by Leanne Banks
* * *
Eleven
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By the time Joshua got out of the barn, Maddie was roaring up his lane, away from the house, away from him. Her muffler buzzed like a giant mutant bee.
Even in the rain he could see the exhaust from her tailpipe. He threw his rake to the ground and swore. His best opportunity for catching her in days, and he'd missed her.
The volume of her motor abruptly increased, and he narrowed his eyes. He jogged farther up the lane and saw an object lying in the road. Despite his ill mood, he chuckled when he identified it. This evening might turn around for him yet.
Turning out of Joshua's driveway, Maddie floored her accelerator and frowned at how loud her engine sounded. She couldn't hear her radio. She couldn't hear herself think. She checked on Davey. He looked numb.
Maddie supposed some might say she'd acted like a chicken by running in and out of Joshua's house so quickly. But she would disagree. She was trying to be prudent again.
Chicken.
"Prudent," she retorted aloud, but was barely able to hear herself.
She continued down the road when a siren sounded. Glancing in her rearview mirror, she cringed and immediately glanced at her speedometer. She wasn't speeding. What could be wrong?
She pulled to a stop on the side of the road and waited, a sense of dread settling in her stomach. She'd never dealt well with authority figures.
The officer strolled alongside her car. He tipped his hat. "Ma'am, are you aware that it's illegal to operate a vehicle without a muffler?"
Nonplussed, she shook her head. "But I have a muffler. I know I do. I know—"
The officer smiled and shook his head. "No ma'am, you don't, and I'm gonna have to give you a ticket."
"But—"
A truck came to a stop beside her. Joshua's truck, Maddie realized. She didn't know whether to duck or be relieved.
Getting out, he pulled something long and rusty from the bed of his truck. "Looking for this?" he asked Maddie with a smart-aleck grin.
"How are you, Abel?" he said to the officer. "Slow day when you pick on young mothers with babies, isn't it?"
Abel winced. "She's a mom? Damn, I didn't see a baby in there." He shoved his pad of tickets back into his pocket. "That her muffler?"
"Yep, she left it in my driveway."
"Okay, Josh. Make sure it gets fixed. Don't let me catch her without it again. Evening, ma'am," he said to Maddie, then strolled back to his car.
"Male chauvinist," she muttered under her breath, and met Joshua's gaze. "May I have my muffler, please?"
"Sure," he said, putting the rusted metal in her back seat. "But if another cop stops you, you'll probably get a ticket."
She brushed her hair back in frustration. "How am I supposed to get to a service station to get it fixed?"
He leaned against her window. "I know a guy who might be willing to fix it for you tonight."
Maddie was skeptical. "And charge me an arm and a leg?"
Joshua shook his head. "No more than you'll pay tomorrow in town."
"Lead on," Maddie said.
Joshua's lips tilted in a wicked grin. "You can join us for dinner."
Maddie's stomach flipped. Why did he make her feel like she was going to be dinner?
An hour later, after they'd finished the meal and Patrick had disappeared into his bedroom to do homework, Maddie put Davey down for a nap on a blanket. She'd been leery of leaving him there with Major so close by, but the dog acted as if it was his job to watch the baby. He sat and watched, and after a few minutes, closed his eyes.
Joshua urged her outside on the front porch. "C'mon, you can see him through the door. It's stopped raining."
Weary of fighting him, Maddie threw in the towel for the evening. She wouldn't be staying much longer because her muffler would be fixed, and he hadn't jumped her during dinner.
She looked up at the winking stars in the sky and took a deep breath. "It really is beautiful, here. You don't have to contend with the lights from the city."
He came to stand behind her. "Yeah. It reminds me of that night we were together on the hill," he murmured.
Maddie's insides tightened in remembrance. Joshua had been tenderly persistent for her pleasure. He had held her as if he would never let go, made love to her as if she were the most important woman in the world to him. He'd made her giddy.
She felt his hand on her hair and held her breath.
