was an accident,” she says.
“We think,” Chase interjects.
Kay shoots him a look. “Anyway, we need to take Jack to the hospital to make sure his nose isn’t broken. Can you watch the girls?”
“Sure,” I reply.
I’m dying to ask where Will is, seeing as one of the girls I’m about to keep an eye on is Lily. But before I have a chance to ask anything, Chase, Kay, and Jack are out the door.
Turning to Sarah and Lily, I say, “So, what would you little ladies like to do?”
They shrug simultaneously.
“Want to color?” I ask.
Lily is up for that, but Sarah has other ideas.
“I no want to color. That’s boring. Let’s go play outside,” she says.
“Well, let me see…” I look around the classroom, noting that most of my work is done. “I guess we could go outside for a while.”
“Can we swing on the swings?” Lily wants to know.
Crap. How in the hell does she know about the swings? Will must have told her there’s an old swing set down in the woods behind the school.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say, wary.
“Yes, swing, swing! I wanna swing,” Sarah adds as she spins in a circle.
She sure is wound up today. That’s probably why Jack got hurt.
Lily joins in the spinning game, and when she encourages Sarah to spin faster and faster, I start to question who wound up whom. Lily seems to really be acting out, and I have to wonder if it has something to do with Will’s absence today.
“Okay, girls, enough.” I get them under control. Well, mostly. “Let’s go outside.”
My declaration is met with cheers, and more calls of, “We go swing on the swing set.”
“I don’t know about that,” I reply.
But after five more minutes of pleas to see the swings, the girls wear me down.
Leading them down to the swing set in the woods, we trudge over a steep embankment, making me glad I wore jeans and Chucks today and nothing fancy.
Once we reach the clearing, Lily immediately jumps up on one of the intact wooden seats. Sarah slowly climbs up on the other.
As I lean against a tree to keep an eye on the girls, I remind them, “Be careful. No swinging too high or too fast.”
Sarah is not a worry; she can’t muster enough momentum to go very high at all. But Lily is a different story. She’s a little taller and easily uses her feet to kick off the ground repeatedly. In no time at all, she is swinging way too high. So high, in fact, that the chains on her swing begin to make creaking and cracking sounds.
Stepping over to the swings, but being careful not to get hit by one, I urge Lily, “Hey, slow down some.”
“Nooooo,” she replies as she soars even higher.
Sarah slows to a complete stop and twists around so she can watch Lily fly through the air. “Illy, be careful,” she says.
Lily doesn’t heed either of our warnings. She keeps swinging—high, high, higher—leaving my heart lodged in my throat.
“Lily, seriously, you better slow down right now!”
Blonde hair flying, Lily giggles as she peers down at me. With dirt smudges on her lavender leggings and top, and soaring as she is, almost touching the leaves on the trees around her, she looks like some kind of little wood elf.
When she finally starts to slow, I smile. Crisis averted. Still, Will’s little girl is full of mischief, much like her father. One thing for sure, nothing is ever boring with those two.
Just then, when all appears to be under control, a slow wood-cracking sound fills the air.
Sarah looks up at Lily, who, though not nearly as high as before, is still in mid-flight. “Uh-oh,” Sarah murmurs.
Before I even realize what’s happening, Lily’s wooden swing seat breaks in two, sending Lily flying to the ground in a motionless heap.
Will
Sometime around noon, while on my way to Chicago, the weirdest feeling washes over me.
Here comes the turmoil that’s been absent from my life, my gut tells me.
This new sense of dread is not unlike the impending doom I felt before Cassie showed up with Lily. But this time it’s far more intense, a sharp stab of loss, not a dull nagging like before. I actually have to slow the car and pull over at a rest stop on the side of the interstate.
“Jesus.” I take a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart. “What the hell?”
Just then, my cell phone rings.
Grabbing it up from the seat next to me, and expecting the worst, my vision blurs. When I can finally make out Chase’s name on the screen, I definitely know this can’t be good.
“Chase,” I gasp out as I answer. “Jesus, I know something is wrong. Please, just tell me Lily is all right”
“Will,” my brother utters on a pained sigh. “You need to turn around and come back to Harmony Creek as soon as you can.”
Panic rises, pulling my voice taut as a rope. “Chase, is Lily okay?” Silence, and then I’m yelling in the phone, “Chase! Jesus, man, tell me my daughter is okay.”
“There’s been an accident, Will—”
I start backing out of the parking space and almost slam into a passing car. “Asshole,” someone yells.
“Fuck you!” I shout back.
“Will, calm down,” I hear Chase say.
