“I am. I just…” Erica sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready. I thought I was until…”
“Until what?”
Until I figured out how fickle I can be after meeting Colin. Which begged the question, if she were that indecisive about the men in her life, what made her think that her mind was clear on what she should do to have a child?
When it came right down to it, what was holding her back was probably the utterly unrealistic hope that somehow her dreams would come to fruition—no pun intended—without having to go the clinical route. Ain’t gonna happen. The man in her life was sometimes little more than a kid himself and very against ever having children.
“I have to pee.” Rhonnie levered her increasing girth up from the table. “So you get a reprieve for now. Just think about it,” she tossed back over her shoulder as she swayed towards the bathroom.
Erica had no problems doing just that. Thinking about it was all she’d been doing since that night. She had spent a great deal of time with both brothers in the past few weeks and had learnt an uncomfortable truth about herself. While she still loved Trevor, it was Colin to whom she was drawn, with a pull that went well beyond what she could remember from the beginning of her relationship with Trevor. And his somewhat toned down, mature personality meshed more fully with hers and her interests. Where Trevor was always on the go and extremely high energy, Colin enjoyed the same quiet pursuits she craved during her downtime. Her job was demanding enough—on her time off, she wanted to relax, both physically and mentally.
Dealing with her unexpected attraction to Colin had pulled her focus somewhat from her fertility. It had also spiked a longing for the kind of passionate and companionable relationship she could see as possible with Colin. Which made her leery about taking action on getting inseminated—because with that longing came the wishful hope she could have the whole package…a partner and fellow parent, in one man.
That man obviously wasn’t Trevor.
And unfortunately, even if they somehow got around her being with his brother, it couldn’t be Colin either. She had heard the horrific details about his accident from Colin, and privately mourned with him the loss of his fertility, feeling empathy for him, especially at such a young age. At least she still had options. His injury had been effectively a brutal vasectomy. With side effects.
Erica flushed as she recalled the discomfiting and bizarre thank you Colin had offered for their intimate encounter. She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to experience impotence for such a long period as a twenty-six-year-old.
And you turned him on to the point where he got past it. Go you.
She admired how he appeared to have retained his confidence and had a really great attitude about moving forward. But she couldn’t help but feel a twist of jealousy at the thought of Colin sleeping with another woman, probably someone gorgeous and young and svelte, like him.
Pretty two-faced of you to begrudge him that, or did you forget you’re dating someone else?
Kind of hard to forget, now that Trevor was sharing her home. But in a way, it had been a good experiment. She knew for certain now that she and Trevor wouldn’t work out long-term. But the impetus to break it off still eluded her, even though she got a strong vibe that he wouldn’t be heartbroken.
What I need is a sign. A nudge. Something. Anything.
Frustrated at her lack of decisiveness and angst, she banged her head on the table.
“Hey, hey, don’t do that.”
The resonant voice hit her libido just as the strong arm pulling her back into a semi-hug made her vibrate with need. “Colin.”
“You can tell us apart without even looking. Very impressive.” His breath teased in her ear, and she closed her eyes for a moment, swaying towards him, accepting his light kiss on her lips. It clung for a shade too long to be considered strictly platonic, and her eyes popped open as he withdrew. Just a tease, and much less than she wanted, but all she could take under the circumstances.
She watched as he slid into the chair next to her and scooted it close to her. He took her hand, stroking his thumb lightly over the back of hers. Colin was extremely tactile and affectionate, too, much more so than his brother. And she ate it up. Needed it.
Craved it.
Quit with the comparisons!
“Aww, you guys are cute.” Rhon retook her seat. “Hey, Trevor.”
Erica opened her mouth with a rebuttal, but Colin answered first with a mischievous smile. “Hi there. Are you lovely ladies having a nice lunch?”
He looked at Erica as though daring her to set the record straight, and she found herself playing along, enjoying the joke. She’d tell Rhonnie his real identity any minute now… “Oh yes, and it’s getting better every second,” she flirted back.
