"No … no you haven't," she exclaimed, her eyes liquid as if she were fighting back tears. "We've been thrown together because of the crimes that wrecked our lives. That's all it is, Riley."
"That's not all it is," he protested. He got up, feeling at a distinct disadvantage sitting while she stood halfway across the room. He took a step toward her. There was a knot in his chest as he gazed at her. "I love you, Savannah. Marry me and share my life."
* * *
This was the conversation she'd hoped to avoid. Only it was worse than she'd anticipated. She hadn't expected a confession of love … a proposal of marriage.
She hated him at that moment, hated him because there was a part of her that wanted to throw herself into his arms, there was a part of her that longed to agree to share his life, his future.
There was a part of her that wanted to forsake Jimmy, and she knew it was a wicked, selfish part of her. And she didn't know if she hated him or hated herself.
"No, Riley. I can't marry you."
He approached where she stood, and what she wanted more than anything was to run away, to disappear. She didn't want him close enough to touch her, didn't want him near enough so she could smell the wonderfully male scent of him. She didn't want him to weaken her resolve.
"Why not? Why won't you marry me?" He stopped only when he stood close enough to her that she felt his breath warm her face, his body heat radiate through her.
She wanted to melt into him, seek the warmth and shelter of his arms, and that sickened her, for what kind of woman did that make her?
"Savannah," his voice was a soft plea filled with emotion that tugged at her heart. He reached out and took one of her hands in his. She tried to pull away, but he held tight, refusing to grant her the distance she so desperately needed.
"I know you feel as if your life is in turmoil right now. I know you have the murders on your mind, and the pain of your mother's absence. But let me be your sanity. Hang on to me when things get crazy … let my love for you sustain you."
His eyes, those beautiful blue eyes of his were filled with such longing, with a depth of love she'd only seen in one other man's eyes before. Jimmy's eyes.
With a sharp pull, she yanked her hand from his grasp. "Don't make this hard for me, Riley." She took a step backward, tears momentarily obscuring her vision. "I've had my love, Riley. His name was Jimmy Tallfeather, and he was my soul mate. I gave my heart to him and now there's nothing left for me to give to anyone else."
His gaze remained soft and tender as it lingered on her. "I'm not asking you to forget Jimmy and the love the two of you shared. I would never try to take that away from you. But surely there's room in your heart for me, too."
Room in her heart? She had a whole houseful of him in her heart. But it wasn't real. It couldn't be real. It was love based on sheer emotion, on raging hormones and the commonality of their situations.
She couldn't look at him, was afraid that if she gazed into his eyes once again she'd be lost. "I'm sorry, Riley," she said, staring down at her feet.
She gasped as he grabbed her by the shoulders. "Look at me, Savannah. Look at me and tell me that you don't love me."
"I don't," she said as tears splashed down on her cheeks. Still she refused to look at him.
"I don't believe you. You can lie to me with your mouth, but you can't lie to me with your eyes, and when you look at me, I see love there. You can't lie to me with your kisses, because when I kiss you I taste love. And you can't lie with your heartbeat, and when I felt it racing with mine as we made love, I felt your love."
"It doesn't matter," she said, twisting away from him. "It doesn't matter what I feel for you or what you feel for me. I had my chance at happiness. I married my soul mate. He walks with me in spirit every day. I've already dishonored his memory enough by making love with you."
For the first time since he'd arrived she saw a flash of something in his eyes—a kindling of a fire that had nothing to do with love or desire. "What do you think? There's a quota on soul mates and you've met yours so you don't get another one?"
He reached out as if to grab her once again, but she sidestepped him, feeling as if she'd shatter into a million pieces if he touched her one more time. "Savannah, the moment I met you, the moment I got a chance to talk to you, I felt a connection like I'd never felt before. And every moment I've spent with you has only confirmed to me that we're soul mates. We were destined to meet, to share our lives together. I want to marry you. I want you to have my children, to share my dreams."
Each of his words was like a knife through her heart. A torturous emotional conflict raged inside her. On the one hand she yearned to fall into his arms, to take a chance on what he offered.
But she didn't have to take a chance on Jimmy's love. It had been a constant presence in her life since she'd been a young girl. Jimmy would love her forever and always.
Jimmy had adored her. He'd spent his life with her happiness as his only real goal. Didn't she owe him more? Didn't she owe him a heart full of memories, a heart so filled with him that there was no room for any other man?
She looked at the array of photographs on the end table next to the sofa, her gaze locking on her favorite, the one of Jimmy in his parka.
"He's gone, Savannah." Before she realized he'd moved, Riley was in front of her. He once again grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes.
"Jimmy is gone and he's never coming back." Riley's eyes burned into hers with fierce intensity. "He's your past, Savannah. Let it go … let him go and let me be your future."
She wasn't sure why, but anger coursed through her at his words, a rich anger that half blinded her. How dare he tell her to forget the man who had been the love of her life. How dare he tell her to let go of the man she had pledged her love, her life to.
She jerked away from him. "You're one to talk about letting go of the past, Riley. You've kept your parents' house like a shrine, waiting for people to just walk back in after a two-year absence."
