I stepped away from Thea and swiped my eyes with the back of my hand, hoping Delphine couldn’t see it tremble. “Nothing.”
Dietrich emerged from the small tunnel into the larger utility tunnel. “Are you all right?”
I couldn’t help backing away from him. I told myself he was safe. But my body refused to believe me. I was pretty sure my fear hurt him, but there was nothing I could do about it. “I’ll be fine.”
“What happened?” Delphine asked in a nasty tone. “Did you see a widdle-bitty spider?”
“Shut up,” Thea snapped.
“She doesn’t like small spaces,” Dietrich said.
I groaned, glaring at him. He looked startled. It figured. Even a sensitive chap like him couldn’t tell when to keep certain information to himself.
Delphine stared at me. “She’s been through there at least four times now! Never had a problem before.”
I wasn’t going to admit that each time I’d been on the brink of falling apart. “I’m fine. Just…more people than I’m used to.”
Delphine snorted. “And you think I’m a diva?”
“I have an idea,” Dietrich said, with the peace-making tone of someone who greatly dislikes conflict. He eased around me and Thea to stand near Delphine. “We’re going to practice the rest of the way.”
Delphine wrinkled her face. “How?”
“You’re going to shift into Nadine and stay there until you get to the Noggin. Or at least as close to Nadine as your magic will allow.”
She made another pouty face.
It was a brilliant idea—as Nadine, she couldn’t really bitch out on me all the way to the Noggin. As Nadine, she’d have to act as if she liked me. I glanced at Dietrich, and his tiny smile said he’d made the suggestion for that reason. A burst of grateful warmth chased away the lingering presul fears—for now.
He turned back to Delphine. “Unless practicing Nadine will wear you out too much before your performance tonight?”
I smothered a giggle. No vicimorph I knew wanted to admit that they didn’t have enough stamina for shifting.
She glared at me as if she knew what I was thinking. “That won’t be a problem. But I don’t see the point to it.”
His jaw tightened. Thea gave me a little grin. I think we both liked seeing Dietrich’s stubborn side.
“The point, Miss Birdwell, is that in only a few more weeks, you’ll need to perform a double-shifting stunt that may never have been done before. You’ll need to come as close to impersonating a living person as you can, and you’ll need to portray her character the way she would. Oh, and you’ll be doing this in front of the empress and an audience full of the most notable people in the empire, while being stalked by a serial killer and trying not to get yourself murdered. For some reason, I assumed you’d appreciate the chance to practice. But I can see now that I’m being unreasonable. Do forgive me.” Ever the gentleman, he bowed tightly and walked away down the utility tunnel, his torch casting swinging shadows along the curving walls.
Well! Thea and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Delphine shot us a glance of pure fury and hurried after him. “That’s not what I meant! Of course I want to practice. I just wasn’t expecting to do it here.”
He stopped and turned back, his face stern. “Being Nadine has to become second nature so that you can concentrate on everything else. Practicing in a setting like this should help with that.”
She nodded, eyes wide, looking eager to regain his approval. “All right.”
I shivered. I never liked watching a presul and vicimorph enact the shift into a different personality. I especially wasn’t looking forward to seeing Delphine’s interpretation of the woman I loved like a mother.
Dietrich tossed her a standard vicimorph wrist chain from the inside pocket of his waistcoat. She looped it around her wrist. Like all presuls, he probably wore one around his neck, under his shirt and necktie. It was no big deal to them. Using their magic required no rituals or incantations. Just a silver chain for each of them tuned with alchemy to the presul’s magical essence. Dietrich’s essence. My heart beat faster.
They could actually use their magic without the chain if they wished, but the chain allowed them to communicate with each other mentally—similar to how I communicated with Thea, only it could go both directions.
What would it be like to have that mental connection to Dietrich? The thought made my breath catch. The presul/vicimorph partnership was rather intimate, even if the presul was directing several vicimorphs at once. He and Delphine gazed at each other, communicating unspoken things through their mental bond. I felt an inward twinge. Must have been something I ate. It certainly wasn’t jealousy. I didn’t want any sort of bond with Dietrich—mental or otherwise.