Rhonnie got a determined glint in her eye. “So, we were just talking about the two of you moving in together.”
“Oh?” Colin questioned, giving Erica a sidelong glance. She refused to look in his direction, instead lifting her eyebrows in warning at Rhonnie.
“Yep. She was just saying it was kind of temporary until your brother—Colin, right?—finds his own place. How’s the search going for him? You must be anxious to get back into your own home.”
“Rhon,” Erica warned under her breath, but her friend ignored her, and now Colin was picking up the gauntlet.
“Oh, he’s narrowing it down, but it might be a little while. We’re actually both looking at houses right now. We might just end up buying a bigger place together.”
That was news to Erica. “Really?” she blurted, then could have kicked herself when they both turned to look at her. “I mean, we haven’t really talked about that.” Inwardly, she wondered why Trevor hadn’t even mentioned it to her. Was he feeling their relationship was nearing the end as well? Or was she just putting a nefarious spin on his lack of communication on the topic when he probably just forgot to bring it up?
And then there was the fact that Colin hadn’t said anything either.
“Well, we’re both making much better money now than we did when he bought this place. If we pool our equity and income, we can expand our search to include some really nice places right on the beach.”
“Wait a minute. When ‘he’ bought the place? Don’t you mean, when you bought it?” Rhonnie’s eyes narrowed, and Erica watched, amused, as Colin flushed at the mistake.
“Damn. See, you guys got me talking. I was never the one who could pull a switch off. Trev’s much better at it. He has me down pat.”
Rhonnie’s eyes were huge as she looked back and forth between Erica and Colin, with a pointed glance at their linked hands. “Okaaay. So…nice to meet you, Colin.”
“You too. You must be the infamous Rhonnie. Thanks for all you did for her kitchen, by the way.”
Rhonnie blinked, still staring at Colin, trying to keep up. “You’re welcome. Do you cook then?” She shook her head abruptly and spun towards Erica. “And you! You didn’t mention they were twins—why?”
“Well, it goes back to their mother. Remember that day we met Trevor and he said he and his brother were fathered by a donor?” Rhonnie nodded and Erica continued, “That’s just a way that their mom started from the get-go to keep them from becoming labelled as ‘the twins’ or not thought of as individuals.”
Rhonnie appeared thoughtful and she looked back at Colin. “Well, I can understand that, especially if you’ve always looked this much alike. Though, now that I look at you, you’re a bit…less muscular than Trevor.”
“Yes, yes—the über-muscles. Erica has already made that clear.” He smiled despite his words to show that he wasn’t really upset at the comparison.
“Still, come on—regardless of what they refer to themselves as, them being identical twins is worth a mention to your best friend at least. I mean, you’d think it would have come up sometime in the past several months.”
Erica cleared her throat. “Well, I only just found out myself when I…met Colin
a few weeks ago.” Oh God, she’d almost said slept with. She just about burst out laughing at the expression that would have been on Rhonnie’s face at that kind of slip.
Colin was just sitting back and enjoying the debate, still toying with Erica’s hand. Just then, Rhonnie brought it into the equation.
“That’s another thing,” she accused. “The gig is up, so why are you still playing kissy-face with the whole holding hands bit?”
“He’s just affectionate that way,” Erica explained airily, loving the chance to have her super-sharp friend guessing at what the hell was going on.
“I am,” Colin dutifully agreed.
“Affectionate. Huh.”
“Needy?” Erica ventured. “Clingy?”
Colin frowned. “Clingy makes me sound like I need a dryer sheet.”
Erica giggled, unable to keep up the unaffected pose. “But you didn’t debate needy. Case closed.” She smiled up at Colin and he brushed her hair back at the temple with his free hand.
Rhonnie had been watching them like a spectator at a tennis match, her brow creased. “Oh my God. Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?” she asked herself aloud.