"I've never wanted a woman like I want you, Maddie."
She swallowed past her tight throat. "It's been a long time for you," she said. "That's all."
He gave a dry chuckle. "It would be a helluva lot easier if that was all." He slid his hand around her waist and pulled her against him. "What would you think if I told you I hadn't dreamed in years?"
She knew she should move away, but his statement distracted her, surprised her. She looked up at him. "What?"
"What would you think if I told you I hadn't dreamed in years?"
Maddie shook her head. The idea was difficult to comprehend. "I can't imagine it. How can you not dream? You go to bed at night and you dream."
"Not me," he said, and sifted his fingers through her hair. "I didn't dream for years."
"But that changed?"
"Yeah." He continued to stroke her hair. His touch was both soothing and sensual, and she would stop him. In a minute.
"When did you dream again?"
"The first time?"
She nodded, and his fingers slid down her neck. Her insides dipped and swayed. It was easy and hard to be held by him. Easy because it felt so good and right. Hard because she knew better.
"The first time I had a dream was when you kissed me for changing your tire."
Maddie's heart stopped. "What?"
His gaze met hers and he continued to stroke downward. "I dreamed the night you kissed me."
"What did you dream?"
He wore an expression of mingled disgust and disbelief. "Buttercups."
She couldn't suppress a light laugh. "How did it feel to dream again?"
"I liked it, but I didn't dream again until you kissed me again.”
A smidgen of doubt crept in. "That's odd," she said.
"No kidding," Joshua muttered. "I thought it was coincidence until it happened again. Strange as hell."
She was torn. He sounded as skeptical as she felt. His gaze locked on hers, he slid his fingers underneath the top of her blouse to her breasts. "Oh, Maddie, you have no idea what you do to me." He lowered his mouth to hers and plucked at her nipple.
She should be saying no right now, she thought, but her mouth was opening to him, her tongue wrapping around his in an intimate caress. She should be pushing his hand away, but her breast was swollen and budding beneath his touch.
She felt like a meteor shower was falling inside her, and she didn't want it to stop. If she had superpowers, she could pull back right now, but Maddie had always been extremely human. Never more human than right now.
"Oh, Maddie, I want you," he murmured against her mouth. "I want you back."
In the back of her mind she heard a voice, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Her heart tightened, and her doubts tumbled through her.
"You've turned me upside down," Joshua said, kissing her neck, still fondling her breasts. "Making me dream, then making me stop when you cut me off."
"Cut you off?" she repeated, grasping for a shred of sanity. She was torn between fear and arousal.
"Oh, yeah. The first time we made love, I dreamed the whole night through. When you dumped me, the dreams completely stopped."
Maddie backed away and stared at Joshua. Her head was reeling. She felt as if she were on a seesaw, and she didn't know which way to go. To believe or not believe. He looked trustworthy. He sounded as if he was telling the truth. But she'd been fooled before.
"Are you telling me you haven't dreamed since we made love?" she asked, watching him closely.
He
shook his head slowly. "A few quick, vague visions, but no real dreams. I haven't dreamed at all since we were together under the stars."
Maddie simply couldn't believe she could have that kind of impact on a man, especially a man like Joshua.
"You don't look like you believe me," he said.
"I'm having a very difficult time," she confessed. "Do you know what it sounds like?"
He leaned against the railing and crossed his arms over his chest. "What?"
"The most original line for getting laid I've ever heard."
* * *
"Well, if it isn't Mr. Sleaze," Jenna Jean Anderson said, looking down her slim nose at him.
Joshua swallowed a sigh. Not an auspicious beginning, he thought. He was getting nowhere fast with Maddie, and the thought of not having her in his future turned his stomach. "I need your help," he said bluntly.
Her eyes widened slightly. "Help? Why should I help you? You hurt my friend. You," she said, pointing her finger at him, "Mr. Studfarm Owner—"
"I screwed up," he said, finishing for her. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I want her back." He met her doubtful gaze without flinching. "I think underneath it all she might want me, too. Are you letting me in, or not?"
