He finally looked directly at me. Once again, the glow of the forest shone from his eyes. Tenderness and heat washed over me.
“I wish I could. You don’t know how much I wish it.” His voice was low, troubled. “But the truth is, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I only know I can’t let you be part of it.”
Tears rolled down my face. He wasn’t angry at me. He was scared. I would have done anything in that moment to comfort him, to reassure him. I took another step closer. “I want to help you.”
For a moment, I thought he’d close the distance and take me in his arms. But then, the light in his eyes dimmed to jade stone. His jaw clenched. A great sadness filled his face. “Goodbye, Gia.”
He strode from the exam room, through the reception room past Nadine and the others.
“Dietrich!” I shouted after him.
He paused only to pluck his hat from the stand near the door.
And then he was gone.
I sagged against the door frame, staring at the empty entryway. My breath came in shuddering gasps. I didn’t want to look at the others, didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes.
I slid back into the exam room, closed the door, and crawled into the bed.
I wasn’t feeling strong anymore.
Chapter Forty-Two
Lots of bad things had happened to me in my brief life. But I’d never had my heart broken before. Nadine came into the exam room a few minutes after Dietrich left. She sat on the bed and held me, and I cried all over her pretty poplin gown.
“Hush now,” she crooned after awhile. “It was going to end badly no matter what. Better now, before you became any more attached to him.”
I pulled back, wiping my eyes with the handkerchief she’d given me. “It’s not just that. There’s something wrong with him, but he won’t tell me what it is.”
She gave me a pitying look. “Maybe facing the Peacock made him realize he had to do the right thing by you. It’s not easy, especially if your heart wants something different.”
I gave up trying to explain. She was only going to see things the way she wanted to see them. She loved me, but she hadn’t approved of Dietrich and me to begin with.
But I knew what I’d seen on that stage. I knew what I’d felt when his magic exploded through me. And I knew that his behavior today was more than a presul rejecting an apprentice because of an attack of conscience.
In saving me, something had gone deeply wrong. And no matter how my heart ached right now, and no matter how he treated me when he returned from Caerdydd, I would do whatever I could to find a way to help him.
I owed him that much. If not for him, I would be dead.
Suddenly, I felt like such a baby. A self-centered one, at that. Dietrich had saved my life, and now he was clearly paying some inexplicable, possibly dreadful, price. If he was pushing me away, it likely was for a good reason. He was trying to be strong, for my sake.
I had to trust his character. The demon on the stage that night had not been him. It couldn’t have been.
I had to grow up. I had to be strong, too. It was the only way to help him.
And sitting in a clinic bed sobbing because a boy left me was not being strong.
It was time to go home.
Lucy insisted I stay until after tea, to make sure I was fully recovered from the drug and the concussion. The five of us enjoyed sandwiches, biscuits, and scones along with tea, and in spite of the ache in my chest, I soon was drawn into their lively chatter and banter. Broken heart or not, life was forging ahead, and it beckoned me to enjoy it.
Two hours later, a carriage arrived to return us to the theater. Raymond, Thea, and I said our goodbyes to Lucy. I hugged her tightly, thanking her again for taking care of me.
Nadine settled again into a chair in the reception room.
“Aren’t you coming with us?” I asked her.
She shook her head, her lips pursed. “Lord Deverey is sending a carriage for me. When he heard what had happened, he made a trip into town. I’ll be gone from the theater for a few days.”
Meaning, she’d be staying at the house he rented for her.
A bitter heat spread in my heart. I wished she could be free of him. She deserved better than to be some aristocrat’s mistress.
But I couldn’t stop a mischievous grin. “Master Fenrey will miss you.”
She shot me a knowing smirk. “You know you’ve scarred him for life, don’t you? He was utterly mortified, poor man.”
“Him? What about me? That will rank as the absolute most awkward moment in my entire existence. I’ll never be able to see him again without blushing.”
She giggled like an apprentice. “That’s what you get for meddling.”
I huffed in faux outrage. She just laughed and wrapped her arms around me. “When I return, I’ll have you come for tea, just like always.”
Just like always. That sort of normalcy sounded wonderful.
In the carriage, the three of us didn’t talk much. Thea seemed moody, withdrawn. She sat next to me, and kept looking off into space somewhere to the right of Raymond, who sat across from us.
I didn’t know what to say, either. We’d been through so much of the past few weeks together, and yet when it had come down to the moment that I’d been torn between life and death, we had all faced it largely alone. There was so much to say, but it seemed too personal to actually speak the words. I knew my friends so well, and yet in so many ways they were strangers to me. Where should I begin in knowing them?
Raymond finally broke the silence. “So…you’re a big celebrity now,” he told me.
“Really?” I frowned.
He nodded. “The papers are full of stories about the mystery shape-shifter who defeated the Peacock. Most of it is complete fiction, but it’s made for entertaining reading the past few days while we waited for you to wake up.”