Erica sobered abruptly at the probing look Rhonnie was giving her and disengaged her hand from Colin’s as unobtrusively as possible.
Rhonnie’s gaze flicked to Colin then back. She sighed, used her napkin then set it on the table. “I can see I’m not going to get anything useful out of you two jokers, so I’m going to work.”
Erica glanced at her iPhone, which she’d silenced before lunch, and cringed when she saw the time and how many messages had piled up. “Guess I’m off, too.”
“I’ll walk you,” Colin offered to Erica, while assisting Rhonnie to her feet.
“Thanks,” the women chorused, then rolled their eyes in tandem. “Call you tomorrow,” Erica added as Rhonnie slowly made her way through the tables.
“You’d better,” she was told, with a smile to soften the warning in her eyes that told Erica she would be in for a grilling.
She strolled with Colin at her side, his hand hovering on her lower back. The heat radiated from the simple point of contact throughout her body, making her utterly aware of his proximity. Remembering how that hand had felt on her body, she felt her nipples pucker, making her glad she had a jacket on over her blouse. As it was, she had to shrug to adjust the press of her bra against the taut peaks.
They chatted about neutral topics for most of the four-block walk, the conversation only turning personal when they reached the broadcast company’s building and Erica indicated her entrance.
Colin stepped in front of her before she could move in that direction. “Are you upset to hear that Trevor is definitely planning for this to be temporary? Or relieved?”
Erica couldn’t mask her shock. “You don’t beat around the bush, do you?”
Colin simply waited for a response, and the palpable feel of him lingering well inside her personal space was making it hard to think. Her lips parted of their own accord as she willed his to descend, to take the choice away from her and fulfil her growing need for him. But even though his gaze dropped to caress her mouth, Colin didn’t make a move to touch her.
Frustrated and a bit horrified with her lack of control, she took a step back. “I’m not upset,” she finally answered. “But I can’t say I’m relieved either. It’s…fine. I like Trevor, and he’s easy to live with.” She wasn’t about to say that she and Trevor hadn’t had sex since…well, since the time with Colin.
Colin met her gaze steadily. “Erica, I’m hearing ‘fine’ and ‘like’ and ‘easy’ and those are hardly the descriptors I’d expect from someone in a serious relationship. Are you in love with him?”
Erica looked away, unable to maintain eye contact. “I shouldn’t be having this conversation with you.”
“I’m exactly who you should be talking about this with,” he countered, and she snapped her eyes up to meet his, drawn by the intensity and demand in his voice. “And you know why, don’t you, Erica? Now tell me—are you in love with my brother?”
Chapter Ten
Colin knew he was pushing, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had to know how she felt, once and for all. If she truly did love Trevor, he would back off, even help them to work together as a couple if possible. But during this past month of getting to know her and being with her, he’d realised she was the one he’d been searching for, the one he wanted in the forever kind of way.
Now, if he could just get Erica and Trevor to admit they weren’t working out.
In a response he didn’t expect, hadn’t foreseen in all the different ways he’d envisioned when mentally rehearsing this moment, she turned the tables on him. “Are you trying to tell me you want me to love you instead?”
Wow. What a woman, he admired, even as he squirmed at being under the microscope, laid out for her dissection. She’d cut to the heart of the matter. It was true. What else could he do, but admit it? “Yes.”
Her brow puckered in the way he’d become familiar with. “We’ve only known each other for a month. Less than that, even. You don’t know the first thing about me, about what’s important to me.”
Relieved at finally getting the chance to make his case, he pressed on. “It’s been plenty of time for me to know that we fit in every way possible. We enjoy many of the same things, we have this amazing chemistry between us.” He pulled her snugly against him, uncaring of the people around them and the semi-erection now pressed against her stomach. “And I like you.” He looked steadily into her eyes as he confessed, “I’m growing to love you.”
“Colin…” Erica shook her head, and tried to pull out of his embrace. He reluctantly let her go, but stayed close.