He reeled backward as if she'd physically struck him, and shame washed over her. She hadn't meant what she'd said, but he'd made her so angry. "Riley … I'm sorry, that wasn't fair." She could barely see him through her team, and this time it was she who took a step toward him.
He held up a hand to stop her, his jaw clenched tight. "No, you're right. But there's a difference between me clinging to the past and you clinging to the past." He reached out and grabbed her favorite photo of Jimmy off the table.
"The difference is my mother's body has never been found. I never got the luxury of a funeral, of saying goodbye. Your husband's body was found. He's buried in the Cherokee Corners Cemetery." His voice was hard and she knew she'd made him angry. "I don't know if my mother is ever coming back. But you know Jimmy never is. That's the difference."
"Riley … I'm sorry," she repeated.
"Is this what you want for your future?" He held the photo out before him. "A photograph to keep you warm at night, memories for companionship? You love me, Savannah, I know you do, but you're a coward. You'd rather hold on tight to a dead man than face the possibilities with me. You're afraid to take a chance on loving again … on living again."
He reached out to place the photo back on the table, but somehow the photo slipped off the edge and, as if in slow motion, it fell to the floor where the glass shattered into a hundred pieces.
He looked at her, obviously horrified. "Savannah…"
"Just go, Riley," she exclaimed. "Just get out of here. There's nothing here for you."
For a long moment he gazed at her, and in his gaze she saw all his love for her, all the dreams he would have shared with her, all the desire that would have been hers. Then he turned away and stalked out of the house.
She stood like a statue, tears coursing down her cheeks as she played and replayed their conversation in her mind. He loved her. He wanted to build a life with her. He'd wanted her to have his children.
Children. She and
Jimmy had talked about having babies, but the time had never seemed right. She'd thought her desire for babies had died with Jimmy, but the moment Riley had mentioned her having his babies a well of want had opened inside her.
On leaden legs she moved to where the picture had crashed, and bent down to pick up the pieces of glass. Thankfully the photo wasn't damaged, but the frame had been destroyed.
He wouldn't be back, she thought as she swept the last of the glass into a dustpan. There would be no more evening phone calls, no more messages left on her machine. She would no longer enjoy his smile, his laughter, his kisses. He was gone and she knew in her heart he wouldn't be back.
She plucked the photo of Jimmy from the damaged frame and held it to her. This was her past … and this was her future. What she didn't know was if the sobs that now choked her were for Jimmy or Riley or for herself.
* * *
As Savannah wept, her mother explored the room where she was held captive, fighting the fear that had taken hold of her ever since total consciousness had claimed her.
She'd begun to keep track of time by when the slot in the door would open and a tray of food would be handed to her. No words were ever spoken despite her pleading, begging for the person on the other side of the door to let her go, talk to her, explain why she was here.
In the mornings she got a cheese omelet, toast and coffee. Noontime brought a chicken or turkey sandwich, a small salad and a soda … what she often ate for lunch at home. Dinner was usually a broiled chicken breast, some kind of vegetables and the bean bread that was traditionally Cherokee and one of her favorite foods.
She wondered if it was a fellow Cherokee who held her? She was clear enough in the mind to recognize it wasn't a mythical Raven Mocker holding her. But if it was another of her people, then why?
She'd marked four days since she'd become conscious of time and had no idea how many days before that she'd been here. What was she being held for?
When she wasn't exploring the room, trying to find some way out or at least to summon help, she thought of her family. She tried not to think of Thomas, for the pain of thinking of him was too great to bear.
Instead she focused on her children. She worried about Clay, knew that her absence would be deeply felt by him because they'd had a tiff right before she'd been kidnapped.
It all seemed so silly now. She'd wanted him to take part in one of the ceremonies at the Cherokee Cultural Center, but as usual he'd refused.
Her son had always been somewhat of an enigma to her. Something had happened to him when he'd been a teenager that had made him turn his back on his Cherokee heritage. She'd watched him transform from a carefree, loving young man into an angry loner who seemed to find pleasure only in his work.
Thankfully, after Breanna had been left by the man who had married her, gotten her pregnant, then left her, she'd finally found love with Adam. With the kind, strong Adam by her side, Rita knew Breanna would be fine.
Savannah was another worry. When she'd lost her husband, Jimmy, a little over a year before, she'd lost not only the sparkle in her eyes, the smile on her lips, but her interest in living, as well. Oh, she went through the motions, going to work, visiting with her siblings, but there was a darkness in her heart, a barrier around her that Rita and nobody else seemed able to penetrate.
"Keep them safe," Rita whispered aloud. "And, please, make me strong enough to survive whatever lies ahead."
* * *
Chapter 14
«^»
It had been two days since he'd left Savannah's apartment, and still the ache in Riley's heart hadn't eased one little bit.
He alternated between being incredibly angry with her and wanting to rush back over to her place and try again. But pride kept him from going over or calling her. She'd told him there was nothing for him there, had never said that she loved him, and he'd be a fool to pursue it any further.