Really, I didn’t.
Delphine nodded in response to something only she and Dietrich knew. Then she inhaled, closed her eyes. I watched with a sort of sickened fascination as her expression changed. Her mouth softened, losing its usual self-centered pinch and curling into the thoughtful half-smile Nadine always wore. Her entire face grew more peaceful, contemplative. Still Delphine’s features, but I could see Nadine reflected in the way she held her head, her posture. Even the way she breathed.
I felt Dietrich’s magic, but it wasn’t as upsetting when it was aimed at another person. He stared at her, narrowing his eyes critically, like an artist surveying a half-finished piece to figure out what to add next.
She opened her eyes—Delphine’s eyes, but it was as if Nadine’s soul shone through them. Only a needle-sharp cynicism remained, like a tiny thorn, to prove that it was still Delphine.
It was unnerving, even though I knew what was going on. I didn’t want to respond to this Nadine-in-Delphine’s-body, but my heart wouldn’t listen.
“Claire, dear,” she said, her voice so similar to Nadine’s that they could have been sisters. “What do you think?” She smiled, and it was Nadine.
Only it wasn’t. At least not the Nadine I knew. It was a Nadine who had known too much fear, too much disappointment. A Nadine full of worry and uncertainty.
My heart ached. Instinctively, I reached for her.
Her laugh, too harsh for the woman I loved, stopped me. She looked at Dietrich. “I must be on the right track. I nearly got a hug.” Her voice was low, gently amused. But the undercurrent of affection was missing. She seemed to mock everything I felt for the woman she was impersonating.
I pushed down my anger and summoned an air of calm I didn’t feel. “You were right, Dietrich,” I said over my shoulder at him, “she really does need a lot more practice.”
Thea grinned, and took my arm. Delphine muttered something about needing to hurry, and we set off again. As she led the way, Dietrich fell in beside Thea and me.
“Is she really that off-the-mark?” He murmured.
I must have worried him with my snippy response. “She’s not terribly off. But I’ve never seen Nadine be mean-spirited to anyone. She is kind to a fault. And Delphine…”
“Isn’t,” he finished for me.
We smiled, enjoying the shared joke. Then he sighed. “That’s why it’s so difficult to impersonate a living person,” he said, speaking a little louder. “You have to be able to approximate the heart of the person without actually accessing their essence. And when that heart is totally different from your own, it takes a lot more experience than an apprentice has to overcome the difference.”
“Wait,” Thea said. “Do you mean that if she was impersonating someone not living that she’d be accessing their soul?”
“Not exactly.” Dietrich frowned, as if struggling to explain. “Otherwise vicimorphs could only portray people who actually existed. But each person, real or fictional, has an essence of being. It’s what makes them that unique person. And with a non-living real person or a fictional person, my magic can send her magic a sort of direct blueprint for that essence. A real person who is still alive owns their own blueprint, so to spea
k, so we have to adjust it so it’s close but not exactly the same.”
“So why can’t you just send her a blueprint that is more similar?” Thea asked.
“Mainly because I don’t know Nadine enough. She’s helping me with that, but I’m relying on Delphine to fill in my gaps of knowledge. And what’s happening is that wherever we have made changes to that blueprint or where we have gaps, the magic is weaker and lets Delphine’s true self show through.”
“Presul Wolff,” Nadine-Delphine’s voice called back to us, “there’s no need to talk about me as if I’m not here. I could answer some of those questions too, you know.”
“True,” he replied. “Miss Wright, why don’t you go on ahead and ask Dame Fairchild to explain how we make adjustments to that blueprint? I’d like to talk to Minx for a few minutes.”
Delphine’s face tightened, but she relaxed it into a Nadine-like calm. “Of course, Miss Wright, let’s do talk. We never have a chance.”
Thea looked suspiciously like she was gritting her teeth, but she trotted up to Delphine and soon the two were in the oddest, friendly-yet-bitchy conversation I’d ever seen.