“If you’re in love with Trev, I’ll be happy for you. Truly. But if you aren’t, I want you to give us a chance.” Colin then forced himself to wait, heart hammering in his chest. It was a lot to lay out all at once. But when he’d seen her today, it had hit him like a semi—he couldn’t suppress his feelings for her for another minute.
She shook her head once more. “I’m sorry, Colin. I just can’t.”
“Do you love him?” he demanded uneasily, feeling control of the moment slipping away.
The sad look on her face was breaking his heart. “No,” she whispered.
Hope leapt again. “Then why not? Just give us a chance,” he repeated. “I’ll wait for you to talk to Trev. I’ll even do it for you…with you…whatever you like.”
He watched as her temper flared, her eyes snapping with anger. Or was it fear? “It’s not about Trevor. Okay? It’s you—you just can’t give me what I’m looking for, and I know what I need to be happy. It would never work between us.”
Feeling that blow almost physically, as though he’d taken a direct hit to his chest, he took a step back, then another. He nodded brusquely, needing to preserve some of his pride. “Point taken. My mistake.”
He turned away, catching out of the corner of his eye her hand as it rose as if to halt his flight. It never made contact, and he walked away, the silence of her lack of reply tolling his ears.
* * * *
“You’re what?” Trevor’s shock was written across his face, and it almost immediately morphed into hurt and anger.
Colin repeated the words stoically. “I’m going back to Asia for another year.”
“What the hell? You just got back a month ago, and you said you were never leaving the States again. You have plenty of jobs lined up—so many you’re turning them down.” Trevor raked a hand through his hair, then unexpectedly reached out and pushed Colin in frustration, knocking him back a step. “No! You can’t go.”
He pressed his lips together. His brother’s reaction, while not unexpected, wasn’t exactly making it any easier to think about leaving. “There’s nothing holding me here. Might as well make some coin.”
“What about me?” Trevor practically shouted, shoving him again, and Colin balled up his fists to keep from shoving
back. “And what about Erica?”
Colin inhaled sharply, his heart pounding. “What about Erica? What does she have to do with anything?”
Trevor shook his head. “You’ve always been a horrible liar, Col.” He started pacing. “Everything. She has everything to do with this. Why you think you should go, and why you should stay.” He whirled towards Colin and pointed a finger at him. “Don’t think I’ve missed what’s been growing between you. I might not be the smart one, but I’m not stupid.” Trevor pinned Colin with his eyes, daring him to try lying.
All of the guilt he’d been holding in about his feelings for Erica swamped him at once. It came out as anger. “You have a lot of nerve, implying anything. Erica would never cheat on you, and I would never do that to you either.”
Trevor snorted. “I know that. Jesus. You two are saints. I swear it took everything I had in me not to break up with her weeks ago and give you guys the green light.”
“What?” Colin froze and stared at Trevor, who continued talking with barely a pause.
“But it was too soon—you had to cement the connection. Oh, the vibes were there”—he waved his hand in the air—“but you needed to get to know each other with the pressure off first.”
Colin’s mind whirled in confusion. “What? What the hell are you talking about?” His eyes narrowed on his brother as an awful suspicion occurred to him. “Did you set up that first night somehow? Getting us in bed together?”
“Man, I wish, but no. That was pure karma. But it came to me first while I was watching you together that night, then over the weeks since, watching the connection grow between you two. You’re a much better match for her than me.” Trevor shrugged, smiling ruefully. “Erica’s great, and if I can’t make her happy, I want her to have the best—which is you.”
Colin sagged a bit, his mind spinning. All in all, he was relieved that his secret was now out in the open and he could talk about things with his brother, who was also his best friend. He looked closely at Trevor and couldn’t sense a hint of sadness at losing Erica, whereas the same situation was flat out killing him. Frustration won out over his confusion.
Falling for the Other Brother Page 7