I don’t even realize I dropped the phone.
Shaking my head, and scooping my cell up from the floorboard, I say as evenly as I can, “What kind of accident? Please tell me Lily is fine.” My throat constricts, and I can barely add, “Where is she, Chase? Where’s my little girl?”
I’ve never felt emotions like these—helplessness, despair—as deeply as I do right now. There’s a lump lodged in my throat and I’m sweating, yet I’m cold.
“What happened? What happened?”
I whisper, over and over.
Chase tries to calm me with words and an explanation, but the fucking phone starts breaking up and all I hear are bits and pieces.
“Fell off… swing… hospital… Lily… unconscious.”
And then we’re disconnected for good.
“Fuck!” I throw the phone, and it bounces off the console and lands on the passenger-side seat.
I drive back to Harmony Creek like a maniac. When I reach the only hospital in town, assuming it has to be the one Lily has been admitted to, I careen into the lot, tires squealing, and screech into a parking spot like I’m some cop on a TV show.
And then it’s all flashes, nothing clear.
I’m in the emergency room.
Chase is in the hall.
Kay is next to him.
And Emma is there, as well.
Wait, what’s she doing here?
Ah, she’s keeping an eye on Jack and Sarah in the waiting area. Jack has a bandage on his nose, but looks more or less fine. Maybe he was involved in the same accident, and Lily will come out any minute with just a bandage on her cute little nose, too.
“Where’s Lily?” I ask when Chase meets me halfway down the corridor.
“Hey, I want you to calm down, okay? Flipping out is not going to do anyone any good.”
What? Is he kidding? “Where’s my fucking daughter, Chase?”
Two nurses walk by and give us tense looks. I realize then that Chase has his hands on my shoulders. He’s holding me back. “They’re checking her over, okay?” he says.
“Is she going to be okay?” My voice cracks.
“We think so,” Chase replies, and I almost collapse in his arms. He holds me steady, and adds, “They won’t tell us much, though. And only a parent or guardian can go in and see her.”
Shit, this is bad.
I push past my brother, but then it’s Emma blocking my way. “Get out of the way,” I grind out.
I’m not trying to be mean, but I don’t have time for whatever it is she may want to talk about, which is probably why I haven’t called her since yesterday morning when I blew her off for breakfast. But when I see tears in Emma’s eyes, and notice her nose is red like she’s been crying, I lighten up. I remind myself she cares for Lily, too.
“Look,” I say, much more kindly, “we can talk later. I need to see Lily right now.”
She starts to cry. “I know, I know. But I have to tell you that I’m sorry, Will. I am so, so sorry. I told Lily not to go too high. And then she was coming down, and…and the swing broke and—”
This is fucking unbelievable. “What? You were with my daughter when this happened?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
I shake my head. “You took my girl to play on those old, rusty swings, didn’t you?” She barely nods, and I go off. “What the hell were you thinking? Did you do this because you were mad at me?”
“What? No!”
Emma appears shocked. And, truly, I can barely believe myself that I’m spouting off like this.
Chase, sensing I’m about to implode, grabs my arm. “Hey, come on. Let’s go see Lily.”
I shrug him off me and take a step closer to Emma. “Get the fuck out of here,” I hiss. “I don’t want you around my daughter.”
She tries to touch me, and I jerk away. “Will, please—”
“Seriously, Emma, just go.”
I would never lay a hand on any woman, but I’m so mad at Emma I do feel like screaming some very nasty things at her. Truthfully, however, all this anger is misdirected. I’m mad at myself for leaving Lily. Emma is an easy target because, for as far as I’ve come, it’s still too easy to revert back to my old asshole behaviors. It’s simpler than dealing with the guilt.
Chase pulls Emma aside and tells her, much more kindly than I, that she should probably leave. She nods and blinks back tears as she tries to catch my eye.
Pushing past them both, I go to find my daughter.
Emma
I leave the hospital and go home.
My apartment has never felt so empty. I have never felt so empty. How can Will ever forgive me? I’m not even that mad at him for being angry with me. I deserved some of his ire. I never should have taken Lily and Sarah down to play behind the school on that old, decrepit swing set.
What in the hell was I thinking?
Disappointed in myself—I’m a teacher, for God’s sake, I should know better—I head to the bathroom to take a shower. Maybe hot water can wash away my remorse.
But even after thirty minutes of standing under almost-scalding hot water, and with my skin as pink as hell, my heart remains heavy. Releasing a pent-up breath, I hop out of the shower, dry off, and then slip on a short robe made of white silk. Five minutes later, I am curled up on the sofa.