I glanced sidelong at Dietrich. “You are a bunch of trouble.”
“Hmm.” His lips quirked in a secretive grin that made my heart turn to steam.
“You wanted to talk?”
He didn’t speak right away. Just watched me with those all-seeing eyes. “Are you doing all right?”
He didn’t mean with Delphine or with our project. He meant with him. I saw the faintest trace of insecurity in his expression. My heart did a little flip-flop. I couldn’t bear to hurt him. I hesitated, trying to find a way to reassure him truthfully. “It’s easier this way—with your magic busy somewhere else.” There was an awkward silence. Then, “My mind trusts you. Completely.”
“Just your mind?”
God, he wasn’t the in-control, brilliant presul right now. Just a gent who was so truly good and kind-hearted that it must be killing him to know that he scared me.
I couldn’t give him the answer he wanted, even though I wished I could. So I gave him the best I had. “My heart wants to.”
“My heart wants you to as well.” He spoke so softly, I almost didn’t hear him. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
We had reached the junction where the utility tunnel joined the drainage ditch. My boot slid on some loose stones.
Dietrich’s hand gripped my arm to steady me. I flinched. Stiffened. He slowly released me, sadness falling like a shadow over him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “It’s like a reflex now. It’s not you personally.”
He looked away, the hurt plain on his face. “I hope—” He bit back whatever he’d planned to say.
“You hope what?”
“Nothing.”
“Please. I want to know.”
He looked into the dark distance of the tunnel. “I hope there’s a way to help you, so that someday you’ll enjoy my touch.”
Something hot and pleasant clenched low in my belly, and I inhaled. The realization hit me—I wanted that, too.
Oh god. It was true. I wanted Dietrich Wolff. Like…ripping off his clothes and running my hands over his body kind of wanting. Was I insane? Dumb question. Of course I was. I had to be.
This could not be happening.
We needed to change the subject.
Now.
But my mouth had disconnected from my brain. “If you ever figure out a way to make that happen, I’d like…I mean, I want to enjoy it, too.”
Cog-brained apprentice. Why not just throw myself at him while I was at it?
His attention snapped to me, as if he’d been jolted from a daydream. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking horrified. “I wasn’t thinking how that sounded.”
I wanted to disappear into the depths of one of the tunnels and never surface again. “It’s all right. I’m not offended.” Humiliated, maybe.
He studied me with an intense concern, and then his features relaxed. “Good. But it still sounded inappropriate. I beg your pardon.”
My joy thudded to the ground, like a crashing airship. Now I was offended. Was he trying to say we were back to the whole “like a sister” thing? I could only blink at him, my mouth open slightly. “That’s…”
“Oh Claire!” Nadine-Delphine’s voice called to me, echoing off the brick surface of the drainage tunnel. “Do stop flirting with Presul Wolff, and let’s try to move a little faster, please. It wouldn’t do for me to be late.”
“I wasn’t—oh, never mind.” My face felt hot and I couldn’t even glance at Dietrich. We hurried to catch up to Delphine and Thea. I avoided looking at any of them, though I could feel Thea trying to read me without prying too much.
After a moment, Delphine peeked over her shoulder at me. “By the way, Claire, I hear that adorable Carrew boy is quite taken with you these days.” She gave me a surprisingly good approximations of Nadine’s motherly, good-humored tone. Dietrich must have been working on some adjustments with her while we’d been talking. I wasn’t sure I liked the idea that he could have such a personal conversation with me while at the same time directing Delphine. But it seemed selfish to feel that way—directing was his job.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I told her. “Mr. Carrew has always been a good friend.”
“Oh?” She looked sweetly confused. “Millicent Walsh said she’d seen the two of you walking back from the library holding hands. I just assumed perhaps the friendship had turned into something more. It does happen, you know.”
My pulse increased, and my face heated again. Thea shot me a sharp glance, and Dietrich seemed puzzled. Damn diva-bitch. Nadine-voice or not, I could have scratched her eyes out right then.