She was bound to her dead husband, and there was apparently nothing that would break that bond. Riley had given her all that he had to give, but it hadn't been enough. Jimmy Tallfeather must have been one hell of a man.
He reared back in his chair and looked out the window, where storm clouds threatened. All day long dark turbulent clouds had chased each other across the sky, promising that before the day was done there would be a storm.
So far they'd been lucky, and the rain had held off for the workday. That was important because they'd begun digging a new lot to prepare it for the foundation work. If they were really lucky, the dark clouds would blow over completely without shedding a drop of rain and therefore not stopping the work on the job site.
Business was booming, but Riley hadn't felt any kind of excitement about it since the day he'd brought Savannah to Riley Estates. On that day he'd dreamed of sharing all this with her. He would never suggest she quit her job as a cop, but be saw visions of evenings together with her sharing the events of her days and him sharing his.
He'd envisioned her helping him plan new ways to serve families in the community he was creating, had dreamed of going to sleep each night with her in his antis after making love to her.
Dreams and fantasies, wishes and hopes, that's all they had been. But, damn it, he'd wanted them to be real. He'd wanted it all with her.
Irritated by his continuous thoughts of Savannah, he got up out of his chair and went to the window, where he could see a cloud of dust rising from the earthwork being done on a distant lot.
She'd been right about one thing: he had been clinging to the past where his parents' place was concerned. He'd fooled himself into believing that after all this time, one day his mother would just reappear and pick up the life that had been left behind.
It was time to stop fooling himself. Even if she did come back, she wouldn't be the same woman she had once been. Whatever she'd been through, whatever had happened would have transformed her forever.
The house he'd kept exactly as it had been when she'd been there was nothing more than an empty shell filled with items that had served their life span. For him, it was time to let go.
With this decision in mind, he picked up the phone and dialed the number of a friend in real estate sales who had also been a friend of his parents. "Janet," he greeted her as she answered her phone. "It's Riley."
"Don't tell me … you've finally broken down and decided I can handle your homes in the Riley Estates."
He laughed. She'd been at him since the first home had gone up, wanting an exclusive to sell his homes. "Not a chance. Why should I split my hard-earned money with you?"
"I keep telling you, honey, you let the buyers pay my commission."
"Not interested," Riley replied.
"All right, I won't push anymore." She released a long, practiced sigh. "So, what's up? What can I do for you?"
For a moment the words stuck in his throat. Letting go was easy in thought, more difficult in actuality. It was a little bit frightening, and more than a little bit sad.
"Riley? You still there?" Janet asked.
"I'm here." He drew a deep breath. "I was wondering if you'd handle the sale of my parents' house."
There was a long moment of silence, then she finally spoke. "Honey, are you sure?"
"Don't you think it's time?" he countered.
"It's past time," she said softly. "I loved her, too, Riley, but it's been a long time. It serves no purpose for that house to stay like it has been."
"It will take me a couple of weeks to pack things up and get them into storage someplace."
"Take whatever time you need. Call me when you're ready, and we'll sit down and figure out a selling price."
"Thanks, Janet. I appreciate it."
"No problem, and Riley … it's the right thing to do."
He hung up and once again left his chair and moved back to the window, feeling an odd sense of relief now that he'd made the decision to let go. If his mother, by some miracle, ever returned, she knew where Riley lived. She'd know how to find him.
&nb
sp; Now, if there was just a way he could wave a wand and help Savannah to let go. But he couldn't. He didn't have a magic wand in his possession.
Maybe she just didn't love him enough. Maybe it would be another man who would reawaken her to life, to love. Maybe eventually she'd find a man who would convince her to put her deceased husband in the past and face a new future. He just couldn't imagine that man not being him.
He frowned as he saw his foreman's truck roaring toward the trailer. There was still an hour of work time left. This could only be trouble. If the foreman was threatening for the sixth time to quit, Riley would let him. He was tired of the old man's temperament.
Leslie Heaton, the burly older man who'd been in the construction business for years, climbed out of his truck and moved faster than Riley had ever seen him toward the trailer. Riley instantly went on alert.
"Boss." Leslie yelled the moment he entered the trailer.
"What's wrong?" Riley faced the foreman, whose usual ruddy complexion was pale as a summer night moon.
"We'd just started dozing on lot fifty-four and we turned up something." If it was possible, Leslie's face grew more pale. "We need to call the cops. There's a body out there, boss."
Riley made the call to the Cherokee Corners Police Department, then stood on the front porch of the trailer to wait for their arrival. In the calm before the storm he knew was about to occur, he tried to keep his mind blank.
He had no idea if the body found was that of a 'man or a woman, had no reason to believe that it had anything at all to do with him personally. But there was a ball of dread in his stomach that only grew bigger as streaks of lightning flashed across the sky followed by an explosive clap of thunder.
* * *
"All I know for certain is that Sam McClane was a ladies' man and Greg Maxwell apparently had a good and stable marriage. Sam's wife has a solid alibi for the night of his murder. She was at a fund-raiser for our mayor at the time of his murder." Savannah slumped into the chair opposite Glen Cleberg's desk as she finished giving what little report she had on the murders.
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