She hesitated a long moment, then opened the door wider. "If you make me regret this, I'll find a way to torture you the rest of your life."
"I don't doubt it," he muttered, but walked inside her house.
"Have a seat." She motioned toward the sofa. "I haven't talked to Maddie in a few days. What have you done so far?"
In no mood for sitting, he paced. "I took her ice cream at work, got a tax accountant to straighten out her IRS problems and got her out of a ticket when her muffler fell off her car."
Jenna made a noise of disgust. "Maui strikes again." Her face cleared. "I'm impressed with the tax accountant. Nice touch."
"Thanks. It didn't work."
"When you apologized," Jenna began, and she must have read his expression. She rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, you didn't apologize."
He threw out his hands. "What do I apologize for? All I did was tell her she was an incredible woman and how special she was because she didn't need marriage." He shook his head. "How was I supposed to know she was even thinking about anything permanent?"
Jenna sighed. "I need some wine. Do you want some wine?"
"No. I've already tried whiskey. It doesn't work." Jenna disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a glass. She sank into an overstuffed chair. "Would you please sit down?"
Joshua reluctantly sat.
"Okay, let's take this from the top. First the apology. Even if you don't think you said anything wrong, you can apologize for hurting her feelings." She took a sip. "There's also the matter of how you feel about a permanent, committed relationship."
"I want Maddie in my life."
"For how long?" Jenna asked, regarding him carefully.
Joshua had dodged this question with himself. The idea of making a commitment, even in his mind, when Maddie would barely accept his phone calls made him itch. In most instances he preferred hedging his bets.
"That's something Maddie and I will have to figure out," he said.
She lifted her eyebrows and seemed to consider him yet again. "I'm going to tell you something about Maddie. She has never had a man court her. She might deny that she would want such a thing, but she wouldn't be telling the truth. She was hooked up with Clyde for a long time, but he never bothered to find out what she wanted."
Joshua's mind immediately whipped through the little hints Maddie had innocently given him in their various conversations. Remembering one in particular, he swore under his breath and shook his head.
"What's wrong?"
"I can't play a kazoo, let alone a guitar," Joshua growled.
* * *
Maddie sang along with Bryan White and fed Davey his first rice cereal. She couldn't tell if he liked it or not, since most of it was on his hands and face. Unfortunately he'd flung some of it on her. Good thing it was Sunday morning and no one would see her in her current state. She'd pulled her hair into a high ponytail and wore an ancient T-shirt and denim cutoffs.
Watching his eyes dance and his feet kick, she smiled. His vibrant personality was becoming more apparent with each passing day. Bright and curious, he was a happy baby, but he had a little stubborn streak. He didn't sleep too much. Maddie suspected he didn't want to miss anything.
Maddie loved it when he gurgled. She was certain he would be musically inclined. She could thank Clyde for that. And she thanked her lucky stars that she'd given birth to her son. He was the joy of her life, her reason for rising in the morning, and lately, for putting one foot in front of the other.
Her smile faded. That was an awful lot to put on a little baby, she thought. It wouldn't always be this way, Maddie told herself. She wouldn't always feel such sharp pain when her mind wandered to Joshua. Soon she wouldn't think of him twenty-three of twenty-four hours a day. She wouldn't remember the way he'd held her and the way he'd made her feel, as if she were important, even vital. She wouldn't think about the crazy dreams she'd had about him.
Soon, she told herself. Soon.
The doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Casting a quick glance at the clock, she wondered if it was Ben coming over to bum breakfast. Then she quickly put the baby down in his crib before heading to the door.
She opened the door to Joshua. The mere sight of him was enough of a surprise, but roses? She looked at the flowers, at him, then back at the flowers. She had to fight the urge to ask "Who died?" They couldn't be for her, she tried to tell herself, but no other logical reason for them came to mind. Her heart thumped faster.