All I want to do is doze off and forget this day ever happened.
Finding peace is easier said than done. My mind insists on replaying the events of the day. They’re all bad, too—like when Kay informed me at the hospital that Will was on his way to Chicago for an interview for another job in New York City. When did that come up? Will obviously didn’t think I was important enough to call and let know he may be leaving town. I thought this job stuff was decided long ago. Doesn’t he realize I love him? And Lily, too? I don’t want either of them to go away.
A tear slides down my cheek.
Shit, I told myself I was done crying.
My phone beeps a little while later, and I hastily snatch it up from where it rests on a sofa cushion.
It’s not Will, unfortunately.
Rather, it’s a text from Kay. I thought you’d want to know Lily is going to be fine.
I breathe a sigh of relief and continue reading.
The doctors ran tons of tests, imaging and such. Everything looks good, but they’ve decided to keep her overnight for observation. Apart from a nasty bump on her head, she seems fine.
Oh, thank God, I type back. Thank you for thinking of me and letting me know. I was really worried. I just wish I could come see Lily.
Kay: Visiting hours just ended. Will’s here, of course, and he’ll be staying with Lily for a little while longer. The staff made an exception for him, but only for another hour. Anyway, if you need to talk to someone, Emma, I’m here.
I type back: Thanks, Kay.
Despite her kind offer, I don’t call. I’m sure Kay wants to spend this time with her own children, before she puts them to bed. Jack has had a tough day, as well, though not as rough as Lily’s. His nose will be fine. There was no break, just lots of swelling.
A little over an hour after receiving Kay’s text, there’s a frenzy of knocks on my apartment door. I am thrown into an internal debate as to whether I should acknowledge the individual knocking, since I have a strong suspicion I know precisely who it is.
Sure enough, following several more insistent raps, Will’s voice rings out from outside.
“Emma, please,” I hear him plead. “I know I’ve been the biggest prick lately, especially over at the hospital, and I’m sorry, I am.” Another knock rings out, and I can almost feel his desperation. “Please, Emma, please let me in so we can talk about this.”
I can’t in good conscience continue to ignore him, so I go to the door and let him in.
Without a word from either of us, Will walks into my apartment, slowly, his steps as pained as the expression on his face. He’s sorry for how he behaved, I can tell. Still, with his nasty dismissal of me at the hospital, and his assuming the worst, I don’t know if I can forgive him instantly.
Clearing my throat, I say, “I heard from Kay. She said Lily is going to be fine.” I blow out a breath. “That’s certainly good news.”
Will scrubs a hand down his face. “Yes, it is, it is. Just… Thank God.” Suddenly choking out another apology, he reaches for me.
But I take a step back. “Will, I don’t know.”
“Emma, please.”
I give in then, allowing him to encircle me in his arms. “
Fuck, Emma,” he says. “I am so, so, so sorry for flipping out on you. I wasn’t really mad at you. I was pissed at myself.”
I remain tense, at first, but Will’s warm body pressed to mine feels so good, so right, so comforting. And I can’t help it—I love him no matter what.
When I start to relax, he tightens his arms around me. “I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I wish I could take them back.”
“Will, let’s not…” I trail off, not sure what I want to say.
“Look,” he begins, “here’s the problem. I have a bad habit of pushing blame to the people I love the most. It’s wrong, and I know it. And I swear I’m trying to stop that shit. But sometimes, Emma, sometimes I slip.”
“You weren’t completely in the wrong,” I allow.
When I lean back and am able to see his face, I see he’s shaking his head. “No, no, I’m the dick in this equation,” he insists.
“Okay, maybe a little,” I grant him, smiling slightly. “But you were right about one thing—I never should have taken the girls down to that old swing set.”
“Maybe, but I was wrong to tell Lily about it in the first place,” Will counters. “I should’ve known she’d want to go to any place I tell her about.”
“Still, I wasn’t thinking, Will.”
“Hey.” He lifts my chin so I can meet his gaze. Damn, his eyes are so green today. I can’t help but lose myself in their depths, till he prompts, “Emma?”
“Yes.” I shake my head, and Will’s hand moves with me. He doesn’t let go, and there’s something in that, something that says I’m here and I’m sorry.
Sighing, Will says quietly, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the interview. That was another shit move. I just didn’t…” He pauses, reflects. “I guess I was afraid you’d talk me out of it. I know you don’t want me to leave.”
“I thought it was settled that you were staying?” I croak out.
“I thought so, too,” he replies.
“So, what happened?”
“I don’t know. I heard from the recruiter, and he made it sound like this would be my last chance, like, ever.”