“But I…didn’t really do much.”
“Don’t be cogged. Of course you did. When you finally shifted into that hummingbird, most of the audience couldn’t see it because it was so small. What they saw was Nadine Fairchild plunge off the catwalk, then disappear at the last second, and then reappear as some unknown girl that crashed onto the stage. Could you have been more dramatic? No wonder you’re such a sensation.”
As he spoke, I could see the images bright and life-like in my mind. I’d never take Raymond’s fabulamancy for granted again.
“Not to mention the tales flying of how you singlehandedly fought Wallace and Creston on the catwalk.” Thea must have decided to pull out of her funk and talk to us.
I snorted. “It wasn’t that good of a fight, and I lost. Quickly. And anyway, how would they know?”
Raymond shrugged. “I guess Creston has been talking.”
I shook my head. “It’s all so ridiculous. If I’d actually known how to fight, or if the police had been more interested in keeping me safe, we wouldn’t have had all those problems. We got lucky. That’s all there is to it.”
“Regardless, you’re famous now.” Raymond grinned at me. “When we took you to Mistress Davies’ house, we had to sneak you into the carriage so that the ink slingers wouldn’t follow us.”
My eyes widened. “Are you saying there’s going to be a bunch of news reporters when we get to the theater?” I wasn’t ready—for any of this.
Thea rubbed my arm. “We could always slip back in through the tunnels.”
“No!” I yelped.
She snickered. Raymond actually looked disappointed.
I leaned back against the carriage seat, my mind spinning. So much for things going back to normal.
Before we reached the theater, Thea signaled to the driver to stop. I looked out the carriage window and saw that we were in front of the entrance to Barlow Public Gardens.
I sent her a questioning look.
She smiled. “I’m giving you more time to be ready. They don’t have any photographs of you, so you’re not recognizable—yet. Go. Enjoy being anonymo
us while you still can.”
Lovely.
The driver opened the door for us. I moved toward it, expecting Thea to follow. She remained seated.
“Aren’t you coming?”
She shook her head. “You and Raymond go on. I’m going back to the theater. You two can walk home when you’re ready.”
Thea smiled wistfully at Raymond. His expression seemed tender, but sad.
Oh, I had a feeling I knew what she was up to. I settled back onto the seat. “Thea, no. Not necessary.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She looked rather mulish suddenly.
“Sure you don’t.” I glowered. “You didn’t have this planned either.”
Raymond reached for the carriage doorway. “I’ll just wait outside. Meet you at the bridge, Minx.”
Before I could stop him, he had stepped down and was striding along the walk into the gardens.
Thea and I asked the driver to give us a few minutes. He agreed and shut the door again.
I turned to Thea. “You don’t need to do this.”
“I want to.”
“Don’t think I don’t know how you feel about him. I may not have psychic magic, but even I can eventually figure some things out.”
She swallowed, looking down at her hands. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same for me.”
Because of me. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. We both knew.
“You didn’t see him that night,” she said, her voice low and husky. “If you had died, I think he would have too. Watching you on the catwalk was agony for him.”
“He would have felt the same if you had been the one up there.”
She gave me a don’t-be-a-cog look. “Not exactly the same.”
“He’s not yours to give away, you know.”
“Of course not. But I know you, Minx. You’ll be all noble and ‘mustn’t hurt Thea’s feelings’ about it. I don’t want you to do that. You need him.”
“What I need are my two best friends!”
She looked startled. “You’ve got us. We’re not going anywhere.”
“Oh, and if Raymond and I become a couple, you don’t think that will make things awkward with you?”
She fiddled with the finger on one of her gloves. “I already talked about that with Raymond. I’m not going to let it be awkward. We’ll be fine.”
“I don’t even know if I’m ready for this.” I slumped against the carriage seat. “The way Dietrich left me today. I knew it was going to have to happen eventually, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this way.” Despite my vow to be strong, I had to swipe fresh tears from my eyes. “I can’t…go be with one chap when I’ve spent all afternoon crying over another one.”
“He’s not just any chap, you know. He’s also one of your best friends. Friends are there for each other.” She swallowed hard. “Even when it’s awkward.”
I exhaled, rubbing my forehead. “This is too complicated.”
She took my hand. “I think you need to be with Raymond. He’s a good person. He’s safe. And fun. And smart and steamy.”
I gave her a sharp look. She really thought this wasn’t going to be difficult? With how she felt about him?
Her cheeks grew pink. “I’m just saying he’s pretty amazing. One of us should have him—I mean, would you want some random girl barging in and ruining everything?”
I chuckled. “I’m sure he would really appreciate us deciding his future that way.”
“He should. We’re bloody clever.”
I gave her a half-grin.
She continued, “And he likes you. You like him. You should give it a chance and see what happens.”
“It seems too soon.”
“To take a walk in the gardens? It’s hardly a marriage proposal.”
I shook my head. “You are an utter saint.”