Joshua narrowed his eyes. "What do you have in your hair?"
Maddie lifted her hand and felt her son's breakfast. "Rice cereal."
He gave a mock-perplexed look. "New beauty treatment?"
She shook her head. "You're so clever. Why are you here?"
His expression grew more intent. "To see you."
Her stomach took a quick dip, and Maddie bit back an oath. "To see me," she said skeptically. "Wearing rice cereal."
"Surely you're not surprised," he said, and walked past her into her house. Uninvited. "I've enjoyed seeing you with other foods on you. As a matter of fact I can recall seeing you wearing nothing but…" His voice trailed off as he flicked his gaze over her.
Whipped cream. Maddie's stomach took another dip as she closed the door behind him. For all her attempts at denial and forgetting, she knew she would never forget the whipped cream.
"These are for you." He offered the flowers to her.
Feeling a rush of pleasure and discomfort, she held the roses and smelled them. The first time she'd ever received flowers from a man. She didn't exactly know how to respond. "They're lovely," she said. "And unexpected. What possessed you?"
"A token of my affection." He said it with a straight face.
Her heart squeezed tight. "Thank you. Let me put them in water." She wheeled into the kitchen with Joshua following after her.
"I need to apologize," he said to her back.
Maddie nearly dropped the glass vase. The water running full force, she turned around and stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"I need to apologize. I hurt you. I didn't intend to."
Simple, but achingly sincere, his words cut straight to her heart. She took a deep breath. "I never thought you intended to hurt me. I just misread you." She turned the water off and tried to collect herself. "I just realized we were headed in different directions."
He cocked his head to one side. "Do you really think that? That we're headed in different directions."
Maddie blinked. "Well, yes. I'm looking for something permanent. You aren't." She repeated the same words to herself three times.
"I think you may be wrong."
"No," she said immediately. "I'm not."
"I think we'd both like to find out what we want with each oth
er." He stepped closer and cupped her jaw. "I think you still want to be with me."
Maddie closed her eyes and groaned. "When are you going to stop?"
He pulled her against him, and she felt his solid strength and arousal. Why did she feel as if she fit this man like a second skin? Why did her heart fight with her mind to get closer to him?
He ran his open mouth over her lips, tempting her, promising her. "I'm not stopping until I get you," he told her, softening the punch of his sensual threat with his kiss.
Maddie kissed him back, and their caresses quickly grew out of control. He slid one of his hands up her shorts and with his other hand, guided her to touch him intimately.
We shouldn't do this. She heard it in her head, but had she said it aloud?
His fingers stroked her wet core. He rubbed her sensitive bead of pleasure, and she felt swollen inside and out. Needy for him. "Joshua," she said, knowing she should call a halt.
"Don't make me stop. You feel so good," he murmured. "You can blame it all on me," he said, and sucked her bottom lip into his mouth. "I need to feel you come apart in my hands."
That was all it took. His words and voice affected her like he was naked and inside her. She splintered, shattered, peaked. He made her shudder from her very depths until she slumped against him.
"Oh, Maddie, you're incredible. You're so beautiful. You have no idea how beautiful. You have no idea what you do to me," he told her, holding her tight.
Maddie's knees still trembled. She felt torn in two. It was as if her body knew she belonged to him, but her mind refused to allow it. "Oh, Joshua, this is craziness," she said breathlessly, and was mortified at the tears threatening behind her eyes. She swallowed over a lump in her throat.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she ducked her head against his chest. His strength, his heartbeat and scent were so familiar they felt as if they were a part of her. "I don't want to fool myself again," she told him. "When I'm with you, I feel a little out of control." She shook her head and made herself look up at him. "That's scary. I don't want to feel stupid for believing things might work out when they won't."
He paused a long moment, his gray eyes shifting like storm clouds. "Everyone's got their own doubts to tangle with," he finally said. "There's only one solution." His voice was firm, almost hard. "You've got to meet me halfway."