“That’s nonsense,” I finally managed. “Holding hands isn’t always about romance. I hold Thea’s hand sometimes. Doesn’t mean we’re in love.” I gave Thea a teasing grin. “Although she is steaming hot—even though she won’t believe it.”
Thea smiled, but it seemed a little forced. I remembered how upset she’d looked yesterday when she’d found Raymond holding me. I hadn’t considered she might not like it if Raymond and I were together. Maybe she worried that she’d be left out. We’d never do that to her, but I supposed it could be awkward for awhile.
Delphine wasn’t finished. “You might feel that way about holding hands, but in my experience, the man sees it quite differently.” She nodded toward Dietrich. “Don’t you agree, Presul Wolff?”
His eyes darkened, but I couldn’t tell if he was actually angry or not. He stared straight at me as he replied, “I think most men are able to tell the difference between a touch that is romantic and one that is platonic. Miss Mellor is welcome to hold hands with anyone she finds pleasant, and it’s up to her and Mr. Carrew to figure out what she means by it.”
He didn’t sound upset, but there was something in his expression that seemed displeased. Or disappointed. For a moment, I felt guilty.
But why should I? Dietrich had no claim on my affections. I was like a sister to him. His words. So my relationships were none of his business. He basically just admitted that himself.
Thea said nothing, but she looked hurt. I couldn’t ask why. Not here in front of the Delphine-Nadine-diva-bitch creature. We’d have to talk soon, though. I didn’t much care what most people thought of me, but with Thea—I cared.
I forced a laugh. “You both sound like old grannies with your tut-tutting and tsk-tsking. Here—” I grabbed her hand and Thea’s. “Let’s all hold hands. How about that?”
Both girls tried to pull away, but I held fast.
The Nadine mask fell away, and Delphine screeched in her own voice. “Let go, Minx!”
She yanked away and stumbled down the shallow bank. I tried to reach for her but she fell backward. She landed on her arse in the channel of water flowing in the center of the tunnel.
She screamed and flailed. The water only came up to her hips, but you’d have thought
she was drowning.
Dietrich glared at me and then bent to extend to her his hand. He pulled her to her feet and helped her wade out of the water.
“I’m soaked!” She flapped the sodden fabric of her skirt. “Damn you, Minx. What if there’d been an alligator?”
I couldn’t hold back a giggle. “Or what if it hadn’t been just rainwater? This is a sewer tunnel, after all.”
She stomped away. The effect was ruined by the sloshing sound her boots made with every step. Even Thea laughed.
Dietrich didn’t though. He frowned at me and shook his head. Leaning close, he spoke quietly into my ear. “What is it about her that makes you act like such a child?”
He brushed past me and strode ahead to walk with Delphine. I felt like he’d slapped me. I stood gaping at him for a moment, blinking back tears. Thea linked her arm in mine, studying me with a worried expression.
I’m fine, I told her mentally. Just don’t want to talk about it.
She squeezed my arm, and smiled supportively. Ever loyal Thea.
The rest of the trip to the Noggin was awkwardly quiet. I composed about fifty different apologies to Delphine in my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to say any of them out loud. Maybe it was because I didn’t honestly mean them.
Not a single one.
Chapter Fifteen
By the time we reached the Coggled Noggin, a misty rain had polished the cobblestone streets until they shone in the light from the gas street lamps. Delphine disappeared down the alley to the stage door, and the rest of us circled around to the front entrance.
I had instructed Dietrich and Thea on what to wear and how to act to get past the bouncer, and we were about to join the line when two familiar voices called to me.
I saw Benjamin Pierce and Phineas Corker waving to me. “Miss Wright! Over here.”
Thea jumped. I hastily explained to her they were talking to me, that I’d sort of borrowed her last name. She stifled a giggle as I led them further up in line to greet my friends.
“Mr. Corker! Mr. Pierce! Lovely to see you this evening.” I curtseyed to them, and extended my hand in greeting.
Chains of Silver: a YA Theater Steampunk Novel (Alchemy Empire Book 1) Page 13