She scowled. “Not really.” She held my hand tighter. “I just want you to be all right. Seeing you up on that catwalk was agony for me, too.”
Meeting her eyes, I saw a truth there that made mine mist with tears once more—the agony hadn’t been just in seeing me on the catwalk. It was in the countless nights she’d woken me out of a nightmare. The times she’d brought me back from the Quiet World with smelling salts and soft encouragement. The ways she had defended me and eased my reentry into the apprentice program.
She had carried so many burdens for me, and half the time I hadn’t paid attention or didn’t even realize it. I’d been so wrapped up in my own pain and just trying to put my life back together, I had overlooked the fact that somewhere along the way I had gained a sister.
I pulled her into my arms. “I don’t ever want to lose you.”
She squeezed me. “We will not lose each other. Ever.” She laughed—a sort of choked giggle. “Especially not over some boy.”
“Oh, so now he’s just some boy.”
She shrugged, the motion full of bravado. “Lots more where he came from.”
I knew she didn’t really believe that. I hugged her again. “I…love you, Thea.” The words felt stiff on my tongue, like the unyielding pinch of new shoes. I had never said them before. Not even to Nadine. I’d thought them, and I’d come close—using euphemisms like “adore” and “care for.” But it seemed easier to overstate or downplay my feelings. Much easier than just saying what I really meant—that I loved.
But somehow, it seemed right that I would say it for the first time to this sister of my heart.
“I love you too, Minx.”
I envied how comfortable she seemed about it.
She pulled away. “Now would you go already? It’s not polite to keep a gentleman waiting.”
“Waiting is good for them.” But I scooted near the door. “Keeps them on their toes.”
She brushed away some tears and smiled. “Have fun.”
The driver helped me out of the carriage. I looked back at Thea from the brick walk. No matter her brave words, things would change with us.
That was the way of it, I realized. Life was always changing. Shifting. And no matter how much I might want to hold on to how things were, I couldn’t.
The carriage lurched forward and then rumbled away. Maybe it was a good thing. I wanted to change. Wanted to grow.
Even if I would miss the way things had been.
I stood tall and walked down the path into the public gardens. The sun was low in the sky when I reached the bridge.
Raymond leaned on the railing, gazing pensively across the pond. A secret thrill made my heart stutter. I had made it past Monday. There was time. To know him. To be a better friend to him. To let him into my heart and trust him. To discover the mysteries behind those beautiful fog-colored eyes.
I stopped beside him and looked out at the water, ruffled by a slight breeze.
From the corner of my eyes, I saw him glance at me, but then he looked back out at the darkening water. We were silent for a long while, watching the sun set behind the gardens. The water turned to liquid fire, and the trees were black against the orange sky.
I almost hated to break the stillness. “I’m a mess. And my heart hurts.”
He didn’t turn his head. “I know.”
“I’m a bunch of trouble.”
“Yes, you are.”
“You’d be better off with someone else. Like Thea.”
“Probably.”
I faced him, frowning. He was watching me now, amusement glinting in his eyes.
He cupped my face with one hand and slid his other arm around my waist. He gave me the steamiest little smile. “What part of ‘I’m in’ did you not understand?”
Happiness bubbled inside me. My pulse quickened. I gently removed his glasses and tucked them slyly in his coat pocket. He drew a sharp breath, his eyes darkening.
I gave him my best flirting smile. “I’m sort of a cog about things like that. You’ll have to explain it to me.”
“Gladly, Miss Mellor,” he whispered. He pulled me against him, a
nd his lips covered mine.
He explained, thoroughly. In great detail. Until my heart raced. And his hand slid down my thigh. And still he explained, urgently and forcefully, determined that I should understand.
I did, completely. But when a girl is being explained to so sweetly, it is utter cogocity to interrupt. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and explained a few things of my own.
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Book 2 of the Alchemy Empire series, Claws of Brass, is available October 1, 2016!
Minx survived the Peacock, thanks to the help of Dietrich Wolff. Now he’s paying a terrible price for it, and only Minx can save him. What she must do is unthinkable and nearly impossible, and this time, to protect the people she loves, she’ll have to act alone…
Read on for a sneak peek!
Claws of Brass
Chapter One
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage.
~from King Henry V
It’s his eyes that haunt me. Tiger eyes. They’re not slitted like an ordinary cat’s. They are round, like mine. Blue, like mine. His name was Tushar, which means “snow,” because his father and his father’s sister were bred together to create cubs with white fur. In the wild, he would never have survived—and it would have been better for him that way. Instead, he was put on display as a freak of nature. Like me.
Tushar was kept in a cage by Professor Jensen Cornelius, as part of his Carnival of Curiosities. Jensen beat him and deprived him of food and water so Tushar would submit and perform whatever acts Jensen demanded.
Chains of Silver: a YA Theater Steampunk Novel (Alchemy Empire Book 1) Page 39